Special Interview: DIE (hide with Spread Beaver/Ra:IN) - Translation
[Published in the book hide word FILE by Oshima Akemi, 2018]
DIE was selected as a member of the hide band after playing keyboard as support for the band ZI:KILL that hide had discovered. He, whom hide loved for his mischievous, daring image even though he had a low tolerance for hide's beloved alcohol, told us about the side of hide that people do not know.
- Do you remember the first time you met?
DIE: I remember. It started when hide-chan had his solo debut and appeared on "Music Station" and I was asked to come. I waited nervously in the dressing room that morning, but in the end, I met him afterwards at a place called "Little Star" in Roppongi. He handed me the "HIDE YOUR FACE" CD and told me, "If you like this, I'd like to work with you." Although I had done some work in backing bands, that was the first time someone said something like that to me. I figured he probably didn't want someone who didn't like the music and was just doing it for work. "This is someone who takes his own music very seriously," was my first impression of him. At that time, hide-chan was wearing sunglasses and talked only about music. I drank two moscow mules even though I am no good with alcohol, but in the end it was hide-chan who declared, "I better go home now." He must have been exhausted, was struggling to speak. The moment we left the bar, he threw up. (laughs)
- What was your impression when you listened to that CD?
DIE: Honestly, I was surprised. It was very good, and it felt more like "New Rock" than the album of a guitarist. Most importantly, it was all about the vocals. Another thing that surprised me was that on the first day of the rehearsals, hide-chan bleached my hair. My hair was black at the time, which he apparently thought was a bit plain, so he made the other members wait in the studio. That's not normal, is it? At that time I did not know he had a cosmetology license and was very baffled, thinking, "Who is this guy?"
- Did he just come up with that?
DIE: Yeah. I don't know if he had thought of it before or if it just suddenly came to mind, but he said, "Let's make you blond!" Also, the name DIE: When we were drinking at "Little Star", he said to me, "DIE-chan, that's D.I.E., isn't it? It means, "death", that's so cool!" Being around 30 years old at the time, I thought, "Is it, though?", but I couldn't say, "NO". Same with the blond hair, I thought, "For real?!", but I couldn't say "NO"⌠However, while I had played in other backing bands, I had never had a chance to drink and talk with the star before, so I felt some affection towards him and thought, "I want to be of use to this person."
- That was the start of the solo-tour, right?
DIE: Yeah. The people around hide-chan, also known as the "Matsumoto-group", were all funny and considerate people who felt like a family. For the segments where hide-chan wasn't on stage, the members and the staff would excitedly suggest things like, "Let's do the crab-dance here," or "How about a little bit of keyboard?" It was the kind of atmosphere where hide-chan just set the tone and then everyone was free to do whatever. While I did see him get angry if a live show didn't go well, he was overall a calm person who didn't say much. Since the song "SCANNER" didn't have keyboard in it and I didn't have anything to do throughout it, I added some "Pi-" noises by myself without saying anything to hide-chan. Then, about halfway through the tour, he said to me, "DIE-chan, that ghostly synth-sound, that was good!" That made me happy, thinking, "Oh, he really listened to me," giving his OK even though the sound interfered with his guitar, giving us that flexibility. I think, rather than putting himself first, he enjoyed collaborating with everyone.
- DIE-san, wasn't it because of hide-san's advise as well that you picked up a guitar on stage?
DIE: That's right. One time he noticed that I had nothing to do and looked bored during the rehearsal for "OBLAAT", so he told me, "Why don't you grab a guitar and come forward?" You can see everything that's going on because of the mirrors in the studio. He was always looking around even when he pretended otherwise. At the second afterparty of one night during the tour, I was feeling a little unwell and resting on the stairs outside the bar, when hide-chan came to me and said, "You don't have to force yourself to drink alcohol." With so many people inside that dark bar, I am surprised he even noticed my absence. Didn't he say in interviews and such that "it's a requirement for being in my band that you can hold your alcohol"? Even so, he was kind to me. Talking to PATA, he also said that hide-chan could be a troublemaker, but I think he did that on purpose. At that afterparty, he must have been thinking, "I have to do my best as hide."
- During the tours, you were always together, right?
DIE: Apparently, he told the staff, "Treat the others the same as me," and so, when we were on the road as well as in the hotels, hide-chan was always with us. He probably wanted us to feel like a band. But there were always cameras rolling while traveling and in the dressing room, and while that made me feel like a star, it was very stressful that we couldn't let our guard down.
- During the second tour, at the Chiba Marine Stadium (Now: ZOZO Marine Stadium), you injured your foot, didn't you?
DIE: The day after that event was the first live performance of GLAY at Nippon Budôkan (I was also a support member of GLAY), so the first thing I thought was "What am I supposed to do tomorrow�" (laughs) But something happened at the time of that event that I can't forget. After the performance was over, hide-chan came to my place and told me, "DIE-chan, even with a broken bone, we're still taking you along for the tour, so don't worry." I thought then, "Look at that, this is someone who understands what others are feeling." He immediately thought about my feelings. And then, when we were on the road, he pushed my wheelchair and all. He was a kind guy.
- This may not be the best way to phrase it, but on stage, a "good performace" was the objective, wasn't it?
DIE: I think that was also because of hide-chan. During the tours, the song "Natural Born Onanist" from my own solo album was supposed to be performed at the time when hide-chan changed clothes, but because I had broken my food, he offered to push around my wheelchair. And then he pushed it wherever I pointed. If he hadn't done that, it wouldn't have been as exciting. In that regard, he was an amazing producer. He made cool things cooler and funny things funnier, and i think he had the best sense for balance.
- How did things go when you started hide with Spread Beaver?
DIE: We weren't told anything. We were asked to come to X JAPAN's Last Live, and the first time we heard about it was when we were shown the full-page ad in the morning paper at the afterparty. He looked so happy, going, "See, isn't this amazing?" but we were all like, "Uh, what is this?" No one had any complaints since this was good news, but he never asked for our agreement. Anyway, he loved surprising people and making them happy. We were getting surprised all the time, so at the final show of the regional tour, the band members and the staff got together and decided to secretly change the start of one of the songs. hide-chan wasn't used to being the one who got surprised, so he was left with his mouth hanging open in shock.
- That sounds like fun just hearing about it.
DIE: We were all close in age, so it felt like we were just hanging out with each other. hide-chan used the word "Kotona" for those times. It's a mix of "Kodomo" [child] and "Otona" [adult], he'd say to the band "You are all kotona." When we were on tour, I was the only one who had to return home early in the morning for work, and as I was about to leave the hotel, I found hide-chan and I.N.A.-chan completely wasted in the lobby, before they proceeded to chase my taxi 100 meters down the road. When I later asked, "What were you doing?" they told me, "We were exploring the hotel," and I thought, "You guys are middle schoolersâŚ" "Kotona" really referred to hide-chan himself.
- What were the words you heard most often?
DIE: "Let's go drink" or "Let's have a drink," stuff like that. Even though he didn't say it to me as much, a lot of what he said had to do with alcohol. There was remarkably little talk about women. I don't mean it in a weird way, but hide-chan was a little feminine himself. He played his guitar solos like he was sewing, in a feminine way. Male guitarists play roughly, like "Jaâng!", but what hide-chan did was more delicate. Up until then, I had never been in awe when meeting a CEO or someone else admirable; I think with hide-chan that happened for the first time. I guess that's what happens when you meet someone you can truly respect.
- Being in awe of someone doesn't happen often, does it?
DIE: Yeah. I never felt that way with anyone else. Sometimes, he had that look in his eyes that made it impossible to tell what he was thinking, and that may have been a point that put me in awe because it set him apart from ordinary people. Also, he loved music so much and listened to a lot of CDs. When I went to his place in L.A., I was surprised by the number of CDs he had.
- Earlier, you mentioned that he started hide with Spread Beaver without telling you about it, but what happened after that?
DIE: He never said anything like "Let's do it this or that way." He just said, "I want to record "TELL ME" with these members. Let's start from there." Even though he did not say a word, I understood completely when he showed us the newspaper announcement. "Oh," I thought, "it's a band", and we already got excited. One time, there were issues with the schedule, and I was told on the phone, "DIE-chan, like this you can't go on tour with us," and I was like, "Wait a second. I want to go with you, hide-chan," and managed to rearrange the conflicting schedule. Because I thought, "If I'm with hide-chan, I might make it out into the world."
- What were the last words you exchanged with hide-chan?
DIE: The evening before he passed away, we went to a bar with a live band after filming a TV program, and he was in a good mood and requested the song "Honesty" (Billy Joel). At that time, the word "Dioxin" was being used by everyone, and he laughed like he had fun and he played around with the words DIE and Dioxin, saying they should make a song that goes like, "DIEDIEDIEDIEDioxin".
- If you could say something to hide-san now, what would it be?
DIE: Something like, "Let's do it again, together." And also, "Thank you."
- hide-chan must have been a very special person to you.
DIE: He was. Because he was someone who often played pranks. One time, I did "Pink Spider" with Osawa Yoshiyuki-san, and during that tour, swallowtail butterflies were fluttering around all over Japan, no matter where we went. That was strange, because swallowtails are not something you see very often. Also, when I went to the X JAPAN concert at Tokyo Dome where hide-chan appeared in 3D, I couldn't find the cigarette pack with the ticket inside that I had left in the dressing room, and I was about to give up and accept that I had lost it when it somehow showed up in my car. On top of that, the ticket number was 110. 110 was Hideto's number, and it was also the license plate of Kujira (hide's beloved car), so I thought, "hide-chan is up to his mischief again." I'm sure he got a kick out of watching me panic.
Note: I found this interview in "PERFECT BOOK hide" (2012), which once again fails to provide any sources on the articles and interviews published within. So I don't know what year this is from or where it was originally published. If you happen to know, please tell me, so I can add that information.
I decided to keep the format, including the disembodied quotes, to break up what would otherwise be one long, ongoing commentary.
This one was very difficult. I had tried translating this before and given up on it. It may not be entirely accurate everywhere. Again, I am open to corrections.
That time spend with hide
TAIJI
In the aftermath, Taiji speaks openly about their cool relationship that lasted from his first meeting with hide through his time with X.
