ugggliz

Elizabeth | music boxes n books | i read, i cry, i write |

[ugggliz]

Kaput

[ugggliz]

what exactly is life about

They say life is a blessing.

Life is a wonderful journey that will turn you into a beautiful, strong creature.

Life is a boat that takes you to the finest lake on the East Coast, or somewhere nice where the fields are green,  the sky is blue, and the grass is all covered in dandelions.

Where the water is running, The stars are shining, The hearts are smiling.

“Life can be hard, but it is worth fighting for”

Is it though?

“Things will get better, it’s only about time”

Will they really?

According to mine, I don’t think all statements; or, I’d rather call them, “assumptions” above, are true.

I’ve been dreading for 5+ years I’ve been on this rollercoaster ride that always goes down for far way too long

“Hold on a little longer, you’ll get off the ride before you know it”

When will i know, honestly?

Probably never.

I had high hopes for this once.

I got my hopes up way too high that my life would somehow let me breathe for a little Though, the more I found myself hoping, the more i felt the blood running on my aching neck

I felt sorry for myself but at the same time i constantly kept blaming myself, thinking I deserved all this mess. “Life is a blessing, it can’t be a curse. I am a curse.”

I woke up everyday waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel. Wishing that one day my life would be a little better. Wishing I’d be able to put on a genuine smile for once Wishing a pack of cigarettes would take my pain away.... or... my life away, simply coz i was that close to giving up.

But after all the tears, blood and sweat i’ve shed i get to the point where i know everything happens for a reason. A good cause. There’s always a room behind the closed door. A room that might light your heart on fire, whether it’s going to make you feel alive or burn you alive. It’s a surprise. There’s only one way to find out. It may take you forever to open it but God knows you will be able to. They key is in your hand now, darling It depends on you and your sanity.

Whether you want to keep walking and get closer to the door... Or stand still in the same room you’ve been in.. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. Life is never going to be easy. Things wont get better. They will never get better. Complaining and feeling sorry for yourself is not getting you closer to the door, is it? And there’s a massive world you need to explore behind that door. And hey, you’ll find another door you need to open after this one, It’s a never ending cycle. A never ending battle. But you need to show who’s the boss here. Take control and open that goddamn door. Explore as much as you can. Feel as much as you can. Love as much as you can.

-ugggliz

[ugggliz]

Anna is not a regular Belle.

Cut a little deeper and see what color she bleeds. Is it red? Is it red like the trees in the fall? Is it white? Is it as white as snow? Or is it... Is it blue? Is it... blue? Like the waves crashing on the shore? Let me get the story straight. Let me finish all the storylines so yall can shut the fuck up. Quit making assumptions of something you couldn’t possibly understand when it was never meant to be understood in the first place. She never was the life of the party She never was the girl who always had the biggest smile on her face She never knew how to dance when the stereo went wild She couldn’t see more than 5 steps ahead of her through the dark Exhaustion was taking over her weary heart Shedding ten gallons of tears was not a very good option But what if i told you it was the only option you could have? You would be a fool to mistake her silence for a sign of giving up Like David and Goliath, she has been collecting herself for a war And she’s sure as hell she’s going to win it Ammunition and fire are ready to be lit Thunder is blaring while sweat is dripping in sin No more comprises. No more innocence. No more... silence. You might as well sit back and have a drink Rejoice when the time finally comes; where she opens the door with fire burning in her eyes Saying she’s taking it back; her life, her future, her heart Saying she’s going to rule everything from now on And by the time the war is over she’s going to be the life of the party in her own universe A party that it’s light will never go dim God knows she is now in charge -ugggliz

[ugggliz]

[ugggliz]

Ya girl right here needs a little break.

[ugggliz]

hi guess who

Bintang?

[ugggliz]

4ever (not)

I've learned the hard way that breaking up with people I thought I would spend the rest of my life with is necessary. Through the thick and thin, through all the 2am phone calls and coffee dates was what I thought happiness would look like. I'm not figuratively talking about the people I dated, ok yeah there must be a good reason why I call them ex boyfriends but this is not about them, it's way more to it than that. It's about one of those people you thought would be there complimenting your grey hair when you're 70. It's one of those people you thought would be there catching the bouquet of flowers you ordered a few weeks before your wedding day. It's one of those people you thought would be down to get matching tattoos with you. Best Friends Forever. I've learned the hard way that the world is not only about staying together forever. Not even your parents. You came into this world alone, and you're gonna die alone. I also don't think forever is real. Forever is ephemeral to me; "on a long enough timeline, everything ends". Hypothetically saying if you love somebody so much, you don't want the clock to tick. Not even a single tick. You want it to stop, right there. That's where the idea of forever comes up from. But that's not what's going to happen, is it? The world is gonna keep turning, the moon is gonna keep orbiting the earth whether you like it or not. Whether the moment you wish would last ends; whether the person you love the most stays in bed cuddling you.... or, runs away and burns the house down. - @ugggliz

[ugggliz]

Ironic Love Poem.

