The Unexpected Journey-Missing Moments

These are Six "Missing Moments" between where The Unexpected Journey left off and The End. Some of them are longer than others. Some are funny, some are sad, some are both. Some are a paragraph, some an entire chapter. But all of them fill in some gaps that were missing in Harry and Maddie's story. I hope you enjoy them.

[tujmissingmoments]

TUJ-Missing Moments Six

A/N:  This is the sixth and final Missing Moment.  Thank you for allowing me this brief return.

Moment Six:

Six months. It had been six months since Maddie’s sixth and final Chemo treatment.  In that time, a great many things had occurred.

Yes, Maddie had taken a hit; a big one.  She had been sick and tired and it had been rough.  But she had come through.

They had come through.

Six months.

Hannah had gone home to Collins.  The children had had birthdays.  They had taken in long weekends at Foxgrove, they had sipped celebratory champagne with The Bishops.  They had even hosted a dinner with Will and Kate and Arthur.

They were coming back.

They had taken to The Balcony for flyovers.  They had gone back to Saint James for meetings with Isaac.  Maddie had returned to The Trust, had returned to something of what her life had been before this had hit.  She had even begun to lay the ground work for a charity involved in providing support to men and women who were battling cancer—those who had much less supports surrounding them than she had had surrounding her.

There had been an interview with Andrew, putting a final, comprehensive touch on his documentary of The Duchess’ battle with this disease.

The sores in her mouth had gone away.  The sour taste on her tongue had drifted.  The color had returned to her skin, along with the softness, with the fullness.  She had begun to put weight back on, her appetite returning in a big way.

And on her head, a few small inches of soft curls, darker than her hair had been before.

In the midst of it all, there had been a coronation.  Charles had become King George VII.  

With an elaborate ceremony and more pomp and circumstance than Maddie had ever been witness to, her father-in-law was crowned.  She had worn a beautiful gown, an immaculate robe, and on top of her curling wisps of hair, a coronet.  She had knelt before The King and paid homage, just as Harry had done before her. And that afternoon, when they had stepped out onto The Balcony at Buckingham Palace, to cheers and celebration, Maddie’s smile was genuine, her breath coming up easily.

She felt like she was getting back to normal—as normal as this life of hers would ever be.

Following the Coronation was a ball; a celebration, a party.

Following the late night was an early morning; a headache, a hungover Duke in the bed next to her.

And then there was an appointment with Maddie’s oncologist.  There was a team of doctors and a scan and news that brought tears to both Maddie and Harry.

Happy tears.

Tears of great joy.

The scans were clear.  They had got it all.  They would see her in six months for routine scans and check-ups.  But for now, for this moment in time, Maddie was Cancer Free.

It had taken Harry just under six hours to make it all happen.  

Placing several phone calls, he put a plan into motion and before dark that night, the Sussex family was boarding a plane to France.

After a plethora of hugs and kisses and an abundance of love, Harry and Maddie had handed the children over to Hannah and Collins and they were back on a plane.

“To the Maldives?!”  Maddie’s eyes had gone wide when Harry had finally told her.

“To the sand and the water and the sun.  To the very first place you were my wife…”

“Oh man,” Maddie’s head shook as she leaned to kiss him.  “You are something else, Captain.”

“If anyone deserves some time away in paradise, darling, it’s you.”

So they went; to the Maldives.  To paradise. To the very same place they had gone on their honeymoon not all that long ago.

The moment they arrived, Harry lifted her into his arms and took her directly into the water, just as he had the first time.

They swam. They ate.  They drank wine and champagne and they laid tangled up together on the oversized lounge chair, watching as the sun set over the crystal blue water, watching as the stars spotted the wide dark sky.

And then, with an excited, nervous patter in her chest, Maddie rose to her feet and held her hand out to him.  “Come to bed with me?”

With a lump in his throat and a desire that had ignited in an instant, Harry was out of the chair with his hand in hers, following along as she pulled him back into the house.

Though she walked through the rooms with great confidence, with an assured air about her, inside she could feel the slight trepidation she guessed came with a moment such as this, a moment they hadn’t had together for so long.

For too long.

So when she came to a stop in their bedroom, when she turned to face him, when his eyes slid to hers, she could feel her entire body flush.  Her cheeks grew pink, her skin warm.  

And Harry caught it.

“Madeline, love,” there they were, in their own private paradise, with the lights turned off and only the moon and the stars lighting the night around them.  “How are you feeling?”  His focus was on her as he moved in closer, that look of want twinkling in his eyes—that look she barely remembered.

“I feel...”  She couldn’t find the word but her laugh was nervous, breathy.  “I don’t know…”

“Sexy?”  His smile was soft, amused, as he gave her options.  “Beautiful?  Tipsy? Hot?  Ready?”