âAt that time, I didnât even know if it was read âhi-deâ or âhaidâ.â
I first met hide when I was with [the band] Dementia. We did a band battle with hideâs Saver Tiger at the live house âKagurazaka Explosionâ. Later, when we settled the bill for the gig, we exchanged words for the first time. I got complimented on my hair by hide: âHey, the way your hair stands up is great!â That was when I was 19 years old.
We did that band battle in the first place because I had asked for it at one point. At that time, I didnât even know if his name was read âhi-deâ or âhaidâ [Note: As in, the English word âhideâ], but when I saw Saver Tigerâs leaflets, I was immediately compelled to. Hide was just too cool, his aura was different from any other band, so I asked for a reservation. So the first time I met hide was when I was sharing a stage with him.
I only saw hideâs performance from the very back while doing my make up, but I was charmed by his meaningful and appealing, really overwhelming performance. Guitarists at the time were all about how fast, how technical, how difficult their play could be, but hide was different. Her was aware of the entire picture. From the beginning, hide was focused on going in that direction, and he never really changed at all.
At that time, I heard from hide that Saver Tiger was doing a performance with MURBAS [Indie band active from 1981 â 1986 and 2005 â 2009] next, so I told him, âYou wonât lose to them.â At the time, MURBAS was the much better band.
Hide didnât talk to me about our performance at that time, but the fact that he addressed me must mean that I left some kind of impression. It was at a time when Dementia was also swiftly gaining momentum.
There were many bands that I was introduced to by hide, starting with Steppenwolf. That Iâd come to love Steppenwolfâs âBORN TO BE WILDâ is thanks to him. Itâs like I learned that from him. Iâd always listened to heavy metal and was strongly influenced by it, so I didnât get what was supposed to be so great about Steppenwolf. Now I can see what a great song that is, but then I didnât understand it at all.
In response to hideâs high praise for them, I said, âThat band is incomprehensible, it has no technique or anything.â When I listen to it now, itâs cool, but then, I didnât get it. Hide wanted to bring that goodness into his band and elevate it to the next level of coolness. He was someone who understood the importance of the show from the start. And it just became more and more important. Eventually, it turned into something amazing. The sound that hide liked already had such nuances back then. Therefore there wasnât anything I could compare it to in my own band. There were similarities in costumes and such, but it felt like we did different genres.
âAnyway, I thought it made a good sound. Definitely a sound that was indispensable for the band.â
The next time I met hide was after I joined X, when his name came up, a-propos of nothing, while we were looking for a guitarist. Since hide had left an impression with me, I remember thinking that it would be good to have him as our guitarist. So I started by drinking with him, but he didnât listen to a word I said at that time (laughs). What I think is that he must have wanted to work with TOKIHIKO, who was the bassist for Saver Tiger. Thatâs probably why he wouldnât talk. TOKIHIKO was that good, and hide was particular about his bassists. I guess he thought he couldnât accept a bassist he didnât like himself. In that case, there was no way he would accept someone like me who he had never even played with. The bass lines of Dementia and X were completely different.
In any case, I thought hideâs guitar sounded great from the moment he first entered the stage. His sound resembled Anthrax, definitely a sound that was indispensable for the band. The backing also being excellent, I thought that the guitars made the band amazing. I also thought that he put the band as an ensemble over his ego as a guitarist. I guess that is why the bassist was so essential for hide. Dementia was also a band with a good guitar sound, but when I was in the studio with hide, I was surprised there was a guitarist who produced such powerful sound. I knew that the sound of the band being so good was tied to hideâs fantastic backing. The way of thinking behind that was the same as mine.
At that time, I wanted nothing more than just to watch hide. Besides, I thought I could absolutely make him say that I was a better bassist than TOKIHIKO. Seriously. Even when it comes to playing the bass, I can say, âLook what I did, wasnât that good?â all I want, there is no guideline or correct answer. But hide gave his okay, saying, âThat right there, thatâs all you need to play.â Having originally been a guitar player, I had decided that the bass was a lame instrument and only did so much with it; it was hide who helped me approach it with the guitar mindset of âPlay freely, no matter what anyone says!â It takes courage to change the way you played all the time, and changing your concept can become embarrassing if youâre not careful. So, in my case, instead of stripping it down to the roots, I figured I could just harmonize, and said to hide, âI think we should harmonize, how do you feel about that?â With that, hide finally came to give me recognition. The bass solo before the solo in âSadistic Desireâ? It was when we were making that that he really acknowledged me. Up until then, he wouldnât even hear what I said (laughs).
But, that I had been recognized by hide I only realized just before he passed away. I read an interview in which he said, âI suppose my favorite bassist would be Taiji.â Until then, I had wondered if he would ever take notice of me, so that made me very happy.
âThe respect had nothing to do with age. Hide was like an older brother to me.â
When we came to stand on stage in the same band, it wasnât enough just to play, we also had to perform this time. You have to play the strings while moving around and being enchanting. Anyone can do it standing still. So, you have to be able to play while spinning around, while facing the audience. That, too, was hideâs influence. While moving around was somewhere on my mind as well, hide was calculating the perfect movement.
About the running around during the X era, hide said to me, âItâs a show, so we have to perform.â For entertainment. He predicted the necessity of that kind of expression.
Even in small live houses, he said, âJust spin around,â and did as much as was possible there. We practiced playing while spinning when we didnât know how. What can we do during a break to make it more lively?
He taught me more about being an entertainer than about playing. I think without those skills, I wouldnât have been able to stand out. Everyone was surprised when I changed what it meant to be a bassist and by how cool that made me. Just, performing like that for real and playing it live was terrible (laughs).
But if I didnât do that, hide wouldnât have recognized me. It was about being respected, regardless of age. Outside of music as well, there were words, and funny ideas. Hide was like an older brother to me. Even when he was trying to calm someone down, calm as he was, he would talk about different viewpoints, perspectives that others did not notice.
The way hide made arrangements was different from mine. My arrangements were made from the skeleton. I started at the foundation and made drastic changes from there. I think hide made arrangements that skillfully decorated those foundations. Iâd deliver a good foundation, sometimes even changing the cord progression, and hide worked from there. Hide was aiming to make the bass line more fun, he was always thinking about the bass. âWhy donât you try it like this?â heâd say. If I was just told something, I wouldnât understand it. But if you donât even try to understand it, you get it even less. So we would actually explore things together, say things like, âAlmost there,â and âOh, just like that!â, thatâs how we did it. While I played my notes on the bass, hide would play at the same time and create a section by harmonizing with the guitar. We did arrangements like that as well. I also gave my opinion on the guitar.
âI thought to myself, Iâll never be the kind of person who understands this (laughs).â
We started âGIVE ME THE PLEASUREâ, which we created together, from the bass, but first we had to talk about incorporating slapping. That was at a time when slapping simply did not happen in heavy metal. I wanted to break those customs, and so I discussed incorporating it with hide. Doing so created an occult-like sound. We added the melody of âGIVE ME THE PLEASUREâ, and it changed to 16-beats halfway through. Looking back, Iâd call it funk now. Hide liked that kind of music as well, so he was like, âThatâs great!â It was like playing catch ball. You throw the ball, and itâs played back to you with alterations. And then you change it and play it back again. Since that was before the digital age, it was played right in front of you. So miracles happened right in front of you. I was constantly surprised, going, âThat just happened!â
With âXCLAMATIONâ, I developed the bass phrase and hide added the melody from there, even giving it an intro. With those two songs, I made the phrase and it developed from there. Also, hideâs guitar for âDESPERATE ANGELâ, which I had composed, was perfect for it. It amazes me how, no matter how I want him to play, thatâs what he gives me. When it comes to his solo, itâs OK no matter how many takes you record. Itâs so cool. Whatever he plays is perfect, because he has always loved RockânâRoll.
When it came to recording, hide didnât just show up at the studio to record with headphones on, but rather worked at the console. He wanted to work alone so he didnât get distracted. Sometimes, Iâd pop my head in and say, âWow, amazing!â in surprise, and he looked happy. He was the type who became friends with the engineer before starting to record. On the other hand, it was hide who encouraged me when I was somewhat lacking confidence: âTAIJI, you can do more than that!â
During his solo acts at X concerts, hideâs solos went far beyond what youâd expect a guitaristâs solo to be (laughs). âWhat the hell is he going for?â Iâd wonder, and it always was amazing. I thought he was someone Iâd always struggle to understand (laughs). I guess he thought, âSo what?â, because to him simply playing the guitar all the time just because it was a guitaristâs solo wasnât cool enough.
For me, it was different. To me, playing the bass was about how close I could get it to the guitar.
Hide wasnât a person of many words, but when we recorded his song âMISCASTâ, he said to me, âThe bass makes this song sound cool.â He was the kind of person to give compliments like that.
âWords alone cannot express the appeal hide had.â
After I joined Loudness, we didnât have any contact at all. But after a while I saw on TV that hide had registered as a donor with the bone marrow bank and thought that was amazing. I did not have the time for something like that, being so focused on the band. When I started D.T.R. there was no contact either. Yet I was shocked when hide released his solo works and I listened to âROCKET DIVEâ and âPink Spiderâ. I was amazed by this amazing stuff he had made. I thought, finally, he did it. It made me happy.
While D.T.R. had a laid back style, what hide did with his solo works and hide with Spread Beaver was the exact opposite (laughs). D.T.R. was laid back and hide was extremely cyber. It was cutting edge.
The era of rock during the time of D.T.R. was ill defined, and laid back could be considered cool. It seems that in that formative era, hide went in the opposite direction with cyber.
The first thing I noticed when listening to hide with Spread Beaver was how good hideâs singing was. He had grown so much. Even compared to the time when he released his solo song âTELL MEâ it was completely different. His growth as a vocalist was amazing.
When we were doing the chorus during our X days, I used to think that hideâs and my voices were somewhat similar. Harmonizing with him on the chorus had been easy. But by the time of âROCKET DIVEâ, hide had reached an entirely new level as a vocalist. He wasnât just a great singer, he was also very expressive. I think he must have put a lot of effort into it.
I think that in his solo career before hide with Spread Beaver, hide hadnât yet fully accomplished what he had wanted to do. I feel like it wasnât the right time for him to really express what he wanted. I guess he must have felt the same way. I also canât deny that his songs felt like they were pandering to someone. But, when I listened to âROCKET DIVEâ, I felt like he had let go of that completely. It felt like he had become defiant, while bringing out all the good qualities that heâd had from the beginning. Behind the scenes, he must have worked really hard on it. Itâs music that sounds simple but requires a lot of thought. I feel like hide taught me how difficult it is to make something simple. Itâs not like by making something complicated youâre making it better.
