fake it til you make it (2)
pairing: jack abbot x fem resident!reader
summary: sometimes labels stick annoyingly too long. sometimes someone comes along and sees beyond them.
word count: 6.1k
content: pitt crew, angst, hurt/comfort, tension hehe sorry i love a slowburn, some medical inaccuracies idk sue me, age gap!!, shy! reader w plot, drinking, abbot pining and flirting with you lol
a/n: omg thank you guys for so much love on the first part <3 i did not expect smth i came up for fun to get any attention, let alone comments :'). comments mean the world to me. i tried to write this part asap but school is killing me rip so pls excuse any spelling or grammatical errors . lmk if you guys want more parts to this hehe and i hope someone you enjoy
part 1 here !!!
there were certain experiences in life that shyness had a habit of stealing. not stealing, exactly. more like postponing. but you couldn't miss what you never had in the first place. whether it be the small flirtations, hand holdings, or the stupid 2 month relationships in high school and college that always ended in petty disasters â most would look back at these memories with fond embarrassment.
for anyone who hadn't lived them, though, growing older without that kind of experience felt humiliating to you. you had spent so much of your younger years watching other people move through desire, you convinced yourself over time that observing it was the same as understanding it.
but observing and practicing are two completely different things. the small flirtations, lingering looks, and the confidence of being wanted was something you couldn't learn from a medical textbook, but through practice. there were no rotations or cadaver labs to practice these procedures in, no safe space to mess up if you cut too deep or in the wrong place.
in the E.R, confidence is something you could present yourself as well enough to make others believe. eventually, you almost believed it too. your skill mattered there. your performance and care was more important than anything as a doctor, and it was the one thing you knew you were best at. even if it was unhealthy, you measured your worth in your ability to care and help people. didn't every doctor? everybody had their reasons, and for you it felt like you needed to succeed so badly in order to prove to yourself you were more than the shy shell of yourself from back home.
but outside in the world past those doors, you were no longer one of the best residents on the night shift. your identity and skills did not translate. you were just a woman standing at the edge of something completely unfamiliar â the feeling of being noticed.
you did not sleep that night. you tried your best to do your usual routine before bed, but the ceiling was calling your name. most nights your thoughts circled thinking about unfinished charts, forgotten patient requests for a new blanket, and the faces of patients who refused to leave your memory. you'd replay conversations until sunrise wondering if you should've pushed harder for a patients treatment or a scan that could've helped with an earlier diagnosis.
tonight was different. you were wide awake because a man, your attending, who had opened your damn car door. it was odd being seen in such a quiet way, when you were so used to being acknowledged and praised in the chaos of the emergency room.
he was gentle in a manner that wasn't unsure. no expectation that you would be impressed. no little pause afterward, waiting for some gratitude. it wasn't like your previous experiences with men where they expected an award for complimenting you or attempting to do a half assed big gesture on a shitty date.
it felt pathetic, the number of times those minutes had replayed endlessly on loop in your head. he'd reached for the handle before you'd even thought to race for it. the way he leaned in to put your bag in the passenger seat. the way he told you he would see you tomorrow at the team outing, his voice carrying a trace of certainty in his tone. his mouth curved into the kind of smile you could have almost mistaken for a smirk. he already made space for you at the table before you even knew you wanted to be there. not if you came, but when.
and of course he also had seen you pause. he saw the confusion on your face when he was being kind to you., like your brain needed an extra second to decide whether it was real or not. you had your hands in blood and into body cavities with no hesitation all day with him, but remembering how easily the switch inside you flipped in front of your attending made you cringe. the polished version of yourself that you displayed at work slipped just enough to make you feel incredibly vulnerable and exposed.
he teased you, yes, but not in a way that made you feel small or that called attention to your shyness. there was no cruel intention or usual entertainment by your embarrassment that you were use to from other people growing up. instead, he was softened by it. it was like he teased playfully and carefully, like he was trying to ease the tension without pretending he hadn't seen it all. it felt very caring in a new way that involved being considered for and watched, and you didn't know what this feeling was called.
