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Water can signify new life, death, depths of unknown.

We see it in the buds that come forth with the rain, going under water represents death, and all that we cannot see under the surface.

Water scares me, mostly, the fear of the unknown. But, I must remember there is so much more beauty that it represents.

Perhaps all I see is death, but something new will spring forth.

O Holy Spirit, As the sun is full of light, the ocean full of water, Heaven full of glory, so may my heart be full of thee. Vain are all divine purposes of love and the redemption wrought by Jesus except thou work within, regenerating by thy power, giving me eyes to see Jesus, showing me the realities of the unseen world. Give me thyself without measure, as an unimpaired fountain, as inexhaustible riches. I bewail my coldness, poverty, emptiness, imperfect vision, languid service, prayerless prayers, praiseless praises

Suffer me not to grieve or resist thee.

Come as power, to expel every rebel lust, to reign supreme and keep me thine;

Come as teacher, ; leading me into all truth, filling me with all understanding;

Come as love, that I may adore the Father and love him as my all;

Come as joy, to dwell in me, move in me, animate me;

Come as light, illuminating the Scripture, moulding me in its laws;

Come as sanctifier, body, soul and spirit wholly thine;

Come as helper, with strength to bless and keep, directing my every step;

Come as beautifier, bringing order out of confusion, loveliness out of chaos.

Magnify to me thy glory by bein magnified in me, and make me redolent of thy fragrance.

#valleyofvision

Thoughts on #stopAsianhate

In light of recent AAPI violence and the Atlanta shootings and all that happened with George, Breonna and Ahmaud last year, I have been notably silent. Perhaps noone noticed - but I knew when I was trying to be performative, when I didn’t have fully formed thoughts and when my words would likely not add to the conversation I opted to remain silent.

And that’s okay. This is an ode to my fellow friends who don’t have the words for the difficulty of addressing racism, CRT and the Church’s response.

There are countless times in my life where I have felt silenced, overlooked and unheard. I have faced racist comments, been a bystander, and mistakenly taken opportunities from others I didn’t realize until years later. It’s not easy to constantly be in guilt, self-doubt and to feel expectations mounting on how you are supposed to behave, what you’re supposed to believe and what others will think.

And that’s okay. Because peace is not found primarily found in having all the knowledge. It’s found in putting your trust in the God who knows the answers and loves us. That’s where I will rest today.

1 O Lord, you have searched me and known me! 2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. 3 You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. 4 Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. 5 You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.

7 Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? 8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! 9 If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, 10 even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. 11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” 12 even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.

13 For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. 14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! 18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.

19 Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God! O men of blood, depart from me! 20 They speak against you with malicious intent; your enemies take your name in vain. 21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord? And do I not loathe those who rise up against you? 22 I hate them with complete hatred; I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! 24 And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!

I think of thy glory and my vileness thy majesty and my meanness thy beauty and my deformity thy purity and my filth thy righteousness and my iniquity Thou hast loved me everlastingly, unchangeably, may I love thee as I am loved; Thou has given thyself for me, may I give myself to thee; Thou hast dies for me, may I live to thee, in every moment of my time, in every moment of my mind, in every pulse of my heart. May I never dally with the world and its allurements, but walk by thy side, listen to thy voice, be clothed with thy graces, and adorned with thy righteousness.

Christ is All, Valley of Vision

Turn your eyes to the heavens

Our King will return for His own

Every knee will bow, every tongue will shout,

‘All glory to Jesus alone!’

"“Believing that further delay would be sinful, some of God’s insignificants and nobodies in particular, but trusting in our Omnipotent God, have decided on certain simple lines, according to the Book of God, to make a definite attempt to render the evangelization of the world an accomplished fact. … Too long have we been waiting for one another to begin! The time for waiting is past! The hour of God has struck! In God’s holy name let us arise and build! We will not build on the sand, but on the bedrock sayings of Christ, and the gates and minions of hell shall not prevail against us. Should such men as we fear? Before the whole world, aye, before the sleepy, lukewarm, faithless, namby, pamby Christian world, we will dare to trust our God, we will venture our all for Him, we will live and we will die for Him, and we will do it with His joy unspeakable singing aloud in our hearts. We will a thousand times sooner die trusting only in our God than live trusting in man. And when we come to this position the battle is already won, and the end of the glorious campaign in sight. We will have the real Holiness of God, not the sickly stuff of talk and dainty words and pretty thoughts; we will have a Masculine Holiness, one of daring faith and works for Jesus Christ.”

