My Experience Pursuing a Confused “Straight” Guy in the Bible Belt (Pt. 1)
Just to preface, I’ve hooked up with several “straight” guys. Ones with girlfriends, ones who tame vast amounts of strange, the works - but the common denominator between all of them is that we met on Grindr. This isn’t about those guys. This story is about an experience with a friend belonging to that entirely separate group of straight guys; you know - the ones who can never even bring themselves to download Grindr in the first place. The ones who take society’s “taboo sins” really seriously, particularly if they come from Leviticus. The ones who, despite all of this, love dick just as much as I do - but may only act on it once or twice in their entire lives. Luckily, I can usually sniff that shit out like a truffle pig. I spent my fair share of time in that closet myself, after all.
We met through a mutual straight friend, who had once drunkenly left his shacker in his bed to “sleep walk” to the couch I was on and “pass out” on top of me. That’s a story for another time, though. He introduced me to one of his fraternity brothers (we weren’t in the same fraternity) and my gay sixth sense immediately picked up a subtle tension between them. It was one I happened to know well, and it screamed “We got drunk and fooled around so now we have to avoid so much as sitting beside each other even though we can’t stop eye-fucking from across the room!” For me, recognizing that interaction is like the equivalent of a buck catching a fat whiff of doe-in-heat piss. It basically puts me into a primal frenzy. Hence the nearly year-long pursuit of my new friend that ensued. For the rest of the story, we’ll call him Josh.Â
Josh was a really handsome guy. Wavy blonde hair and blue eyes, a great smile, and a beautiful body that you knew was built by manual labor. If that didn’t already make my dick throb, he was also really fucking smart. Granted, it was in a sort of Rain Man-ish way that only applied to math and science, but damn if that kid couldn’t solve equations like a fucking Texas Instrument. On top of all that were a lot of common interests that are tough to come by like hunting, fishing, fraternity life, and heavy drinking with hetero friends. Needless to say, I was hopelessly attracted to Josh. Which would have quickly faded to a little man-crush then gone away, had Josh not reciprocated just enough every day. It didn’t take long to develop a “best friendship” (almost like there was some sort of ulterior catalyst..), and he started to get jealous if I hung out with my other (actually straight) bros more than him. It was kind of sweet and endearing, at first. I figured it would be no time before he’d give in and I’d finally get to at least suck his cock - I knew it’d be a done deal if I could get that far. But how? It would only happen when we were drunk, obviously. He needed alcohol as an excuse.Â
The problem was, he’d get absolutely obliterated every time he went out. While he used to bring random girls home to fuck every time he went out, he now always ended up at my single-bedroom apartment off the square at the end of the night. He had also adopted the habit of downing several shots before he closed his tab and stumbled to my door. He’d show up with a clear but unspoken battle raging inside, I’d calm him down with a more-than-friendly shoulder to cry into, and he’d quickly pass out in my arms while I ran my fingers through his silky hair. This went on like clockwork for quite some time. The blue-balls were becoming unbearable and the absurdity of the whole thing was starting to drive me mental. I knew I had to do something when I started entertaining the idea of taking advantage of him while he was passed out. And don’t get me wrong, I’d been thinking about that since the first night it happened, but I would never act on it. Unless my nuts were about to explode like forgotten landmines. Which they were. So one weekend, I decided I’d get him home before he had a chance to pass his blackout threshold…
If you’d like to hear Pt. 2, reblog or let me know! I’ll finish if there’s enough interest.
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