the team hangout was at some dive bar near the hospital many of the staff routinely visit after a hard shift. you didn't drink much and testing your alcohol tolerance in front of coworkers wasn't your ideal kind of evening. but you had told javadi this time around you would go, and the people pleaser in you couldn't stand the thought of disappointing.
but when you got to the front of the place, you stood outside way longer than you should've. you kept trying to come up a believable excuse to send to the group chat to get out of the hangout and go back home to sink into your couch. but you were already there, standing outside the bar, dressed up cute for the first time in a long time. the top you were wearing still had the tag on it from when you had gotten it months ago, but is now barely being put to good use.
the bar was already loud on a thursday night and filled with some bodies you recognized, and others you didn't. there were pool tables near the back and what looked like tables filled with shots, mixed drinks, and appetizers.
you could see your coworkers immediately in the dim room. you saw robby and dana at the bar talking as they cradled their drinks in their hands, laughing about something they were probably reminiscing on. whitaker and javadi were together at the table with donnie, mckay, mel, and mohan. some of the other day shift were scattered around the pool tables and within the smaller crowds.
whitaker waved you down and got up to greet you at the entrance to walk you to the table they managed to snag.
"hey there you are. javadi's been waiting for her 'drinking partner' to get here" whitaker smiled and you smiled back, trying to hide your nerves as you walked through the room. it all felt unnatural.
"there she is!" javadi shouted, lifting both of her arms to try to get her into her clumsy embrace
you rolled your eyes, but laughed and hugged her back as you greeted everyone at the table.
"looks like someones gone before i even got the chance to sit down" you tease as you find a random spot.
"gone? i'm just warming up dr." javadi points to you playfully as she leans on you. you're not sure if it's on purpose or not, but it was nice to see her relaxed and having fun for once.
"you made it," santos says as she walks up to the table.
"i said i would, didn't i? "
"mmm yes but you've said that about all our other previous hangouts, so you owe us some games at the pool table to make up for it." santos quips as she attempts to grab your wrist to get you back up on your feet.
"i just got here, can't i have some fries first?" you whine lightheartedly.
"fries? get your first round in and then we'll talk about some fries." santos grins and slides one of the shot glasses toward you.
you look down a little hesitantly at the little glass with liquid you weren't sure was filled with your poison for the night.
"im good, actually." you said lightly, pushing it back. "i'm not really drinking shots tonight."
santos squints at you. âyou said there was a bottle of tequila with your name on it if i heard correctlyâ
"that was just the sleep deprivation talking" you play back, trying to safely escape from your previous promise.
"you donât have to drink if you donât want to" mel jumps in, attempting to save you from santos.
"no, she made a promise that she'd come out and drink with us" santos
"well im here and water counts too right?" you as you took a sip.
everyone laughs at your words, finding it entertaining that santos had someone to bicker with now that you arrived. the truth was you didn't like drinking not because of a moral thing or because you hated the taste necessarily, but because you didn't like feeling less in control. you spent too much time watching yourself on the outside to protect yourself that anything that interfered was simple anxiety inducing.
âfine,â santos playfully scoffs, taking the drink back. âbut iâm getting you something eventually.â
âyou can get me fries.â you point to the empty fry basket filled with leftover grease.
"you know i'm actually with her on this we definitely need more food" whitaker claims as he takes more sips from his beer.
"see, whitaker gets me. thank you huckleberry."
"maybe some wings too?" donnie asks and mckay silently agrees.
"maybe i'm too old for this, i havenât gone out in forever" mckay exhales as she takes a sip from her glass. you look at her, feeling a bit more at ease that you're not the odd one out.
"well tonight instead of your bed, book, and bath it'll just be bars, booze, and more booze baby" javadi responds as she leans into mckay's shoulder without even realizing it. mckay smiles and puts her arm around her.
"yea..." mckay says slowly. " okay dr. j., lets get you some water" she shakes her head at javadi's drunkenness so early into the night.
"rest assured i'll ask robby to get us more food" mohan says as she gets up and signals you to follow her.
you scoot out of your seat and follow her closely through the busy crowds as you walk past the bar.