Generally, I liked the cyber-look as well, so I felt like we were connected even though we were far apart. Itâs something we have in common. I suppose our ideas and the way we feel are similar. Itâs been the same since the first time I felt it at Kagurazaka Explosion. That common ground I saw between us never changed.
Hideâs greatest charm was â how shall I put it? â that he transcended the realm of what words can explain. He doesnât seem like a person who can be described in words. When it comes to hide, all words seem insignificant. His charm cannot be expressed with words alone.
Special Interview: I.N.A (hide with Spread Beaver) - Translation
[Published in the book hide word FILE by Oshima Akemi, 2018]
I.N.A. is known as someone crucial for the production of hideâs music. As co-producer, he was involved in the production of all of hideâs songs, and was sure to appear on stage for hideâs live tours. As we look back on that very intense time, we will delve into hideâs humanity and the words he left behind ---
This is what hide always said about I.N.A., who created music with him as co-producer: For around 6 years, from â93 before he started his solo activities, until his sudden passing in â98, it was I.N.A. who was always there whenever he dealt with music. Whether it was in the 8-tatami-studio at home or on stage in front of an audience of ten-thousands, they always worked tirelessly towards their shared goal of making âcool musicâ.
I.N.A. first met hide in July â91. Having been called to the studio as Xâs manipulator, I.N.A. was tasked, out of the blue, with recording the sound for hideâs solo corner.
âI donât remember what the first words we exchanged had been, but I remember that on the day we first met, my job was to record the sounds for his live solo corner called âhideâs Roomâ in the studio. So, the first words he gave me probably werenât words but shouts like âWah!â and âYah!â The request then had been, âWhen the keyboard is played on stage, I want a voice to come out,â so for starters we had to record hide-chanâs voice. But, having to record yells with an unknown co-worker he was meeting for the first time, he only did it two or three times before he got embarrassed and called it quits, saying, âThatâs enough already.â (laughs) At that time, I had heard a lot of stories about X, so before I met them, I was nervously wondering, âWhat kind of people may they beâŚ?â, but there was something cute about hide-chan when he stopped shouting because he got embarrassed. It left quite the impression.â
After that, I.N.A. joined X (X JAPAN from â92 onward) in the studio as a manipulator, and also on tour. Since he was a manipulator, they called him âMani-sanâ at first, but after experiencing such a long tour together, the distance between him and hide inevitably disappeared.
âThe first time I went drinking with hide-chan was when we went to a JT event held in Tohoku before the tour. The place was so isolated that there were no bars at all, so I got invited to the hotel bar. Since I didnât understand visual rock at all at that time, I feel like I asked a lot of stupid questions, but instead of getting angry, he just answered them. I think after that, there were a lot of opportunities for us to drink together during the trip. Even though he had an army of people to go drinking with at that time and there were always dozens of others around, hide-chan always looked out for me. We had many chances to talk in those places, but that was 25 years ago⌠I donât really remember the details of what we talked about.â
For the sake of advancing into the international market, X changed their name to X JAPAN, and the members stayed in LA for a long time to record the mini-album âART OF LIFEâ. I.N.A. stayed in LA with them, and when there was a break in the recording for X JAPAN, he helped hide out with his own projects. I.N.A. taught hide, who initially tried to do everything on his own, how to handle the computer, and ended up in charge of programming. While they were working on the two solo debut singles together, I.N.A. heard words from hide that he would never forget.
âHe said to me, âI.N.A.-chan, I want you to use your talents only for me.â At first I was surprised, but when someone says something like that to you, you have no choice but to do it. Of course, it made me happy. I had always been a studio musician, going to different locations to make music with various people, and finding a way to express myself in that was difficult. But, when I started to record with hide-chan, I think we were able to build a relationship in which I could bring myself in. With those words being based on what I had done until then, they made me genuinely happy. Thatâs how I ended up in the world of performers. Those were the words that left the biggest impression on me. Because with them, everything changed. At that time, he also said to me, âTell me if something is good, and tell me if itâs bad. Otherwise, there is no point in working together.â I think those words were the foundation for us to make music together.â
At that time, in the bar âParanoia CafĂŠâ produced by the one-and-only make-up artist MAD GEORGE, where friends often gathered, I.N.A. was send a passionate call from hide. Responding to those feelings, I.N.A. started collaborating with hide on his music as someone working exclusively for him. So they started their work with a trial-and-error process on the first album, spending their days secluded in a room for recording. The song âBLUE SKY COMPLEXâ, recorded for the first album, tells about that time.
âIt was during that time that I received the words from hide-chan that were the second-most important to me. It were the words, âItâs okay as long as itâs good to listen to.â The first album had an experimental feel to it and recording it took quite a long time. With us trying a lot of things, what he meant was that it ultimately didnât matter if something improved the work, only if it sounded good. The works are incredibly fine and detailed, and in the end it doesnât matter, because all that matters is whether or not the listeners think its good, which I found both pure and cool. Those were important words that left an impression on me and changed how I approached music making ever after.â
hide and I.N.A. collaborated in producing the artist hide, but their responsibilities were clearly separated. Writing lyrics was entirely hideâs territory. Musical matters were discussed and decided between the both of them, but when it came to lyrics, hide expressed his world in them on his own.
âThat guy, right, he wouldnât tell me the meaning of his lyrics at all (wry smile). He may have commented on them in interviews and such but I, for my part, got no explanation. So I only had my own interpretation. I may have made some musical adjustments, like keeping the number of words to a minimum, but the contents were entirely his world. When we were side by side in our 8-tatami-room, he was writing lyrics and I was programming next to him. Hide-chan was someone who read a lot and his home was full of difficult looking books. So, he knew a lot of words. Nowadays you can just look things up on the internet, but that time was different, so I was impressed and thought it was amazing.â
Manipulators give a strong impression of having been the staff members who held up the musicians at that time. Most of them operated their machines in the part of the stage that was out of the spotlight. I.N.A., too, did not have a stage name for the first album âHIDE YOUR FACEâ and was credited under his real name Kazuhiko Inada. The one who dragged him out to the front stage as âArtist I.N.A.â was hide, obviously.
âHe didnât specifically discuss this or talk to me about it. Just a brief comment about how âI.N.A. -chan is also coming out.â He dragged me out a lot so I went out a lot. Why he invited me I do not know; I guess it would have been lonely doing it on his own. Because hide-chan loved being in a band, I think he also wanted to appear in public with the people he was making music with. Hide-chan was also the one who gave me the stage name I.N.A.. He also called me I.N.A.-chan off-stage; me and band member DIE had dots in tour names in the beginning, at first there were two dots, then it became three, it was all random. The hair style was also thought up by hide-chan. When it came to things like that, I did as I was told. He asked, âHow about some dye?â and then me and DIE-chan got our hair dyed by hide-chan. In any case, I have no words for how amazing it is that he pulled someone like me, who had been an ordinary person until then, in front of ten-thousands of people. When zilch started, he said, âThis time, weâll make a band,â when it came to hide with Spread Beaver he said, âI.N.A.-chan, we have a name now. Itâs hide with Spread Beaver,â like that.â
From â95 onward, hide started the production of his second album. Rushing through it in one go from the release of the first album till the beginning of the tour, once more going into production mode in LA. Starting January â95, they worked on the demo tape for about 10 months.
âIt took a long time for us to get the second album started, but once we really got it going, it took about a month to complete. Hide-chan himself has been quoted talking about âmaking the densest, best work with the smallest number of people in in the shortest possible timeâ, and it really was like that. Anyway, having the process so condensed was terrible. There was no time to sleep. At first we were going with the flow from the first album, but grasp of the concept was quickly lost. Also, living in LA, we were exposed to all kinds of music and greedily tried to incorporate those sounds. Thatâs why there are different types of sound in the second album. The concept of the first album was âinitial impulseâ, âthe impulsive spitting out of things that hide cultivated since childhoodâ, but with the second one, it was to take things we found interesting, put them through the filter of hide the artist, and put our own musical spin on them. So in the end, I think âa jumbled messâ is what the concept became.â
After the second album, hide named his own music âPsyborg Rockâ. Music that fuses human groove with machines. Drawing a line between both digirock as it existed already, and club sound.
âThe expression âPsyborg Rockâ was an afterthought. A word that came from years of trying out different methods of creating a sound fusing man and machine. I suppose it started when hide-chan said on TV, âI guess you could call it psyborg rock.â Although the labels visual kei and visual rock also existed, those werenât the right ones to express that music. He disliked lumping it all together and I donât think he wanted one tied to the other. Because Psyborg Rock is a name for music. At that time, digirock also existed, but he often said, âI donât like that.â He probably didnât want to have his music categorized as such because that was something other people were making.â
Even though I.N.A. has spend a long time with hide, now that he has to recall words that stayed in his memory, they donât come up easily. This may have been because they both had a shy side and were embarrassed to have deep conversations with each other. Or maybe they harmonized so much that over and over their conversations happened in silence where no words were necessary.