“Nervous…”  She admitted, her lip pulling between her teeth, her fingers fidgeting in front of her. “Scared.”

“Scared?”  Harry’s eyebrows lifted, his feet slowing to a stop before her as his thumb pointed into his chest.  “Of me?”

“No,” she shook her head, her eyes welling defiantly with tears. “Maybe…”  She laughed, wiping at her eyes.  “This is ridiculous, right?  I’m nervous like I’ve never done this before.  I’m scared that I’ve forgotten or that it won’t be the same or that you’ll…”  Her eyes dropped down, looking at his feet as she tried to pull it together, tried to reign it in.

“It’s okay,” his hand reached out to her, wrapping around both of hers in order to stall her fidgeting.  “Maddie…” He called her to him and when her eyes lifted back to his, the emotion there nearly knocked her sideways.  “It won’t be the same.”  He shook his head softly, his thumb stroking her hand. “There’s no way that after all we’ve been through, all we’ve faced, that it will ever be the same…”  He lifted her hand to his lips.  “There’s no way I loved you as much then as I love you right now.”

“Harry…”

“And it’s okay if you’ve forgotten,” he moved forward, stepping into her space, making her body stir at his closeness.  “I remember.”  His fingers slid to her neck, tracing a line to her shoulder, his mouth following closely behind.  “I’ll remind you.”

With a deep breath and a glorious sense of surrender, Maddie gave in.

To his touch, to his lips, to him.

With her hand tucked into his and her body responding in ways she had nearly forgotten, she jumped.

And Harry was right.  There was no way that this was the same.  It was bigger.

Heavier, weightier, more emotional.

But at the end of it all, at the very heart of it all—it was still them.  Harry and Maddie.  The Doctor and The Captain.

And it was as glorious as it had ever been.  They had weathered this horrible chapter in their lives and now they were coming together, coming back to each other, coming home.

[tujmissingmoments]

TUJ Missing Moment Five

It was the night before Maddie’s sixth and final Chemo treatment and, as Harry shut off the lights in his office and made his way through the house, the feelings swirling inside of his stomach were too difficult to define, too unclear to pin down.

Unsettled. He felt incredibly unsettled.

This was it, the last one.  That was something to be celebrated.  But if this entire experience had taught him anything—and it had—it was that this one, the sixth one, was going to hit her hard.  And thinking about what it had been like for her the last time made his stomach turn.

Scrubbing his hand up over his face and into his hair, he turned the corner into the foyer and opened his eyes.

And there she was.  Sitting right there on the second to the bottom stair was Maddie, with a soft smile and a distant look in her eyes.

“Hey…” He slowed to a stop, smiling down at her despite the images that had just been in his mind.  

“Hey,” her smile pulled higher as she looked up to him.  Sliding slightly to the side, she patted the step next to her.  “Join me?”

With a nod he moved to sit.  “Everything okay?”

“Mmm,” she nodded her head.  “I just sent mom and Collins off to dinner and a night at The Goring.”

“Ah yes,” Harry smiled as he took her hand in his.  “Date night.”

Maddie nodded again, leaning in closer to him as their fingers tangled together. “She’ll be back tomorrow afternoon before we’re home from Chemo.”

“Of course,” Harry bent to kiss the back of her hand, bringing her closer to him. “I’ve been thinking of talking to my father about having your mother knighted.”

“Knighted?” Maddie laughed.  “Can a woman be a Knight?”

“They would call her a Dame.”  With a shrug of his shoulders, he turned to kiss her head.

“Ahhh…Dame Hannah Forrester?”

“Yes.”

“And what would he be ‘dame’-ing my mother for?”  

“For helping pull us through all of this,” though there was a smile on his face, there was grave seriousness in his eyes.  “We couldn’t have done it without her.  I know I couldn’t have.”

“Hey…” Maddie’s arm moved to wrap around his shoulders; strong and broad and baring the weight of so much.

“And you…” He shook his head and bit at his lip, his effort to control the stirring of those unsettled emotions.  “We should have you sanctified.”

“Oh Harry,” she rolled her eyes but hugged him closer.  “Lots of people make it through this.”

“Yes well…” He sighed, letting out a deep breath, his hands moving to her knees, to her legs, his body instinctually wanting her near.  

“And what about you?”  Maddie’s voice was soft as she nuzzled her nose against the soft scruff of his beard.

“Me?” He whispered, his eyes closing as she kissed his cheek.

“You’ve pulled us through this too,” she placed her hand on his chest, over his beating heart.  “What are we going to reward you with?”

“Ah love,” he sighed, opening his eyes to look into hers.  “You’ve already given me the highest of honors…”

“Do I even dare to ask?”  Her lips curled into a smirk.