"hey kiddo, howâs your night going" robby asks.
you squeeze in between him and mohan at the bar, trying to find a quick seat. "well my night just started robanvitch. how about yours?" you shrug back in response, trying to ease back into you
he tilted his head to the side briefly as he checks his watch. "well youâre still young, you got plenty of time to have fun. my night is ending soon if my drinking buddy doesn't show up soon" he says pressing his lips
"how are you doing sweetheart? we miss you on dayshift" dana says as she peers over robbyâs right shoulder.
"im doing good dana, i think night shift is more my speed. but i do miss you." you smile. you missed talking to dana on the day shift and feeling like you had someone that had your back.
"i swear only the peculiar ones like the oddness of night shift" she said lightly, and takes a sip of her beer.
"its not too bad, al-hashimi was amazing to learn from".
"thatâs good sweetheart. howâs abbot?"
you pause for a second before answering, letting the beat of silence linger, wondering why your was chest tightening ever so slightly at the mention of his name.
"oh um he's good. i just met him for the first time 2 days ago." you answer, stumbling a bit on your words.
"he is good. he's also an asshole. but he's good." robby chuckles to himself.
you furrow your eyebrows slightly. "really? you guys go way back?"
"oh yes, probably even before you were born".
"how young do you think i am?" you retort.
"its not about how young you are, but more on how old i am" robby explains as he peers down at his watch again.
"maybe more like.. well seasoned?" you and that earns a laugh from dana. "maybe over seasoned" mohan lilts as she peers to his salt and pepper hair. "lots of salt i see here".
"nothing wrong with that." you shrug.
mohan tilts her head to the side, gesturing you to follow her again. you excuse yourself and follow mohan towards the pool tables where santos and whitaker have been playing.
"jokes aside, how are you doing? it's good to see you with us and not just during night shift hand offs" mohan says as she crosses her arms and looks over to the game
you smile at mohan. "i'm good. i just don't really go out, but even more so since switching over to nights".
she nods slowly, looking at the ground for a second. "neither do i but ever since my mom sold the house to go on a cruise with her boyfriend i figured i needed to get on with my life too and live a little more. residency will wear you out before you know it".
you nod back, silently agreeing. the work isn't the only thing that's been exhausting, but all the pretending as well.
you were observing the score of the game when the door opened again. it was like you before you looked, and you hated that you knew. some people just had a way of entering spaces and making the air aware of them. it wasn't fair really, how natural it came to some and how it was more specifically because of him.
abbot stepped into the bar with shen, nazely and henderson following shortly behind. he scanned the room and nodded at dana and robby once he spotted them across the bar. then they found you. his gaze moved over your face quickly, working hard to not make his staring as obvious as it was back at work. at least the dim lights can help a bit with that, or so he hoped. you looked away first.
"abbot!" robby called as he waved him over to the bar, lifting his drink a bit from the counter.
abbot walked over to the group steadily, hands in his pocket like he didn't really know how what to do with them. everyone at the table greeted him as he made his way up to the bar.
"fashionably late?" dana grins and looks up and down to see his outfit. he was wearing a casual ,but still dressed up, shirt with some jeans and his 'nicer' boots.
"always." abbot grins and embraces dana in a hug.
"well it's about time you showed up i was gonna head out if you didn't show up in the next five minutes" robby says a little annoyed. he signals the bartender his way to ask for another round of drinks for the three of them.
"everyone knows to show up a little later than the original time. well, at least the ones who have friends and a life." abbot teases as he grabs the drink from the bartender and thanks him.
robby crosses his arms and shrugs. "says the one who gets shot at for fun. but hey, i'll have to take your word for it"
even though you had looked away from the second of eye contact with abbot, you still felt the burn of his gaze on you. you felt your eyes wandering everywhere around the room to distract yourself from the burning sensation you felt behind your neck and your back.
whitaker and santos fighting about whether the point counted started fading out and the room that was starting to feel nice felt all too suffocating all of a sudden â the same suffocating feeling you felt between the cars 2 days ago.
