Tunchunairarko's World

The small world of Tunchunairarko

[tunchunairarko]

Tunchunaira’s diary 09/10/2025

The absolute worst decision of my life is bringing a child into this world. Absolutely worst decision, it’s just a hell.

[tunchunairarko]

Tunchunaira's diary 11/08/2025

If you really hate yourself and to do self-harm for the rest of your life, then bring a child in this world. Even though I am a father I absolutely can't stand the constant crying and it's need of attention. I don't hate him, it's my fault that I brought him to this world and it's also my responsibility that his needs are fulfilled, but it's the worst decision I've ever made in my life. The pain in unbearable.

I absolutely don't and won't ever understand the people who says this is a magical blessing. It's not, it's shit.

[tunchunairarko]

Unheard agony - Chapter one

"Richards!!!"

"GET BACK HERE, RIGHT NOW!"

Jenny was screaming at the top of her voice, erupting with anger. Richards made a mess of the living room again. This had been going on for quite a while. Jenny told him over and over not to mess up the house, since he never helps her with the chores. She was righteously angry.

"What?", Richard said.

"What the hell is your problem Ricky? How many times have I told you not to increase my work around here?"

"Yeah, so?"

"I'm just so frustrated, don't you even understand how much I've had to do around here?"

" Well isn't that your..."

"Be very careful what you say next, mister. That might be your last words before I leave you."

Richard became quiet for a while.

[tunchunairarko]

Tunchunaira's diary 04/05/2025

I made the biggest mistake and unhappiness in my life by bringing a child in this world. All my life plans, dreams and aspirations are gone now.

I truly understand now why people like John Cena never wants to father a child. I don't feel being a father, I feel a responsibility.

[tunchunairarko]

Tunchunaira’s diary 26/04/2024

I knew they would lose, it’s good that they lost at least in a respectable way.

[tunchunairarko]

Tunchunaira's diary 14/04/2025

A word of advice, never bring a child in this world or even contribute in bringing one if you are not capable of it. I just made the biggest mistake of my life by bringing one, and I lost the peace of my life. I don't know why people and the society say that a baby is a blessing, magical, an exciting journey. I am feeling like I'm living in hell right now, God forgive me for my words, but that's what I am feeling.

I was depressed as fuck and down before, but never like this. This is the worst point of my life. I am not cut out for taking responsibility for someone, I hate being responsible for someone, but I still got myself into this situation. No, I will never express or even share this with my wife or my child, I will never hurt them, I will do my duties as a husband and a father. But I'm already dead from the inside. I feel like everything is going so negatively for me, there's 0 peace and happiness in my life. I restarted watching Gintama, even though I watched it like 4 times just because it's the only thing in my garbage life that can give me some laughter and joy.

I want to cry, I want to scream. I am tired. I just want all the pain and suffering to end man. I don't know man. Please never entangle yourself with someone else's life unless you are ready and wish for it, learn from my mistake.

[tunchunairarko]

Tunchunaira's diary 20/02/2025

I can't go on like this. It's too much suffering. I'm doing everything I can, I am trying every way I can, but nothing feels enough man. I'm so fucking tired of this shit. I don't know why I even agreed to go through this fucking piece of shit journey.

Who the fuck said bringing someone in this world is a miracle? Well, it's not, and I'm speaking as the upcoming father. And then they say the next part is going to be even more terrifying. I don't know how I will survive. Of course I love my wife, I respect her, I am proud of her. My suffering is nothing compared to her physical suffering, but even so it's too much to bear. I am trying to do everything for her, whatever I do is not enough. And there's so much mess I "apparently" make on almost everything, I am constantly shot down, almost everything that I do are either wrong or not "in the right way". I've almost reached to a point of zero confidence upon myself.

I would still do my best as the father, praying everything goes well, but this is hell man, this is pure hell.

[tunchunairarko]

Tunchunaira’s diary 02/01/2025

I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, what the fuck I’m going to do, what would happen. Everything is going against my choices and will, I’m just going along with them. I’m not loving this version of life at all.

[tunchunairarko]

Tunchunaira's diary 23/08/2024

I'm tired as fuck. I'm stressed as hell. I'm exhausted as well.

Too fucking many responsibilities, too fucking things to worry about, 0% motivation in exercising, cannot find time for literally no fucking thing. Who the fuck said to marry and live life?

I just hate this, I JUST FUCKING HATE THIS LIFE!

[tunchunairarko]

Tunchunaira's diary 31/07/2024

I'm tired, I'm exhausted, I'm depressed

[tunchunairarko]

Tunchunaira's diary 1/5/2024 (another)

Absolute nothingness, pure bliss

[tunchunairarko]

Tunchunaira's diary 01/05/2024

Hello there. I'm writing diary back again after such a long time.

I am angry. I am feeling so angry, but I don't know why I am angry. My life's changing constantly. So many freaking things going on at the same time. I don't know how to react, how to respond to many of them. I had 3 things which I though I would never do in my life: (i) addiction to smoking/alcohol (ii) taking interest (iii) bribe/partiality. Unfortunately, I have had to break my 2nd oath, and now I'm on the verge of taking a loan to secure a mortgage. I never thought this day would come, but here I am. A piece of advice when getting married, you're also going to loose a part of yourself in the marriage that you will never recover.

On top of that fucking Real Madrid drew against Bayern Munich. Why the fuck did they draw? Ok, it's not the worst result, and there's the home leg which is left, but the draw made me angry. I still hope that RMA will be able to outclass Bayern to go to the final, but I expected RMA to win.

Man I lost a lot of me so far in the past few years. I had been dictated about my likes and dislikes, as if my opinions and thoughts doesn't matter. It hurts, it pains, it demoralizes, I have 100s of other adjectives to describe the feeling.

Why the fuck am I so angry? Why?

I don't know what to do...my soul is like gone almost for good...

[tunchunairarko]

Tunchunaira's diary 05/08/2023

Hellllo helllllow!!!!!! Long time no see (although probably I am the only one to read my blog lol). It's been some time since I wrote something. Life is like a steamroller, there is no rest for me. Today's writing may not be a usual sad one.

A couple of days ago I watched an Inception-like dream. It was so weird, initially I didn't understand what was happening. Basically, I was seeing a dream inside a dream, on the same bed, in the same setting. In my first level of dream, I saw that I was sleeping like in the reality, on the same bed, beside my wife, with curtains closed and everything the same. In the second level of my dream, I saw a mixture of different events and scenarios involving myself and my wife.

I don't know how to interpret dreams like these. Do you guys know?

[tunchunairarko]

Tunchunaira's diary 18-05-2023

One of the worst defeats experienced by my club. I'm so devastated internally. Nothing worked, it's hurting so much. Everywhere I look I find insults and hatred towards me. I don't know why I'm being punished and tortured like this.

[tunchunairarko]

Tunchunaira's diary 14/3/2023

The best thing in your life you can do is belief. Believe in yourself, believe in your ideologies, believe in your dreams, and most importantly, believe that success will come.

[tunchunairarko]

Tunchunaira's diary 10/3/2023

I'm scared, I'm afraid, I'm anxious, I'm feeling powerless at the moment. Why am I being scapegoated by Allah for pain and suffering like this?

[tunchunairarko]

Agonizing pain and defeats literally everywhere. Even Real Madrid had to hurt me like this. I am losing my mental strength to push forward.

Why am I being scapegoated for suffering Allah? Why do you keep testing me and keep making me feel extreme pain?