i horde good things, but i never end up deserving them. i save things for better days, spend good times thinking about how iâll eventually be looking back on the moment, hold onto people i should let go of long after theyâve started to burn me. i have treasure troves of unused gifts, art kits, beautiful things. on the terrible days i tell myself it could always be worse. on the great days i say i need to wait for it. i feel guilty when i indulge myself. canât bring myself to move on. let nostalgia paint roses on bruises. the truth is i never know when the bad will come back. iâm always in a state of bracing for impact.