"i think i need a drink now." you stumble over your words through an awkward laugh, trying to swallow down that feeling you get when you're unsure about the decisions you're making.
"i got you girl. i need a refill anyways and a break from these two" mohan says and huffs as she heads to the direction of the bar.
santos glances over her shoulder, her pool stick in her hands as she waits for her turn. "oh hey dr. abbot. looks like the some of the night crawlers made it." whitaker looks up and waves before returning to the game.
"evening." you hear an all too familiar voice say behind you.
you turn slowly, like you were afraid that if you turned too fast it would make you lose your balance from the jittery feeling in your stomach.
"hi, dr. abbot"
his mouth twitched at your words.
"just abbot."
you busied yourself with trying to remember the score between santos and whitaker.
"right, sorry." you let out an awkward breathy laugh and peer over to look for mohan to rescue you. not that you really wanted it.
"don't apologize." he says, as he takes a quick sip of his drink.
"jack is fine too." he lowers his voice so only you'd hear it, even amongst the busy crowds. he was too close.
your eyes flicked up, making eye contact with him for the first time this night. he was already watching you, but he didnât look away.
"okay, you fucking cheated. im over this. its your turn now" santos called out as she hands over the pole stick to you, not accepting no for an answer.
"i'm waiting for my drink. you know the one you so desperately wanted me to drink?" you're flustered but you recover quickly.
"anddd it's right here" mohan drawls slowly as she walks up behind and hands you a shot glass along with hers.
you reached for the shot and then stopped. it was stupid, so stupid, how you actually felt scared at a little bit of liquor that you almost laughed at yourself. you turn slightly to look at abbot who was looking at you. not judging. just noticing.
you hated being noticed when you had not decided what you were revealing to people, but most especially in front of him. the reason why was another problem for another sober day.
you brought the glass to your mouth before you could change your mind. you and mohan downed your shots as santos clapped and downed the rest of her slightly watered down drink. you felt the tequila burn immediately, sharp and unforgiving.
"happy now?" you respond, trying to play off your sour face at the drink.
"deeply" santos smiles.
you felt your face get warm when you realized abbot had watched the whole thing in silence. he leaned back against the part of the wall, one arm on his chest with his drink in hand still but with a little less in it. his expression was unreadable, except for the narrowing of his eyes. you turned away from his gaze and forced yourself back into the group.
santos grabbed your hand and pulled you towards the pool table and you sheepishly laughed, finally giving into the night.
the bar got warmer as the night stretched. your jacket came off, and for once people saw you in clothes other than your black scrubs and baggy jackets. you took another shot with the group, but this time half time half. then another sip when everyone was laughing and the noise gave you cover.
the music was finally getting good and the drinks were starting to set in, and the heels you were wearing weren't punching your feet anymore. you laughed a lot more than you expected. you drank a lot more than you expected, too. you weren't drunk, but enough that you felt your edges soften a bit. enough where you weren't filtering out everything that was coming out of your mouth to make sure the things you were saying were okay enough to say out loud.
enough that when abbot stood near the pool table to see you score yet another point, you didn't look away. for once, you looked first.
"didn't take you as a pool shark" abbot said as he placed down his second drink on the rim of the pool table.
"i guess i can contain multitudes" you quip back, shrugging and smiling at how well you were playing.
"i'm starting to notice"
your cue slipped slightly. definitely not drunk.
"are you sure you donât play?" mohan asked, circling the pool table to find which ball to hit next. "you're kicking my ass."
"just luck, i guess" you said.
abbots eyes stayed on you. "you guess?"
you glance back at the table, fighting the pull you felt from his stare.
"okay," you admitted looking back at the table. "maybe a little bit of skill too".
his smile pulled slowly at the corner of his mouth. slow, but it was there.
"there you go. wasn't so hard"
you're stomach dipped. it's like his words have a weird way of pulling you out of your little bubble that you feel safe in.it's the way he says them. low enough that it did not belong to the group, like the words had stepped closer to you than he had. but that was the maddening part, because he stayed exactly where he was, giving you space, and somehow was able to make the distance between you guys feel deliberate and inescapable.
