IM STILL ANGRY ABOUT THIS SHOW
And Iâm finally gonna tell you why.
Yes, I did explain some surface stuff to you after the finale ended. But you donât know the whole story.
Let me take you back to summer, 2021. As you know, that is when the first season of Kevin Can Fuck Yourself premiered. At first I just liked it. I thought it was a brilliant concept and I was honestly surprised it took this long for someone to make something like it. When Allison first enters ârealityâ in the pilot, or rather when WE first see her enter reality, it took my breath away. And Iâm sure Iâm not the only one.
So, when they eventually opened up Pattyâs Queer world, I fell in love with the show even more. Once it was clear that Patty was in love with Allison and, AND there was a HUGE possibility that Allison felt the same way, I was hooked. I mean, there were literally cast members posting Pattison fan videos. This was canon! This was actually canon! It was SO exciting. For once, the sassy neighbor friend was going to get the girl. And it wasnât just any girl. It was the âlead guyâsâ wife.
We all waited patiently to find out if it was going to be renewed. And waited. And waited. And waited. There was nothing. The cast members knew nothing and were also getting frustrated. Finally someone, I think it was Valerie Armstrong, announced what the hold up was. AMC had just launched their new app for AMC Plus, which is their subscription service. And they were using Kevin Can Fuck Himself as sort of a Beta test. Using the viewer analytics on how often they used it to watch the show. Basically, it was a shitty and unfair plan. Welcome to Hollywood.
Hereâs where I come in. I have a lot of random experience when it comes to PR. I have a knack of, for lack of a better word, maneuvering my way into places I technically donât belong. And by that I (mostly) am referring to getting through to the powers that be. Itâs really not that hard. All you need to know is, never act like a fan. Act as professional as possible. Basically, act like you belong. Now, with that said, I definitely didnât think I could save this show on my own. Iâm crafty but Iâm not delusional. But if you go into something thinking âI can do thisâ instead of âthis will never work but letâs do it anywayâ, youâre gonna get results. So I wrote. And wrote and wrote and wrote. Lesbian websites, lesbian magazines, lesbian blogs, womenâs magazines. I think I even reached out to the Lifetime network. I told them how important this show was to history, to womenâs rights, to the acceptance of queer characters as main characters, etc etc etc. I got every one of my friends and family subscribed to AMC Plus (to be fair, they all liked shows on AMC anyway). I tried to get the word out on Twitter but that wasnât much help. Basically, anything and anywhere I could think to bring attention to the show, I did it.
So imagine my relief when they FINALLY announced that yes, it will be renewed. But for just one more season. I was a little disappointed but mostly just thrilled to have a second season. See, in my mind, I thought Valerie Armstrong could do whatever she wanted because the show was being canceled anyway. And how awesome would it be to go out with a bang? Have the sassy, neighbor sidekick end up with the lead guyâs long suffering wife. In love. Together. Right out there in the open. Something we ALL could point to from there on out and say âlook! Look what they did! Donât you dare try to fucking tell me a lesbian storyline isnât possible. They did it! And it was epic!â
I felt very optimistic. I also felt pride. And, for reasons I wonât get into, I hadnât felt proud about my orientation in a long time. So this newfound pride, which I really did attribute to KCFH, felt AMAZING. I mean, for the first time since I came out over ten years ago, I was able to call myself a lesbian. Donât get me wrong, I was completely out. But I just always referred to myself as being gay. For some reason I just could not get onboard with the word lesbian. But something about this television show, with such wonderful queer representation with Patty, made me wake up. Made me appreciate things like sapphic art. Even the word itself, sapphic, felt new and beautiful to me. After being in a suffocating situation for 7 years, I was finally opening myself back up. Reading lesbian fiction, listening to lesbian songs, writing lesbian fan fiction. It felt like I was coming out again. To myself. I was finally in an environment where I could be myself. I even had hope about meeting someone! (Course, I now know that was a silly dream). And it all started after I watched season one of KCFH. Itâs unabashed queerness saved me.
