Official Tumblcoin News

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Tumultuous Times for Tumblcoin 

Tumblcoin appears to be more volatile than ever with a valuation high of $19,551 and low of $7,294 in the last four minutes alone. Tumblcoin News’ senior financial advisor, Brick Whartley, has absolutely no idea what is going on.

“I’ve been confused for most of the day,” Whartley stated. “Tumblcoin’s trajectory is impossible to predict. I just want to go home to my family. No one told me the finance field would be like this. I wanted to be a screenwriter, you know? I should’ve listened to my heart.” 

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Tumblcoin Splits in Two; Forked to Tumblcoin Cash

Official Tumblcoin News has received word that Tumblcoin has forked, dividing the online community in two.

The rushed spinoff poses a threat to with siginificant financial safety risks for those who who invested in TBCash. Tumblcoin warns its investors that TBCash is not sanctioned by or made available on Tumblr.

Much like Tumblcoin, Tumblcoin Cash has absolutely no value in any country in this entire galaxy. 

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Exclusive Interview with Tumblr’s Chief Coin Officer

The value of Tumblcoin has exploded, leaving some to wonder if it’s too late to throw their entire savings into this completely unstable market. Official Tumblcoin News sat down with Tumblr’s Chief Coin Officer to ask them what you want to know.

Given Tumblcoin’s erratic behavior in its 14 hour existence, what would you say to people who want to invest right now?

The only way to win is to play. We’re urging users to reblog and like their favorite memes to drive the value of TBC higher and higher, and we’re counting on them to create and post original memes to shatter the ceiling of this market.

Are some memes worth more than others?

This is an equal opportunity cryptocurrency, and we plan to keep it that way.

In retrospect, was it a poor decision to call Tumblcoin “The Unsinkable Currency”?

If we had to go back and write the press release all over again, I would have absolutely not painted a picture that likened Tumblcoin to the Titanic. That was, admittedly, a big whoops.

Anything parting words?

The people behind Tumblcoin are confident in blindly saying that it is smooth sailing from here on out. You would have to be a fool to not invest in TBC today.

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Cryptocurrency Suffers Critical Crash

Tumblcoin has reportedly suffered yet another devastating crash. Value has appeared to dip into the negative numbers, leaving investors completely TBCless. Entirely too on-brand user iinvestedeverythingintumblcoin states “I’ve made some awful decisions. I invested everything in Tumblcoin.”

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Tumblcoin Trending Upward?

Tumblcoin’s market value has finally stabilized after the cryptocurrency’s earlier crash. At the advice of economic professionals, investors in the Tumblr community worked together to create new memes to save the young cryptocurrency.

“We literally never asked for this,” sighed one member of Tumblr who wished to remain anonymous.

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Tumblcoin Tumbles; Reveals Inherent Risk in Imaginary Currency

Literally dozens of people panicked today as TBC crashed. “I really thought Tumblcoin was the future of currency,” said Tumblcoin investor xxxcryptoboy421xxx.

When asked how such a dip in value could occur a mere hour after Tumblr referred to the cryptocurrency as “completely sound” and “unsinkable,” their Chief Coin Officer appeared to dissociate completely.

Investors claim a drop in the Expanding Brain meme as a possible source of TBC’s recent violent fluctuation.

Local economy analysts have stated the only way to save Tumblcoin is by urging the Tumblr community to create a brand new meme to bolster the strength of the young cryptocurrency. The fate is in their hands.

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Tumblr Completely Confident in Tumblcoin

The Chief Coin Officer of Tumblr has issued a new press release a mere eight hours after the announcement of Tumblcoin:

Unlike other cryptocurrencies, Tumblcoin has no maximum limit. We used numerous and varied economic studies to develop this completely sound process, and we’re entirely confident this will help create the most stable cryptocurrency this world has ever seen. There is no way this can fail. It’s the unsinkable currency.

As of press time, the CCO did not respond when asked for details on the “numerous and varied” economic studies.

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Introducing Tumblcoin

Tumblr is reportedly proud to announce their newest feature: Tumblcoin. Tumblcoin is the latest in the entirely unstable cryptocurrency market. The social media and publishing platform claims that the currency is somehow assured by the platform’s unceasing flow of high-quality memes and low-quality shitposts. When pressed for details, staff was heard mumbling incoherently.

The new Chief Coin Officer of Tumblr eventually stepped up to explain: “As more users like, reblog, and create posts, more coins are mined for their portfolio. Because it’s so easy to keep creating new Tumblcoins, no one will ever be in short supply. We’ve also opened up the world’s first store that accepts TBC. You can now buy the hottest items any member of the Tumblr community could possibly want, like old Horse Friends or the world-renowned missing E.”