This is not a love poem. This is me declaring myself to the world that I’m shamelessly torn between kissing your forehead and becoming a suitcase. I bathe you in kisses until your hands wrinkle. You tell me how painful it is to love me but i precisely remember what you said on the 1st day of March. “The love i have for art is way bigger than anything else in the world.” Perhaps, you don’t see me as a work of art… But believe me, I am… You just keep your eyes shut the whole time.

-ugggliz

[ugggliz]

The Weeping Woman

Poems. Some people say poems are meant to be filled with rainbows and butterflies. With smiles and giggles. Some people say poems are meant to be filled with stars along with all the outstanding galaxies that fit perfectly in your hands. But, my poems... My poems are filled with despair. Despair with a hint of sunlight to it. Tears and blood and sweat are engaging, knitting a whole new galaxy that I call "hope".

Look, Let's just cut the crap now. And let me tell you how I am standing here in the state that I am today. And this is how i know I love you. I'm really good at writing obituaries. I'm really good at turning dreadful pain into pieces of enticing poetic shit that people worship; and it's just the capability of mine that not everyone can have. But good Lord, I don't know how to write love letters like what Juliet did. I don't seem to be okay with writing about your beauty and turn it into something that what people call "art". Because to me, you are it. Art.

Those blue eyes of yours are way more beautiful than what Picasso came up with in the 1937; "The Weeping Woman". My heart is pounding because God knows, I am that woman. Weeping. Weeping and blaming myself for falling. And suddenly... I can't write no more. And I write to run. And I run to poetry. And if I don't write anymore, where or who do I run to?

-ugggliz

[ugggliz]

Forgiveness

I didnt know what love was until my mother showed me her cracked reflection. And i swear on my life, i did not see anything besides perfection. She was once a woman that knew how to get anything she wanted. She knew exactly how to burn the world down with those burning flames in her eyes. Her voice used to be one of those unpleasantly rough yet tells nothing but the truth voices that could stop your heart from beating. And that day when she turned 51, the table turned it's back on her. She was trapped in a frail body of a woman and nothing was the same anymore. The world was crumbling down on her. Hard. Betrayal. But my mother, She didn't stop. And i knew that there was no such word as "Stop" in her book. Even in her hour of darkness, she kept encouraging me to stay strong; to keep building all the castles that I'd been dreaming of. And then when we talked about love, She whispered, "Forgiveness" "It doesn't matter how much you get hurt, but forgiving is the purest way of letting people know you love them- Without asking for anything in return." -ugggliz

[ugggliz]

My Mama Told Me

My mama told me that my mental illness is not poetic. My mama told me that my mental illness is not romantic. Nor pathetic. My mental illness is not pretty. It’s not gritty. Nor witty.

But my mama told me.. My mental illness couldn’t stop me from doing good in life. And she was right.. I’m still breathing while i’m choked to death in despair.

When the sun is still shining, i know i can keep going. My mental illness has turned so many cuts into poetry. They bring certain people joy; clearly, not everyone. And my mama told me, “You do you”. We all breathe the same air but roaming this earth to please them all is never my mission. It never was my mission and it will never be. So now i’ll just keep walking.. Pleasing myself, not them. Respecting all my flaws… And no longer romanticizing my cuts.

-elzbthfebs

[ugggliz]

My Mama Told Me

My mama told me that my mental illness is not poetic. My mama told me that my mental illness is not romantic. Nor pathetic. My mental illness is not pretty. It’s not gritty. Nor witty.

But my mama told me.. My mental illness couldn’t stop me from doing good in life. And she was right.. I’m still breathing while i’m choked to death in despair.

When the sun is still shining, i know i can keep going. My mental illness has turned so many cuts into poetry. They bring certain people joy; clearly, not everyone. And my mama told me, “You do you”. We all breathe the same air but roaming this earth to please them all is never my mission. It never was my mission and it will never be. So now i’ll just keep walking.. Pleasing myself, not them. Respecting all my flaws... And no longer romanticizing my cuts.