âSince I myself am fundamentally a jokster, I canât hold a serious conversation. Actually making music is better than talking about it, too, so we didnât talk about that a lot either. I didnât have discussions about music and such with hide-chan. When we went out to eat, we also only had meaningless conversations. I donât think we spoke about music or serious things a lot. I guess the words I heard most often from hide-chan were âNext, letâs go!â When we went drinking together, he usually didnât let me go home. I think those were probably the words I heard most often. Didnât hide-chanâs companions all say the same thing? When I read interviews with the members of Spread Beaver, they all were told a number of things by hide-chan. Stuff like, âWith this, Iâll change the music scene.â But I, as the one who spend the most time with him, have no memory of hearing that. Did he deliberately not say it? What I remember of our conversations is that he liked to defeat me with, âNo, wait, itâll work if we do it like this,â when I said, âThatâs impossible.â In the flow of conversation, that was sure to happen. If I said something positive, I would sometimes be told, âNo, it doesnât work like this. You canât say that without me having convinced you first.â He wanted to explain things to me. I think he wanted to say, âItâs possible if we do it like this,â when I said something was not. He was smart, so I suppose he wanted to use his head for this part as well.â
When it comes to the relationship of the two, I.N.A. tilts his head at a loss, once again unable to quite put it into words. It was a strange relationship where they werenât friends, not simply co-workers, nor family -----
âWe were co-workers, but I donât think you could call us friends. It felt weird. In any case, we really were together all the time, and I didnât hate that at all. Working with him was so much fun. Whether to call us friends, or co-workers⌠if I had to put a name on it, it would be âpartnersâ, I think. It was a strange relationship. I never had such a relationship with anyone but him, itâs beyond compare. Because hide-chan also said, âIâll make a band with I.N.A.-chan.â So I think we both looked out for each other more than should be expected. He was so considerate with me that I wondered if it wasnât too much. When I broke up with my girlfriend because he brought me along to to the US, he thought that was his fault and tried to introduce a new girlfriend to me (laughs). Even though that wasnât necessary as I was capable of finding one myself, he invited girls to anything we did. With that kind of thing, I think he went above and beyond for me. On the other hand, with us doing all kinds of different things, during busy periods I took on everything I could, hoping that hide-chan would get some rest. Somehow we meshed with one another without any words.â
Even after hide had passed on, I.N.A. released a great number of his works. Honoring that sense of âpartnershipâ, he made many people happy by breathing life into songs that had been in the middle of production when hideâs sudden death left his work unfinished. What would he says to him, today, now that hide has been gone for going on 20 years?
âThe last time I saw him was the day before he died. We did a TV recording and then went drinking. Then, hide-chan got angry about something. We had plans to stay together at Lake Yamanaka for recording a few days later, so when I went home I asked him, âIs everything alright?â, and he rose to his full hight and nodded with his arms crossed. âWell, see you there,â I said, and that, I suppose, were the last words shared between us⌠If he were still alive and well, he would already be 53 now. I wonder what he would be doing. I often get asked this in interviews, but we worked together for a period of seven to eight years. In this time, he changed a lot and there was no way to predict his activities either, so I think he would be doing something that came as a surprise for everyone. If I could say something to him now⌠thatâs difficult, not something I can put into one word. If I had to pick one thing, it would be âThank you.â That goes for other people as well, I think, and I think that hide-chan lives on in each of them. People often tell me, âhideâs songs donât get old,â and I think thatâs because he created something completely original. If there are people imitating it, itâs going to become dated, but since he created something where people say, âThatâs hideâs sound,â it doesnât seem old even if you listen to it now. The one and only. Since that was what he wished for, I think it would make him happy to hear, âYour songs never get old.ââ
Commentary by Oshima Akemi (Writer / Editor of the âhide BIBLEâ)
Published in the hide BIBLE (by Akemi Oshima) 2008
For the book, I conducted long interviews with people who knew him well, looked back on those times and shared their memories. They were all more interesting than I had expected, and each time I went to an interview, I could not help but look forward to it. It goes without saying, but all the people I asked had their own image of hide-chan, and all of them were surprisingly vivid. They all looked happy when talking about hide, and even the most outrageous episodes were told with a mild smile (and sometimes with roaring laughter). It really made me realize how much everyone loved him. Which means that hide had the most charming and lovable personality.
It was really interesting to listen to the stories of people who had spend a lot of time with hide, and I had a lot of fun listening to the tapes and writing the manuscript. All those words were filled with the fascination of hide and the love for him. If the people reading this book can feel that, it would make me very happy. Also, I want to let them feel closer to hide. He was certainly not a superstar who was above everything. If he felt like it, he could knock on the doors of your heart at any time, bringing more presents than you can hold. I deeply hope this book will help him do just that.
Interview with YAMAMOTO HIROKO (HEADWAX staff in charge of promotion at LEMONed â96) - Translation
Published in the hide BIBLE (by Akemi Oshima) 2008
Note: Yes, this is a long one, and yes, it is a full translation, not a "summary". There were some parts that I struggled with, and I'm sure you'll be able to tell where. If anyone has corrections to offer, I'm open to them.
Please tell us about your first meeting with hide.
âIn â96, the label LEMONed was founded, and higher ups in the company wanted me to help them set it up. Until then, I had only listened to western music, so even X I only knew by name, nor did I know anything beyond that this was the label of the personal office of Xâs guitarist hide-san. But, when I listened to the demo tape of the compilation LEMONed was planning to release, the songs on it were all incredibly cool. I thought, if the label is like that, working for it might be fun as well, and decided to join them. When I came to the office the first time, hide-san was in the conference room. When I entered the room, we had a really short introduction of me going, âIâm the new one, Yamamoto. Thank you for having me,â and him replying, âIâm hide. Nice to meet you,â as he had to leave for LA the next day. He was wearing a hat low over his eyes, his voice was quiet, and he just gave the impression of being a quiet person. I didnât know X at all at that time and to be honest wasnât very familiar with hide-sanâs face either, so my first impression really was him being quiet and docile.â
After that, you didnât see him for a while?
âYes. It wasnât a time when everyone had their own PC, and business was done on the phone rather than by mail. The LEMONed compilation was released on the 22nd of May, and before âMISERYâ came out in June, I was alone in the office one night. That was when hide-san called from LA. I think he was maybe a little drunk. The video for the compilation was ranking 1st on the ORICON charts, the CD was ranking 2nd, still he said, âYou know, the debut CD of my label didnât make it to 1st place, so is it really okay for me to release another solo single here?â Hearing this, I couldnât help but say, âAs someone who is a big fan of Elvis Costello and doesnât know X at all, I thought âMISERYâ is really cool. So you have to release it.â And, âWhat are you talking about? The CD is ranking 2nd and the video 1st. Itâs an amazing CD, so please release your single. Me, I will sell it.â This was me giving just a quick greeting â in the end, he laughed and ended the call with, âI get it, I get it. I will release it.â Thinking about it now, I think he was fearless, and yet he listened to me without getting angry. Just, frankly, that phone call was unexpected. It goes without saying that the first place is better than the second, but I think he was also serious about business. He was serious about music and about business both. In that moment, I thought, âI will sell him!â (laughs) I think it was that late night phone call that made me feel that way.â
Didnât it take courage to say those words?
âI was desperate at that time, so I didnât think about that. Later, I realized how fearless I had been (laughs). After that, when âFLAMEâ was recorded, Yanagida-kun of ZEPPET STORE joined in on drums, so I took him to LA. That was the time when we met and had a proper conversation for the first time.â
How long after your first meeting was that?
âI donât remember it clearly, but I think it was about three months.â
What was your impression that time?
âWe had only met once before, so I thought, âWe only exchanged a greeting, he probably doesnât remember me,â and I remember being very nervous as I talked about the promotion plan in the studio. Anyway, since I was so nervous, I spoke like a waterfall, and he listened carefully to it all. At that time, he also had X, he also had zilch, it was really hard. He only had five days to stay in Japan, and in that time he had an insane schedule of magazine, TV, and radio appearances. But he usually just said, âItâs fine,â and we went to his favorite izakaya afterwards. Since it was my first time, he was really considerate and introduced me to the others, like engineer Eric [Westphal]. Really, he was so kind. I didnât see him drunk either, so I had an impression of him being a very earnest, serious person, that first time (laughs).â
That late-night phone call didnât come up?
âI never spoke about that call with hide-san again. But when I had mentioned that I liked Elvis Costello, he said, âWell, youâll certainly like this,â and told me about an artists called James Hall. When I then bought a CD at Tower in LA and showed it to him saying, âhide-san, itâs this one, right?â, he looked happy. At that point I thought that he must know I had been the one he had talked to that night. But when I listened to that CD, I thought, amused, that I had listened to Elvis Costello as a vocalist while hide-san had listened to him as a guitarist. I still treasure that CD, even now.â
He had a lot of different recommendations for everyone, didnât he?
âThatâs how LEMONed came to be. Thatâs also why he was very concerned with ZEPPET STORE and told me many times, âYou have to sell them.â âWhat are you doing for the promotion of the next singe?â âWhere are they appearing?â He worried about them a lot. Work was tough. When it came to his own solo works, he also said things like, âI need to get on TV here,â and so on. But no matter how hard his schedule was, he never complained. Heâd rent two neighboring studios, have one set up while he was taking the pictures for the front cover in the other, then switch places when he was done with that⌠Thatâs how he always did it. âOnce an interview starts, I talk like a machine gun and say the same things over and over, so add an interview in there,â heâd tell me, and I now realized that just when I thought about how hard the promotion schedule was, more work was added to it. But he never complained and he never asked for a break. Also, whether it were magazines, TV, radio, campaigns, he really did it all. He was someone who understood that âif you do something, you need to reach as many people as possibleâ, so he put up with whatever hard schedule he had to. I was grateful. He was like the model of an artist. Even if there was only a five to ten minute break to eat a sandwich or an onigiri, he was completely fine with it.â
I suppose he had an identity as both an artist and as a businessman.
âI wonder if there has ever been an artist, before or after, who took both entertainment and business into consideration like he did; he thought it through so well. Strangely, regarding money, it wasnât about that. I think he genuinely wanted to let people listen to what he was releasing. Also, he often said, âI want to change the charts.â In the ORICON charts, thereâs idols, thereâs western music, thereâs me, thereâs Mo-Musu, there are all sorts of people; itâs fun in that sense, he often said, âI want to break down the barrier between western music and Japanese music,â, and âI want to change the charts.â He had respectable opinions and was earnest, and he always treated music with sincerity, so I learned a lot, working with him.â
I heard there is a story about your birthday.
âIn â97, there was an all-night event, circling through five clubs that we had booked. That was on a Friday, on the following Saturday, he held a convention with all the groups of that time in the Hiten-Hall of the Tanakawa Prince Hotel and called dealers and media from the entire country to it. On the next day, which was all interviews, the people from the recording company said, âThe final day of this midsummer-triple is not only the hardest of it but also Yamamoto-sanâs birthday,â and then threw a birthday party for me. At that time, once the interviews were over, hide-san said, âThank you for your hard work,â [Otsukaresama, a common greeting during or after work.] and went home like always. Except that after stopping at a shop, hide-san suddenly showed up again, bringing a massive bouquet of flowers. So big hide-san almost disappeared behind it. I later heard that he said âPlease stop here,â in the car and went to the flower shop to get the flowers himself. And then he stayed until very late.â
Initially, he pretended to go home, right?
