john the punk.

thaddeus rosenberg. band member. punk rocker. a young man who wants to die.

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heidimouse:

She couldn’t help but roll her eyes at him as she crossed her arms over her chest, starting to feel the cold now she wasn’t in Thad’s arms. “Entertaining,” she answered hastily. “Thad thinks somebody gave us some weird drink. Are you feeling okay?” She said, trying to draw the subject as far away from what Alex had just seen as possible. 

Alex didn’t bother too much to continue about the most recent events, so he accepted the change of subject pretty quick. His eyes rested on Thad, who awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. “What kinda drink?” he questioned, raising a brow before looking to his step-sister. “Oh, no, definitely. Not so much anymore, but it’s been hazy.” he explained, as he turned back to Thad, who still hadn’t had the chance to speak. “Yeah, sorry, you were saying?” and that was Thad’s cue to get out of his head. He looked to Alex, slightly embarrassed, but not too intimidated by the boy. “I was thinking it might’ve been ayahuasca.” he told him. Alex nodded his head. “Or, you know, it’s a theory.” Thad added. “Oh, no, that makes sense.” Alex assured. Thad just nodded. 

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heidimouse:

She looked back into his eyes, smiling slightly as he let out a shaky breath. “We probably shouldn’t have done that,” she muttered, but like him didn’t make any move to move away. 

Thad nodded in total agreement. “Oh, no, totally. Shouldn’t have happened. I’m sorry.” he blurted out, but nothing about the situation changed, except for the growing tension. So he leaned in to kiss her again. 

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heidimouse:

Alarm bells were ringing inside her head, telling her to stop. Pull away. Nothing good would come of this. Except kissing him… a small voice in the back of her head wanted this to happen, consequences or not. He was already leaning in as she began to lean in, they met halfway and her lips came into contact with his. 

He held there close while they kissed, and didn’t let go even when it ended. Still, he stood in the same spot, with arms in the same place, around her. It didn’t occur to him to move, step aside, anything. Instead, he kinda just looked her in the eyes, letting out a shaky breath. 

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heidimouse:

Heidi nodded her head, thinking he meant he was going to head inside by himself. When she turned and saw his head, she was oddly relieved. She muttered a quiet ‘thanks’ before accepting his hand. She got to her feet, all was going well until she stumbled over her own feet and into him. She reached out to him, her hands on his sides to stable herself. Once was stood firmly on two feet she still didn’t move away. 

Thad’s first instinct, even though slowed down by effects of ayahuaska, was to try to catch her. Or whatever. Just prevent her from falling face first onto the wooden floor. There, he found himself standing straight, his arms around her. He looked at her, as if to say something, but suddenly nothing came to his mind. He swallowed, realizing that he was still holding her, but instead of doing the rational, he leaned in. 

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heidimouse:

“Terrible idea,” Heidi let out a shaky laugh, looking away from him. Now the idea was out there, Heidi found herself feeling a little annoyed that there was a strike anything happening. It was a terrible idea. “Could never happen,” she muttered, looking down at her hands. The thing was, Heidi liked him. She didn’t know where that thought had come from, she decided to blame it on the ayahuasca, but whether he was her type (he definitley was) or not, it just couldn’t happen. 

Thaddeus was beginning to feel uncomfortable, with his mind dancing around the thought, digging deep for consequences and making up scenarios, to throw himself more off guard. Finally, he kinda just shook his head, shivering, his arms awkwardly wrapping around his upper body, as he sat up, his leg awkwardly twitching. He cleared his throat. “It’s cold. It’s –– it’s chilly.” he let out a breathy laugh. “I’m gonna head inside, yeah?” he informed, getting to his feet. With a small, still quite awkward smile, he held out his hand. 

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heidimouse:

Heidi looked at him, a little confused and stunned. Did he think? He couldn’t possibly. For the first time during their conversation Heidi actually thought about what it would be like to have sex with him. It surprised her how much the idea appealed to her, it made her feel a little stupid. “It wouldn’t be a good idea,” she said out loud absentmindedly, more to herself than to him.·

"Yeah, no, definitely.” Thad agreed immediately, because he did very well realize that it didn’t sound good. I mean, it did. Kinda. It did sound good and all, but, yeah, no, not like that maybe. Yeah. Maybe not. Thaddeus nodded his head, making a face, before letting out a laugh. 

