i'm a war

masaaki mashita paintball player status: dead "dear rabbit, my claws are down now, so don't be afraid."

[ultimatepaint-blog]

Canals ✖

[ultimatepaint-blog]

shsl--librarian : 

“Y-yeah, I guess my accent shows, doesn’t it? Ehe… I’m– huh?” Timaeus blinked in surprise at the hefty book now in his hands, and huffed even more in surprise at Masaaki’s dismissal of its contents.

“There’s nothing lame about ancient Chinese philosophy! Who told you that?!” he yelped as he flipped through the pages looking for a publisher’s mark. “Huh, I don’t think I’ve seen this edition before… Where did you–”

He looked up again and Masaaki was gone, now beckoning him to join him at the table. Tim practically skipped over to him, forgetting the espresso machine entirely.

“I-I don’t actually know all that much about philosophy but! If you didn’t like this one I can help you find an annotated translation that’s a little easier to approach! Or more in-depth, I don’t know what the problem was exactly, I haven’t heard of this particular translator, aha.” He clapped his hands together. “But don’t give up yet! It’s a really interesting area of study!” Tim calm down.

Masaaki shoved some of the sandwich in his mouth, listening intently on what Tim had to say. Was his edition a rarity? He actually didn’t know; it was something he’d inherited from his mother. However, that didn’t mean he couldn’t use it to his advantage, right?

“Heh, I know right? Damn nice copy, if I say so myself. Pretty fucking expensive, too. Collector’s edition, got it from my mom”

He took a sip of his coffee and kicked back in his seat. At very least, Tim wasn’t an exhausting person, and he was actually having fun with this conversation. How rare was that?! He held out his hand. 

“Can I have it back for a sec?” 

He took the novel in his hands and flipped to a page that was dog-eared. Hopefully, Tim wouldn’t make a comment on that; Masaaki found that a book wasn’t well-loved until it was marked and in pieces from analyzing. And speaking of marks, he’d highlighted exactly the analect for which he was looking. 

“I can teach you a little about philosophy. Like, here... This one: ‘Forget injuries, never forget kindness.’  I like this one. It reminds me of someone- feels like someone in a dream or another life- who was kind... someone I shouldn’t forget? Ah, fuck, I don’t know why I fucking told you that.” Cue a pause. “What I mean is I study this a lot... but, if you have a better translation or one with editor’s note... that’d be nice, actually.” 

He was kind of embarrassed about what he said before. What did that even mean? Who knows. He took a sip of his coffee. 

[ultimatepaint-blog]

Canals ✖

[ultimatepaint-blog]

shsl--librarian :

“W-well, hopefully it’ll be worth the wait! This place is so fancy…” This kid came off pretty gruff, but Tim could tell he was trying to hold back, and he appreciated that! Plus he had a book, so he couldn’t be all bad.

“Ah, Masaaki, right! I-I know your face we just haven’t really talked, I guess! Um, my name’s Timaeus, b-but that’s a mouthful so people just call me Tim, ehe… What are you reading? Can I see?”

Ah, books! Something that Masaaki actually knew quite a bit about... and something that made him happy. He smiled briefly, but it vanished as soon as it came. 

“Tim... That’s... uh, American, right?” 

He had an immediate respect for anyone that could speak more than one language. He, himself, only knew Japanese, which he felt made him kind of boring. Someday, however... Someday, he really wanted to learn! But that was an aspiration for adulthood; he had other things to worry about now. 

He laughed nervously as he handed over the novel. It appeared to be A Brief Intro to the Works of Confucius. 

“It’s, uh... Haha, it’s actually pretty fucking lame. Don’t you dare judge me, okay...” 

As he said that, the cashier returned to take his order, and once done, she handed him the coffee that he ordered as well as the sandwiches. He took them in his arms and went to find the nearest table, beckoning Tim to follow behind. For the first time in a while, someone struck what appeared to be his good side. All it took was talking to him about literature. 

He placed his food on the surface of the table and turned to look where Tim was still standing at the register. 

“You can come sit with me... if you want. Fuck, I can’t make you, but if you don’t, I want my damn book back...” 

[ultimatepaint-blog]

Canals ✖

[ultimatepaint-blog]

bubblegumreign :

Eri heard the person behind her raise his voice at her, okay, so his name was Masaaki. “Yikes, chill the fuck out Masaaki, I don’t think the school heard you” She sat down at the table and examined the item she took, it seemed….okay?

Masaaki sat down at the seat adjacent to her and sounded annoyed about having to sit near someone. “Get over it” 

So she stole something, it wasn’t that much anyway. “Are you going to rat me out for taking something when the cashier left the food alone?” 

Be nice.

