Two Worlds.
When I started my first D/s relationship 15 years ago, I compartmentalized big time. I had my real life kink relationship in the physical domain, and my D/s relationship with the brat long distance and primarily in the ether.
Both relationships were entirely separate as far as I was concerned and I was very much loyal to each in their respected domains, and the same in return. Two relationships. Two worlds. This lasted for many years.
When the brat told me that he didnât believe in monogamy, I was crushed and said âas long as you donât have another Mistress,â because it was so incredibly difficult for me to wrap my head around anything that was not monogamous. All that social conditioning leads us to be searching for this idyllic "one" and well, what if there are multiple "ones?" It was incredibly difficult to admit to myself that I wasn't quite being monogamous, faithful, or truly loyal to either partner. The crazy thing is, I didn't see it that way. I had a physical relationship in Column A and a D/s relationship in Column B and they were in two entirely different worlds.
Compartmentalizing was my jam.
Power exchange is, well...incredibly powerful by nature. And when we first get a taste of it, we want to go full throttle and the fantasies of 24/7 TPE come flooding over. We want to be the âonlyâ in that specific dynamic and it's kind of hard to imagine our partners with anyone else in that way because it's so immersive. When you are baring your soul to someone and diving deep into the psyche, regardless of what side of the slash you are on, it's a very vulnerable place, and to think that your partner could be that way with someone is a little crushing at first. I remember having thoughts of I'm not special, which was entirely inaccurate.
Early stages in a power exchange are opportunities to learn, and I was fortunate to put myself out there and find community, especially when I was navigating non-monogamy for the first time. I eventually ended the kinky real-life relationship after a major consent violation and kept things going with the brat. Since the brat was long distance, I couldn't rely on him to provide me with information now that I felt ready to fully explore this world tactically. I set up my Fetlife profile, started to nervously attend munches, and I even signed up for workshops and trainings. I truly wanted to be the best Domme I could be and get the tactical knowledge through otherâs stories and by having experiences for myself. It made me understand that kink is a spectrum and that one partner certainly can't fulfill all one's needs and desires (at least for me), because sometimes new desires bubble up unexpectedly and serendipitously.
And then, I met my Daddy, and well, that's when everything changed.
