mlleitie:
āwouldnāt you love to see that? me, crying.ā she teases with a sly lop-sided grin. she doesnāt claim to have never cried, because she has. sometimes nights were spent doing that exactly and the reason she didnāt like watching romantic movies was because of how effortlessly every plot, main or side, makes her cry. itās just his luck he hasnāt been in the movies with her. more so, her luck. she doesnāt know whether she wanted him to see all that. but there was part of her that did. because despite knowingĀ āwho she isā, he hasnāt stopped being himself. somehow everyone else that did has stopped and itās why sheād felt so isolated in the face of being surrounded by everyone. the irony.Ā
then thereās the complex fact that he might not be ready. no oneās ever known how to handle a crying younghee. the rare times she trusted someone to hold her while she bears her vulnerable side, all that happened was panic. because younghee is strong, younghee is always smiling, younghee has a lion heart. younghee doesnāt get affected by anything, younghee doesnāt dance around issues. younghee, the iron lady. rosie the riveter, who? sheās no match to younghee. no one ever knows what to do in a situation they donāt expect. with all these perceptions tied to her public character, sheās no special case.
honestly, if she hadnāt eaten all that, she would try to endure eating his share even when it wasnāt very tasty just for the sake of teasing him some more. he gets irritated. sometimes she wonders why he continued to hang around her with that as the case. and for a second, she slips into a delusion. that maybe she was an exception to this non-existent ideal type she imagines he has or that she was the girl that broke it. heās broken. not in the heart-way. she means broken in the way that heād lost a good deal of sensibility. his sense of good judgement, very much like every other guy who tried. she shrugs it off, however. thereās just no way. no way.Ā āwell, thatās a waste.ā another jab, another loaded statement. itās a response to him refusing his food but at the same time, sheās self-projecting.Ā āand very unfortunate.ā
itās such a waste of thought, such a waste of all the courage sheās always had the pride of having, that sheās backing down so easily. and very unfortunate indeed. in her defense, itās because this is seunghun and there was a lot to lose.Ā āiām not taking any of that. iām full now.ā cue another burp, though smaller and quieter than the previous because she just forced it out. in this moment, sheās wishing she could just push it all aside and be more like herself. sheās still herself, but the exaggerations of the comfort she usually had around him was on excess. seunghun isnāt dumb. heāll pick up on it sooner or later, one way or another. thatās the part she dreads.
āyou should be honored iām like this in front of you. youāre the only one iām ever like this with.ā she probably shouldnāt have said that but how her words were mumbled, sheās a little affirmed he didnāt hear it. the last thing she wanted was to scare the living daylights out of him with a suggestion of a crush. crush; such an infantile word, and should stay as it is. contrary to that, she hasnāt lived long enough for that kind of short-term āend gameā and it wouldnāt be wise to put the idea of it forward for his consideration. itāll be complicated. her life as it is was, so was she of a person as is. there was just so much at stake. so, so much. as she thinks this, thereās a sigh that comes out of her. she hadnāt realized sheād drifted off into reverie long enough that she was staring at him wistfully, chin rested on her palm with a slight frown.
she tries to shift that around, nonetheless. instead of a snappy look-away, she subtly rolls her eyes elsewhere as if her mind was going a mile a minute about things that matter more importantly when it was just circling around him, on and on and on. itās even more fueled by his incessant talk of being left behind. why did it matter if she did leave him? he had plenty of friends. maybe she can sympathize with him feeling lonely in a sea of people, but so can many others. she wasnāt the only misfit. heās proof to that. heāll find many others who can relate to him. the same way sheās convincing herself how insubstantial her role in his life was, she did with her feelings towards him. maybe itās just fired up by the thought that heād be the only one whoāll ever understand her. how itās like, how she is, how she preferred things to be.
but what if thatās not even the case? what if she just liked him so much, sheās persuaded herself enough that he actually understood her. their friendship was built on adventures and banter, and more adventures. just what she prayed for, it was dreamy.Ā ābreaking a world record would be awesomeā¦ā and it does sound like a neat idea. that, she wouldnāt back down from if there was potential. actually, she finds more potential in that than them sharing something more than a friendship.Ā
his following words catches her attention, shifting her gaze set on somewhere far back to him, and sheās taken aback because it comes sudden. the aegyo. she wasnāt prepared for it, never will no matter how many times he does it even just to make her laugh.
she doesnāt laugh this time around. instead, she feels a burn creeping up her cheeks. she closes her eyes and pinches the bridge of her nose. thatās a blush, for sure. the next thing she expects is for him to notice and tease her for it. thereās no way heāll miss it, with how pale her skin were. any other color that appears would be so visible, it slaps you in the face. her words were contrary to the uncontrollable reaction,Ā āwhat was that for? jesusā¦ā how many times sheās put a holy name in vain just shows how much sheās caught off guard.Ā ānow my appetiteās gone.ā she says in jest with a shake of her head, but her evasive eyes hide the secret of her cyclic thoughts that centered on him.
the aegyo works, really. all the time. the difference now is that she hasnāt come to terms on how to acknowledge the effort and how cute it actually was with all these feelings coming to the surface. āfine, iāll get you one.ā she stands up with her tray of empty dishes, deeply sighing, before the smile curls her lips upward finally. she attempts to hide it with more sighing and biting down her lip and her walking faster than he would want to keep up with.Ā
ugh, feelings are so gross and complicated.
