Tulip's Secret Garden

Tulip. 23. Female. This is a place for me to get over my ex, Yellow Rose. I've been really emotionally attached to him, but I now have to transition to a position that is no more than a friend. All posts that are read, and encouraging asks that are delivered are appreciated. We started dating on July 22, 2013. I was dumped on August 11, 2014.

[tulip-chan-blog]

I deleted all forms of contact with him. 

I might not need this blog anymore (:

[tulip-chan-blog]

I was hoping I didn't need to come here anymore. But, no.

You know the tumblr tagging sort of posts? Like you needa say something good about yourself and tag 5 others to do the same?

I found Yellow Rose's gf's tumblr.

I was looking through her posts, the recent few were mostly about her missing her boyfriend, and how much she likes him. Only one of them had a tag with his name, and his online name. That's when I knew.

And I felt crushed.

I was in that exact, same position. I too, told the whole world that I loved him, and I missed him while he sleeps.

I'm still not over it all.

[tulip-chan-blog]

What Mutual Friend said

No one likes his new girlfriend, his attitude and personality has changed since dating her, and for the worst too. He's telling incredibly rude and mean things to others, and seems oblivious in doing so.

Mutual Friend left the guild he's on, and Yellow Rose didn't even notice. Mind you, Mutual Friend and Yellow Rose have been friends for years before I met either of them.

I haven't talked to him since late last month but I think I can say now that I no longer know Yellow Rose anymore. The Yellow Rose I knew is dead.

I know it's really mean of me to say this, but I hope that one by one, people would start leaving the guild he's on. He won't realise it at first, but when he finally does, it'll be just a handful of them left. And I hope he asks why they left, and someone would be mean to him the same way he had been to them. I hope they tell him off for his attitude. His ego is so high right now, someone needs to slam him back down to reality.

It's probably the only way he'll stop being so mean and rude to people.

[tulip-chan-blog]

Mutual Friend said

"Can I talk to you later?"

For some reason, I'm so anxious and scared now.

[tulip-chan-blog]

I actually feel emotionally better lately.

It seems that as long as I have someone to talk to, I won't feel lonely and would feel less inclined to want to talk to him. Besides, the more I get to know others, the more I realise how much I meant to him. My friends are more willing to take time out of their schedule to keep me company than Yellow Rose ever would.

The last time I talked to him was on Saturday. I'm gonna keep this up for a month, just like all the other "how to handle a break up" articles wrote. Right now I'm in this anger phase, where if I think about him, I'll only think of him negatively and feel victimised. I guess it's good that I'm taking time off from talking to him just in case I might say something to him out of anger and regret later.

In any case, I'd say this is good progress (:

From now on, I pay attention to me.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

If you have to beg someone to be in your life, they don’t deserve to be there.

Mandy Hale (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

[awwww-cute]

[tulip-chan-blog]

I recently had to change phone, and inconveniently found this. Cue cryfest. This was before he broke up with me the first time, but also the time he fell in love with someone else who would be his new girlfriend. When he read this, he told me he teared up, and that he couldn't wait to meet me, and marry me. He told me he would be there for me, and that we would grow to an old age together. He said he'll repeat as many time as needed, to let me know he would be there for me. He said he'll tell me everyday why he loved me. He said our children would take after my beauty and take after his humour. He said so many things. But just how many of them were true?

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Maya Angelou (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

[obliviouslylost]

[tulip-chan-blog]

I still feel nervous when I talk to him. Today I talked to him because I had to. Mutual Friend was feeling suicidal, and the only other person who knew that about him is Yellow Rose. I had to inform Yellow Rose to keep a lookout. And then Yellow Rose asked how I was doing. I'm glad he wants to make conversation with me but I still feel mervous talking to him. I feel so shitty. It's been 2 months since the break up, 2 weeks since he's started dating again, and I still haven't gotten over him. Just fuck me.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

You cannot imagine how lonely I feel.

Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

[tulip-chan-blog]

Fuck I'm crying again I'm so weak

[tulip-chan-blog]

I feel so upset. Lately I can't stop thinking of him. I'm so mad at myself. I feel so lonely. The lovesickness is creeping up on me again.

[tulip-chan-blog]

Last week he told me that he had a new girlfriend, and I asked him if he wishes to talk to me, and how often, to which he replied that if possible, he wanted to talk to me everyday. So I asked that we could take turns initiating conversation since I felt like I'm always disturbing him, and he said okay to that too. 

That was last Friday. We didn't talk to each other at all till Wednesday, when he sent me this:

I didn't reply to him immediately, but I kept to my promise. I initiated conversation today, and that's what I've got. 

I just.. don't know what to think anymore.

On Wednesday, he says he wants to talk soon. So today, I showed him that I could talk to him. Only for him to tell me in a turnaround way that he's busy and that he can't talk to me?  

Dude, do you want to talk to me or not? Don't make it look like I'm the one who isn't trying. 

[tulip-chan-blog]

The last time we talked was last Friday, October 10th.

Ugh what does he care anyway. He’s only talking to me because he probably feels like he has to. Not because he wants to.

Idk man, but I’ve lost all respect for this guy. I try and try to be friends with him, but he never appreciates my gesture. So then I ignore him for 3 days, try to move on with life, try not to think of him, and then he pulls this sort of shit on me.

"Sorry"? Really? There’s so much more reasons for him to be sorry for.

He broke up with me, tells me he does that because he isn’t ready for a long distance relationship, says he wants to remain as friends, flirts with me, when I joke with him about how to get the girls he says that he doesn’t care for a romantic relationship, a week later tells me he’s started dating his new girlfriend, the new girlfriend lives one timezone away from him, he tells me his whole love story from start to end on how he fell in love with her till how he’s started dating her.

Idk if that retell of a love story he did to me was because he’s oblivious or he’s being deliberate in hurting my feelings since, even if he doesn’t tell me the exact date, I could infer that he fell in love with his new girlfriend 2 months before he broke up with me. Ie, he had been cheating on me in the last 2 months of us dating.

But anyway, dumping the girl then telling her later on about his newfound girlfriend is one of the most douche moves exes can do to each other.

I really don’t feel like talking to him at all.

[tulip-chan-blog]

And~~ after the nonsense he said yesterday, he didn't talk to me at all today. I don't understand wtf he's doing.

All that's happening is leaving me confused.

[tulip-chan-blog]

The last time we talked was last Friday, October 10th.

Ugh what does he care anyway. He’s only talking to me because he probably feels like he has to. Not because he wants to.

Idk man, but I’ve lost all respect for this guy. I try and try to be friends with him, but he never appreciates my gesture. So then I ignore him for 3 days, try to move on with life, try not to think of him, and then he pulls this sort of shit on me.

"Sorry"? Really? There’s so much more reasons for him to be sorry for.

He broke up with me, tells me he does that because he isn’t ready for a long distance relationship, says he wants to remain as friends, flirts with me, when I joke with him about how to get the girls he says that he doesn’t care for a romantic relationship, a week later tells me he’s started dating his new girlfriend, the new girlfriend lives one timezone away from him, he tells me his whole love story from start to end on how he fell in love with her till how he’s started dating her.

Idk if that retell of a love story he did to me was because he’s oblivious or he’s being deliberate in hurting my feelings since, even if he doesn’t tell me the exact date, I could infer that he fell in love with his new girlfriend 2 months before he broke up with me. Ie, he had been cheating on me in the last 2 months of us dating.

But anyway, dumping the girl then telling her later on about his newfound girlfriend is one of the most douche moves exes can do to each other.

I really don’t feel like talking to him at all.