“You made me your husband.”

“Ha!” Her head tipped back in laughter, a sound that made his heart warm.  “I think Bishop has finally rubbed off on you; the cheese, the fluff.”

“The truth.” He held his ground but allowed a smile, allowed for laughter.

The silence that settled around them was comfortable; still and peaceful as they held onto the other.  As their minds both drifted, separately yet together, over the past months, over tomorrow’s treatment, their grip on each other stayed strong.

“Harry?”

“Hmmm?”

“Do you…” She adjusted on the stair next to him, her fingers fidgeting with his.  “Do you believe in...ha.”

“In what?”  He stroked lovingly at the back of her hand.

“Do you believe in God?”  Her voice cracked into the silence and Harry’s eyes snapped up to hers.  “Do you?”  She whispered and waited, holding his gaze as his eyes searched hers, the weight of this new turn in conversation taking over the room.

“I used to,” he nodded softly.

“Used to?”

“Somebody...somebody put you in my path,” he confessed, holding her tighter.  “Somebody gave me Lilli and Ollie and Malcolm and Oscar and...I have to believe that God had a hand in those miracles, right?”

“Right,” Maddie was warmed by the reverence in his voice. “You said used to.”

Harry sucked in a deep breath and leaned closer to her, bending to kiss her hand.  “I have issues with a God who would….give you this.”

“Harry…”

“You asked,” he reminded her softly.  

“I did.”

“And I’m…conflicted.”  He took a deep breath and nodded at her.  “What about you?  What made you ask?”

“Ha…” She let out a laugh, then a sigh. And then, with a shrug, she shook her head.  “I don’t even know.”

“You don’t know?”  Though she said the words, he could sense something different.  “What’s going on love?”

“Nothing.  I just….” Taking a deep breath, she looked up at him.  “Promise not to make fun?”

“Swear it.”

“Okay,” she nodded, the look on her face turning vulnerable.  “I had this...dream.”

“Dream?”  Harry repeated.  “What kind of dream?”

“Or maybe it was a vision?  Or a delusion...I don’t know.” Her cheeks were flushing pink, her eyes drifting away from the moment.

“Maddie?”

“You remember the night I fell apart in the bathroom not too long ago?”

“Yes.” His heart still ached as he remembered her telling him she wanted to be dead.

“That night when I finally fell asleep…I had this dream.”

“What was the dream about?”

“It was the strangest thing.  It was like I was awake and you know, for some time I would have sworn that I was.  But I was laying in bed next to you and I was staring at the ceiling trying to get myself to just…go to sleep.  And then I started to…see things.”

“See things?” Harry was curious as he turned to face her.  “What sorts of things?”

“Well…” Maddie took a breath, her voice was soft and quiet as she gave voice to what she had kept to herself up till this point.  “The crown molding began to move.”  Even as she said the words, she spoke in disbelief, as though she couldn’t possibly be remembering it correctly.  But the conviction in her eyes said otherwise.  “It…it turned into ivy.”

“Ivy…” Harry’s voice was whisper soft as he repeated her words.

“You think I’m crazy.”  Her eyes met his.

“I don’t.” Without a crack of a smile, without a hint of a flinch, he shook his head.

So she continued.

“It twisted and turned around the ceiling, like it was growing.  And then it started to turn green and I tried to wake up, I tried to snap out of it, because it was the strangest feeling but I couldn’t…I couldn’t.”  She shook her head.  “I was stuck there in bed, paralyzed almost.  All I could do was look up and watch as this green ivy took over our room.”  As her mind drifted back to that night, Harry could see her struggle with it all.  “And then everything got…warm.”

“Warm?”

“The room, the…the ceiling.”  She laughed, pressing her fingers to her lips as she did.  “The ceiling turned this warm, golden color and then it was like it just…opened up.”  Harry watched as Maddie’s smile grew wider, as her face brightened.  “It got brighter and brighter and then I wasn’t in our room any longer.  I wasn’t in our bed.”

“Wh…where were you?”

“On the farm,” she whispered, her fingers falling back into her lap as her eyes welled up.  “I was on my parents’ farm…”  Her eyes lifted and locked with his.  “With my father.”  Though Harry tried to school his reaction, he knew Maddie could see the surprise on his face. “I know it sounds crazy.  I know it sounds like…like I lost my mind a little bit that night….”  She shook her head and wiped at her eyes.  “And you know, maybe I did.”

“What did he say?  Your father?”

“Lots of things,” she smiled as the tears continued to fall.  “We…we talked about my childhood, about my mother.  We talked about you and the children…”  Her voice cracked and Harry’s heart ached in his chest. “We talked about…about Cancer, about fighting this disease, about…surviving.”  Maddie took in a shaky breath.  “I’ve heard about stuff like this before you know.”

