If Kairi’s heart was meant to be pure light, why did she have such suspicious thoughts that lurked hidden deep within? The kind that tell her, nothing of hers was earned.
This tropical haven she so adored, her fate was written for her to come here. To doom many. The same many that spoke so highly of her… would they do it if she weren’t the mayor’s daughter? Her grades were only good because she didn’t want to make him look bad – If she had it her way, she wouldn’t suffer a moment of schoolwork. Riku always did tell her she was as lazy as Sora…
Even now, as she sits beside Roxas, warmed by the seabreeze but shaking in their uncertain cadence, he tries to speak so kindly to her… low and gentle. to hide the darkest parts of his mind from her. She didn’t earn that tenderness. not really. Whether he’s being polite or… or whether Sora had influenced him. This tether between them, she didn’t do anything to deserve it.
Even this light of mine wasn’t earned. And the moment I thought I had a chance to prove myself, to fight, I failed miserably. None of my accomplishments are my own.
There was one thing she always felt was her own, though. Sora. He didn’t care that she was the mayor’s daughter, where she came from – or even what was in her heart. He never tried too hard to impress her, all he had – all he needed, really – was to be himself. He made her feel normal, yet worshiped for simply being.
Which makes it hurt sometimes to look at Roxas. To know that somewhere in these sad eyes of hers, she does soften to be reminded of Sora. It’s… horrible. Really. Roxas wasn’t her band-aid for a missing friend – he wasn’t leftovers for her to pick at. And yet she couldn’t help seeking the comfort of his company, when she felt most weak, most lonely. He was nothing like Sora, really, it’s… funny to think anyone could compare the two… ( does this disappoint her…? ) yet the reminders come. And this tether between the two of them, it could not be ignored.
Kairi wasn’t keen on pushing him away for it. Even if their friendship wasn’t earned, her concern was authentic.
So when he hides himself from her like this, when she can tell there’s agony building in painful lumps in the throat, it makes her worry what exactly it is he thinks he has to do. Does he think it means he has to put space between her? Between the others? She wishes she had the courage to tell him that he doesn’t have to figure things out alone.
But she knows she doesn’t have the strength to back it up, not yet. So she bites her tongue. Guides from afar. Letting her heart continue to be the lighthouse for when they brave those stormy waters. Much like the ocean she stares out into, right this moment, the one that she doesn’t… quite know what it means to Roxas. Because she’s scared one day he will flat out tell her that he hates it here.
she’s so sensitive. so selfish.
❝ I like us too, Roxas. ❞
It’s not a lie to say so. Despite all of the ugly things she may feel in the privacy of her mind, there is still goodness in her that can’t pull away from a friend. The kind that makes her heart light up when he agrees to sit with her – even when they barely exchange a word. So why waste words with sugar coated lies? She gives him her honesty back. ❝ Whatever is hurting your heart right now, whatever you think you have to do… well, I don’t know if everyone will hate you, don’t really believe they could. But I hope it helps just a bit, to promise you that I won’t. ❞
She turns to him, smiling sweetly.
❝ You’ve always been nice to me. And you never tell me ‘no’ when I drag you out here, even when I think sometimes you get sick of it, hehe! ❞ She laughs, but she knows the air is thick with unspeakables. She knows this moment is meant to be serious. But this is the best Kairi can do without outright dropping to her knees and begging him to tell her what’s wrong.
She is light. Light ought to make everything happier… warmer.
❝ So… I’ll support you! No matter what! Kay? ❞
Is her light just a temporary distraction? Perhaps it’s she who is the band-aid.
♡ ――― He listens to her equally nice words knocked back his way--
He’s so sick of playing this game with her, with all of them. Wearing this happy mask as if he’s as good as Sora.
But Roxas knows he never had much patience for masking his heart. He’s always worn his feelings right on his sleeve, too stubborn to hide them. It makes so much sense to him now--that’s why he feels so suffocated here on the islands, he’s been forced to smile along with everyone else when all he wants to do is scream.
And Roxas is shadow, not unlike this twinkling night around them now. It’s so sweet the way the stars shine on for them, the way the waves sweep onto a glistening shore... this world is paradise. He’s been given a happy ending many would kill for--
And even so he doesn’t trust it.
So he turns to her, blue eyes sparkling like a boy she used to know, but his expression is serious, all hard lines and an honesty that could likely cut them both wide open.
“Kairi, you’re saying all this... and you don’t even know what I’m going to do... and... I wanna know why,” Roxas says firmly, his voice hard but not cold, his tone like a line drawn in the sand. “Do you trust me ‘cause... I’m Sora’s Nobody? That because I’m connected to Sora, I couldn’t do anything too bad, right?”
He’s still looking at her directly, his eyes and heart as bright as those stars shining above them.
“Look, I’m not gonna treat you like Sora did--I don’t believe in taking choices away from people. And before you say it, Sora did take your choice away. He left you here, told you to wait. But be honest with me Kairi, is that what you wanna do? Just rot on this shore while everyone fights your battles for you? I mean, I know what it’s like--everyone keeping you in the dark, only using you when it’s convenient for them, leaving you behind and you never know where your friends go...” Roxas trails off, scoffing into the dark. “I guess... I just don’t get why you put up with it.”
He finally looks back out to the ocean, at those churning waves sparkling under the moonlight.
“You’ll support me no matter what without knowing where I’m gonna go... and I can’t help but think it’s ‘cause you’re used to that--blindly trusting your friends because they left you no other choice,” Roxas murmurs and the words burn like crackling flames.
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