âRight. When I said to him in the parking lot, âThank you for letting me celebrate such a great birthday with everyone and for those amazing flowers,â he replied, âYouâre welcome, congratulations!â I was really delighted because the last three days had been so hard than not only me but all the staff had worked tirelessly without sleep. That he quietly came to bring me flowers really turned that into a memorable birthday for me.â
Did you go on tour [with him]?
âI didnât go anywhere except LA. In LA, the advance arrangements of the promotion took place, so I went there a few times. Hide-san also held the title of director of HEADWAX. I was, of course, an employee there, and so â although this is normal for any company, I think â I would clash with the opinions of superiors or deal with other unpleasant things at work. One time, after a meeting, he said to me, âYou look like you just died, whatâs going on?â, and when I said, âItâs nothing,â he said, âCanât be helped, weâre having a complaining battle,â and took me drinking. âEveryone may think that I am an idiotic director, but the director of HEADWAX I am. If anything is wrong, please let me know,â he told me. What troubled me at that time had to do with how to sell ZEPPET STORE. When I told him that, he said, âThis isnât the problem of someone who came in later and has to think of a promotion without knowing ZEPPETâs music, this is me asking you as someone who knows ZEPPET, so sell them the way you think is best. Iâll have your back.â He was really observant, so when I was booing, heâd casually watch me with a grim expression. Since he was both an artist and my director, I never said myself, âItâs hard, letâs go for a drink,â but he watched me diligently. Then he would call out for me, and several times the topic of going for a drink came up. But when it got too late, he would say, âWell, itâs time for women and children to leave. From now on, itâs just the bastards,â and send the female staff members home. I think that, too, showed a lot of forethought. Itâs why I have never seen hide-san go on a rampage. Heâs been drunk and fooling around, but I never witnessed him lose it completely.â
Regarding promotion, he was really thorough, wasnât he?
âOn the day the âROCKET DIVEâ PV was filmed, he performed on âMezumashi TVâ in the morning. The first time that came up, I thought he wouldnât be able to do it, because it was at 5 a.m.. When I told him, âThereâs been an offer for you to be a live guest at âMezumashi TVâ, but youâre going to turn that down, right?â, he said, âIâll do it,â which surprised me. That day, he went to Fuji TV after staying up all night so he wouldnât be late in the morning, then, once the broadcast was over, moved straight on to the studio in Yokohama to film the PV. Whatâs more, the filming was very hard and he started feeling ill from being suspended in mid-air and spinning around, so he threw up. I think that came from the sleep deprivation, but he never once complained. To add to that, the filming of that PV was even covered by a TV program.â
He hated roller coasters and wasnât good at being suspended off the ground.
âHe hated it, but once he decided to shoot that kind of scene, he did it with a professional mindset. If it was to create something good, or if it was his job, he didnât hesitate, even if it was something he didnât like.â
He was also like that when it came to strange ideas for photo shootings.
âHe had a lot of those. For example, there were a lot of covers of music magazines lined up in bookstores, right? To stand out among those, he had strong opinions on what to do where. The same goes for CD jackets and PVs. But he said it like, âI want to do it like this, what do you think?â and never forced it. I think he had a clear idea of what he wanted to do, especially when it came to the polish of the visuals. It was really fun, because I was given the chance to expand on my ideas and voice my opinions. In between recording four weeks worth of content of âRocket Punchâ in the CX studio, on 1 May (the day before he passed away), he also recorded dozens of comments for music broadcasts across the country, and commentary on the radio. He didnât complain at that time either, and instead seemed to ask for more and more. Just that month, he was preparing for the release of the two songs âPink Spiderâ and âever freeâ. The catchphrase of that time was âI came twice in one monthâ, but when the people from the record company and I send hide-san all the options we had thought of, he said, âThis one is best.â Then, âFor the advertisements, put both jackets on one add for all of them,â and I was told, âIf you release twice, you also need to be on TV twice.â So on the 1st, he asked me, âWhat about the TV appearances?â and when I said, ââPink Spiderâ is a go, but âever freeâ needs a little more timeâ, he got angry in the dressing room, saying, âIn that case, there is no point to releasing two songs in one month. You bring out songs twice in one month so you can appear twice in one month.â So I said, âIâm sorry, Iâll definitely get it done, just give me a little more time,â and went straight to the after party. At that time, that he got angry at me came as a shock, and it definitely got me thinking that I needed to work harder. It happened before that he said things like âHey, why arenât we in that magazine?â to me, but him getting mad at me was a first. Of course, he didnât yell at me, but I got the feeling that he really was angry. For me, that was the last time I ever spoke to hide-san about work.â
On the other hand, did you ever get angry, Yamamoto-san?
âAt the time of shooting the pictures for the âROCKET DIVEâ booklet, I wanted to get angry when I heard that he had broken his foot, but as soon as he arrived at the studio, he apologized, saying, âIâm sorry.â That was the only time he ever apologized to me. But, he wasnât the kind of person to be weird and selfish, and he did what he could for us. When he didnât like something, he properly explained why, and that was the only time I ever wanted to get mad at him. He wasnât late either. Five or ten minutes here or there, but he never made everyone wait forever, and I think he was an excellent student. He was very earnest. At other musicians I did get very angry, but never at hide-san.â
He was always punctual.
âHe probably understood that he didnât have a lot of time.â
With a tight schedule like that, being even a little late would affect all the plans for later.
âThatâs right. I think he understood that very well. In contrast, we were walking on a tight rope. With it being haphazardly put together, we wondered if it would be okay. I donât think that kind of promotion exists anymore. I donât think anyone still deals with such a large number of things, with TV, radio, magazines, all in one week. There are also a lot of band men who donât like going on TV, donât like live appearances, donât like that magazine, donât like radio and so on. But he wasnât like that at all. âMusic Stationâ was a program that aired at eight in the evening, but since the make up for the band took time, the first ones arrived at ten in the morning. In the dressing room, they all would often laugh about it, saying, âWhy do we have to hang out in the dressing room since noon if the program doesnât start until eight PM?â On top of that, he also did interviews and shootings for magazines in the breaks for those rehearsals. But, I think itâs because of how fun it was that no one complained even though the band members were also busy with other band as well. I think with all the ideas like flying around in a harness at âMusic Stationâ, letting it rain ink, bringing in lasers, or âLetâs film in mini skirts from belowâ, everyone in the band had fun, even though the rehearsals took time. No one ever complained about it taking too long, or that it was terrible. I had the impression that everyone was enjoying themselves.â
Did you hear about the conception of LEMONed from the man himself?
âThe concept of LEMONed was âkowaiiâ, from a combination of âkawaiiâ [cute] and âkowaiâ [scary], and things that were âkowaiiâ could be music, hairstyles, clothes, really anything. Iâm a collector, not a producer, so I bring in things I find interesting. I want to make it a label where anything goes, like an upside down toy box â thatâs what he often said. I think it was going in a somewhat different direction from the all-caps HIDE of X JAPAN. For example, X JAPANâs color was black, while here it was pop with pink and fluorescent colors. Hide-san came up with Psychobear, and t.o.L. created the character of a bear with a lemon stuffed inside. With lower-case hide he wanted to create visuals that were a little different from X JAPAN, I think. I also find it very interesting that LEMON is slang for âdefective productâ, and by adding -ed, he put it in the past tense, the name of the label meaning something that was âoriginally a defective productâ. I donât think you found that way of thinking a lot in Japan. He thought about the collaboration between visuals and music a lot even then and I think he was way ahead of everyone else in this regard.â
Yamamoto-san, you left the company once after hide-san passed away, didnât you?
âYes. I couldnât quite process it, since the last time we met, the night before he died, we parted as usual with âThank you for your hard work.â But because it was a matter of public interest, I had to deal with the media. I couldnât believe it myself, so I kept being chased by thoughts like, âHow do we go about âAll Night Nipponâ?â or âWhat do we do with the magazine after the interview is over?â My last impression had been of him being angry at me: âI told you to take care of the TV thing, so what about it?!â so I kept thinking along those lines. It was only when hideâs special in âARENA 37Âş came out and I read the addendum to it that it hit me that âHeâs goneâ, and the tears came. With the two years before having been so amazing, I couldnât continue after that. So I left at that time, I absolutely wouldnât continue. Be it the tour that happened without hide, or the release of the new album, I even avoided looking at magazines. When he came on TV, I changed the channel. After the film gig of the international forum for the 6th anniversary of his death, they asked me, âItâs a milestone, so please come,â and I went to see the footage of the tourâs final in Yoyogi, which I had attended. Obviously, when I saw him sing, laugh, run, and play the guitar at that time, like nothing had changed, I thought, âI have to pass this on.â Itâs not nice to say this, but there was also the thought of, âWhy are we doing business after he is gone?â Frankly, I wondered, âWould hide be happy that we are releasing works after his death?â I hated that, so I ran and avoided it all. But when I watched that film gig, my feelings changed completely and I felt, âThat concert is so amazing even seeing it six years after his death; I have to let people know about this.â Just when I felt that it was right to pass it on and that I had been the one who was in the wrong, talk came up of whether I would like to return to the company. Only, I couldnât decide it it would be okay for me to return after I had consciously avoided it for so long. But I wanted to be true to how I felt when I saw the film gig, so I chose to go back.â
Is there anything you would like to say to hide-san now?
âI wonder what he would be doing if he were here now. This year marks the 10th anniversary, there was the âhide memorial summitâ and several releases, and I think I am glad I was able to join the company for this. Opportunities like this give me a lot of chances to remember things from the past, so Iâm really glad I got to be with the company for this milestone, and in clumsy words, I feel like hide-san called me once again. What will happen from here on out I donât know, but there was a promise to hide-san I was not able to keep, so for now, I donât think I will run away from music again.â
What is that promise you couldnât keep?
âIt was my task to âmake sure to sell ZEPPET STOREâ, but the truth is I abandoned them after hide-san died, and I also couldnât keep my promise to get him on TV twice. So when RIZE made a cover for âPink Spiderâ, I felt I had to work extra hard to promote them. Iâm doing my best, thinking I should do what I couldnât when hide-san was around. Having said that, I wonât give up on mucic anymore. I want to seriously participate in it. To be honest, there were times when I wondered if I shouldnât retire from the music industry, but then I thought I canât give up on myself and returned to this company. I think hide-san was an amazing person who seriously considered the coexistence of business and entertainment, and didnât just think about himself but about the music industry as a whole, about the staff, about his senior and junior bands. I think that I got to spend time with such an artist is an asset, and itâs become an important experience and memory for me. To me, itâs like a protective charm that says, âBe sincere about musicâ. This year, he started appearing in my dreams. Probably because I was exhausted from all the noise surrounding the X JAPAN concert at that time. He appeared with pink hair and the clothes he was wearing during the PSYENCE era.â
Did he say anything?