Masaaki bit his lip and kicked his legs on the table, whilst taking a few sips from the coffee and letting the book he was reading relax against his legs. He skimmed a few lines of text, but she kept talking, and it’d be rude not to reply, right? Not that he ever cared what was respectful or not...  

“I’ll get over it when I fucking want to get over it. You get over it.” 

He didn’t want to stop there. She kept going, so naturally he had to keep going too. That’s just how things worked around here. It was pretty obvious by the blush on his cheeks that he was flustered, however... for reasons unknown to even him. 

“...And if I do rat you out?” He paused. “Fuck it, I don’t care. But if you get in trouble, that shit’s not on me. I’m so not fucking gonna getting blamed for that.” 

He reached in his pocket and tossed the money that her item cost in her direction. Not like he was being nice or anything, but he figured he might have been dubbed an accomplice if she were to be caught. This was totally not because he was being considerate or anything. 

[ultimatepaint-blog]

Canals ✖

[ultimatepaint-blog]

shsl--librarian :

Timaeus was waiting quietly for that fancy espresso machine to heat up, and hadn’t realized he was standing in the way of the sandwich buffet until he heard Masaaki grumbling behind him. He practically hopped out of the way, apologizing profusely.

“A-ah, sorry, sorry! The machine is, um, taking a while… I guess we’re the first ones here today, huh?” He let out a nervous laugh, hoping the boy wouldn’t take out too much of his anger on him.

Masaaki wasn’t sure he could keep being mean to someone who was this kind, even when he’d just been so hostile. But this was Masaaki, and he struggled to be nice to anyone. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, thinking to himself for a bit, before averting eye contact and nodding. 

“Fucking machines, right? Never goddamn working the way they should.”

Though it wasn’t exactly the most heartfelt conversation he could have been having, at least it wasn’t as confrontational as before. Masaaki shuffled around again, uncertain, then finally looked at Tim, glancing him over up and down. He’d never seen this person before, even if they were in the same class; Masaaki didn’t exactly pay attention to others as he should have. 

He frowned. 

“...I’m Mashita Masaaki. But just call me Masaaki. Uh, I don’t...” A pause as he retracted his statement. “Sorry. You are?” 

[ultimatepaint-blog]

Canals ✖

[ultimatepaint-blog]

bubblegumreign :

Eri stared at what was available, taking her time and that made the person next in line angry. “Just force your way to the front of the line if you’re that irritated, push people down if you have to” Nothing looked remotely appetizing and Eri wasn’t even hungry, so why was she even here? She rolled her eyes and stepped away from line.

Eri turned her head towards him. “Nothing looks good, so have fun with that, impatient dude” The cashier left and she glanced around quickly, ignoring her previous words, took the first thing she saw and darted over to the nearest table. 

Well, if she was going to let him force his way in line, then how could he resist... ━ No, that wasn’t right. That wasn’t how his mother raised him, after all. But before he even had the option of doing anything at all, she dashed out of line without a word in edgewise. How was he supposed to react to that? Luckily enough- if luck was something to be considered here?- she was still within hearing range, so he turned on his heel and shouted back at her. 

“That’s Masaaki to you!” 

He turned back to the cashier and sighed, mumbling a “fuck” under his breath before placing his order. A nice, black coffee- no sugar, no sweetener, no anything- and grabbed the ham sandwich as well. She was right, it didn’t look appealing, as cafe food usually wasn’t- unless it was brand name, mind you- but it was food, and he wasn’t going to complain.

Now, he was going to complain that she was seated at the only empty table, however. How awkward. He shuffled his way over and hesitantly placed the coffee down at the seat adjacent to her. 

“I guess I have to sit here...” A pause. “I fucking saw you steal that, just by the way.”

Thanks for stating the obvious, Masaaki. 

[ultimatepaint-blog]

Canals ✖

A field trip to a resort, huh? Of course, that meant having to deal with other people- which was an exhausting feat in its own right- but Masaaki had never been anywhere so fancy before... As such, he accepted the offer and was quick to pack his bags, albeit fill them with junk food and other random crap as opposed to actual necessities. Nevertheless, when he felt ready, he boarded the bus and sat by himself. He clearly wanted nothing to do with others, and as such, he rested comfortably- alone- with a book in hand. 

However, once the bus pulled up at the building, he was amongst the first to jump out. For the first time in a while, he was excited for something; he envisioned wading in a large hot tub, hitting some ski slopes, and perhaps sitting amidst beautiful scenery whilst he wrote poetry in his journal.

Alas, the ride was long, and he was starving by the end of it. So before he could accomplish any of these dreams of his, he searched out a cafe. There wasn’t a grand line, given the resort was reserved for their class alone, but he was still irritable with the one person standing in front of him nevertheless. He was always grumpier when hungry. 

“...Fuck, could this take any longer?” 

