The Quotebook

The best of friends, the best of times, the best of quotes. The college years.

[twistendings]

Kristen (text to Lucah): Dear Luca,

I just remembered that it's your birthday, which was honestly a bit of a shocking realization because truthfully I had always believed that you had sort of sprung from some kind of unfortunate underground mud pit, fully formed like an Orc or something equally unpleasant.

That being said, I hope your day is wholey mediocre, verging on downright unpleasant. You're no longer a teen anymore so it's time to start doing adult things, like your taxes and crying about unemployment. One step closer to being the old man you truly are on the inside.

Regretfully yours,

Kristen

[twistendings]

Actual meme (from American Horror Story): Surprise bitch, bet you thought you'd seen the last of me!

Emma, trying her best, unfortunately: I'm back bitch, bet you thought you wouldn't see me again!

[twistendings]

Rachel (text to Lucah): Come to nj so I can cuddle/ beat you up and insult you

[twistendings]

Lucah: You're a ho and a scoundrel.

Emma: I am both of those things. Good work, Holmes.

Lucah: Up yours, Watson.

[twistendings]

Luca (text): So close to adulthood

Emma: Send help

Luca: You need help with adultery

Emma: That's...that's not quite right, friend

[twistendings]

Emma: I'm laughing so hard I'm literally crying.

Anon: Don't worry, tears are just God's way of telling you you're a homo.

[twistendings]

Carl: You should make like a tree and...

Cece: Bark??

[twistendings]

Luca: I'm sorry that I showed up to your house so drunk. And that I ate so much of your cheese.

[twistendings]

Emma: I didn't think he'd still be into me!

Luca: Your game is just too strong

Joanie: You're just too desirable.

Kristen: Emma, your manic pixie is too dream girl.

[twistendings]

Kristen: Guys, look at us getting adult-drunk!

Emma: Um, I have three shots of tequila in here.

Kristen: I have six shots of Fireball in here.

Luca: I'm nineteen.

[twistendings]

Emma (text): Lucah I just told a person I just met at the bar the story about that time that I sneeze-drooled and texted you about it and you called me Jezebel

Lucah: Trying to get laid, I see

Emma: You're not wrong

[twistendings]

Kristen: The use of the word "passion" disappoints me.

Emma: Why?? It's a great word!

Kristen: No, I don't know, I just don't like it as a po--

Emma: Were you going to say "poetic device"?

Kristen: ...I was.

[twistendings]

Emma, looking at pictures of a high school ex: Me and my blond boys.

Kristen: In the least rude way possible, Emma... You and every boy.

[twistendings]

Emma: God I'm so fucking angry.

Grace: Do I need to go beat someone up?

Emma: I mean, if you want to beat up my grandma go be my guest.

[twistendings]

Kristen: I'm going to write the word 'help' in this cookie dough.

[twistendings]

Grace: I don't know why the saying is "May the wind be at your back." I'd rather it be at my front, because then my hair looks roguish and windswept instead of like I just did battle with the Sharknado.

[twistendings]

Emma: Holy balls!

Luca: Who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come AAYYOOO