âIt was a dream, so the situation wasnât realistic (laughs). The person in charge of the record company at that time had plans to go somewhere with hide-san, and they were quickly turned down. When hide-san said, âI canât go, go on your own,â I said, âItâs fine, Iâll go,â at which point he said, âYou can go? Letâs go!â âWait a moment, I want to change,â I said, and he said, âItâs fine, itâs fine, go as you are,â and I said, âNo, this doesnât suit me at all,â it really was a non-sensical dream.â [Translation note: Itâs actually impossible to tell who was talking where in this exchange, as no names or pronouns were provided, so this is merely my best guess.]
But, that really does sound like hide-san, doesnât it?
âWhen he appeared in my dream for the first time after ten years, I was surprised, but happy. Even though I am only starting now, I hope I can convey the things he has created to as many people as possible.â
Published in the hide BIBLE (by Akemi Oshima) 2008
Q1: When did you first learn about hide?
A: I became aware of hide-sanâs existence around the second year of high school, when I was listening to X.
Q2: Please tell us what kind of impression you had at the time.
A: When I first saw him on the CDsâ booklets and on video, I thought he was an incredibly eccentric person. I remember being surprised by his hair and fashion, as well as by the uniqueness of his performance.
Q3: Please tell us of a way in which hide influenced you.
A: He made me think very deeply about things like the power of an expressive performance.
Q4: What did hide mean to you?
A: To me, hide-san is someone I respect greatly as an artist who established an era.
Q5: How did you collect information?
A: I got to enjoy hide-sanâs world when I listened to X, X JAPAN, and bought the solo CDs like âHIDE YOUR FACEâ and other music hide-san had created.
Q6: Out of hideâs songs, which is your favorite and why?
A: My favorite song made by hide-san is âSCARSâ (X JAPAN). Even now I cannot forget the image of a fist clutching a knife projected onto the stage and the powerful sound and energy coming from the stage when I went to an X JAPAN concert in my hometown. As a drummer, I love the rhythm and groove of âSCARSâ very much. Thank you.
Published in the hide BIBLE (by Akemi Oshima) 2008
Q1: When did you first learn about hide?
A: When I was in middle school, I had a lot of friends who were fans of X, so I was in a situation where I picked up information without doing anything for it, and I first learned about X and hide-san when I visited a friend at home and saw their posters put up there.
Q2: Please tell us what kind of impression you had at the time.
A: I had listened mainly to J-Rock until then, so his appearance was the first thing that surprised me. It truly was a visual shock.
Q3: Please tell us of a way in which hide influenced you.
A: I donât know if there has been any specific detail that influenced me, but from the moment I first saw him, I was incredibly attracted by the coolness of his expressions and the way he could bring his imagination to life. Then, after he went solo, I got to know how amazing he was as a person and I still admire him as someone loved by everyone.
Q4: What did hide mean to you?
A: He is someone who inspires me a lot, not just in music but in everything. Even though I have never met him, hide-san is the one closest to my own idea of an ideal person.
Q5: How did you collect information?
A: Information came to me naturally, not just about hide-san but also about X. I think I learned something new whenever I went to the houses of my friends and classmates.
Q6: Out of hideâs songs, which is your favorite and why?
A: The first CD I bought on my own was âPink Spiderâ, and Iâve continued to buy this song ever after; to me, âPink Spiderâ is as extraordinary now as it was then. I can relate to the subject matter of the lyrics, and with the melody added to that, itâs a great song.
Published in the hide BIBLE (by Akemi Oshima) 2008
Q1: When did you first learn about hide?
A: That must have been in year one of high school, when a classmate who liked X lend me his CD.
Q2: Please tell us what kind of impression you had at the time.
A: I thought his red hair was so striking.
Q3: Please tell us of a way in which hide influenced you.
A: I do think that hide-san influenced me musically since I grew up with his music, but I canât really say how.
Q4: What did hide mean to you?
A: The one who made me find joy in music.
Q5: How did you collect information?
A: I didnât have a computer then, so it came down to magazines and CD stores.
Q6: Out of hideâs songs, which is your favorite and why?
A: I love them all, but if I had to choose one, I guess it would be âLASSIEâ. The shock when I first heard it was massive. I think this is a song that brings out hide-sanâs playfulness and sense of humor. Imitating howling dogs and things like that was something we all did. Come to think of it just now, my animal mania may have been influenced by hide-san (laughs).
KUMA: Never Ending Bond, Epilogue and Afterword (Translation)
Preface & Prologue
Chapter 1 Part 1 & 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6
Chapter 2 Part 1 & 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7
Chapter 3 Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7
Chapter 4 Part 1 & 2, Part 3, Part 4 - 6
Chapter 5 Part 1 & 2 Part 3, Part 4
Epilogue
There is someone who keeps dedicating their life to rock music and shines with a brilliance that will never change.
I am able to hold on and push through because I once again realized that.
Having been so incredibly close to HIDE-san and X, I could never smear dirt on the band. The pride I take in that is the one thing that keeps me going.
If the ugly ways of life were exposed, ShishĂ´ would say to me, âKUMA, what are you doing?â The face he makes as he says this I can always see in my imagination.
Thatâs why I would never want to meet a HIDE-san who is making a face like that.
I donât ever want to see that expression.
Iâm enthusiastically putting my energy into my hard work so that itâll be a good expression to look at.
Itâs a serious battle that Iâm fighting with myself.
If someone were to say to me, âKUMA, you are a really hard worker and a wonderful personâ⌠If someone said that, I would answer with absolute sincerity:
âNo, I am neither great nor wonderful, itâs HIDE-san who is the best.â I want to work hard enough to be told that, because that is the reply I want to give.
Naturally, I still think a lot when I read the lyrics written by ShishĂ´.
Oh, all of his feelings were put into themâŚ
I feel like he is always giving hints to teach me how to live my life from now onâŚ
After all, people are hurt by others and saved by others, thatâs what keeps them alive.
Well, what occurs in this world will certainly be resolved in this world. But what happens in the other world cannot be resolved in this world at all.
Right now, I happen to exist in this world, but there is no knowing what the future will hold.
So rather than taking too many things on yourself and living a life full of worry and suffering, I think itâs okay to live happily and honestly, doing the fun things you enjoy, without causing trouble to anyone.
Somehow, Iâve come to think this way a lotâŚ
If you can think positively about anything that lies before you, you automatically gather people with a positive attitude around you, and there will be a positive drive to anything you do.
If, on the other hand, you donât possess the power to overcome negative situations, you will begin to inexplicably attract negative people, and there will be a chain reaction of negative developments.
No matter how heavy the challenges we are burdened with, letâs help each other without giving up or losing courage!! Even if itâs just a little at a time⌠Because thatâs whatâs really importantâŚ
Letâs live by enjoying every day to the fullest now, so that we can live on without regrets. Because if we didnât, it would be a complete wasteâŚ
Although many things have happened in my life full of ups and downs, lately I have reached the point where I can finally, little by little, laugh naturally.
Today, my goal is to smile more than yesterdayâŚ
Today, I am still separated from ShishĂ´, but sooner or later, one way or anotherâŚ
In any case, I am anxiously, eagerly awaiting the time when I can meet ShishĂ´ once again. I want to see him soon, we have so much to talk about!!
Since time passes the same whether you laugh or cry, I will relax a little and work appropriately hard so I can meet as many smiling people as possible.
In the past, the present, and in the future as wellâŚ
So that I can always think, âI had the best and happiest life!!â
There is still a lot of joy to comeâŚ
There is still a lot of anger to comeâŚ
There is still a lot of sadness to comeâŚ
There is still a lot of fun to be hadâŚ
After all, I am still alive.
Trembling with joy
Trembling with anger
The strings of my heart trembling with tears
Even though I tremble, it never stops, my precious, precious treasure
Holding on tightly to this ânever ending bondâ that is mine aloneâŚ
Afterword
ShishĂ´, did you listen properly to âJET SPARKâ and âSTARDUST STORYâ yetâŚ?
To make them the best songs, the strongest artists all came together and put all their effort into it.
Honestly, the âUnfinished Poemâ that all I am currently capable of has been poured into is finished.
Even so, they are still unfinishable works in âincomplete completionâ, despite me creating them with all I hadâŚ
Those two songs from Lake Yamanaka.
As time passed, they breathed anew, were revived.
After all, I wanted to deliver them on ShishĂ´âs birthdayâŚ
This time, please, work on them them as far as they can be worked on until we meet again!!
And then, the next time the two of us meet, letâs finish them for sure.
There were too many memories coming back to me, so as I wrote them down, I carefully had to pick them up one by one.
I wrote this with the genuine hope that I, from my heart, could convey the kindness of ShishĂ´.
And also, because I wanted to give a clear explanation of the two songs we created together.
But ShishĂ´, when you read this, it probably brought back a lot of memories of things past.
If there is another opportunity, I would like to write down all the memories I did not get to share hereâŚ
In any case, ShishĂ´, letâs meet again soon.
For now, I have to put my efforts into the things I still have left to do a little longerâŚ
Heisei 21 December 13 Inoue âkumaâ Hideki
[Heisei 21 is 2009.
A CD with the two songs is included with the book. I have been unable to find JET SPARK online, but you can find STARDUST STORY here.]
KUMA: Never Ending Bond, Chapter 5 Part 4 (Translation)
Preface & Prologue
Chapter 1 Part 1 & 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6
Chapter 2 Part 1 & 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7
Chapter 3 Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7
Chapter 4 Part 1 & 2, Part 3, Part 4 - 6
Chapter 5 Part 1 & 2 Part 3
âUnfinished Completionâ â Now I can finally talk to HIDE-san
At the end, let us please talk about music once more.
âJET SPARKâ and âSTARDUST STORYâ⌠the reason why these two songs were suspended without being released even though I had performed them with my own band a few times is that ShishĂ´âs work was just too big, too amazing⌠When I was not with ShishĂ´, it was like I could not feel anything greater than I had been feeling when I was⌠I created and destroyed it, created and destroyed, not moving forward at all.