What a nice way to make friends. He didn’t care though; he crossed his arms over his chest and stomped one foot on the ground with impatience. He wanted his damn coffee and ham sandwich right now, thank you very much. 

[xprettywhenyoucryx]

[shslcelebrity-blog]

Yaoi Boys pg. 1

This is singhandedly the worst thing I have ever drawn

Pre-despair headcanons are my life, especially when they come out sounding like (actually good) BL manga

[ultimatepaint-blog]

“No one else needs to die but them… They can be the last death in here… Because they hurt you.” (Here)

i. Starring Role - Marina & the Diamonds ii. Mr. Brightside - The Killers iii. Coattails - Broods iv. I Can’t Make You Love Me  - Bon Iver v. I Know I’m a Wolf - Young Heretics vi. The Beach - The Neighbourhood vii. I Found - Amber Run viii. You - The Pretty Reckless

[shslgriefcounsellor]

Splintered ☂ Body3 ☂ Open

[ultimatepaint-blog]

shslgriefcounsellor :

Azaki let his hand fall back to his side and watched, holding his ground as his friend backed away. Masaaki’s reaction perplexed him, and after a moment of contemplation he approached again.

“Masaaki,” he said, coming to a stop perhaps one step too close. Considering the response contact prompted before, the counsellor kept his hands to himself. “In circumstances like these, you’re not supposed to know what to do.” His brow knit. “I’m entirely lost, myself. I…”

He looked over his shoulder at Kukuru, but soon enough his eyes were pinned back on his friend. “Who do you think is responsible?”

Azaki came back again but didn’t touch this time. Masaaki longed for it, but didn’t know how to say it. He hated this killing thing, contrary to what he had said before and the threats he’d made at people. He never knew watching other students drop like flies would bother him so much, even with people he didn’t talk to. 

And he didn’t know Kukuru- or Nao for that matter- but he knew that they were friends to Azaki, so it bothered him. 

“Someone awful...” he whispered. “...Someone who should just die right now. They deserve it... They deserve dying, because they hurt you...” Masaaki tried to back up more, but the wall was in the way. He ended up just banging his back on the wall over and over. 

“No one else needs to die but them. The person who killed her... can be the last death in here. Please, no fucking more...” 

[hoshihour]

Two | Hoshi | Ch3 Body Reaction | Open

[ultimatepaint-blog]

hoshihour :

“I was…just trying to help…”

He stumbled back a few steps, biting his lip. He dug his teeth in as hard as he could without really meaning to, causing blood to drip down his chin before long. He fiddled with his sleeves, staring at the floor. The emotion seemed to be draining from his voice, but it continued to waver - that was good, right?

“It was supposed to help…since I’m so bad at helping people, and I figured…the only other thing I can do is hug people, because hugs almost always help. But I guess…since I can’t even prevent murder, I can’t do anything else good or helpful either.”

He heard sniveling and looked up at Masaaki with his tired, blank eyes. Even he could tell what was happening.

“You’re crying. Don’t…don’t cry. It was…supposed to help, not make you cry.”

Masaaki shook his head. “I’m not crying...” It was pretty obvious that he was, and the more he denied it, the more his voice wavered. “I’m fine really- you... you know you’re bleeding, right?” 

He pointed a shaky finger towards the other boy’s lips, as he tried to deter the conversation. 

“Goddamn it, why? Why the fuck do we need more blood?” He pulled at his shirt nervously and rubbed at his eyes over and over and over again. “Why, why, WHY--” 

[shslgriefcounsellor]

Splintered ☂ Body3 ☂ Open

[ultimatepaint-blog]

shslgriefcounsellor :

Ever so slowly, Azaki retracted his hand from Kukuru’s cheek. He could still feel the chill of her skin against his fingertips when he turned to speak with his friend.

“You know I… what? Loved her?” he asked, easily meeting Masaaki’s eyes. “I did. I suppose I still do.” He blinked, flatly adding, “Thank you.”

For a long moment, Azaki did little more than stare. His friend looked out of sorts, to say the least, but the counsellor felt unequipped to respond. With the same hand that had just touched Kukuru’s face, Azaki reached for Masaaki’s. He laid his fingers against his friend’s cheek.

“You’ve been crying,” he observed. “I’m envious. I seem to have lost the ability.”

Masaaki winced and moved away from the other boy’s touch. Why did this hurt so much? Why did caring about someone have to feel like venom in his blood? It was like a pile of bricks were being pressed on his chest, and he was finding it harder to breathe. 

The saddest thing was that... as soon as he moved away, he missed it. He missed Azaki’s touch, but he knew he was unworthy. Unworthy of love, unworthy of friendship... Altogether unworthy. He has been too mean to everyone here all this time; he’d missed his chances. 

