$LAYYYTER
cherry valley forever
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DEAR READER
we're not kids anymore.
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
Xuebing Du
Not today Justin
Game of Thrones Daily
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Cosimo Galluzzi
izzy's playlists!
@theartofmadeline
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hello vonnie
macklin celebrini has autism
NASA
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@troye-ackermann
Granted, can’t you write about something positive?
I can write positive things, but that does not necessarily mean that I am happy, and thusly there in lies the dilemma.. I’m not happy.. I sound emo- because I’m thinking emotionally..
That’s emo as hell, dude.
Well.. it comes with the territory of being a writer.. really..
Fine, I’m not really angry that you didn’t try to contact me, I’m just showing you how silly you look for getting angry at me for a few days without contact. I didn’t talk to my mother in two weeks, do I suddenly hate her or what? And sorry I don’t know everything about you, but we’ve never really been out in public so I wouldn’t know how you act there. We actually don’t know each other that well, or that long for that matter. I didn’t even know you knew Macy. I’m sorry, I didn’t want to be rude, but the only people who can make decisions about her parenting is me and Grace. It’s not that your opinion didn’t matter to me, it’s only that I disagreed with it and that should be okay. She deserves better than what? Me? Thank you very much. I know it sounds ridiculous, as ridiculous as me using you. I got into this huge fight with Grace only because of you. So me using you would be stupid.
I know you’re not needy but neither am I! So if you think it’s okay if you don’t try to contact me for a week but when I do it I’m an asshole then sorry, but you’re being a hypocrite. The fact we didn’t talk had nothing to do with how I see you, I was just really fucking busy and the fact you didn’t try to contact me made me think you were alright with a bit of space.
Everything sounds silly when someone loves someone who doesn’t love them back.. You don’t understand because you can’t..
I don’t need you to take every ounce of my advice or opinions and use it- but ..at least hear me out.. I spend all my time around books.. you would think I fucking know a thing or two that would be useful to you..
No.. I’m realizing we really don’t know each other all that well to be honest, and I’m terrified of knowing more because I already love you- how much more attached to you do I need to be? Loving you one sided-ly ..
No I do not think that she deserves something better than you, what I meant was that she deserved me- sucking up how hurt I was - to treat her how she deserves to be treated.. like a growing child.. Because if I hadn’t sucked it up.. then I wouldn’t have been able to be kind to her, and make sure she was happy..
How am I supposed to know what happens between you and Grace.. you guys aren’t even together and I’m not there ..so there isn’t a single thing I would know about you two- together..
I just want something from you that I’m realizing I will never get and I feel fucking pathetic for it.. and I’m.. I’m projecting it on you and I’m sorry.. I’m sorry I’m so ..fucking pathetic.. I’m a terrible friend..I’m a terrible person. And I’d probably make a terrible boyfriend..
Sorry, I was sort of busy. But at least I texted you. I haven’t heard from you in a week either and you didn’t even text me in the first place or text me back. I was not rude to you when I brought her over, not at all. When was I rude?! I confided in you and trusted you enough to let you alone with her, but I guess you’re just ignoring that? I could say the same about you, that you only use me when you feel like you need to be close to someone else. Because I haven’t heard from you ever since I picked her up again. I thought I might see you at the picnic but you didn’t come to that.
Because I don’t text.. or talk to people Jamie. I’m not a fucking social person.. I don’t go to parties, or picnics.. I don’t go out ..Do you really not know me at all? You were rude to me, with how you essentially told me that whatever I had to say didn’t matter to you when it concerned your daughter. Maybe you’ve forgotten but I’m the only person who actually doesn’t think you’re a trashy asshole.. Or some sort of monster.. I felt really shitty when you left but I sucked it up so I could take care of your kid.. Because shes an amazing little girl and she deserves better. Me.. use you? ..That sounds fucking ridiculous Jamie.. I have nobody! I don’t have a fucking single person I can call a friend other than you. It’s just you and Macy-Alexis and she doesn’t even hardly speak to me even after I told her we should hang out.. She’s got a life because she’s pregnant! It wasn’t me who needed to be close to someone, it was you! Don’t forget you showed up at my fucking door and kissed me when I had been ignoring you to keep from hurting! I said I needed to love you- I never said I needed you near me.. Having you near me is a plus to everything else, but it’s good to know you have that backwards in your head!
