True Lady Knights

Hello! I block Hansrys on sight. Sorry. Medieval Fantasy Writer & Medievalist Lesbian - and I write about queer themes. minors do not follow. My works and research will be tagged appropriately. 18+ please.

[goldengenuflexion]

[byaseashore]

Tristan & Isolde (2006)

[dorsetti]

Potentially unpopular theory: Niall doesn’t reform his life after getting with Alby. He continues to visit the bathhouses and engage in extracurriculars throughout their relationship and engagement.

We know that the only thing he’s truly ever felt is his love for Ruben and everything else he does is to numb that need. He loves Alby, but not in the all consuming must-have-at-any-cost way he needs Ruben. I’m not sure Niall has ever named his love for Ruben in those terms, but we see the destructive habits he develops to cope. And while he seemingly has resolved his self loathing for being gay, the other part of the equation, Ruben and his approval, is still missing. Not to mention the whole fatherhood betrayal.

Alby is like Ava, a respectable and appropriate partner, for a now-accomplished author. Even once he’s accepted his sexuality, Niall is still chasing the life the thinks he should have, rather than the one he wants.

The pit of his stomach probably dropped when he felt the all too familiar guilt of stringing someone along he wasn’t fully dedicated to. And friends like Butch wouldn’t necessarily call him out on this. They would keep his secret to continue their own connection, no one else needs to know. He probably got better at masking, being more careful with his partners and anything he took to disassociate, but I don’t believe he stopped cold turkey. But Ruben is far enough away and enough time has passed that he’s found a way to make it work.

That is, until the one person he’s ever felt anything for shows up and he willingly walks with him - risking it all to get his fix from his love/abuser/brother/idol/addiction

[trueknights]

This isn't actually an unpopular opinion.

And I think the "all consuming" love Niall has for Ruben is pretty much an addiction allegory. It's not a love of genuineness and happiness, it's not "true love". Niall talks about Ruben like a drug, it an individual who's identified with their abuser. It's not incorrect to say Niall loves Ruben, but it's not the genuine, feel good love he has for Alby. It's not the "I want to spend the rest of my life with you" love.

Alby and Ava aren't the same. Alby's relationship absolutely does start a chair reaction in which Niall begins to better himself. Unlike his relationship with Ava, his relationship with Alby causes him to confront a piece of himself that has largely played a role in the story. Alby moves Niall to do something that he spent his entire life being afraid of. I don't understand why his influence on Niall is constantly understated.

Nialls sexuality and fear around it has overshadowed every aspect in his life. Even his interactions with Ruben. Alby is the one who encourages Niall to come out. That's not remotely comparable to Ava.

Alby is the one person Niall has stood up to Ruben for. Alby is the first person Niall put his hands on Ruben for. Alby is the person Niall defied Ruben in court for. And Niall went into the barn to confront Ruben because it was Alby's day too.

If you remove Alby from the show, it would not be remotely the same. You could replace Ava with another woman who Niall just met and it would sadly make no difference. But Alby's impact is incredibly potent.

Niall physically lights up when he sees Alby. Alby is the beginning of most genuine changes is Niall's life.

So of coursee the love Niall has for Ruben isn't the same. Alby is legitimately Niall's happily ever after. Ruben is a drug and his abuser. The codependency makes sense. The all consuming love makes sense because Niall is being abused.

[calefies]

[dangerslutxxx]

This may be a hot take, but I feel like Ruben is the more emotionally intelligent and in touch with his emotions out of the two of them. At least after his first time in jail.

● He is aware of how his obsession with Niall is unhealthy and was trying to move on.

● Is aware he might be a bad influence on Niall and chooses to keep distance for Niall's benefit.

● Is on medication, which implies he has sought out mental health professionals.

● Is able to admit when he is struggling (financially) and how that impacts him emotionally. Is able to recognize how that stress is affecting his relationships.

● Able to recognize the harm that was done to him as a child, speak about it, and openly cry.

Niall is very emotional as well, but I dont think he sits with his emotions as much as Ruben does once they are adults. Niall avoids sitting with his emotions via sex and drugs, just like Ruben did as a teen. As an adult, Ruben stews in his emotions, like Niall did when he was younger.

Ruben whips himself up into a frenzy and Niall numbs himself until he feels nothing.

When Ruben went to jail for the first time, they were flipped in some way.