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heidimouse:

Heidi let out a laugh, shaking her head at him. “Sex?” Her eyebrows knotted together, as she grinned at him confused. “I feel like we should stop talking about sex now, the words starting to sound strange to me.”

Thad had pretty much zoned out in a flow of self-scolding thoughts when she spoke. And for a moment it sounded as if she were offering. "What? Uh, sure?” he mumbled, before his brain managed to register what was actually happening. “Oh. Oh, hell. Yeah, uh, I mean, totally. Yeah. Shit. Sorry.” 

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heidimouse:

“The comedy or the sex?” She retorted, realising how much she was actually enjoying talking to him. “Because I can promise you there’s nothing crap about either.”

"Your jokes, I meant.” Thaddeus explained himself, making a face at the thought of how it had sounded. “I’m not familiar with you.. sex.” he trailed off, in a semi awkward tone as he realized that he wasn’t really good at putting words together.

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heidimouse:

“Oh, so it’s none of my business when I ask you about your sex life,” Heidi mocked, “but it’s okay for you to ask about mine?” She turned to face him, defensively but not at all that seriously. She stared him down for a moment before sighing and relaxing back. “You’d be surprised to know that the sex-life of a wannabe stand-up comedian isn’t all that interesting.” 

"I figured you’re into the topic.” Thaddeus stated, matter-of-factly, before offering her a slightly smug grin. He let out a short laugh at her words, leaning back and taking a sip of the beer. “I think you might be doing a pretty crap job then, eh?” 

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heidimouse:

“Bitch, you wish I was San Fran girl,” she smirked and raised her brows, her ton not much different to his. She placed the joint between her lips and inhaled, coughing ever so slightly as she took it out. “I’m just a girl living in San Francisco. We’re a vastly different breed,” she said quite seriously. “I don’t know why you’re saying that sarcastically like I don’t believe that is a completely true statement,” she rolled her eyes. “How many girls have you slept with?”

Thaddeus let out a dry type of laugh as he reached for his pack of cigarette. From there he pulled out one pre-rolled and lit it between his lips. He made a face at the question, the expression showing the ridiculousness of the subject. “That is..none of your business.” he pointed to her with the cigarette, before bringing to back to his lips and inhaling the smoke. Thad didn’t like to talk about his sex life. There were things he was quite ashamed of, things that happened only because he always kinda let himself go with the flow, whether it was on cocaine or other bullshit intoxicating substance. “How about you?” he turned it around. 

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heidimouse:

“Yes!” Heidi laughed, nodding her head like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Have you looked in the mirror lately?” She asked, holding her hand out for the blunt. “You’ve got this look that the girls in San Fran go crazy for. And as we’ve previously discussed; you are my cousin’s fuck buddy. You’re in a band, man. Aren’t groupies apart of the package?”

Thad rolled his eyes, though playfully enough, as he passed her the joint and reached for his beer. “Oh, are you also a San Fran girl?” he asked somewhat mockingly, giving her a small smirk. “Yeah. Oh, yeah, damn, shit. Heaps of groupies. I- yeah, I’m always hooking up with girls.” he joked with slight sarcasm. 

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heidimouse:

Heidi had almost forgotten about the blunt she was holding. “Yeah, sure.” She looked from him and down to her hand as she passed it over it to him. Once she had done that she didn’t feel like she had anything else to say, especially anything that would lighten the mood that fallen over her. “You can’t blame me for thinking you were player.”

Thaddeus took the joint between his fingers and with his free hand reached into the pocket of his jacket for a lighter. He brought the flame up to the tip of the paper and shook it slightly to put out the fire that was beginning to devour the rolled up herbs. He then placed it between his lips, taking a hit and holding it in for a moment, before exhaling, his brows furrowing at her statement. Thaddeus sat back, letting out a semi scoff, as he turned his head to look at her. “Do I look like such a piece of shit to you?” he suggested, a hint of somewhat hidden amusement in there, which made it sound less as if he were offended. 

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heidimouse:

Heidi wouldn’t have been able to say anything even if she’d been given the chance to speak as the words seemed to spill from his mouth. Five seconds ago he just seemed like this chill, too cool for you, nonchalant, kind of guy and now Heidi was speechless. She stared at him, mouth agape. “I…” she started, but felt loss for words. “I don’t know what to do with that,” she finally mumbled, her eyes not leaving his face because honestly she felt a little ashamed in herself for only judging him on the words of her friend, who she was beginning to think wasn’t the reliable source she always thought she had been. 