-ugggliz

[ugggliz]

Sad Songs

"Listening to sad songs never helps", they said. "They will make things worse", they said.

Who knows those statements are true.. But it is never my intention to feel more depressed or overthink things that aren't exactly on my plate. It is never my intention to cry over sad songs that are technically written for other people. I'm just looking for signs; answers, you can say. Answers for my prayers. And I don't normally pray for love. I pray for me. For me to get better. For me to learn faster, and that way i know i will never get hurt. I will never have to deal with the same pain ever again. I don't listen to sad songs to absorb all the sadness the writer came up with. I listen to sad songs to learn, to understand the reason behind them. Pain. Like what John Green has said in one of his books, "Pain demands to be felt". But pain is not always bringing you bad luck. A lot of people create something marvelous out of that. Those sad songs for example.

But, Dear John Green, I don't want to feel pain anymore even though it's not always bringing you bad luck. I don't want to experience that kind of thing again. I don't want to feel anything at all, to be honest. That is why I'm letting myself going numb; as cold as an ice. Sad songs don't get me sad. They actually teach me how to deal with the world, where people come and go in a matter of seconds. I don't want to be those people in sad songs who stay sad for decades; crying over people that aren't worth crying for.

Don't blame me if this poem shows how bitter i am towards love. Don't blame me if I'm not giving you the best conclusion. But please do not ever try to love somebody when you don't even know how to love yourself. Unless, you want to feel pain.

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt", and i don't have time for that.

-ugggliz

[ugggliz]

Between the stars and San Francisco

The sound of California calling my name hits me right in the stomach like a baseball bat. The fragrance of the wind embraces the breeze we got when our bodies collided under the blank sheet on the 12th day of December. Your mouth started to tremble when we held hands and you said, “i want us to be more than friends”.

You looked at my body in a way when Adam’s eyes met Eve’s for the very first time; treating them like one majestic masterpiece from the Lord. You were choked by the warmth of my skin; comforting yet intimidating. You started pushing your lips against mine like it was meant to be; like i was made to satisfy your thirst. “is this heaven? I never thought being dead would be this good”.

Darling, you are not dead yet. But I know i will be writing your obituary tomorrow evening.

I’m not blaming you for leaving. I’m not blaming myself for not being good enough to keep up with your-indicisive-self. But I’m going to let the stars be the judge; Under the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco; When the night is young.

-ugggliz

[ugggliz]

I dream to escape to a world where my essence exists in a book. A canvas full of colours. Every word i speak rhymes with unchained melody underneath my own breath. Every inch of my skin ignites when my hand starts knitting words of the truth. The truth nobody wants to hear. Through so many screens they scheme in our screams. You take so many selfies from every angle that you place. Filters hide your every defect yet you feel good about it. Second guessing yourself. You feel the need to hide your burning ambitions under the blanket of judgements they have on the palms of their hands. You say thats for the best because you want to test yourself being the best. Your crooked smile tells me that you fear showing them what you truly are. You start posting shit on apps you bought from the Appstore. You want your 'Path' to be tracked so they know you are one of the squads. And while you are busy doing things you think you should, You start losing your path to your main destination. What have we become? You are perfect in every way. You dont need their judgements to feel good about yourself. Be kind To yourself --------------------------- Coming soon --------------------------- A shelter for misguided souls trapped in the cruelty of social media. @nadcheist @elzbthfebs Photo credit: @alyssamutiara

[ugggliz]

A scripted kiss

Kiss me Kiss me hard under the pouring rain Beside the seventh wood bench we used to carve our names on Make me moan Roar Loudly Like a lion marking his land Like a sonnet that has a never-ending plot Let me know that you care Let me know what you want Let me know that you want it more than this More than my pretentious quirks More than the beauty of my cocoa butter skin that's like an empty temple; the one thing you worship right before you walk out the door More than just 2 untamed bodies colliding under the red canopy Don't leave Bite my lip Put your mark on me like a brand new tattoo I'm enjoying the pain before dawn Stay Just stay Stay until you can't anymore -ugggliz

[ugggliz]

Her

As the clock strikes 2 he finds himself thinking about how someone's existence changes his life permanently.Every breath he takes puts him high, the highest stage he has ever been. Every touch speaks to him in a language he has never heard of. A softer voice that sounds more like a prayer. An endearing hymn. A harmless rhythm inside his chest "I no longer need a savior", he says

"As long as she's here, i'm okay. And i will always be"

-ugggliz