"i have to go to the bathroom.do. not. move." mohan points to you and squints her eyes as she stumbles to find the bathroom.
it was just the two of you at the table. you looked around trying to find the rest of your coworkers. you started to play with the tip of the pole stick as a way to ease the silence in the loud bar.
"you say things like you've been looking." you shoot at him, taking a brave shot like he had been.
"you make it hard to look away." he said plainly. "simple as that."
the pool stick suddenly felt too smooth under your hand, and you became hyper aware of how the floor felt sticky under your feet. the drinks were not as strong in your system anymore.
"you probably shouldn't say that" you said quietly, unable to look at him anymore.
his expression changed. it wasn't just a little bit of guilt that was plastered on his face, but also awareness. like he was reading between the lines.
"no." he said simply. "probably not."
you swallowed whatever you felt in your throat. you weren't sure if it was your nerves or the alcohol after taste. you wanted to say something sharp like you had previously. something that would let you escape into humor, anything to become the woman you are in the E.R with a few drinks in her. but she was harder to reach now.
"are you done drinking?" abbot asked, nodding toward your glass.
"yeah i am, i don't like going into ubers drunk. but i'm fine for now."
"make sure to let someone know you when you get home safely" he says as he peers over his shoulder to see dana an robby playing darts with ellis and henderson.
you laugh a little. "you're doing the attending thing"
"no i'm not" he denies, his brows furrowed and his eyes squinting a bit. "the attending thing would be to tell you to hydrate, eat something, and advise you to not drink for the sake of keeping up with others. maybe even lecture you on peer pressure".
his words went right through you strangely. not as a warning. more like a confession. you stepped back too quickly and bumped into the edge of the pool table, taken aback at how clearly abbot saw right through you. abbotâs hand moved on instinct, hovering near your elbow. his hand stopped mid air, and you both noticed. his restraint was somehow almost worse than if he had touched you.
you clear your throat. "i'-i'm gonna get some water." you stammer as you start to walk backwards a bit to escape.
"good, i think you're gonna need it". abbot says as he picks up his empty glass.
"i can handle myself, you know. don't sound too relieved" you retort back, an attempt to diffuse the tension.
"i know you can. i'm just trying not to follow you."
you turn quickly before your face can betray you more than it most likely already had. you somehow successfully walk back to the bar through the crowd with your legs feeling like jello. the bartender gave you a plastic cup full of water and you drank it too quickly and leaned one elbow on the bar trying to balance yourself. you're not sure if it's the liquor that has you off balance or if it's your attending and his annoyingly hot cowboy thing he has going on.
"you okay, sweetheart?" dana asked from behind you, putting a hand on your back.
you turned towards her and gave her a small, slightly tipsy, smile.
" yeah i'm alright dana. i'm just sobering up right now" you chuckle, still recovering from the moment before.
"like a good responsible physician" she jokes. her glaze flickered over your shoulder, then back to you with an expression that made your stomach sink a bit.
"what?".
"nothing. i didn't say anything" she says, playing dumb.
"that is never nothing." you retort back.
dana put her empty glass down and pushed it towards the bartender "just thinking".
"about" you query, raising an eyebrow.
"about how abbot has spent most of his evening pretending not to want to be close to you. he's like a puppy."
you nearly choked on your water as you finished it. dana patted your back, a little too pleased at her successful observation.
"please don't dana. it's really not like that" you hide your face in your hands not caring if you were smearing your makeup.
"hey, i didn't even say anything kid. you just confirmed what i was thinking," she says as slightly laughs at your reaction.
