Bitter Heart

B O N E Z O N E

[udsammy-blog]

[Just me and you. Like it’d been just enough times before to put the thought under her skin and wake her up after an unexpected dream or two wondering how the hell Josh got in there and why the hell she couldn’t stop thinking about it for a good, solid week. Veiling the entire thing with the act of studying together, or staying up later than Hannah and Beth because they were both the kind of night owls that could wait until the sun rose before even thinking about shutting their eyes.

She’s so minutely aware of his arms still wrapped around her even though it’s not like anyone is peering around the corner to see. Or – they might be, but she’s too tightly wound to turn and look.

It’s enough of a thought to make her drop the dopey grin and really sell it. That sincere sort of look she thinks she saw in the movie they watched earlier. 

Something like a dare wrapped in the joke wrapped in the complete lack of one.]

Well all you’ve gotta do is say the magic word. And I’m yours.

[udjoshw]

[Her gaze goes all honey-like, and it feels like she’s stepped the level up from prank to pre-Hollywood. All the same, he returns the look with a not-entirely-false intensity, and lifts a hand to trail his fingers along her jaw. The touch is kept light, grazing her soft skin in thin lines until he reaches the nape of her neck to pull her closer. He’s got a show to put on for the two faces that have appeared in the doorway.

(And how Hannah and Jess don’t think he can see them in his peripheral is beyond him. But they are there; whispering, wide eyed, and smacking each other’s arms harder with every inch of Sam’s skin his fingers cover.)

It all feels much too natural to do, even as he uses the height of his hand to hide from the doorway the way his lips mouth ‘play along, they’re watching’ as their foreheads bump. Especially as he finds himself grinning so close to her lips that it might as well be into them.

And still, and still -- he lets himself fall headfirst right on in.

Josh draws a breath, quiet, sincere, and heavy; as if he’s going to take her up on that fact then and there. Well, in a sense, he is.]

Orthodontist. [He mutters, a little louder than he would naturally just to make sure the joke carries.]

[Then, he’s crashing his lips to hers. A movement which is part truth, desperation, and uncontrollable laughter. It can’t be a very good kiss, all things considered. Their teeth clack at least once as he tries his hardest not to laugh, and it’s not exactly easy to kiss mid-giggle to begin with.

But there’s a moment, and Josh can’t pinpoint when, where his heady mood becomes is softened. And in it, it’s not as hard to stop laughing. He kisses her slow, languid, with intent and calm and t i m e.

He forgets to make it a joke. Here’s to hoping she won’t notice that.]

[udsammy-blog]

[It’s surprising how stupid and effortless it feels to let him catch her by the waist and pull her under. And obvious from the way the breath catching in the other room could have so easily been her own, if she hadn’t known better than to cover it. 

Sam and Josh were no strangers to closeness, but lingering touches and brushes of hands were barely equal to eye contact between strangers here in this warm place that could just be so intimate, if they were being truthful.

She leans in closer, dropping the grin from her cheeks like she might have the upper hand, though right now it feels like anyone’s game.]

Only if you plan on keeping me there.

[It’s hard to tell who is making noise now. Between the group in the living room and the two of them face to face in the dark kitchen. No one is being quiet. And no one seems to care who knows who is awake.]

[udjoshw]

[The actual thought makes his throat go slightly dry, and he has to clear it softly just to speak again. He’ll sell it as a part of the act if she asks, but this is Sammy he’s playing beside. Past the initial worries of slipping up and being maybe too honest with his words, she’s a comfort. And it’s that comfort, --the quiet assurance just in her very nature that if things did go horribly wrong, it would ruin them -- that makes him press on.

It doesn’t help that his words start to feel less and less like an improvised script in his head. But meaning them on makes them more convincing, right? It helps to sound genuine.]

Oh, of course, Sammy. We’d party like pornstars, just me and you. Power couple or not, we’d make them all jealous.

[There’s a scoff from the other room; probably slipping from Mike’s defensive pride. Still, Josh can’t help but think it would be true.]

[udsammy-blog]

[The thump is so audible that she’s almost shocked by the complete and utter silence that comes after, followed by muffled noises of someone trying to say something, with possibly a hand over their mouth? She thinks maybe Matt, stupid and sleeping and ruining all of their perfect plans to get Sammy and Josh alone in a room together talking about what a great couple they’d make.

The look she gives Josh is completely wordless, and perfectly understood between them. Glancing back from the entrance of the kitchen and then to him, that smile only simmering at the corners as if the thought of messing with her best friend could put a sheath over this shameless flirting – or at least that’s what Hannah will call it in the morning.

She steps forward. Steals the bottle straight from the spot where it rested on his lips. Narrows her eyes at him. Doesn’t even have to whisper the words ‘play along.’]