It is not my business to keep tabs on you Jamie, I am not a needy asshole.. I recognize how foolish it is to go chasing after you- hence, why I do not.. Why would I ever go running after a man whom doesn’t love me in return.. what you give me is what I get, but don’t expect me to always be so fucking happy just to see you- if you hardly come around.. I’m not a toy to pick up and put down Jamie, I’m a human being with feelings.. Feelings- that say I fucking love you.. and it’s hurting me to be treated like this.. Like the fact that I really fully love ou- accounts for next to nothing to you..
I love how what you say sounds so pretty and poetic but I have no idea what you mean.
Glad to know you find my words pretty, yet you can’t understand them.. It means that the world is still moving and progressing, no matter how much crap happens to me to hurt me.. Funny that it was meant to mean that I haven’t heard from you in a week, I get a text from you yesterday.. and thats it.. After the way you kind of rudely treated my words when you brought Ruby over to see me- and then left her with me to watch.. You hurt me..You’ve hurt..me twice already and we’re not dating.. It makes me feel like a tool. And without even being talked to- it’s like ..I’m convenient.. I give you something but when you don’t need me.. you just don’t talk to me..
And life just keeps on moving on.. Oh how it, and tragedy waits for no one..
See, I probably shouldn’t drink fizzy drinks because of my health but if I didn’t do anything “bad” for me then my life’d be really boring. It just makes my ADHD go through the roof sometimes. You could go to your doctor and ask for some pills to sleep? I’m prescribed melatonin for whenever I have a bad night and can’t sleep.
Not that I’m a medical student or anything of the sort, but I certainly hope you’re not taking medication for your ADHD whilst consuming sleep aid tablets- or rather, in this case.. Melatonin.. It could have an adverse effect on your system..
I’m very sorry though, that you have troubles sleeping.. Mine are just.. caused by depression, which- could worsen if I decide to take Melatonin, Not to mention, I don’t really have that much time to devote to sleep, or a drowsy state of being- I’ve got a lot of classes I’m taking right now, and I want to get done with my courses before I hit 30, so I’m really just.. jammed tight with ..things.
. Also, I sort of regularly take ibuprofen for stress headaches, so that would effect my use of Melatonin grately. My apologies, my web MD brain just.. turned on- as I’ve actually..looked into Melatonin within the last week or so, to try and give me some sort of sleep aid.. but - I found that because it’s not FDA approved, for Medicinal use, that I think I would have a hard time getting my personal physician to prescribe me a dosage, as she’s very particular about what goes into my body..
Sorry I’m rambling.. and also very ..terrible at being optimistic.. I’m really only suffering from sleeplessness, caused by heartache and loneliness.. And I’m not doing much by shooting you down- when you’re trying to help me out..
Why not try some energy drinks instead? They do different flavours so there’s bound to be one you like. Also, some people like myself actually like coffee, I guess. The taste is nice and it smells so good, haha.
That would be a great idea, if I didn’t particularly hate the general fizzy nature of most energy drinks. That and they are..tremendously bad for you.. I gave up soft drinks before I left to Germany, and drinking sugared drinks at all anymore.. has really taken a toll on my system..
As for coffee.. It’s such an acrid scent to me.. It’s bitter..regardless of the flavoring prior to additional toppings or what have you.. If only they had some type of magical spell to ..keep you awake. I need a Harry Potter spell, something like “ Wake-up-akis Maxima “ or for someone to use Obliviate on me so I can actually sleep for once..
I abhore coffee.. but I don’t fathom I’ll stay awake at this rate.. if I don’t consume.. a rather large quantity of this acidic substance.. ugh.. Why do people drink this stuff..?