[trueknights]

I think considering the dynamic that makes sense. Niall's emotional intelligence isn't that great given his need to constantly anticipate Ruben's next move and moods.

Ruben got to get help in prison. Niall is left with a legitimate fear that Ruben will murder him when he gets out, and never fully moves past that.

Ruben got hella good resources in prison and was, for a moment, a success story. Many abusers are. I think because of how abusive the dynamic is, with Niall being Ruben's victim, this makes sense.

[take2intotheshower]

Santiago Cabrera as Lancelot in Merlin (2008-2011)

5. The Audience.

(Merlin Season 1, Episode 5 - Lancelot)

[chivalry-on-canvas]

Little Brother and Little Sister by George Hinke

[trueknights]

Ok sort of in response to prev anon saying that Ruben was trying to get better, i guess if you believe what people say then yeah I imagine he wanted to believe he would be different, but if youre only good when times are good, and always resort to violence when times are bad, are you trying to be better? There is only one scene where Ruben’s expected violence does not come to pass and i believe its because niall’s sexuality was not a threat to ruben’s masculinity so take that as you will but i cant really believe people when they interpret Ruben as ever being able to progress in terms of accepting himself and overcoming his anger and control issues

It's fascinating how widely accepted Ruben is by the majority queer and non-men audience on Tumblr. Everyone starts sounding like boy moms when it comes to Ruben, because you're right...

When times were bad, he regressed 100% often at the expense of others around him. Genuine attempts at being better involve emotional regulation in situations where you previously lacked it.

Ruben fails when actually put to the test of bettering themselves. He never grew up. Young Ruben always exploded when he was angry. Older Ruben does the same.

[trueknights]

Hi, I want to say that I agree with your posts about Half Man (and ty for making them 🙏). I really like the idea of Niall being clean and happy with Alby. But I gotta ask, why do you think he was making so many suicide jokes when his mum handed him the sgian dubh? Because to me it went beyond simply wedding jitters and I understand why people are saying it's "proof" that he didn't actually want to marry Alby.

My honest opinion is that Niall is generally a pessimistic person. Even prior to Ruben being involved in his life, he wasn't entirely the happiest.

Additionally, he uses dark humor to cope. Wedding jitters are normal, but couple it with a man who has a mental health history like his, and the suicide jokes make sense.

On a side note, he and Alby do use dark humor to cope. So seeing it in the context of their relationship and wedding isn't unusual

I also think the same could be said for Niall not accepting his vows until Ruben "gave" him permission. His abuser with it out for him just showed up to his wedding. The relapse into past habits

[trueknights]

speak your truth, i sometimes see your asks in the search and im relieved to see someone else who also had at least a smidgen of hope for niall’s potential direction in the finale before his death!

alby was such a breath of fresh air, not only for niall but for us as well, I could just feel the shift when he was introduced and moreso as they interacted, like niall could have really been going somewhere :(

I do find ruben quite interesting, but as long as irl viewers keep glossing over niall’s canonical experiences (you can tell ppl forget he was practically being molested once an episode in the latter half of the series) in the same manner that niall’s experiences also never rlly get addressed in-universe, i could never bring myself to really give those two the same amount of grace.

like sorry, it was never really an ‘equal fight’ in the beginning, the way ruben has haunted niall is just so different from the way niall has been involved in ruben’s life, “true villain” my asssss

Thank you!

Even the cinematography suggested Niall was trying. The way he lit up, the way he looked clean? I think it makes it easier for people to convince themselves that Niall was doing just as bad as Ruben, and wasn't changing, because for Niall to be better means he doesn't need Ruben.

I understand Ruben is kind of the fan favorite, but fans are also uncomfortable with acknowledging how awful of a person he is in relation to Niall. And I think that's the tragedy of it all.

The way one episode made us all rethink our harsh criticisms of Niall because he got to exist outside of Ruben. The way we all collectively decided he and Alby were cute together, and that they were happy.

The tragedy is that Niall had a great shot at a perfect life, and he didn't want Ruben in that perfect life. And Ruben ruined it.

And Ruben was just...disgusting to me? His entire persona was just toxic masculinity. At the end, he gets what he wants. How man abusive husbands kill their wives? How many of them were abused? I don't feel sympathy for them.

Ruben is just every abusive spouse with a history of abuse, who goes on to abuse others. His persona is one actively causing harm. You find men like Ruben everyday.

