Okay I’ve been getting upset about this subject a lot lately so I might as well type it up.
Your Orientation and the Ace Identity
Just to start with, I’m a gay (homosexual) asexual.
“But how can you be both homosexual and asexual?” you might ask.
That’s because the sexual orientations have nothing to do with whether you feel sexual attraction or not at all, despite what some definition written by a cishet white male doctor from fifty years ago might say.
Sexual orientations = Who (Gender)
Ace identities = How (Lack of Sexual Attraction, Not Affected by Gender)
They’re about Who you’re attracted to, not how you feel that attraction. As such, asexual is not an orientation, but rather the lack of sexual attraction. It’s a valid identity, but it is not an orientation.
The Problem With Romantics and Split-Attraction Model
See, there’s a really big problem with the romantics, and why I refuse to ID with them and refuse to use the Split-Attraction model.
The split attraction model, for those who don’t know, goes like this:
____romantic (romantic attraction)
____sexual (sexual attraction)
Which almost completely contradicts my previous point:
The sexualities have nothing to do with sexual attraction.
Splitting attraction like this is misleading and inherently sexualizes the orientations, which makes me and a lot of others incredibly uncomfortable, but you can use it to ID yourself if you want to! Just do not use the split attraction model for people who don’t already use it.
When you use the split attraction model for non-aces and people who don’t use it themself, you are sexualizing them without their consent by making their orientation inherently sexual.
You can use the sexual orientations even if you’re ace and don’t experience sexual attraction.
The Problems with Allosexual
The term allosexual was coined by ace individuals to refer to non-aces. The problem with this term is that it implies a power structure and axis of oppression that does not exist.
Women are not privileged for having sexual attraction. Women are invalidated and oppressed for being sexual or non-sexual.
SGA and Trans individuals are discriminated against MORE if they experience sexual attraction.
The only people who are privileged for their sexual attraction are cisgender hetero males, primarily white.
How CisHet Aces and CisHet Aros are still Straight
“But how can they be straight AND asexual?” you might ask.
It’s easy. Because asexuality does not affect your orientation. It is a modifier identity that tells others you have a lack of sexual attraction.
You agree that Heterosexual non-aces are straight, yes?
Then Hetero- Aces are straight too.
Ace identities don’t affect your orientation, and as such do not affect the privileges or oppressions you have based on your gender identity or orientation..
The Ace Community and why it is not be LGBT
This is a hot topic lately and I can sort of understand why. Let’s begin with how the A for Ace campaign began.
David Jay, a Cisgender Hetero Ace man advocated to make the Ace Community LGBT so it could use the LGBT Community’s visibility.
Let’s start of here: He is a CisHet man. He had no right advocating to include the Ace Community in the LGBT community because he is both Cisgender and Hetero.
The LGBT community began as a movement to fight systematic homophobia and transphobia.
This right here is the big ticket item. I’ll try and make it simpler to understand why other orientations and genders outside the LGBT acronym are included.
Homophobia - Systematic opression directed at those who experience same gender attraction. All LGBT subsects have systematically suffered under this.
Biphobia - Largely stems from homophobia. It’s a mixture of homophobia and other discrimination that only bisexuals and those under the bi umbrella (MGA) face.
Lesbophobia - Homophobia specifically targeted at women. Includes Misogyny. Only wlw experience this type of oppression.
Transphobia - Specific set of systemized oppressions that Trans, nonbinary, and agender individuals face for not matching their socially designated gender. Trans individuals also suffer under homophobia, which was equally directed at them throughout history.
That was a bit longer than I planned to write it, but that’s the gist of it.
The Ace Community, as it stands, does not suffer under any of these other oppressions, or subsets of them, for being ace. Ace discrimination and stigma does not stem from homophobia or transphobia, but from ignorance, ableism, and misogyny.
The problem with q*eer, other than it being a slur, is that it has solely been aimed at those suffering under homophobia (and its subsets) and transphobia.
If you are Cisgender and Hetero, you are not allowed to use q*eer.
We are not the Q*eer community. It is a slur. You may only self-identify as it if you experience SGA/MGA or are Trans.
Cisgender Hetero Aces are straight because being ace does not affect the privileges one has by virtue of their gender identity or orientation.
Allosexual is a homophobic, transphobic, and sexist term that implies that LBGT individuals and women are privileged for feeling sexual attraction.
The Ace Community does not suffer under an axis of oppression by virtue of being Ace.
Q*eer is a slur, not an umbrella term. Only SGA/MGA and Trans individuals can use it to identify themselves.
In closure, we are valid, we are loved and accepted by eachother, but we are not LGBT for being ace.
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