When season 2 premiered, I was very pleased with the first 2 episodes. To me, it was so obvious that Allison had feelings for Patty as well. Romantic feelings. And It was obviously where the season was headed. I could feel it. I know you all could too. It was way more than your average episode of Rizzoli and Isles (if youâve never seen that show it was about a very butch female detective and the lovely coroner lass that becomes her really REALLY close friend. But they are straight. No, really). This was not subtext! It was clear as day. Literally all that was missing was the words. We didnât need to see them passionately kiss (though it wouldâve been nice) Or in bed. BecauseâŠcome on. Thereâs a reason thereâs a smut tag and we all know it. And love it. But just this one time, it was going to be real. We wouldnât feel compelled to write our own endings over at Ao3. Unless we wanted to. But the point was we wouldnât HAVE to. Because they were going to air it on television!
But it didnât happen that way.
Instead, it was, at best, left up to interpretation. At worst, it was the entire cast (except Annie. Who hasnât said a word about it) basically denying that Allison ever had romantic feelings for Patty. But they were all suddenly very pleased at the way it turned out. Right đ
Now, itâs been awhile so I donât have the exact quote. But, according to Mary Hollis (who, I think was paraphrasing from Valerie Armstrong) the official statement regarding the Patty/Allison relationship is that Patty loves Allison in a way that Allison canât reciprocate. But thatâs okay. Because whatâs important is that they have each other. They need each other. And they both made that choice themselves. It wasnât made for them. đ
Okay. Let me explain exactly how WRONG it is to portray this situation like they did. How many of you out there have ever fallen for a straight girl? Iâm gonna assume thatâs all of us. During these crushes, we all have domestic fantasies where we live with them. Cook with them. Snuggle on the couch with them. You get the picture. But what happens if you really DO end up living with her? Say you got an apartment or something. Do you know what that would be like? Cuz I do. And lemme tell ya. Itâs TORTURE. And you donât usually come out the other side of it without some scars. So, I ask you. Is that what we wanted to know about these two women? That no, they arenât really in love. I mean, sure, Patty is in love with Allison. But Allison is straight (despite her dumb ass wearing the bisexual flag all over town). So yeah, theyâre just gonna be friends. Okay? Everybody? Friends that live together. Is that cool? Cuz, letâs be honest. Where else is Allison gonna go? Samâs office? Dianeâs couch? No. Sheâs going to Pattyâs. To me, it felt like they were sending Patty off for combat. I wasnât enjoying myself during those last 2 minutes of the finale. Because I felt bad for Patty. Iâve been there. Iâm pretty sure we all have.
Another argument Iâve heard from either Valerie or someone else in the cast: it never wouldâve worked. They wouldâve needed to develop that more organically. Really? REALLY?
And thatâs just the first season!! And letâs not forget that they met 15 years ago. And they liked each other!
It couldnât be any MORE organic. And maybe Valerie just got flustered because she had already written all of season 2 when she got the news of the cancellation. So she felt she had to rewrite a few things. But why though? Seriously. Why? It was FINE. It was perfect, actually. The only problem is you left out 3 words. I love you. But hey, if you couldnât do that, why not a simple kiss? Didnât even have to be on the lips. It couldâve been a lingering one on the cheek. At least then we would have had SOME kind of confirmation!
Now, here we all are. Still tap dancing around in our little world that television doesnât give a crap about. Writing our OWN endings. Where the wife and the neighbor girl get together and thereâs no mistaking it. And, heyâŠ.obviously Iâm a big fan of fan fiction. I write it myself. I just thought that this was going to be our moment. AndâŠ.it was. Right up to the very, very end. Then they snatched it away from us. Oh well. At least we have Annie and Mary Hollis to thank for this:
If that ainât a âbring me to your house and fuck me right nowâ look, then Iâm a unicorn on a surfboard.
Long story short, they screwed us. Worse, actually. They tricked us. They left bread crumbs for all of the wlw community to follow. Only to have it all lead to a brick wall. I mustâve watched season 1 at least a hundred times. I havenât had the strength to sit through season 2 again. And thatâs a damn shame because that whole cast worked their butt off. They did a great job. But I just canât. Knowing how it all ends, I just canât do it.
I meanâŠ.itâs hard enough as it is to be a lesbian. It just wouldâve been nice to see it end the way we all thought it would. I donât understand why thatâs such a difficult thing for people to give us. We need to have hope too. Hope isnât just for straight people. Thatâs why we love movies like Desert Hearts. It gives us hope. Because for every romantic comedy about hetero meet-cutes, thereâs about 15 lesbian television shows that get cancelled.
And that just sucks. Thanks for reading.
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