In my opinion, there's no complexity in toxic masculinity that you see on TV every day.

[icarusfellintomyarms]

I watched the Rick Chow verdict of not guilty, and honest to G-d started tearing up on the bus. This was such a clear cut case, are you allowed to shoot a teenage boy in the back cause you think he might've stolen a $1.25 water bottle? He didn't brandish a weapon, just came into the store, looked at merchandise and left, like other teens, like other fucking shoppers. The answer is yes, you can.

[trueknights]

I have so much respect for how you're dealing with these Half Man anons. Doing God's work 🫡

Thank you! I appreciate it 😊 didn't think folks would get so mad at pointing out the obvious but here we are 😩

[trueknights]

I think fans are so insistent on discounting Alby's influence on Niall and Niall having a positive relationship with him because they're so uncomfortable with watching Niall break a cycle that leaves Ruben behind.

That the consequence of his relationship with Ruben has always been a fear based repression of who he is, converted to internalized homophobia so that he can be a man like Ruben.

But if he can accept himself, he doesn't actually need Ruben. He's no longer trying to emulate the individual Ruben is, and the bad habits he developed as a result of Ruben start slipping.

Narratively speaking, Niall's relationship with Alby changes who he is as a person. Alby is the opposite of Ruben, and his role in Niall's story inspires acceptance and reconciliation. Something he can never do when he's chained to Ruben.

Alby was the first time Niall attempted to fight back against Ruben (both physically and in court). Alby inspires Niall to break free from Niall and is proof Niall can live without Ruben.

And I don't think fans are comfortable with the sheer amount of life Niall can live without Ruben.

[ahubofreadersandmagicians]

👏👏 the fact is, Niall expected to leave that barn. He went in, but he did not plan to die. He was begging not to die! Niall expected to live that life with Alby. And certain fans discount that by then, they’d had 4 years together. 4 years! And they actually met and connected before Ruben came to campus - that connection is one of the few things that Niall has that is his own!!!

[trueknights]

This is a great point. And still I've seen people convince themselves that Niall somehow knew what was going to happen to him, or wanted as badly as Ruben did.

They keep on thinking this is a gothic romance. It's not.

[pandalikeelf]

knights of the round table week | day 6: the knights' relationship with magic

[trueknights]

but why did niall whore himself out like a cheap skank at the bathouse right after meeting alby... sorry but if you like alby like me then you wouldnt want him anywhere near niall he has no self respect and gives his body away for anything

You mean RIGHT after he met Alby? Because Niall is mentally ill and change doesn't happen over night. He's also currently using substances and addicted to sex as a result of his sexual trauma.

Realistic change doesn't happen over night but it happens, as seen in Niall's character.

And unfortunately nobody wants Niall more involved with Alby than Alby

[trueknights]

I think fans are so insistent on discounting Alby's influence on Niall and Niall having a positive relationship with him because they're so uncomfortable with watching Niall break a cycle that leaves Ruben behind.

That the consequence of his relationship with Ruben has always been a fear based repression of who he is, converted to internalized homophobia so that he can be a man like Ruben.

But if he can accept himself, he doesn't actually need Ruben. He's no longer trying to emulate the individual Ruben is, and the bad habits he developed as a result of Ruben start slipping.

Narratively speaking, Niall's relationship with Alby changes who he is as a person. Alby is the opposite of Ruben, and his role in Niall's story inspires acceptance and reconciliation. Something he can never do when he's chained to Ruben.

Alby was the first time Niall attempted to fight back against Ruben (both physically and in court). Alby inspires Niall to break free from Niall and is proof Niall can live without Ruben.

And I don't think fans are comfortable with the sheer amount of life Niall can live without Ruben.

[trueknights]

Telling me a black lesbian to stop looking at a man’s abs, Lol.

Never once that I say Ruben didn’t deserve all he got, but, you are right. I’m angry that you’re right.

Be well, love.

Girl how am I supposed to tell you're a black lesbian when you're hiding behind anon. Regardless you're simping for a rapist, and fighting tooth and nail to defend this man.

I wouldn't have admitted to being a black lesbian in defense of Ruben. that's embarrassing. Like "gotcha, i'm a black girl who likes girls but i'm going to ride tooth and nail for a rapist."

From one black lesbian to another, stand up