"all i'm saying is that abbot is a good man. he's stubborn, but good. just be careful. i care for you a lot, kid. she added, her voice gentler.
you stayed quiet, avoiding her eyes. no one, except for maybe robby, called abbot âjackâ. but he kept giving you the option to. it all felt a little too real, a little too fast and you couldn't help but feel guilt wash over you. the image everyone had of you wasn't entirely real. it was a role you had learned to play for survival. you played the part well enough, but somehow, being believed only made you hate yourself more.
she squeezed your shoulder. "drink your water, hon. i'm gonna find robby and head out in a bit." she left and you finished your water, regretting that last shot right about now.
when you turned around towards the table, you realized some of the group had left, but most had still remained. santos had sobered up a bit and so did javadi, while whitaker was busy playing more pool rounds with ellis.
you look back at the pool table to look for mohan, but her jacket was gone and abbot was nowhere to be found. without realizing it, you start to look for him. you told yourself not to move but your body betrayed your mind and you moved through the crowd, exiting the bar for a quick breath of fresh air.
abbot was outside. you found him leaning against the wall near the entrance of the alley next door. he had his arms crossed on his chest and one boot braced against the brick wall behind him on it as he looked up at the sky between the buildings. yea, total cowboy.
the sound of your heels against the pavement gave you away as you approached.
"you following me now?" he asks, the corner of his mouth lifting a bit.
you folded your arms. " i think it was you who was doing the following first dr abbot".
his smile appeared, then disappeared when he noticed you were shivering a bit. you forgot to bring your jacket out with you.
"you cold?" he asks as he started to take off his jacket.
"donât." you said a little too quickly. your arms had tightened a bit across your body, trying to hide from his offering.
he stopped quickly, trying to read your face and body language under the moonlight. you hated how good he was at stopping and giving you space. it made you feel in control in a new way you hadn't felt before, and it almost wanted you to give that control up to him.
"you sure?" he asked.
you nodded and he left his jacket on. for a moment none of you guys said anything. you could hear the noise from the bar be pushed through the walls behind you, muffled and distant.
"i don't usually drink," you said, the admission coming out softer than you meant it to.
"hmm, i figured just as much."
that made you look up, a little horrified you were read by him again.
"was it that obvious?" you cringe, scrunching your face up a bit.
"not obvious" he said after a second, softer this time.
"not to everyone. just ... you don't hide as well as you think you do".
you pause. "but ... to you?"
"yes".
your face warmed despite the cold kissing your cheeks. â that's just great.â
âitâs not necessarily a bad thing.â abbot says as he rubs the back of his head trying not to let out a small laugh of endearment.
you sighed, warm air leaving your mouth.
âi just don't like it when people can see that side of me.â confessing to him felt easy considering he had read you so clearly.
abbotâs expression changed and you looked away before it could undo more of you.
âi donât like when people can tell,â you admitted. âthat iâm nervous. that iâm trying. that i donât fit in immediately or that i don't know what iâm doing in situations everyone else has experienced years before i have at my age.
the sidewalk went quiet and you regretted saying it immediately. it's like the air got thicker despite you guys being out in the open. the alcohol had loosened the seams too much and you felt regret wash over you.
you took a step back toward the door. âactually, just forget i said that.â
âno.â
your eyes snapped to his, processing his response.
he pushed off the wall, but only enough to stand straight. he did not come closer.
âno?â you echo.
âno,â he repeated. âi donât think i will.â
you felt your pulse pick up.
âyou canât just say that.â
âactually, i think i can.â he shoots back with a grin on the corner of his mouth, the very same one you saw in the parking garage.
âgod, youâre very irritating.â you said, though the breathless edge in your voice ruined the insult.
âyeah i've been told.â he chuckles.
you looked at him, and despite everything, you almost smiled. he saw it and his face softened.
âyou think everyone else knows what theyâre doing?â he asked.
âwith this?â you gestured vaguely between yourself, the bar, and him. âyes, i do. i've seen it all around me growing up. tonight was just another reminder"
âi promise you, they donât.â he reassures you
âmaybe they donât, but you do.â you argue.
his smile was tired this time. âno not really, as much as i'd hate to admit that. i'm just older. that gives the illusion of competence.â
âwell you seem ... very competent.â hinting at what you've heard so far about his flirtatious and charismatic personality
"ha, maybe just in medicine.â he says as he puts his hands behind his back.
âno, in general.â
âwell, i guess you donât know me well enough to say that.â
you didn't know why that stung. maybe because it was true.
you wrapped your arms tighter around yourself, rolling your eyes. âyou know what i mean.â
âi know what you think you mean.â
the quiet returned, but it had changed. it felt like it had weight now, something that only happens between two people sharing personal things about another.
abbot's eyes moved over your face, slow and careful.