āno?ā
the thing is, heās not sure if he said it or not. heās sure it was automatic because he doesnāt want to see her cry. heād hate to cry. seunghun has always been relatively good with tears, not because heās seen his fair share as the rumors would state but because heās very empathetic. everyone loves to say how heās left an unfair share of tears in his path up to high school. itās untrue but he also learned no one cared about whether it was true. itās a little bittersweet too. while he is good at handling tears, the girls who have confessed to him donāt usually end up crying.Ā
okay yeah heās had a fair number of girls confess to him in his years and the surprise is that they get less bold as high school comes around. it comes with the territory, thereās enough whispering and eyes to frighten someone from approaching their crush. thereās competition, thereās fear, thereās becoming the talk of the school upon rejection .thereās that friend whoās going to be glaring daggers at you because you confessed to the same person they had an idea of confessing to. too much drama. heās seen them all but it doesnāt mean his are as cliche. seunghun makes it a mission to make sure no one ends up crying because of him, he takes his gentleman image very seriously, contrary to the banter that occurs between him and younghee.
that aside heās a gentleman. heās conscious of it too and he wonāt deny it, itās something to take pride in. chivalry shouldnāt be dead and itās through observing his father and his mother that he grew up on these values not necessarily having them read to him and drilled in over and over. it became natural. seunghun was six when he started opening doors for his teacher in school, five when he yanked open the car door for his mother and hit himself in the face. needless to say he perfected the skill as he grew older. it grew from actions to words, tones, specifics diction. he was careful and he was clever in how he did things. not sneaky or overbearing but careful. he put thought in how he spoke to the girls that came up to him, pink on their cheeks and fear in their throat.
the ones that did cry? they didnāt cry for long and not because he caved but because he could handle it. he would soothe them, not with false hope but with plain old boring old hope. it usually worked. he hated tears. hated them. thus he would do anything to prevent them. thatās why the thought of ever wanting to see younghee cry is so puzzling and heās sure her words donāt stem from the rumors. he thinks it stems from how he treats her, so roughly from everyone else heās around. he doesnāt treat girls like glass, especially the ones who make it explicitly known that they hate it. but like everything seunghun has a classy way of handling his life so itās a surprise that his class tends to fall apart around her. itās not a surprise anymore but it was in the beginning. he was off his axis, losing a bit of the flair he had to his words. it wasnāt because she shot them down so easily because if anything heās a determined man, itās just, he decides against them.
why? the why isnāt important the fact is that he does and maybe just maybe itās become a problem.
āIād hate to see you cry.ā he wants it to be mumbled, really he does but he says it plain and simple because thatās the kind of guy he was raised to be. straight-forward and honest (which is complete bullshit but whatever).Ā āDoubt I could ever make it happen but if it turns out that I do youāre free to kick my ass okay? Iām serious. one foot right up the kisser.ā so maybe the ending is a little less serious and his features soften as he says it but heās serious and he wants to know. the thing is with younghee seunghunās never sure how serious he should get before the atmosphere treads into the unknown, the unspoken.
well itās not exactly unspoken because sheās just said it, that heās the only one sheās like this with and what does that even mean? sheās a lot of ways with a lot of people and it all fits so well maybe this is just how she fits with him. itās not that thereās no pride in his chest at the words itās just that they hold for a little longer than his teenage heart can handle. the pride should swell with a rise of his shoulders and his face dulling into an unimpressed smile. it should and once it does the feeling should die out but it doesnāt.Ā
the thing is seunghunās not sure exactly how close to this he should go and if this line really exists or itās all in his head or if heās just making a big deal about the fact that sheās read him wrong. maybe heās making a big deal of the fact that sheās admitted to being like this with him, and whatever like this is, is that good or bad? stripped personas are good right? shouldnāt it be a problem that the one person where his gentlemanly antics should reign supreme they tend to bend a bit and it doesnāt bother him until he thinks about why. the why is such a pain in the ass. seunghun huffs under his breath just to let the frustration out because heās not sure sheāll fully believe his words and at this point heās been so focused on his own issues that he can barely keep up with the exchange.
come to think of it has he ever given younghee a proper compliment.Ā
an interesting situation. he ponders the consequences and benefits during her absence, something his mother always taught him that he never really put in practice. younghee is going to get him a drink after all? and itās banana milk isnāt it? he could say something to that. he could tell her that sheās a really good friend for that, that he really needed the milk and practice was brutal he could barely feel his legs. speaking of legs her legs looked nice today------ that was wrong. that. that was completely wrong okay scratch that. he could say this is the only favor he will ask of for the whole day and heāll stay out of her hair. plus her hair smelled nice when he came over------ not that he sniffed it. sheāll definitely accuse him of being a creep that sniffed peopleās hair. it wouldnāt be the worst of rumors heās heard about himself. but that wonāt work either. scratch that. sheās approaching. scratch it all, screw preparation heās got this.
āwaaaaaaaaaaah,ā and heās clapping, obnoxiously so. obnoxious in that heās leaning over the table when she approaches. āyou win an award for getting me the milk. you want to know what it is?Ā you win the award for worldās weakest burp. if you ever make one that weak again you owe me a soda on top of this banana milk which Iām very thankful for by the way.āĀ
...
heād just sat here and brooded on the fact that he should possibly be nicer to her and yet here he is purposely egging her on. seunghun likes the reaction truly he does but he thinks any kind of compliment from him to her will end up a little too true and little more than just a slight compliment. passing in the wind, passing through ears. see compliments can come from the head, from gentle senses, but he feels like his will come from a place heās not ready to open just yet.