“Like this?” His eyebrows lifted, completely entranced with what she was telling him.

“People, in their darkest moments, at their lowest, having these…visions that somehow serve as…motivation?  That remind them of who they are, of the strength they have.  I’ve heard about it from a scientific perspective—your mind knowing subconsciously what you need to see and hear in order to make it through something.”

“Sure…” All Harry could do was nod as he took in her words.

“And of course, there are many answers for this on the spiritual side of things; angels, spirits.  You know in Bendal, the people believe that the spirits of the dead can visit you when you need them the most, they believe that your soul can call upon the souls of those who have passed…”

“Is that what you think happened?  Do you think your soul called upon your father’s?”

“I think that that’s what Collins would say happened.”

“Did you tell him about this?”

“I’ve told nobody about this,” she shook her head, holding tight to his hand in her lap. “I couldn’t even really wrap my own mind around it all, much less ask somebody else to.”

“But you’re telling me now…”  Harry wrapped her hand up in his.

“I am,” she smiled through her tears, through her nervousness.  “Because I want you to know that…I’m not going to die Harry.  I know I scared you, so much, that night but…”

“Maddie…”

“I’m going to make it,” she was reassuring him as she cut him off.  “I know that we have one more round of this tomorrow. And I know that it’s going to hit hard and I know that after the last one…I know you must be terrified.”

“Love…”

“But I’m going to make it through this last one.”  She was so sure as she sat up taller.  “That night, after I…spoke with my father, I found some strength I didn’t know I had.  And I found this….certainty.”

“Certainty?”

“It’s not my time to go,” Maddie shook her head.  “I have too much left to do with you and the children and…I’m ready.  For this last treatment, for this last hit. I’m ready.  And then…”  She sucked in a deep breath and leaned in closer to him.  “Then I’m ready to move forward with you.”

“Is that so?” For as unsettled as he still felt, for as confused as he might be, his heart was beating loud and strong in his chest. “Is there a particular place you had in mind?”

“Mmmmm,” she sighed, leaning in even closer.  “Everywhere.  Just….with you.  Everywhere.”

[tujmissingmoments]

TUJ Missing Moment Four

The darkest part of Maddie’s treatment came four nights after her fifth treatment. Though she was nearing the end of all of it, this second to last treatment had knocked her down harder than any of the others before it.

She had one more treatment left after this.  One more treatment and then she was done.  Though they would run scans and tests to be sure, the doctors had assured her that things looked good—things looked great.  All she had to do was hold on for one more round.

And then this would all be over.  She knew she should be happy, knew she should be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

But here she was, on the floor of their bathroom with only the wall and the toilet holding her up as she wretched.  Had there been anything in her stomach, she would have lost it but as luck would have it, she hadn’t been able to eat a thing all day.

So she heaved and she weakened and tears began to build in her eyes.

And were it not for Harry sitting there with her, she just might have lost it.  This just might have been the end of her.

She could feel his fingers on her foot as she slumped back against the wall opposite him. Her legs stretched towards him and her head tipped back and tears began to trickle down her cheeks.  His support was steady and silent as she cried, as she tried to slow her pounding heart, as she tried to calm her violent stomach.

It was so much…too much.  This was her fourth night of no sleep, her fourth night of an upturned stomach, her fourth night with a body full of these drugs meant to heal her.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore…”  Her voice cracked into the heavy silence between them, slamming into Harry’s heart and taking his breath away.  “I don’t think I can...”  Her head turned from side to side, her eyes pressed closed as she struggle there on the cold tiled bathroom.

Across from her, her husband.  Her endless supply of strength and support, the man she had been gifted with so many years ago—the one her imagination would never have been able to dream up.

Though his hands wanted to shake, wanted to tremble with how afraid he really was—how afraid he had been for some time now—his fingers tightened their hold on her foot. In a very real way, he felt like if he let go of her…

Gulping back the swirling ball of feelings in his throat, he shook his head and tried to keep calm.

“I’m so tired Harry…”  Her voice was hoarse.  When her eyes opened to look at him, she could see that the tears in her eyes were reflected by the tears in his.  “I haven’t been able to play with the children in months.”

“That’s not true,” with a shake of his head and a soft voice he began to mount his defense. “Just last week…”

“No,” Maddie cut him off, not even bothering to wipe at the tears that continued to trickle. “Books and board games maybe.  But not really play.  Not like we used to.”

“You’re sick right now,” he held on, held strong.  “When you’re better…”

“When I’m better…”  She let out a bitter laugh.  “I can’t play with my children.  I can’t dance around with Lilli or run after Malcolm.  I can barely cuddle Oscar because I have stiches and ports and I’m so fucking fragile!”  Her voice rose and echoed around them.