Well, anything hm? Walk around the park? Are you hungry? I’m kind of hungry so you up for getting food? I’ve yet to explore the place
Honestly.. at this point? I’m up for anything other than sitting here.. feeling like a worthless asshole whose only use is for sex which I’m apparently good at for a first timer.. Sorry.. That was a bit ..too much information.. I’m just incredibly frustrated with someone, not even the right word there- but.. Yes. I’d like to go eat.. or something. Anything. Maybe food, then a walk. Seems the better order..
ooc
TO WHOMEVER IS PLAYING RYAN. OMFG. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH LMFAO. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND. IM DYING OVER THE STORY HE TOLD CASEY.
THAT IS ALL.
I need to get out of my place.. I just don’t want to sit around and be ..bored out of my mind anymore.. I’d be up to doing.. pretty much anything at this point..
Texting Troye
Jamie: Really don't know what to say.
Jamie: I can't change who I am.
Jamie: And you're not like everyone else I fucked.
Jamie: Cause I really miss hanging out with you and talking to you.
Troye: Yeah. Well maybe you should have thought missing me, before you decided to sleep with me, knowing you were straight.
Troye: Because now I feel really fucking wrong..and disgusting.
Troye: I'm gay, Jamie. Fully gay, and I don't sleep with straight guys, I'm not one of those people who thinks they can turn straight guys, gay. And not only that- I find it to be a fruitless endeavor, because I only EVER sleep with people, when I'm romantically involved. I don't just freely fuck people..
Troye: In fact I don't just randomly kiss people either.
Troye: I am not just some ..some throw away fuck. I'm not a one night..stand.. I'm not a booty call Jamie. I'm a one man, one love deal. And that.. Even if you somehow manage to mend what you've done. That will never. Happen again. No kissing, no holding, no /fucking/. Ever. Ever again.
Texting Troye
Jamie: You never said you wanted to be with me.
Jamie: I didn't know you wanted that.
Jamie: I sleep with a lot of people I have no intentions of being with.
Jamie: And they don't complain.
Jamie: I don't think you're an idiot.
Troye: No but I never fucking intended to sleep with a straight guy.
Troye: But feelings arose, and knowing you're saying you're not even bi or fucking gay, makes things terrible for me.
Troye: Hearing you LIKED fucking me, does not make that any less painful.
Troye: You might not think I'm an idiot, but I certainly fucking feel like the biggest tool in the shed.
Troye: You really had me going, thinking I was some sort of something- the way you treated me. I've never seen you treat anyone else. Shame on me for thinking I was an exception to your rules.
Troye: Because obviously you just fuck everyone, right? So 'm no different. Thanks.
Texting Troye
Jamie: Sorry.
Jamie: What do you want me to tell you, that I'm deeply in love with you too or some shit?
Jamie: I care about you. I like you.
Jamie: And I liked having sex with you.
Jamie: Is that not enough?
Troye: You're straight Jamie.
Troye: You're straight, and you took my virginity. And you had no intentions of being with me..
Troye: You made me look like a fucking idiot..
Texting Troye
Jamie: It's only the truth.
Jamie: Loved being inside you.
Jamie: 10/10 would do again
Troye: God Jamie. What is seriously..going through your head?
Troye: Do you really think I want to hear this sort of shit?
Troye: I slept with you because I'm in love with you.
Troye: LOVE. True, fucking love.
Troye: The kind that is heartbreaking to hear the guy you're in love with- tell you that he's not fucking gay.
Troye: The kind that makes what you're saying- sound fucking disgusting.
Troye: Not only disgusting, but ridiculous, as you said yourself, to my face, that you are not gay.
@b_manson: @poetryinmotion Um, well, I've had bad experiences on bikes, so no haha. We can ride in a cab or something.
@b_manson: @poetryinmotion Yeah, that one
@poetryinmotion: @b_manson Alright, works for me. When would you like to get together then?
