i don't like or respect any of you people

if you are my evil son-in-law please stop trying to get me to kill myself it's not going to happen i have a backbone made of steel and suicide is pussy shit

[ulderravengard]

if self-flagellating all consuming guilt that you repress so that it only ever serves to make you terrible to be around is bad then why does it feel so good huh. checkmate liberals

[ulderravengard]

why anyone "follows" me on this godsforsaken platform is beyond me. if you are thinking of perhaps "following me" to my "home" where i "live" or anywhere else of that nature know that i have a bastard sword. and a bastard son-in-law. with teeth

[ulderravengard]

Former duke ravengard sir is it homo if it’s just the tip

just the tip of what. the iceberg under which i pray you are crushed???????????

[ulderravengard]

why am i being “cancelled” for “coping” with my “grief” . have you tried being a single dad. no. all you people know is how to get infested by illithid parasites. utter woke nonsense

[diosapate]

i have dead wife flashbacks about francesca ravengard too like ulder is nottttt special

[ulderravengard]

hey

[ulderravengard]

there is nothing "heated" about my "rivalry" with my son's husband. in fact i am perhaps approaching something more akin to a "cooled" "apathy". furthermore this is a topical post. do not contact me with rebuttals

[ulderravengard]

why do you keep fucking off to elturel if you know that the flaming fist always turns evil without you

do you think i have a say in this matter. oh baphomet please don't psychosexually torture me . i have a militia to run?

[femmebot100]

[ulderravengard]

i am NOT gay4pay!!! i am bi4cityprospects at BEST!!!

[ulderravengard]

lol

nothing to laugh about in this life

[ulderravengard]

honestly if i happened to accidentally misplace my son at 17 and he came back 7 years later with an evil vampire fiance ten times his age I'd probably cope much worse with that than you seem to have done. you should get a medal or something.

i should get a medal or something

[ulderravengard]

does daddy like it dirty

can you behave yourself

[ulderravengard]

while you were all “celebrating the new year with your loved ones” and “making resolutions to better yourself” i was moving in silence to achieve my goals. after a long mental journey for this new number on the calendar i am now the most empathetic and emotionally balanced man in this city. and it only cost me one day. take that you fucking losers

[wufflesvetinari]

PSA

Did you know???? Did you know????? @winifreddinh has fully adapted my wyllstarion choose-your-own-adventure fic (also known as the Ulder Ravengard Ulcer Simulator) into a goddamn!! visual!! novel!!!

WITNESS: ulder ravengard experiencing holiday torments! astarion experiencing clowns! wyll experiencing ballroom politics with a chance of murder! hallmark-trope-bedeviled servants experiencing true love!

Summary:

You are ULDER RAVENGARD.

Your son is completely besotted with his fiancé, but you can’t figure out the appeal. He’s spoiled, and petty, and seems chiefly concerned with draining the Ravengard coffers. You are, frankly, at your wits’ fucking end.

Surely the only solution is to declare an INSANE SECRET WAR on him before he can ruin the MIDWINTER'S EVE BALL. This cannot possibly backfire.

[A choose-your-own-adventure Astarion son-in-law simulator. Happy Holidays! Or possibly the opposite of that.]

ta da

[ulderravengard]

cease and desist these lies and misinformation identity theft is a crime. have a terrible midwinter do not call me

[ulderravengard]

least favorite emoji

🧛🏻 perturbs me

[ulderravengard]

🦦🥃🗡️ i’ve discovered “emojis”

[ulderravengard]

Can I kin you?

what are we even doing here anymore. have you tried kinning a job application