"I…" Harry opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came. Nothing but more tears and more knots in his stomach.

“I fell asleep talking to my mother yesterday,” she looked down at her hands in her lap, her fingers twisted together as she remembered. “We were having a conversation and I just passed out.  I can’t imagine what that must look like to her, what that must feel like for her to see me like this after what she watched my father go through…”  As Maddie thought of her father, her eyes welled up and the sobbing returned. Harry was at a loss.  He wanted to pull her into his arms and hold her as tight as he could—but he didn’t want to hurt her.  He wanted to tell her it was all going to be okay, that she was so close—but he couldn’t take this away from her, this purging of emotion, of all that she had been hit with.  So he did all he could, his hand moved higher up her foot, his fingers wrapping around her calf and he kept his eyes on her.  He didn’t turn away.

But her next words brought a new ache to his soul.

"I can't make love to my husband.”

“Maddie…”

“I can’t.  I miss it and I want it.  But I just…can’t,” she lifted her eyes to his, wide and tragically honest.  “I'm so tired and my body is…turning to mush and I have zero desire to…" She tried for a deep, shaky breath. "Not that it matters because look at me! I am bald and pasty and I look…"

"No, Madeline…" Harry reached out to stroke Maddie's face; to wipe at her tears. "You're beautiful and you have to know I…"

"I have no energy…." She interrupted him, her hand raising to press his into her cheek, wanting the warmth.  Needing the comfort. "I can't eat anything. I have these sores in my mouth and on my tongue and…and even if I could actually get something down, it won't stay because the medicine makes me nauseous. I smell like chemo….I can't sleep but I can't stay awake….and all everyone around me wants to talk about is being HAPPY and optimistic and….I….I just….some days….I just want to crawl into bed and never come out. Some days I want to be dead…because some days I feel like I already am."

"Shhhh…." Harry shook his head; the image of Maddie growing foggy through the tears in his eyes. "Please don't say that…please…"

"It's all I think about Harry," Maddie’s voice grew calm, grew quiet as she pulled his hand from her face and into both of hers. "Leaving you here without me…it's all I think about…" And because Harry lacked the words to respond, because he lacked the ability to allow himself to go there, all he could do was nod; nod and allow them both the space and the time to cry.

[tujmissingmoments]

TUJ-Missing Moment Three

“I’ll stay…”  Collins spoke up from his spot at the end of Maddie’s hospital bed.  It was the third day after her surgery and the first two nights had been grueling.  

Though the surgery had gone well, the Mastectomy and reconstruction, the recovery had not been as smooth.

She had had a reaction to the drugs.  She had gotten horribly sick and the simple act of getting sick had brought about a pain that had torn right through her frail body.

And seeing Maddie in that much pain, in that much darkness, had taken its toll on Harry.  As they all sat around in her room after the second night, they were at a stalemate. Maddie was insisting that her husband go home and get some sleep, away from all of this and her husband—as stubborn as he was—was insisting he simply could not.

“I’ll stay,” Collins repeated himself more forcefully this time.  As all eyes shifted towards him, Maddie’s dark, tired ones were the only ones he met. He lifted his eyebrows and she flashed him a small smile and he had his answer. Clapping his hands together, he rose to his feet and turned to face both Hannah and Harry.  

“Collins…”  With a hand on his hip, Harry began.

“That way,” Collins cut him off as only one with their kind of history could.  “You can go home to be with your children.  Your children who would probably love to have one of their parents home tonight.”  With a gleam in his eye, he went for the one thing he thought might move Harry from his stance.  “And you…” His smile softened as he looked to Hannah.  “You can get some sleep, can be ready for when this party moves home.”  He looked back to Maddie who looked relieved to see somebody taking care of the two of them, after all they had done to take care of her.

“It’s not that I don’t see the merit in what you’re saying,” Harry moved in closer, torn between his wife and his children.  

“I swear I’ll stay the whole night,” Collins held up both of his hands.  “I’ll stay right next to her.”

“Collins, you really don’t…”  Maddie started to shake her head but his eyes shifted to her and he continued.

“It’s been such a long time since we’ve been able to spend any quality time together.”

“This would be quality time?”  Maddie waved her hand at the room around her; the equipment, the medicine.  

“It would be for me,” his voice was so sweet, his smile so solemn that it brought a wealth of emotion into the room.  As Maddie’s eyes welled up with tears, it moved them all.

“Hey…”  Harry reached for her hand.

“Would you please?”  Maddie lifted her eyes to him, letting him tangle his fingers into hers. “Go home and hug the children. Get some rest.  I’ll be right here with Collins.”  She tugged on his fingers, bringing him closer.  “Mom?”