Nah, we’re no Em and Mike. [Their shared drink is still far from empty, and she holds it more than anything else, like a totem stating that it’s her turn to speak.]

We’d be the kind sneaking around in the dark after everyone goes to bed. Making out in the kitchen and such.

[udjoshw]

Mm, you think? [It feels somewhat wrong to use this opportunity like he does. It’s less than honest, but maybe also the most open he’s been with her in a while. Somehow, walking that fragile balance together seems like the best road to take. The consequences, he knows are there, but can’t seem to make matter.

And Josh reels her in; an arm around her waist, just to pull her close all playful and coy. He hears something like a belatedly muffled wheeze a room over and knows it’s worked as well as it should.

Or at least it has on Jess.]

It’s certainly more in character, but I think we’d make too much noise for that. It’d be better just to take you to my room.

[udsammy-blog]

[This is where Sam stands straight. Holds the bottle in her hand like it’s got something to say in place of her. But instead just brings it to her lips to stall for time. For a moment to dig up that witty comment or two that they’re both just dying to hear. Why else would this be the game on the table? Back and forth banter as Sammy and Josh do. Only, maybe this time, a little more serious.

She can nearly hear Hannah screaming in delight.

She rounds the table, walking a little closer to him. But then a little farther. Pacing her thoughts out with her body swaying back and forth, head lobbing along with it like she just might have the answers, if he asks nicely.

He’s asked nice enough. For Josh, anyway.]

I mean, if I’m being honest… [Leaning against the counter opposite him, so that they’re straight on and in front of one another, and she has his beer against her lips.]  How could you not be? I mean, let’s face it. I’m perfect. And our chemistry, just wow. Even this interaction right here. Pure romantic subtext, in a bottle.

But then, Hannah has never been the most reputable source for romantic endeavors. I’d ask Beth.

[udjoshw]

[He hums, low and purposefully drawn.] Beth, it would seem, agrees. [Then quieter.] Or am I just imagining that that’s her giggling out there too?

[She’s poked a button, really. It’s not like he can really disagree, and moreover he finds he doesn’t actually want to. So he chooses not to answer directly at all; instead jumping backwards -- back to feelings that aren’t his raw nerves to expose.]

What about you then? You feel the pure romantic subtext. You think I’m charming, probably. Why deny our love? It’s more or less fated, right?

[And Josh steals back the beer; posing it atop his lips without sipping just to mimic the way she’d guarder herself with it.]

Think we’d be one of those power couples?

[A room over, Josh can hear the fabric coated THUMP of someone getting smacked. Absently, he wonders who it was. Or maybe just how many are listening now. What a show they could put on if they wanted.]

[udsammy-blog]

I wouldn’t worry about it. [Which is only a half-truth, as she leans over the counter and steals back what’s rightfully hers. It’s too dark to tell, but her nails are a dark green that Hannah painted on earlier in the night, and she almost stops while taking the drinking straight from his lips to see if it matches his eyes.

But she doesn’t.

Because he’s being open enough about it to play it off as a joke. To actually be in this dark room alone with her without it being awkward. Because when Jess had suggested kiss or slap, Josh had so quickly made his exit from the room without even a glance towards her that it just seems stupid to think on it now. To speak on it now. 

But she does anyway. Can’t help but.]

I mean, it’s only awkward if they’re right.

[udjoshw]

[Josh rests and elbow on the counter, and his head on his hand following that. He makes sure to keep eye contact as he does so, because if she’s going to play dirty then so is he.]

And? What do you think?

[His tone is too flippant. She’ll read past it, the way he reads past her half-grins, and they’ll both still land in uncertainty anyhow. That’s the way their relationship works; undeniably on the brink of something. But what, that’s anyone’s guess. Or everyone’s, if they’re being realistic.]

Do you think they’re right? Do you think I’m harboring a deep, emotional Hollywood crush on you that’s been steadily growing since you first walked through the doors on Hannah’s heels?

[He makes a face, like the thought is silly. But Josh knows that like it or not, she’ll see right through it. It’s a game, at this point. One he’s spent far too long setting up to let drop. One he can’t be sure of the outcome of, either way.

It only makes the stakes of pretending feel even higher, and he hopes she never realizes he’s not actually bad at it.]

[udsammy-blog]

[It’s easy enough to pretend that the creeping smile on her lips is just Sam enjoying the buzz. The banter. The late-night conversation and not at all the prickling feeling of goosebumps on her arm when his fingers walk across hers like they’ve got somewhere to be. 

She can hear whispering from the main room; a shifting that comes when one of them moves around to get the attention of another. Graceless Hannah, no doubt, throwing things at Beth but shushing her not-so quietly afterward. Her grin stretches far enough to wander into some other expression that she doesn’t have a name for.

She pushes the bottle over towards him, expecting it back.] 