Especially when it came to âSTARDUST STORYâ, with there being parts where the melody and cords had been created by hide-san in blocks⌠He probably would have created the rest of the foundation in that way and then completed it in exchanges with me. Thatâs what I thought, anyway.
Maybe, around this time 11 years ago, he had meant to set up the form and the arrangement at Lake Yamanaka, and then later in the US, to then hand it over to me⌠Looking back on that time, I canât help but feel that wayâŚ
However, a lot of time has passed since then, I have found a lot of good music in that time, and what ShishĂ´ has taught me about structuring and creating a song, I have come to understand my own wayâŚ
I suppose the feeling I had back then, that âI will never be able to feel anything greater than I did at that time,â gradually began to change.
As long as I am living a life of working hard in music, just like I always have, I feel that I will definitely regret it if I donât finish these two songs in my own way⌠and I feel that that is a heavy obstacle in my path, a wall I absolutely must overcome.
Another thing Iâm thinking is that âShishĂ´ would be angry if I failed to complete those two songs.â
âYouâre always taking the long way around.â
âYou worked so hard to create them.â â I can almost hear ShishĂ´ say those words.
When my TV-appearance stirred things up more than 10 years ago, there were very few people who understood what I meant when I said, âIn the end, money canât buy peopleâs heartsâ⌠So I thought, âWell then, so be it,â and sealed away those two songs along with my treasured memories.
Then, after many years had passed, various opportunities combined with coincidence, and something inside me snapped.
And so I decided to share this âUnfinished Poemâ, that I worked on until I was satisfied with it, with ShishĂ´ and with the people who loved him.
Even though it is completed, there is no doubt that its state can be described as an âunfinished completionâ.
Because I cannot possibly finish it without being able to talk to hide-san and exchange ideas with him. Finishing it now is impossible.
But the next time I meet hide-san, I canât keep telling him that I canât give form to these songs. There must be an end to it.
It canât be allowed to remain incomplete forever.
The next time I meet ShishĂ´, I will definitely finish it!!
âHey, KUMA. Whatâs become of that song you were working on?â I would hate to be asked that and have no answer to it.
Until I meet hide-san again, I will put all I have into these songs, even though they wonât be completed before that happens.
So that at the time I reunite with ShishĂ´, he can immediately say, âKUMA, I heard those songs,â and our conversation can start with, âWell, KUMA, here you should do this. Then, letâs do that there.â
To put it bluntly, regardless of how great a producer I work with, regardless of how great an engineer I work with, regardless of how great a studio I work in, at this point, âJET SPARKâ and âSTARDUST STORYâ are still in a state of âunfinished completionâ⌠In the end, I created them for myself.
In the end, it has always been like that, and like that it will always remain, and I think there are a lot of contradictions in my words. Iâm sorry.
I want to live a life without regrets forever.
My way of life is determined by the words, âI want to live in service of others,â but those songs are really just for me alone.
And I must pass on the âintentionâ that hide-san handed over to me under great hardship to the next generation.
At the time of writing this, the songs are not entirely finished.
The arrangement is done, there are just some places left where the lyrics have to be filled in⌠Taking on a new challenge, there are still some words that donât fit the melody.
But roughly 90% of the lyrics are still what I wrote more than 11 years ago.
When I listen to them now, neither the music nor the lyrics seem dull in any way, nor are they rusty.
Itâs the best.
I was pouring my feelings into it so much that it didnât feel at all like I was singing a song from long ago.
Also, the presence of Tsuda-san, who was the producer of X during their CBS Sony era, meant a lot to me.
That I got to meet Tsuda-san again was like a dream. Really, ShishĂ´, thank you so much.
Also, I met Miyazaki-san, the person in charge of this project.
If not for that meeting, I do not think this work would have been released.
To all the people, bonds, and connections I made that enabled me to live such an amazing and happy life, I am grateful from the bottom of my heart.
KUMA: Never Ending Bond, Chapter 5 Part 3 (Translation)
Preface & Prologue
Chapter 1 Part 1 & 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6
Chapter 2 Part 1 & 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7
Chapter 3 Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7
Chapter 4 Part 1 & 2, Part 3, Part 4 - 6
Chapter 5 Part 1 & 2
KUMAâs current style, 11 years later
Aside from my activities as an artist, I am currently working as a producer, traveling around the world to discover new bands and produce new artists.
Also, after a certain point, I formed a lot of connections overseas.
Nowadays, Japanese bands are able to give concerts overseas, but I went there with a certain visual kei band back when there was not a lot of demand for them across the ocean. It had been more exciting than I had expectedâŚ
After that, I became convinced that not only anime but also visual kei were uniquely Japanese genres that would surely find a big market overseas.
Around that time, I started traveling abroad more frequently⌠Like that, I was able to gather information more easily, and anything that is going on is getting passed on to me from over there.
From there, I acted as an agent and became a bridge between artists overseas and in Japan.
The biggest markets are the US and Europe, but I also heard that âyou can probably create an even bigger market in South Americaâ, and have had many exchanges with agents in Brazil and so on.
Itâs been several years since then, but I heard that there had never been a Japanese rock band to perform live in South America⌠Finding agents and promoters in South America has been really hard.
With things changing rapidly a few times, there was one time when a concert in Brazil was first postpones, then canceled. To make matters worse, I got deceivedâŚ
After almost 2 years of back and forth, I was finally able to take âCharlotteâ, a band I was producing, to Brazil in November 2007.
This being the first time a Japanese rock band was performing in Brazil, there was quite the uproar from the moment we left the airport.
There were even fans who came all the way from the Amazon which, although still in Brazil, was 3000 kilometers away from SaĂ´ Paolo, where the concert was held.
Seeing this scene, I realized, âOh, there really is a demand for Japanese anime and culture, as well as music.â
In fact, the concerts held in SaĂ´ Paolo and Rio de Janero were attended by ten-thousands of people.
In 2008, I was involved in the launch of Xâs TOSHI-sanâs new band âTOSHI with T-EARTHâ, where members of âCharlotteâ were also included as first-generation-members, due to my desire to âimprove the style of young musicians and pass on what I can to the next generationâ overlapping with TOSHI-sanâs own wishesâŚ
Time had passed and I, having grown up some since my student days, was able to create something new with TOSHI-san. Really, I got to help TOSHI-san, even though I was probably not good at it.
Also, I once again got to witness the intensity, the awesomeness of TOSHI-san as a vocalist.
Aside from Japan, the project included concerts in South Korea, Brazil, which I had a tight relationship with through a long time of back and forth, as well as Chile, which had only just been opened up as a market. However, there were a few problems with the equipment in the very first country, which made me fully realize the difficulty of working overseas.
Within that, we were given the usual enthusiastic welcome by the people in all of those countries.
The new flow of work this created was challenging, but it also had me enjoy myself a lot.
As always, I wanted to do things that brought joy to our supportive customers⌠I wanted to create a new legend by challenging the band to do things no one in it had ever done before.
And above all, I wanted to give them the best possible support to create and distribute good music.
If now there are artists who think, âIâm really glad I got to meet KUMA-san,â that is my purpose in life, the thing that may bring be the most happinessâŚ
As I worked in many different circumstances, by no means were there only good things but worries and struggles as well.
Even at times like that, I believe that if I properly teach and clearly explain things to people, they will get something new out of it that will remain with them.
I will pass on to the younger generation the spirit of the scene that was created by their predecessors starting with X⌠The new thing that our generation has to pass on is a new form of responsibility that we improve and hand over to the next in line.
That is my legacy, I think.
I tell myself this constantly as I get to keep working hard in this world of music.
However, even though I passed on my feelings like that, there are still times when my message is misinterpreted and passed on incorrectly without understanding my true intentions.
To be honest, there are things I feel sad and upset about, but I believe that when enough time has passed, the day will come when I will be understood.
With that in mind, I reflect on it every day and do my best again. It repeats, over and over.
Apparently, now that I have my own company and am active in the music business supporting young musicians, there are people who ridicule me by saying, âKUMA is always taking advantage of X and HIDE.â
To me, that isnât something that I ever thought of.
When I hear stories like that, it makes me very sad⌠âHow narrow-minded people are,â I think, feeling lonely.
When I am introduced to new people by someone I have worked with long ago or by members of X, it happens sometimes that the names of X or HIDE-san come up, and we end up talking about the past. Itâs well known among those Iâve worked with since long ago that I have worked with X and ShishĂ´ for a long time and that we were always together⌠Do people really believe I would take advantage of thatâŚ?
The people who understand my personality and my work methods and support me expressed their concern with, âThat criticism just comes from them being jealous of KUMA,â or âKUMA-chan, we know for a fact that we can rely on you doing your best.â
The more people are showing concern for me, the more truly grateful I am, but on the other hand it also makes me angry at those who say bad things about meâŚ
Being alive is really hard, and humans are frighteningâŚ
But even with such slander I can speak honestly and openly about my memories of HIDE-san and X because of the bond that has been build up over a long time, over years and years.
Because I always have the confidence to face HIDE-san without deception, even if I canât put things into words or speak in such a way that people can understand.
I think, if I hadnât found the mindset of âI want to live my life as someone who is of use to othersâ, I probably wouldnât have gotten through those 11 years.
Something about my life changed at that time.
Yes, more than 11 years ago, my self was split into two.
And it remains broken, I canât got back to the way I was. I canât find the answers.
Iâll probably never find the answer to the difficult question I have been carrying ever since.
Nowadays I can confirm the value of my own existence in this world when someone is happy about or enjoying something I could do, and I see the smile on their face.
KUMA: Never Ending Bond, Chapter 5 Part 1 - 2 (Translation)
Preface & Prologue
Chapter 1 Part 1 & 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6
Chapter 2 Part 1 & 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7
Chapter 3 Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7
Chapter 4 Part 1 & 2, Part 3, Part 4 - 6
Chapter 5: The reasons for my silence â The thoughts behind my work
The meaning of carrying on HIDEâs legacy after he was gone
The conflict of a heart that refuses to take a closer look at itself
This happened in December â99.
Sports paper, weekly magazines, as well as the morning information program of FUJI-TV, âTokudane!â were talking extensively about my relationship with ShishĂ´, while also introducing the songs we had worked on together at Lake Yamanaka.