C. T. Studd

Something integral to faith in Christ is confession - that we don't have it together and don't look in the right places for our hope and salvation. It all starts with confessing we need God, that we need humility, that we are wrong and even then, we still need to confess sin on the daily. Thankfully, it's not a fruitless, trap of constant guilt for those with faith in Christ. Confession is also important for community - to seek help, to seek forgiveness, peace. What I don't understand is why we don't do it more - or maybe it's just me. What stops us? Ignorance, distractions, uncertainty of next steps and fear of rejection... I'm sure there's more. I don't think confession is a spot of "arrival" on the journey of life but it's a start to reconciliation - with ourselves, to one another and most importantly, to God. I watched Queen and Slim, a movie on injustices faced by black people last week, and now I'm reading more about #ahmaudarbery and his death while jogging, his shooters, unarrested. It's time for me to confess. My understanding of racial issues and reconciliation is embarrassingly low and I at times didn't understand why some were so passionate and loud about these issues. I can't speak about loving my neighbour without trying to understand, empathize with and fighting against the injustices they face - merely for the colour of their skin. What blows my mind is that anyone feels they have the right to take the life of another whom God has created - yet many of us do this figuratively all the time, with hatred, judgment, and fear based on outward appearance. So, if you're a little further along in the journey of understanding this, especially as a Christian, have resources/books suggestions and ways to pray, let me know. Friends, "at one time we were darkness, but now we are light in the Lord." (Eph 5) Let's do better at confessing, at exposing darkness, for light shines in darkness and the darkness has not overcome it. (at Moraine Lake) https://www.instagram.com/p/B_3zs9hhmZTxkC8xVV0vpotkkLJGLPNTiR6NDk0/?igshid=1703sbe1qsfwn

#ahmaudarbery

Home. This was my home for four bittersweet years and it felt like God was sending me off the last few nights with these sunsets. It was like God was showing off His power and His care for me with clearing the rain and painting masterpieces in the sky that give me a sense of home no matter where I am. I would not trade these lessons and these relationships for anything, as humbling as they were at times - my heart is full of gratitude and I'm certain the breaking and rebuilding, chiselling and pruning in these years will be used for good. I don't know what the end result will look like but I pray it will be beautiful. I'll take my time to process and grieve in some ways, as we all should with uncertainty and change, but for now, home still includes my favourite books, candles, tea and Lord. That hasn't changed, and I'm thankful. #liveintentionally #movein #nofilter DM if you want to hear more details of what's next! (at Flemingdon Park) https://www.instagram.com/p/B_oKKklBZCJw7aJuNGIkWr382aYGC3NRldzUsE0/?igshid=51msuxwser6f

#liveintentionally #movein #nofilter

This Palm Sunday was different - like most others, I spent it apart from my church family and asking the question, when will this crisis end? Undoubtedly, we won't be celebrating Easter together in person next week. Yet, I have hope and will wait, and plead for it to be done soon. I don't know what this world will look like when this pandemic ends, but as I read this passage, I'm struck by verses 14-16. Jesus performed hundreds of miracles, healed hoards of people, fed thousands, and time and time again demonstrated His authority as God. Yet, He chose to ride into the city He knew He'd be delivered to death in, on a donkey, of all animals. Just as it had been predicted, He rode in, the King, coming. His followers didn't understand the meaning of this until after His death and resurrection. They were able to see and recount all that Jesus did, confirming He was who He said He was, the One who came to serve, seek and save the lost, with all the humility and authority worthy of the greatest throne and crown. This is why we celebrate Easter. This is what we remember when the sun is setting and we know night is coming... That dawn will break. This is why I have hope, and how Jesus changed my life. If you want to tune into this week's Good Friday service at 10am or Easter Sunday service at 11:15, check out our Facebook page for the link on Friday or Sunday, @Don Mills Baptist Church #communityovercovid #Jesuschangedmylife https://www.instagram.com/p/B-nw9rbBrS1Uj2R-Gizs8kk5aVlnql9cvkJtmw0/?igshid=s72e1w72acmz

#communityovercovid #jesuschangedmylife

I have been trying to do post my video for the #testimonychallenge for the last 12 hours but it keeps not working! I promise I tried, @khevnadave :( @hanowama @jarellan.o @melissa.jonkman I'm taking it as a sign to move on and share some thoughts and encouragements as frequently as I can for the next little while. This morning's walk (and coffee) and time with God has been good for my soul and the passage I read in the Bible today is so fitting to the song stuck in my head all week. This is where hope can rest - in the hands of a good, all-knowing and all-powerful God who would sacrifice His own Son. https://www.instagram.com/p/B-PajwZhx8169WBcdN1gXb3oTOyYo-KMCtIvZY0/?igshid=lpebmokflt0l

#testimonychallenge

Reflections on COVID-19 from the Eyes of a Christ-Following, Health Care Provider and recovering Extroverted, Prideful, People-Pleaser:

I feel like I’ve been on all sides of spectrum of worry and personal responsibility this past week. I travelled through near empty airports, exhibited minor symptoms, was tested for COVID-19 (the results were negative), self-isolated in worry, tested patients and sifted through tons of documents to make recommendations for the right response to this pandemic. Ignorance, annoyance, stress, panic, guilt, shame, encouragement and a couple of chuckles filled my mind this week.