“Yes?”  Hannah cleared her throat.

“Please take Harry home,” she tightened her hold on him. “Make him eat something, make him read a story to the children.  Make him have a drink and make him go to bed.”

“Make him?”  Harry’s eyebrows rose along with a smile.

“Make him,” Maddie nodded, holding Harry’s eyes, holding the emotion between them.

“You’ll stay all night?”  Though Harry was speaking to Collins, his gaze stayed on his wife.

“Of course,” Collins answered.

“You’ll call me if anything happens?”

“Absolutely.”

With a deep breath in and a slow breath out, Harry gave in to her.

As he always had.  As he always would.

[tujmissingmoments]

TUJ-Missing Moment Two

The day Maddie was released from the hospital was warm and bright and sunny.  Though Harry had every single reason to be smiling wide; his wife had rebounded from her momentary setback, his children were at home with Hannah and a sweet little ‘Welcome Home’ party, and Tara had managed to work with Lilli’s impromptu haircut.

Though he should, be most standards, be celebrating these little successes, instead he stood there in the hall, looking out at the sun streaming in through the doors and he felt nervous.

Far from ease.

He and Maddie had done this many times before; left the safe confines of the hospital and stepped out into the sun, into a space surrounded by people and cameras.  They had done this with each of their children; taken on the flashes and the cheers and the well-wishes.  But this time was different.  Though they were leaving again, this time they weren’t leaving with a bundle of life in their arms.  Though Maddie was walking out on her own accord, the hits that her body had taken had done a number on her—and they still had so much ahead of them.  

Surgery.  Recovery. Three more rounds of Chemotherapy.

So instead of joy and relief, Harry felt anxious and trepidation.  

“Sir?”  Jim’s voice cut into the unravel in his mind, drawing his eyes and attention up from the spot on the floor where they had been focused.  “Are you ready?”

“Mmm,” Harry nodded, turning immediately to Maddie who was saying one last thank you to her nurses, one last good-bye.  “Madeline, darling?”

Though her body was small and fragile, her smile was wide and her eyes were bright.  

And when her hand reached for his, her skin was warm again. “Okay…”  She took in a deep breath and blew it out slowly, her eyes scanning down over the outfit she had changed into for this quick trip home.  “I’m ready.”

With a light laugh, Harry was thankful that at least one of them was.  Taking her hand into both of his, he brought her in close, held her tight.  Leading the way out into light, into the middle of the surrounding attention, his protective nature was at its highest. They stopped at the top of the stairs, offering small smiles and quick waves to the throngs of people who were waiting for this moment, for them.

He could hear Maddie take in a quick, rush of a breath and he knew that she was surprised by the crowd—by the size, by the outpouring of emotion.  Though he had passed by the masses multiple times coming and going for a multitude of visits, this was the first time she was seeing it.

“Don’t be surprised, love,” he spoke softly, only to her. “You’re clearly adored by more than just me.”

With a warning in her eyes and a hint of a smirk on her lips, she tossed him a look that made him relax just a little.  “Clearly,” she let out a small laugh as they began down the stairs towards the waiting car.  

Slipping in through the open door, Maddie settled back against the seat, smiling sweetly at the crowds as she waited the beat for Harry to round the car and join her.  Only when they had moved swiftly onto the road, only when they were heading quickly towards home did she let her head fall back against the seat.  Only then did she let her eyes drift closed.

She was exhausted.  She had survived, she had recovered, she was going home.

But it had taken a toll on her and now, as they were driven towards home, she was infinitely thankful for the cushion behind her head, and Harry’s warm fingers wrapped around hers.

As her mind began to weave through the long list of reasons she was beyond grateful for the man sitting next to her, she could feel the car slow as they neared Kensington and then she felt Harry pulling at her fingers.

“Maddie,” his voice was soft and warm as he tried to tug her from her drifting.  “Madeline. Wake up love.”

“Are we home?”  It came out in a murmur.

“Yes darling,” he lifted her fingers to his lips. “Open your eyes.  Look.”

When Harry beckoned, Maddie responded.  Her eyes opening and lifting to look at him, her lips curling up as she did.

“Look…”  He was pointing behind her, just through the window to the outside of the car.  

When Maddie sat up, when her head turned and her eyes followed where he was pointing, she felt all of the emotion inside of her stir.

Lining the gates to Kensington Palace were an abundance of flowers; bouquet after bouquet after bouquet.

Though the question was on her tongue, her mind wondering for a split second as to why people had left the flowers, she knew the answer before she could even ask.

It was for her.  For her and Harry and their children.

As a sob caught in her throat, she pulled her eyes back to her husband, searching his face for a sign as to how this was resonating with him, as to what he was feeling.