"Yeah.” Thaddeus mumbled as he nodded his head, kinda looking away as he wiped his nose quickly with the back of his hand, shaking off any possible marks of post trauma, leaving them cramped on the inside while his gaze moved back to her face and he offered a small, half-shy smile. “So there’s that.” he stated, trying his best to make his tone sound more amused. He sat there for a short moment, observing her face, before his eyes moved to the joint in her hand. “May I?” he suggested, as if to change the subject. 

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heidimouse:

Heidi sighed, the more she thought about it the more she realised she had very little respect for the guy sitting next to her. She didn’t know much about him besides that he was in a band and that caused drama amongst the girls closest to her. He seemed like a player from where Heidi was sitting, and the way he answered her questions didn’t make her think any differently of him. “What does that even mean?” But she would keep talking to him, because whatever this stuff that was she had drank was making her question more than she had in a while. 

Thad couldn’t help but begin feeling a bit bothered by her constant digging for information. First of all, it didn’t concern her in the slightest, and she had probably already heard Maggie’s version of the story. And if that were the case, Thaddeus didn’t feel like he had anything to fight for. “She makes me sad.” he threw out there, the actual feelings that hid behind the thought rose up in his stomach as the words had been spoken. “Fuck.” he took a breath, feeling the upcoming emotional corruption, but at this point there was little he could do about it. “I don’t mean that she’s bothering me, she’s not–– I mean, she is, but it’s not like–– “ he let out a grunt. “There used to be times where I loved her. No, I genuinely mean that I think I loved her. No, she was –– oh, shit, no, I would’ve done anything –– “ he didn’t quite know how to speak, how to express the story in the way his twisting guts were pushing him towards. “But it didn’t work out, yeah? She didn’t want to be with me, and it didn’t work out. So –– so that’s fine. That was fine. But then she changed her mind and, and fucking shit, I was so happy. No, I genuinely believed that was a great day. I kept holding onto that thought, despite her, uh.. doing her own thing. Fuck, no –– I don’t fucking know, okay? She kept fucking me over and wanting me back and fucking me over and wanting me back and ––” he let out a sharp breath. “Suddenly she was telling people I assaulted her.” just the memory made him want to vomit. “I-I didn’t. Ever. No––” he began explaining, but words were getting stuck in his throat as a wave of heat washed over him, pushing at the obvious discomfort and sadness. “That’s why I–– I don’t know, I just see her fucking around and I –– I don’t wanna do this, you know? It’s –– it was bad. For me, for her––” he paused, shaking his head slightly. “No, whatever. Sorry. Uh, sorry ‘bout that the thing with Penny, I didn’t know it would –– yeah, sorry.” 

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heidimouse:

Heidi sat up quickly, bringing her face quite close to his suddenly. “Is that why they’re calling vaginas these days?” She asked with a smirk on her lips. “I like to think of myself as a comedian,” she sighed, leaning away from him and looking back up at the night sky. “I feel like you still haven’t really told me what you think about it all. You have these two girls practically fighting over you and you can’t say anything? Come on man, I need this kind of material.”

He made a quite unimpressed face at her joke, sitting back and taking a sip of his drink. “Good.” he nodded, more dry sarcasm in his tone that he had intended. Thaddeus then wondered for a while, trying to make sense of the current situation he was in. “I’m not necessarily cool with it.” he finally stated, when the realization hit him. “I don’t like hang around Maggie.” he sort of confessed, for a moment relieved that he got himself to throw it into a sentence. 

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heidimouse:

“You should be,” she was serious but she laughed anyway. “Do you realise how much drama you’ve caused? I have a crazy best friend and a fragile cousin talking about you down both ears. And I get it, you’re cute but are you really that special?” It was blunt but she was genuinely curious at this point. 

He furrowed his brows at her words, not sure what to think about all of this. Drama didn’t sound too appealing to him, especially if it had Maggie involved in one way or other, and what he had learned over the past few months was that it always did. “Thanks?” he responded to the somewhat compliment, before letting out a short laugh, rolling his eyes. “I’m really not.” he assured her, with slight amusement. “I’m good at getting myself into situations.” 

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"I guess.” he responded, not sounding too convincing. Because, at this point, it was hard to tell what was affection and what was post-trauma. His brows rose at her words, as he nodded his head slightly. “I am.” he agreed, not quite sure how to handle the situation correctly. “Sorry.”