I write this post to encourage self-distancing. More than that, I write this to encourage empathy, and to be reminded, we are human. We are deeply flawed and fallible – but we can have hope in Christ. (That was the TL;DR, folks who aren’t up for an essay right now.)

1. “Social Distancing,” “Flattening the Curve,” etc. – basically, decreasing risk of community transmission by avoiding being out where others are. Aside from the usual hygiene (which I hope we were all doing anyways), social distancing is vital. We need to do what we can as best as we can. There is a part we can all play.

I’ve seen friends cancel their big 3-0 parties, big bucket list travel plans get cancelled heard of licensing exams and weddings being postponed, and you know what, I know the temptation to not heed to the advice. No, it’s not fun, it’s not convenient. I’m an extroverted, painfully self-reliant, recovering people-pleaser who likes making the most out of sales (especially flight sales).

Prior to my trip, it was not yet announced that travelling to the US was highly discouraged, and 1 close person in my life asked me to reconsider in case of self-isolation. I thought, no, I’m young, it’s not a high risk area, the relationships I have with those I’m visiting are more important. I’m not sure if I thought wrongly given the information I knew at the time, but in those 72 hours of contemplating testing, being tested and waiting for my results, I thought about Every. Single. Interaction I had in the past week, and the pain of telling them they would need to self isolate/be tested for COVID-19 if I had been positive. Was it worth that anxiety and guilt? I’m not sure. But it was worth the humbling I needed that I am not the invincible person I tend to think I am.

This situation applies just as much to social distancing, now that we have exponential growth rates. Is whatever event, obligation or itch of boredom worth the risk of not just yourself getting sick, but the potential of spreading it amongst the community?

2. We are flawed and fallible. We don’t know everything. We don’t know a lot about this virus. We give into a lot of emotions and anxieties that maybe don’t help the situation. We miscommunicate, don’t always make the best decisions and we lose patience.

Isn’t that the nature of life on this planet? Isn’t that human nature? There are loving, empathetic ways for us to deal with this.

Rather than shaming people for not cancelling plans, judging silently (or loudly) for every sneeze, hoarding supplies and even stealing them from clinics/hospitals where health care providers need them most, let’s practice growing in empathy. Myself included; I find myself not always practicing what I preach. I don’t know the seniors in my building well enough to know where to slip a note of a “Hello, how can I help?”

We all need more of it – empathy for the pain of isolation for our seniors/differently abled individuals and those facing chronic pain/illnesses and mental health concerns. Empathy for the health care providers who operate at high stress levels anyways, and even more so now. Empathy for the fear that is rampant in our society and is not unfounded. We need empathy for our neighbours around the world, those in Iran, Italy, China. Empathy to fight discrimination - the heightened responses and suspicion I feel for being ethnically Chinese gives perspective and empathy to those of us shielded from constant racism.

Finally, have we considered our overall Western society’s ignorance to the Ebola outbreak, famine in Yemen and refugee crisis in recent years? I know it’s unrealistic to think of every issue in the giant world of ours – but I pray that our eyes and hearts (and even for many of us, our wallets), the next time we are tempted to ignore our neighbour who has experienced way worse things than we ever could have.

3. We can have hope. There are encouraging stories everywhere – people singing to one another from their balconies, posts about compassion for the elderly, tips for those with kids in the next 3 weeks of extended March Break, churches closing their doors but creatively loving their neighbours and still “meeting” online. Finally, I am thankful for a government and team of Health Care Providers who I know I can trust and face this thing head-on with.

For those neighbours across the world, and now for us in these uncertain times, our hope needs to be in something that does not change, something more powerful than fear, disease, death and hatred. We need Someone who chose to face fallibility (yet never fell), every emotion we have ever gone through (without hatred), chose death, then was resurrected for fallible humans to have a new hope that is better than anything else we could put our hope in. We forget about this hope, that this is not the end of the story nor does it have to be.

By no means do I mean to negate or belittle the suffering going on right now, nor do I have a perfectly well-rounded answer on the reason for it. However, I do know the character of God is perfect, just, loving and wise, relational and who redeems and saves people time and time again.

