This is Me

[trueeno-blog]

Idiocy and Irregularities.

I am such a idiot. I mean I always do the stupidest things anyway, but today, now low. Or high, depending or how you look at it... 

I piss off my house mates to the max, but that to be honest, that doesn't bother me. 

I invite the only person I hate in this world more than I hate... oh I don't know... bob, to the house and then to top it all off I actually let this person know how I actually feel, not in as many words as I would have liked, but enough for this person to add 2 and 2 together to get four, well five at the very least.

Stress... I found the source, and I am going to beat this source to a pulp... in my mind anyway, as I really don't fancy getting arrested. To top all this shit up, I have placement tomorrow, closely followed by a night out. Great, because that is what i need, and what i want, a night out. Why on earth i ever agreed to this night out i will never know, the only good thing, is I can leave and as the venue (the Student Bar) is just round the corner. 

My Writing, on all fronts has taken a huge hit, and I am starting to feel worn down. I feel a break down may be on the horizon, Just what is needed for a Third year University student. 

[trueeno-blog]

Freshers... The bane of my life.

Being in my final year of university, this year is not going to be dedicated to partying and getting drunk, not that any other year ever was, but this year I have a dissertation to write as well as a practical placement... which i start tomorrow. 

Unfortunately for me Freshers kicked off today. Two weeks of Drunken hell. I was confident that this would not be much of a problem though, i had spoken to my house mates and they had said that there would be no big parties... 

I had made the decision to move out of halls so that i would have space and quiet, away from the social ladder that is Halls of Residence. What i was not aware of until today is that the University have managed to buy and convert the house next door. To a student house. 

a student house who's inhabitants are not aware of my early starts or need for sleep. So the result, i have to be up in a little over 5 hours, and instead of sleeping which is what i should be doing i am listening to some crappy music as it re-verbs through my bedroom wall and vibrates my bed.

So not only am i not sleeping because of stress, i am not not sleeping because of the Raging party taking place less that 3 feet away from me.

[trueeno-blog]

Miscommunication?

Well what a great day I have had. My best friend returned back to university today I was of the impression that things would be great once she returned. I had missed her a ridiculous amount of the summer and I could not wait for her to come back. 

Unfortunately things seemed... strained between us, like I had mis judged the relationship that we had. It was awkward. Like she didn't want me to be there. 

Was this a miscommunication? Was i imagining things and unconsciously adding to my stress, or was this really happening? was I really finding myself in a situation where both parties were not completely comfortable. Maybe the summer had strained our relationship.  

I was now even more confused about my life now, and the sleep was not coming to me. This is either going to be an amazing year, or a awful one, unfortunately the Jury is still out. 

[trueeno-blog]

Confused Beyond Limitations

So after a whole day of pondering on the big question that is ruling my life at the moment, I still have not come up with an answer to the burning question - Why Am I not sleeping? 

There have been several things that have jumped to attention, but nothing that would cause the sleep deprivation on the scale that i am experiencing it. 

The reality that this is something that I am going to have to fix to ensure that I am able to complete my degree is becoming clearer, but what am I going to have to do to get to the bottom of the issue? 

How can I even talk about an issue that I don't know exists?

I am sure that is something that is really obvious, but sometimes you have to take a step back from the picture to truly appreciate it... that seems kind of hard when the picture I am trying to appreciate is my life. 

[trueeno-blog]

Sleep Deprivation

Living in a house full of people that hates you can be pretty tough, and on the summer break from uni, that was where I lived. The result - Stress. 

This stress had caused sleep deprivation. I would go days running on an hour or two of sleep an night, sometimes less. 

I thought getting back to University would fix this, that the stress of being in that house would fade away. Turns out I was wrong. 

With my social calendar filling up and my work load tripling this year, sleep is something that I really need. Running on empty is not a realistic plan. 

So maybe it was not the stress of living in a house where i felt like an outsider that had caused the sleep deprivation, maybe it was something else. so realistically, I need to find out what it is. Problem - Where to look.