âyouâre different with them,â he admitted, like he was revealing what he had collected in the past 48 hours.
you stiffened.
ânot fake,â he added before you could defend yourself. âjust different.â
âin the ER, too,â he continued. âwith your patients, residents, nurses. you know exactly where to put yourself. youâre sharp. funny. a little terrifying when someone underestimates you, but you mean well.â
that startled a laugh out of you.
his mouth curved slightly again, feeling accomplished he got that laugh out of you. âbut then you look at me,â he said, quieter, âand itâs like youâre somehow trying to leave the room without moving.â
the words landed too accurately for your liking.
âi donât mean to,â you confess. "i don't want you to think i'm scared of you or anything like that."
abbot's expression softened a bit hearing you trying to comfort him in this situation.
"i never thought you were scared of me."
he shrugs and slightly tilts his head. "maybe as your attending, sure. but if you were scared of me, you wouldn't standing here at 12 in the morning."
you opened your mouth, but he spoke before you could.
"and i'm not asking you to fix that or anything." abbot's voice stayed even. "i'm just asking you to stop pretending i don't notice you."
you felt your breath get caught between your lips. he didn't move and neither did you, and you felt the alley somehow get narrower between you guys.
"you shouldn't talk to me like that." you murmured and looked over to see if anyone was walking by. you weren't sure if you wanted him to stop, or if you were afraid he actually would. you weren't brave enough with the liquid courage disappearing.
âno,â he said. âi guess i shouldnât.â
the honesty of it all hit harder than flirtation would have. but he was still looking at you. and you were still standing there. a car passed by the end of the alley, headlight cutting briefly across his face. and for one second, you saw him so clearly. the gray in his curls. the lines near his face. and the restraint in his jaw as he stopped himself from stepping closer.
you looked down at the cracked pavement between you. two feet, maybe. it was a distance you crossed all day without thinking about working on traumas and patients with him. now it felt impossible.
abbot exhaled slowly.
âi need you to listen to me,â he said.
your eyes lifted.
ânothing happens unless you want it to,â he said. âand even then, probably nothing happens because iâm supposed to know better.â
you should have been relieved. a part of you was. but another part of you, reckless, hated the word nothing.
you nodded anyway. âthat sounds responsible.â
his smile was faint. âiâm trying it out.â
âit suits you terribly.â
abbot smiled at the shift in air between you guys going from serious to lightheartedness. he was seeing everything he saw in the E.R underneath the moon rather than the fluorescent lights for once, and he liked it too much for his liking. he was stuck on you and he couldn't care less about what that meant logistically, just that he was right where he wanted be. that somehow always leads to confined spaces.
the door opened behind you, spilling the noise of the bar into the alley.
santos stuck her head out. âthere you are. weâre doing karaoke and whitaker is about to drunkenly embarrass himself and you have to see this"
you stepped back so quickly, like a spell had been cracked. abbotâs gaze dropped to the movement, then returned to your face. santos looked between you two and her eyebrows climbed.
âoh,â she said.
âdonât,â you warned and began to walk towards her.
âi said nothing.â santos teased as she put up her hands to surrender.
abbot cleared his throat, looking far too amused.
santos pointed at you before walking away. âinside. now."
you glanced at abbot once and he was looking at you like he wanted to remember the exact shape of your face under the moon and alley dim alley lighting.
then he stepped back and opened the door, letting the sound and light rush around you.
âladies first,â he said softly, low enough that it belonged only to you.
you looked at him before going back into the bar filled with music, sticky floors, and your drunken coworkers. and this time, you did not look away
taglist for those who asked for part 2 t!!: @m4rianasstuff @melissa66orion @oliviarw3 @changbinsrightboob @syraxnyra @hazelnutsparkleclock @riiblogsworld @mayawainfleet @spectralexiletrace @hedsheeran @namesabbot @tgnvhp
part 2 is out now !! :D <3