Let’s not grow weary in doing good, in prayer, in faith, for “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble...God is in the midst of her; she will not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns…” https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+46&version=ESV

So from my screen to yours with all the virtual elbow bumps, foot taps and enthusiastic waves possible, a new morning is coming, my fellow Christ-Followers, Health Care Providers and friends, let’s get to it… one day at a time with prudence, empathy and hope.

I'm headed to my first book launch party, on a topic that is rarely addressed! Partly in commemoration of my uncle and my grandparents, my cousin wrote a book addressing heart attitudes on loving the elderly after years of experience professionally and personally. The graphic pictured is my sweet, always grateful PohPoh and my cousin, Bel.

Check out The Value of Wrinkles: A Young Perspective on How Loving the Old Will Change Your Life. https://www.amazon.ca/Value-Wrinkles-Perspective-Loving-Change-ebook/dp/B07TWCY3VF

#thevalueofwrinkles

https://www.instagram.com/p/B9Wo0CpnGd-1nOV65Hch4hK1BmG9p1Q_VPTi5c0/?igshid=1jgrp1dtd0qf

The last month our world has been rocked by loss, chaos, worry and suffering. I've been rocked by the choices I need to make and broken relationships that impact the clients I serve. I have needed to be reoriented to prayer, hope and rejoicing. Over and over this week I have been reminded of the peace God gives, and that His Word in Jesus promises that we can have a citizenship elsewhere, standing firm in knowing He is near and hears us. https://www.instagram.com/p/B8Os4SNhOOBXqtF2PbM2TaxaKMuW_5EWsw0kGo0/?igshid=3yh1o57zghp6

This year has been a lesson in embracing weakness, in embracing in embracing that turning our eyes to God's majesty and glory is where our hearts find true rest.

Who else could make these beautiful storehouses of snow? Who else could turn sins that are scarlet to be white as snow?

Who else could take a prickly pinecone or tiny seed and make it into a luscious evergreen or hardy plant lasting every season?

This is the God Christians celebrate the birth of this time of the year, the One we will all answer to at the end of our lives.

He is the One with the wisdom to create and sustain all things of the universe.

The only One who can and has given His life for our salvation and payment for sin once and for all.

The One who takes our stone-cold hearts and weak small-seeded faith and turns them into beating hearts, living with joyful purpose, assurance of salvation and peaceful knowledge of the presence of God in all circumstances.

All that is required is to receive this gift of new life is belief in Christ's person and work - nothing of what we can do ourselves, nothing of the family we were born into, nothing of our own human will.

Amidst protests, church bombings, gun shootings, people groups in detention camps, and impeachments we need hope beyond our own humanity. We need a God who can truly save us.

His name is Jesus. He came to dwell with us...

John 1:1‭-‬4, 14

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men...and the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.

And the angel said to them, "Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.

Luke 2:10‭-‬11

May we press on in knowing and understanding this good news of great joy.

worshipgifs

I've been hiking a bit more recently, and though I have a love-hate relationship with the outdoors (as in, just last week a bird dropped it's waste on my head while at a wedding 🙄), I have grown to appreciate the life lessons God gives through the wonder and the seemingly mundane. As we continue working, striving and seeking for meaning, sometimes we just need to stop and look. . . There's something profound about the way the sun rises and sets without fail each day, regardless of whether we can see it. The beauty in both the intricate details cared for like colour to flowers, habitats for every gross bug, and the splendour of death each winter and new life each spring. There's logic in how essential it is to be deeply rooted, constantly soaking in living water and exposed to the life, light and warmth the sun radiates. . . On this particular hike, @affectless10 and I got lost and all I could focus on was wanting to getting back to that trail, each passive breath as a reminder there was plenty of life and fight given to me, and keeping an eye out for those pesky branches and spider webs trying to slow me down and deter me from getting home. . . I have been in an "adult temper tantrum" for some time, and while painful to not have the control I want, the perspective Jesus has been showing me are lessons that cannot be traded, and I guess in my case could not be learned unless I was dragged home while kicking and screaming. I hope that this little essay post can make your way home a little easier as we learn we're not alone. It's ok to sit and rest, just remember to get back up and look for the trail markers again. https://www.instagram.com/p/B28D9TAByIOnY-D5EckbDCHEssn0Na8iB7ahwE0/?igshid=fqdipku6edj9

My ﬂesh declined, my spirits fell

and I drew near the dead

Return my soul to God thy rest for

thou hast known known His love

My God I cried thy servant save

Thy power can rescue me from the grave

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