Though he couldn’t find the right words exactly then, though there were absolutely memories floating around in his mind of all of the times in the past that flowers had been left…the overlying feeling was relief.  

The overlying thought was this.

He was a lucky man; a lucky, lucky man.  His life had been graced with such phenomenal women; his mum, his gran…his wife.

This beautiful, strong woman sitting next to him.

No.  He wasn’t the only one around who adored her.  But he was most certainly the one who adored her the most.

[tujmissingmoments]

TUJ-Missing Moment One

Harry’s return to the hospital that afternoon was a moment that would be captured by hundreds, one that would be viewed by thousands--millions over the years.  From every angle, from every perspective--including his--it was quite the scene.  Since he had slipped out in the early morning hours, the crowd that had only begun to build had grown exponentially.  Security had been added outside the hospital, barriers had been erected.  The crowds had come with signs of well-wishes, with flowers and cards and faces full of concern and empathy.  They stood in groups and lined the streets and despite his very best efforts to keep a calm, collected face, he felt tears rise to his eyes.

But he didn’t have time for emotion, not yet.  He had to get his children inside, had to get back to Maddie’s side.  He had been away for far too long and the well of feelings that were building up inside of him were close to toppling over.  Seeing her again would help, hearing her voice, holding her hand--it would help to keep him steady.  As the car pulled to a stop, Harry took a deep breath and turned to his children.  The driver hopped out and opened doors, Jim stepped out and glanced at the surroundings and Harry, pulling Oscar into his arms, held out his hand and helped his children hop from the car one by one; Lilli, Ollie, and Malcolm who held tight to Harry with one hand and his fuzzy, matted bunny with the other.  

With a smile of reassurance, Harry spoke softly to the kids.  “You ready to go see Mum?”

He could see the way their eyes lit up, the curves of their smiles and he knew this had been the right thing to do.  With a quick glance at the crowd, he adjusted Oscar in his arms and nodded his head towards the door.  

Lilli, being the brave big sister she was, reached for Ollie’s hand and, following her father’s tall, stoic lead, she was the first to take a step towards the hospital.  With pride in his eyes, Harry turned to press a kiss to Oscar’s soft wisps of hair and followed his two older children as his family made their way up the stairs and into the hospital.

Comments would be made on the moment; on how fatherly Harry seemed, on how adorable he had looked managing all four children on his own.  People would talk about Lilli and Ollie, about how much they looked like their parents.  They would talk about sweet little Oscar nuzzling closer to his father, they would talk about Malcolm clutching his bunny as he looked to the crowd gathered and followed along with his father.

They would talk about the warm, comforting smile that Harry offered to the crowds outside.  They would talk about the nod, about the slight lift of his fingers that were holding onto his sons.  But what they wouldn’t know, what they couldn’t know was just how close to tears he was, the relief he felt when all five of them were finally inside the hospital, when the doors were closed and they were sheltered.

And they wouldn’t know just how fast the five of them moved towards Maddie, longing to find her room, to see her.

As they reached Maddie’s room, Arthur stood guard outside, his smile brightening as the children rounded the corner.

“Remember….Mum isn’t feeling so well,” Harry called ahead to Lilli and Ollie whose feet moved faster and faster the closer they got.  “And she might be sleeping.  So be quiet and easy when you…”  His voice trailed off as the children pushed right into the room.  Harry dropped Malcolm’s hand only to hold open the door for him.

His eyes lifted, seeking hers instinctively, and when he saw the smile on her face, the light in her eyes, he felt the nervousness in his stomach ease.

“MUMMY!”  Ollie clapped his hands as he bounced on his feet, looking up to his father for permission to go to her.

With a chuckle and a sigh, Harry closed the door behind him and nodded his head.  “Go ahead.”  Watching as Ollie and Malcolm rushed towards the bed, he called out, “Be gentle boys!”  But his words drifted away as Maddie held her hands out to the boys, as Hannah helped them both climb up to hug her, to kiss her.

And the look on Maddie’s face, the peace that washed over her features as her eyes pressed closed and she held onto the boys--Harry knew without a doubt he had made the right decision to bring them here.

“MummyMummyMummyMummy!”  In his arms Oscar bounced, clapping his hands and stretching his arms towards his mother.

“Okay, okay,” Harry laughed, holding tight to their baby as he moved to Maddie’s side.  “Suffice it to say the children missed you.”

“Oh I missed them,” Maddie’s voice was heavy with emotion as she kissed Ollie then Malcolm, her eyes wide and bright as she looked up to Harry, her arms reaching for Oscar.  “Come see Mummy little man.”  The older boys moved towards her feet as she settled back to take over their youngest.