This coverage had been triggered by various people from the office who had known about ShishĂ´ and me making those songs asking, âThe songs you made together, whatâs become of those?â
At the time, ShishĂ´ had expressed his concern to me with âIâll do whatever I can,â and even told me, âYou should try to make as many preparations on your own as you can, like releasing your music.â
So as that project was progressing, I received a lot of help from people outside the company regarding the songs with ShishĂ´ and how to release them in their best possible form.
One of them was someone with ties to televisionâŚ
To me, those were days in which I did not have it in me to deal with music at all.
But when this person also said, âCome to think of it, whatâs become of those songs you were making together with hide-chan?â, it finally pulled me back to reality.
âOh, right. I have to properly complete those songs, as I have promised ShishĂ´,â I thought, finally able to regain at least some of my will to face music again. âShishĂ´ has put so much effort into those songs for me, so I really need to push through and finish them for real,â I thought.
The response after the program was tremendous.
At the time of my TV-appearance, the topic was also picked up by weekly magazines and sports papers, where I was described as âhideâs beloved discipleâ.
However, the more noise they made about it, the more painfully stubborn I became.
Among those people were those who approached me with nothing but making money on their minds, and also plenty of the kind who present you with cash and privileges.
Once, I was also offered a mind blowing amount of money.
But something told me, âThatâs not it, thatâs not itâŚâ
The more excited those around me became, the more I felt the opposite, simply thinking, âI just want to talk more about music in order to create cool songs,â and I ended up feeling strongly about this.
A lot of time has passed since them, but when I think about it now, I believe that those tumultuous days were not the right time to release the songs I had created together with ShishĂ´.
Itâs been more than 11 years since I parted with ShishĂ´, and more than 10 since the uproar started by the TV-program.
That now I am finally able to get over those feelings and release my memories of ShishĂ´ and the songs to the world⌠Iâm sure itâs because of his guidance.
After all, there has been a lot of talk about publishing, but until now, that never went anywhere, and I never went forward with it on my own.
How do I put this⌠It seems that inside of me there is âa line I absolutely will not crossâ.
Even I donât really understand it, but it seems that there are rules, convictions that have formed for me without me realizing it.
Money is very important and I do understand that I should feel grateful⌠but in the end, I want to believe that itâs not money that matters, but the heart!!
And thatâs why more than 11 years have gone by.
It always went over my head.
When ShishĂ´ told me, âYou always take the long way around, just make more use of me and get out there fasterââŚ
So even during the turmoil of 10 years ago, he probably would have thought, âYou need to get on the wagon with those around youââŚ
But, I was thinking.
Wasnât it just because of this exact inability of mine to get things going that I was able to spend months and years so close to ShishĂ´?
Looking back at it makes me emotional⌠I cannot find the words to express it, but even now, my feelings never changed: That fateful encounter with ShishĂ´ meant for me âthe most fun I ever had, the happiest I ever was!!â
Also, I cannot help but wonder, after having been guided through various chances as if they were inevitable, if that was not ShishĂ´ saying, âIâm worried about KUMA being all alone, so wonât you all lend me your strengthâŚ?â, and utilizing those around me when he finally saw me start to move.
And so the next time we meet, I think I can start a conversation with Shisho about his impression of those two songs he finally got to hear.
This is what I will say:
âI did what I could and poured all my thoughts and feelings into this. Thatâs all I can do. ShishĂ´, what do you think?â
KUMAâs true feelings, as poured into this book, and also into those songs
Hereâs the reason why I didnât go forward with the publication, even though by now it had been talked about plenty of times.
I didnât want to imply that the book detailing my experiences with ShishĂ´ would be one of those âbooks that reveal allâ. The point of this book is to give shape to my own interpretation, my own recollection of my youthful days spend with ShishĂ´.
Since Iâm looking back on memories that were long ago, the chronological order of some parts might be a little off, but as I had a close look at those memories, so many rose to the surface that were truly fun, truly filled with laughter, that I could never write them all down.
Really, there were countless episodes like that.
That said, itâs true that I also struggled and suffered together with ShishĂ´, and that there have been conflicts⌠When I thought about how to portray that, I realized that I didnât want to write something that would make everyone sad.
Despite his struggles and suffering, ShishĂ´ always had kindness and compassion for those around him. Even when he went berserk while drunk, that only happened because he held back as long as he could out of consideration for the others around.
ShishĂ´ always thought of the members of X and their families, as well as those that supported them.
If I couldnât get that across, there has been no point to this book at all.
To me, it means something to release those two songs together: âJet SPARKâ, which was introduced on TV, and âSTARDUST STORYâ, which is going out into the world for the first time along with this book.
I wanted to release those songs in an environment that allowed me to properly convey their meaning.
I wanted to create a work that the people who keep thinking of ShishĂ´ could listen to with a good understanding of the truthâŚ
It may be presumptuous, but I will continue to pass on my message, my memories of ShishĂ´, because even though I am not good at it, I feel like this is the only thing I can doâŚ
For that reason, I am able to grit my teeth and push through.
Because the fact that we got to meet by chance, even though we are not related by blood, are not parent and child, nor siblings, and did not really have any shared interests, is a miracle.
When I think about that, I wonder how I could convey the ShishĂ´ I knew the way he wasâŚ
Rather than write down many detailed episodes, I thought it best to tell about ShishĂ´âs way of life in a straight and easy to understand manner.
âHIDE-san was that awesome.â
âhide-san was that fun.â
âHide-san was that kind.â
If I convey it in this form, ShishĂ´âs ideology should certainly be passed on to the younger generations who seek it.
Well, it took me over a decade to come to that decision. During those more than ten years, I think I grew up to some extent⌠Overcoming various problems and challenges to gradually keep moving forward made me stronger, I believe.
Although, to be honest, there was also a part of this that scared me.
By releasing the episodes and compositions with HIDE-san that I had kept to myself until now to the world, that would become something that I would have to carry for the rest of my life.
My feelings, the things I got from ShishĂ´, my unwavering love, may come across with slightly different nuances when put into words.
And so, it may be taken in a way I did not intentâŚ
Still, I think I want to remain KUMA: Endlessly positive and doing my best.
Also, I want to convey the true nature of ShishĂ´, who never changed whether he was on stage or not, to those who still think about him.
Maybe there are even people who have to cry, reading this book.
But I really hope those arenât tears of sadness.
I hope from the bottom of my heart that they have to cry because they can feel the deep bond that ShishĂ´ left in this world.
Published in the hide BIBLE (by Akemi Oshima) 2008
Q1: When did you first learn about hide?
A: I learned about him in middle school at a friendâs house, through a poster hanging in the room of that friendâs older brother.
Q2: Please tell us what kind of impression you had at the time.
A: He looked so flashy and like a total delinquent. I also remember having this strange feeling, like he wasnât even real.
Q3: Please tell us of a way in which hide influenced you.
A: To put it in one word: in everything. I never got to meet him in person, but I think that he was a wonderful person, and someone I admire for everything: His talent, his way of thinking, his good taste.
Q4: What did hide mean to you?
A: He is someone I look up to, someone I love, someone I respect, the one who taught me the joy of music, who introduced me to the guitar, the person who is at the root of who I am today.
Q5: How did you collect information?
A: In the past I would buy magazines and file the cut-out pages with hide-san, or I would mail order his photo books.
Q6: Out of hideâs songs, which is your favorite and why?
A: That is one thing I cannot choose. Iâm sorry.
Published in the hide BIBLE (by Akemi Oshima) 2008
Q1: When did you first learn about hide?
A: When I was in middle school, a classmate tole me, âThe jacket of the single âRUSTY NAILâ (X JAPAN) has a nail through the writs,â and I was like, âFor real? Thatâs insane. Show that to me tomorrow!â and then I learned about them by borrowing it.
Q2: Please tell us what kind of impression you had at the time.
A: Simply put, it was love at first sight. With their exciting visuals and beautiful sound, I found myself completely hooked.
Q3: Please tell us of a way in which hide influenced you.
A: To appreciate all our fans. A band canât exist on its own, itâs all of them being there for us that inspires us, and weâll really appreciate that forever.
Q4: What did hide mean to you?
A: Heâs like a god. Without hide-san I wouldnât be the person I am today. I respect him with all my heart.
Q5: How did you collect information?
A: I used to buy all the magazines that had hide-san or X on the cover.
Q6: Out of hideâs songs, which is your favorite and why?
A: âMISERYâ. Itâs full of hide-sanâs kindness and lets me think that I can live strongly. Even now I listen to it on hard days to pick myself up.
Published in the hide BIBLE (by Akemi Oshima) 2008
Q1: When did you first learn about hide?
A: During elementary school. I knew X JAPAN then, but only really got to know hide-san around the time of âROCKET DIVEâ.
Q2: Please tell us what kind of impression you had at the time.
A: That time when hide-san registered with the bone marrow bank was memorable. The news on TV brought the story of Mayuko-chan and him, and while I had thought him scary because of his appearance, being a child myself, my image of him changed completely with that. There even was a poster on the bulletin board of the building I lived in.
Q3: Please tell us of a way in which hide influenced you.
A: I am a voice actress, but I only became one because I was given the courage to believe in my dream and move forwards. Hide-sanâs way of life and his music have always given me the necessary push. You could say that I am who I am today because I loved X JAPAN and hide.
Q4: What did hide mean to you?
A: A benefactor⌠Itâs difficult to put into words, but he is a very important, indispensable person to me.
Q5: How did you collect information?
A: I became friends with a lot of fans I got information from, and I bought a lot of magazines (laughs).
Q6: Out of hideâs songs, which is your favorite and why?
A: There are so many, I canât pick one. âMISERYâ, âTELL MEâ, âDICEâ, âever freeâ, âJunk Storyâ, âROCKET DIVEâ â the songs hide-san wrote really have a hold on my heart. âLetâs make the flowers of your dream bloom before they are plucked and wither awayâ from âDICEâ, or the lyrics from âROCKET DIVEâ that say not to just wait! Nothing will happen until your take action yourself! Since I became a fan of hide-san, Iâve changed and become more proactive, with a sense of âWatch me, hide-san!â Going out to do the auditions I have been dreaming of⌠That I have become a voice actress is really because of hide-san. Of course! I am a fan for life.