Well, if it were up to your sisters, I’d have a GPS tracking device that alerts them to when I’m within a five mile radius of you.

[udjoshw]

Yeah. [He laughs; warm and strained in the way anyone trying to keep laughter quiet might sound.] I mean, they mean well, but I think they would have found a way to be notified if I so much as breathed in your direction if one existed.

[It’s odd to be so open about it. Josh is used to dancing around the jabs from the twins. At least as far as to avoid the topic being up in the open. But she’s here to laugh about it too, and maybe that’s why it’s easier. He’d thought it would make it harder if she were on the other end of the words.

Apparently, she makes it just the opposite. And Josh can’t help but feel impossibly warmer towards her for it.

He tilts his head in amusement and takes another long sip.] Which should make hanging out with you in a dark kitchen little more awkward -- and yet.

[udsammy-blog]

[The middle of the night was always Sam’s favorite time to be awake at the lodge. Part of it, which she would never admit out loud, was for its unique brand of quiet, where there was no Hannah running off to cry over Mike. No Beth running after her and talking in not so hushed tones from a bathroom somewhere to calm her down. No Jess and Matt gossiping like the actual toddlers they are. And best of all, no Em and Mike throwing down in some bedroom upstairs (be it fighting or… otherwise non-fighting versions of the term that she really, really didn’t want to think about.)

Not that Sam doesn’t enjoy her friend’s company. She just maybe enjoys it a bit more when they are sleeping. Or when she can hear it muffled from two floors and a set of headphones worth of separation during an hour-long bath. Either work.

Now comes with a different kind of quiet that she think she likes just as much. That soft patter of feet echoing gentle steps into the kitchen. Dim light where the fridge opens, closes, opens again. Sort of quiet mumbling and the crack of a can. And then maybe a puff of laughter from her own mouth because, oh my god Josh it’s like 4 in the morning.

Wrapping herself up with the blanket only kind of counter-acts the cold sting from walking barefoot to where he is. And leaning against the island.]

That supposed to include you?

[Reaching over to claim the can as her own is only second nature at this point, really. It’s not her fault she’d gotten used to him handing one over to her before opening his own. Not her fault that sleep feels almost pointless when no one is really sleeping anyways, and she could be in here, bringing his beer to her lips with a cheap shrug like maybe she could still be a good egg despite the party foul.] 

Guess I’m not that good.

[udjoshw]

[Josh makes a humming sound, but he’s hardly convinced. The smirk on his lips as he shakes off the notion is probably a giveaway of that fact. Sammy is not flawless, but she’s hardly a bad egg. He might be, though. Or at least he wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out that he was.]

Takes one to know one, doesn’t it?

[Still, he’s mostly joking. Joking and trying to tell himself that the way his gaze traces her lips on the bottle is only because he wants it back. And when he tries to push away any other reasons his head springs up, Josh is less than amused to find they don’t come to him in Hannah’s usual teasing tones. Just quietly, earnestly.

He catches the side of her hand with his fingers in a gesture of ‘give it back.’]

Thievery doesn’t suit you, Sammy.

[But he’s smiling, and maybe trying just too hard not to look at her like she’s sun rising early.]

Snooping does, though. What are you doing poking around so late? My sisters probably noticed you come in here.

[udjoshw]

[The quiet that settles upon the lodge late at night is far from Josh’s favorite. It’s a not-quite silence; interrupted by wind and the rustling of his friends a room over. Just loud enough to be present, but still low enough that his thoughts seem screaming in comparison. And boy, do they scream -- never quiet, unless they’ve dropped away entirely just to leave him blaringly empty.

So, he’s never really been easy to sleep.

Josh doesn’t really consider it a problem. It just means he’s sleepier in his classes than he should be. Or that he’s wandering the web, or the house, or the lodge while others slumber on with one excuse or another. Like now, he’s just getting a midnight snack. This is optimism, really. Snacks are good. Hydration is good. Or rather, hydration would have been good, if he’d grabbed the water he’d initially been headed for, and not one of the countless cans of beer they’d stashed away for the week.

Whatever. It’s sustenance too, technically. He’s not going to waste the money he spent on all of it. Or the gifts that Mike and Emily had supplied in bulk. Which one this particular can counted as was... questionable.

And either way, it’s better than pretending not to hear his sisters giggle about his supposed crush on Sam in less than hushed tones while they think he’s asleep. It’s so avidly better than that that when he hears footsteps at the other end of the kitchen, he’s prepared for it to be Hannah, here to poke him about not making a move, or sitting out of kiss or slap earlier in the night.

Sammy startles him, really. If he quickly changes his train of thought, it’s only because in the moment her having mind reading abilities seems plausible. Like maybe he accidentally summoned her from sleep.]

It’s a bit past bed time for the good eggs, isn’t it?

[bottleshark]

OH MY GOD so many faces.