“Here we go…”  Harry handed him over, laughing at how he struggled to be closer to Maddie.  Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lilli standing near the door, her hands clasped together and her bottom lip stuck between her teeth.  

Just as Harry opened his mouth to say something to her, Maddie beat him to the punch.  “Lilli?”  She called out to her, glancing from her daughter to her husband and back again, confused by her stance.

Harry stood tall, offering her a warm, understanding smile.  “Come on darling.  You wanted to come see Mum…”

“I know,” she whispered, her fingers twisting together as she looked to her mother, trepidation and nervousness in her eyes.

“Come on over baby,” Maddie waved her hand.  “There’s plenty of room.”  But when Lilli didn’t move, when she glanced up at her father again with that look on her face that generally meant ‘I’m in trouble’, Maddie knew something was up.  “Somebody want to tell me what’s going on right now?”  Her eyes lifted to Harry who in turn raised his eyebrows to his daughter.

“Lilli?”  His arms crossed over his chest.  “Why don’t you tell Mum what happened?”

Shaking her head, she stood her ground.  “I don’t want to.”

“What happened?”  Maddie looked from Harry to Lilli.  “Lillibet?  What happened?”

There was a pause in the room, a long stalemate where mother and daughter locked gazes, where Maddie and Hannah waited in anticipation, where Harry waited in amusement.  And then, with an easy shrug and his truth-telling ways, Oliver brought the stalemate to an end.

“Lilli cut her hair.”

A gasp filled the room as eyes shifted to Oliver.  “She what?!”  Maddie’s eyes were wide with shock as she looked from one Sussex to another.  “What do you mean she cut her hair?”

“All gone!”  Malcolm held up his empty hands with a shrug announcing it just like he would if he had just finished his snack.  Just like that, he brought amusement and ease back into the room.

“Lilli?”  Maddie couldn’t help but smile as she shook her head, looking back towards her daughter who still stood at the end of the bed; defiant and stubborn.  “Did you cut your hair?”

“Come on,” Harry went to stand next to her, his hands strong and firm as he guided her over to the group.  “I think it’s time you show her.”  His eyes lifted to meet Maddie’s, hoping for understanding and sympathy.  “Will caught her before she got too far,” he explained.  “And she only did it because she...because she wanted to look like Mum.”

“Oh,” Maddie’s voice shifted, her eyes softened.  “You wanted to look like me?”

“Yes,” Lilli was quiet as she nodded.  “But Uncle Will took away my scissors.”

“Of course he did,” Maddie smiled at her, fighting back the tears in her eyes.  “Come on love.  Why don’t you take off the hat, let me see what you’ve done.”

Lilli stood tall, swallowing as she nodded her head.  Harry could see his daughter building up her will as she moved closer to her mother.  With her head held high, she tugged off her hat, revealing the chunk of hair she had managed to cut before her uncle had intervened.

“All gone!”  Malcolm announced again, making his brothers giggle.  

“All gone!”  Oscar mimicked his brother as best he could.

“Come here you,” Hannah shook her head, trying to control her laughter as she reached for the little boy, tugging him up into her arms to kiss his cheeks.

“Well now…”  Maddie sat up a bit, motioning for Lilli to come closer--which she finally did.  “See, that doesn’t look so bad.”  Her eyes met Harry’s with the same shared look in them; humor and understanding and a whole lot of love.  As soon as Lilli was within reach, Maddie pulled her closer and ran her fingers up into her hair.  Her hands moved to her cheeks and tipped her sweet little face up to look at her.  “I love you so much Lilli.”

“I love you too Mummy,” Lilli’s words were muffled a little by the way her mother was holding her.

“But you know that you don’t have to look exactly like mommy…”

“I know,” she nodded her head in Maddie’s hands.  “But I want to.”

“You do?”  Maddie leaned to kiss her; first her nose, then her lips, then her forehead.  “Are you sure?”  Maddie lifted what was left of her eyebrows.  “Because my head gets mighty cold without any hair up there.”  

As Lilli joined in the laughter, Maddie released her hold on her and she climbed up onto the bed.  “I’m sure.”  She nodded, just as stubborn as both of her parents.

“How about this?  How about you promise me not to do any more cutting until I’m home from the hospital?  Then we can talk about it together?”  Maddie made the offer, watching with a grin as her daughter contemplated it.  “What do you say?  Deal?”  Maddie held out her hand and after a moment, after a quick glance up to her father, Lilli finally nodded and held out her hand.  “Wonderful.”  Maddie sighed in relief, meeting Harry’s eyes with a smile.  

“Wonderful,” he agreed, breathing easier now that they were all there, now that they were a whole family again--now that Maddie was awake and smiling and reaching for his hand.