Live And Let Live

The action of Trying is so much harder than just saying I'm going to try.

[wandering-thoughts-lost-voice]

You may not believe me, but I will love you forever, even if it’s not me and you at the end.

You’re always in the back of my mind.

[i-wrotethisforme]

I’m sorry that you can’t go uptown without seeing my face on the E train but you know what reminds me of you? Lime La Croix and that fucking bar. I hope you think every white BMW you see is mine because I hear you in every Jack Johnson song I listen to. And I hope the next girl you date drinks gin and tonics and takes all your blankets and shuts off the WiFi while you’re playing videogames. And I hope you don’t miss me all the time, but at random times, like when you’re explaining to her how college football works. Because I don’t think about you constantly, but I think about you every time I do certain things, and I don’t think that’s temporary. But it’s not going to destroy me because even though the ending wasn’t happy, the memories were.

[i-wrotethisforme]

14 months ago we were talking about where our beach house was going to be, because you wanted west coast and I wanted southeast. 17 months ago I went with you to the doctor and I sat in the waiting room and I filled out your forms with information I knew as well as my own. 8 months ago I got rid of the car you helped me pick out. The car that two years ago you drove home from that bar on the lake after three martinis and a little too much sun. A year ago you were my life and now I have an apartment that you’ve never seen. Today, I realized I was wearing an outfit that you’ve never touched any part of except for the earrings, so I took them off. I never think about how my life and everything it revolves around can so drastically change, until it does. And it always does. But the same way someone you once knew everything about becomes a stranger, strangers can become someone you know everything about. And there’s one out there right now whose name you don’t even know, who will one day help you name your child.

[trying-to-turn-around]

I don’t know what to do. I pray about it all the time. But what if I’m missing the signs or boldly ignoring them- it’s happened before. Where’s the spark? Where’s the drive? Why don’t I miss you? Why are you a chore? You’re everything on my list. I don’t understand

[trying-to-turn-around]

Where my deepest secrets go to die-

I fear we have lost our spark... or maybe it was never there. I’m afraid I’m with you because you’re comfortable. But what scares me the most is that the spark isn’t there because you’re a boy so no matter how good or romantic or amazing a guy is to me there will never be that spark. And that just complicates things.

[haleyincarnate]

Jim Thompson, The Killer Inside Me

[trying-to-turn-around]

This sounds cocky and errogant probably

I feel like it’s so easy to love me- not saying I’m not hard to be around sometimes or that I never do anything wrong or that I’m not annoying as hell. But I will answer every text, call or snap in a timely manner unless I’m in class and at work and in that case I will let you know. I will always send a good morning and good night text. I don’t drink excessively or smoke at all. I don’t forget to call back, I communicate very well with a partner who makes it easy to communicate with. I give way too many second chances. I am not a jealous girlfriend unless I feel very insecure in the relationship. I don’t ask that they are in constant communication with me. I back off when they’re out with friends or on a trip. I don’t ask for dates that cost money, I always try and pay for my own meal or ticket or whatever.

I try to consciously be a relatively easy and enjoyable person to date

It is so hard for me to love others. I don’t know if it’s because I pick out their flaws, if it’s a self defense mechanism so that I don’t fall and come crashing down. But even when I see their flaws, even when they don’t text back for a day or a week. Even when they start smoking weed frequently even though when you first got into a relationship they told you they don’t do that anymore. Even when they stop going to church and refuse to attend a lecture because they seem to be so small minded, even though they would rather watch a foot ball game on the tv then go camping with you when this is a long distance relationship so we see each other maybe once every 2 months. I still say maybe they’ll go back to who I fell for, I give them another chance, I let too many things go, I back down. How horrible. Why can’t I just drop people that aren’t treating me as I should be treated? Oh yeah because that’s not polite and I wouldn’t want to offend anyone. Sometimes I hate that I grew up in the south learning the southern Bell ways

[trying-to-turn-around]

I don’t want to have sex and feel like an object again like that’s all anyone every wants. And at the same time I don’t not want to have sex just because he drilled into my mind that that’s all any boy/man really wants- and that’s all I’ll be useful for. It’ll be just about 10 months soon, I should be over this, I’m not and it’s effecting my current relationship indirectly. What Even did I just write the fuck.

[trying-to-turn-around]

Sex does not equal worth. Just because they want your body does not mean they love you. You know that. Do not give your body to those who don’t deserve it. Treat your body like a temple. You are worth it. Sex is special.

[trying-to-turn-around]

He has 2 jobs, he’s christian, he kisses my forehead and makes me laugh, he talks about his future and includes me in it a lot of the time. He’s text book perfect, checks off all numbers on my list. But I don’t feel a spark, I don’t feel attached. Yeah I like hanging out with him, and I love to show him off to my parents and I wouldn’t be dissapointed if I spend the rest of my life with him but I don’t feel that spark. I don’t feel the love and maybe that’ll grow on me. I think “am I just not letting myself? Is it because I’m afraid?” Or “is he not someone I should spend my time on, I shouldn’t settle.” This is a terribly written post of jumbled thoughts that no one will understand

[trying-to-turn-around]

I don’t feel like I’m in control of my life anymore. My future, my emotions, my body. I can feel it all slipping away and I can feel ED seeing it’s opening because that’s something I can control. That’s something that will give me structure and I know I should push back and say no but I don’t want to. I don’t fucking want to. It like an internal dual is going on in my mind and I’m just so over everything right now.

[trying-to-turn-around]

I called ur just to see if you would answer. But you didn't and what's new? I've never felt more not okay

[trying-to-turn-around]

How are you supposed to feel when you're told you mean nothing to the person that means a lot to you? How do you react when he tells you he'd end up leaving you if you never had sex with him.. but only because he would end up cheating and he never wanted to hurt you. How are you supposed to fucking react when you're told he started talking to you for sex and then began dating you because you intrigued him and he wanted to study you. How are you supposed to react when he tells you caring isn't an option for him, he could care less about you or anyone for a matter of fact. How are you supposed to react to that shit? I'll tell you how I reacted, I stared into his eyes and took in every heart wrenching word and then I hugged him goodbye for the night and went to a lot and watched the sun set. Except I didn't actually watch the sunset, I don't know what happened to those 30 minutes, I don't remember them. I drove home and laid on the floor and stared at the ceiling for god knows how long until I eventually fell asleep and then woke up at 3 in the morning to move to my bed. I walked through the next day in a fucking cloud. I don't know what I was feeling but I could only guess it was 1 of 2 things. Either the absence of emotion (aka shock) or everything at once (aka shock). It was terrible and I still don't know how to feel. And I fucking hate it.

[blackbackedjackal]

black soul gem & grand soul gem

[trying-to-turn-around]

I'm afraid when I get back I'll be forgotten.

[wanting-weightlessness]

[corpseparty14]

Follow back similar 💀

[xporcelain-dollx-blog]

~

[trying-to-turn-around]

It’s you. It’s always been you. No matter how hard she tried to push the feelings away when you broke her heart or how much it hurts to see the two of you holding hands and saying I love you the feelings wouldn’t stop. They drive her insane because she knows you’ll never leave them for you. It’s always been the other way around so she’ll just sit and cry a little now and then and try and move on and distract herself. And when she gets that wedding invitation years down the line she’ll cry a lot more but still only show you smiles and happiness because that’s all you deserve.