He shook his head and kept backing up, right until he hit the wall, but it appeared as if he wanted to keep going. Right back up into the wall, hoping to vanish from everyone ever. 

“I don’t know what to do anymore.  I just... I...” He shook his head. “I don’t know.” He sighed. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” 

[shslgriefcounsellor]

Splintered ☂ Body3 ☂ Open

The shriek he heard curdled his blood, and Azaki rushed up the stairs and down the hall. The moment he reached the ski shop he stumbled back from the doorway, a hand clamped over his mouth.

It wasn’t fair. The poet had been making progress—Ren had been making progress—but quick as sand between his fingers, all of that was gone. He scarcely had time to linger on the tragedy before his electroID came to life in his pocket. Obligated to look at the file, the counsellor pulled it out and scrolled through its contents.

“No,” he breathed, taking a step back. He dropped the ID at his feet and shook his head, hands drawing slowly up to his face. Without warning, he took off.

Azaki ran faster than he had any right to. He tripped and stumbled his way to the lift, and while his heart threw itself against his ribs he ascended the mountain.

After what felt like a lifetime the counsellor made it to the freezer, and what he laid his eyes on he could not believe. His brow creased and he ground his teeth together, and the vicious painful beating of his heart had all but stopped. Tearless, Azaki passed through the threshold and came to a stop by Kukuru.

“Where are you?” he muttered, fingers inching toward her face. Her skin was cold as ice, but still he couldn’t process what he saw. Something inside him was cracking.

“………………………………”

[ultimatepaint-blog]

Masaaki knew who had come into the freezer before he even looked. The harsh footsteps on the floor, fast in pace and stumbling over one another linked to only one person. Azaki.

He looked over, tired eyed and puffy cheeked, and immediately wanted to run. If before was the wrong time to get wrapped up in his emotions, now was even worse. However, he knew that for Azaki's sake, he couldn't.

Azaki always put his own feelings aside. Now was not the time for that. Kukuru was his best friend and he needed someone and Masaaki didn't want to run anymore. He wanted to help. It was lonely being so afraid of his own feelings and not serving any purpose whatsoever.

But no matter what, his fear overpowered him. He looked Azaki in the eye, his face falling into a more sympathetic expression, and whispered, "I'm really sorry... about her..." He paused, his voice cracking. "I know you..." Cue another long pause.

"Nevermind, sorry-"

[hoshihour]

Two | Hoshi | Ch3 Body Reaction | Open

Hoshi had already been struck with pure despair when he found Nao. Sure, he hadn’t talked to Nao much, but he and everyone else here were his friends! And besides, with another person dead, it meant everyone close to that person would also end up falling into despair - not to mention the trial, where they would have to send whoever did this to their death.

And then the other body was found. Kukuru, dead in the freezer. As if Hoshi hadn’t already had his emotions jarred by Nao’s death, this body sent another shock through him. All he could do was stand there, staring at the unmoving corpse. He just stared and stared, as if she would just magically rise like Frankenstein’s monster if he kept it up. Part of his mind wanted to say that Kukuru was just messing with them, that she was just utilizing her talent, but he knew the body discovery announcement and the update to the Monofile didn’t lie.

He didn’t know what to feel anymore. The shock was getting to be too much, and he could feel a voice in his mind whispering ‘just give up’. He shook his head, as if that would make it go away. There were tears streaming down his face, but it was hard to pinpoint where his feelings were going at this point.

“At least…our families are safe…” he muttered, too quiet for anyone to hear.

Just standing there made him all too aware of the cold seeping through his socks, and the voice in his head screaming louder and louder the longer he ignored it. He wanted to rip his hearing aids out, even if it wouldn’t help. He lifted his head up, spotting the nearest person. He stumbled the short distance over to them, and wrapped his arms tightly around them. He didn’t have words, so he could only hope the affection would do something, anything to help them.

[ultimatepaint-blog]

Masaaki looked over to see that Hoshi was hugging him. Oddly enough, at this moment, the physical touch from another person just felt numb... As if he couldn’t really feel anything at all.

As much as he wanted to stay strong, he couldn’t. Tears were flowing from his eyes before he could even acknowledge them. This bothered him quite a bit, as he didn’t want to show weakness of any kind so he pushed Hoshi away and covered his face with his hands.

“What the hell are you even doing?” He asked, his voice wavering as if he were going to break down then and there. 

[sekaiendo-blog]

✧ XI ✧ OPEN

Sekai’s entire body seemed to wilt as he stood in the freezer doorway, feet planting him firmly in place. Classmates pushed past Sekai in the commotion, surrounding Kukuru’s chilled body. Some diligently picked apart the crime scene—others stood beside the fear inducer, touching her, talking to her, crying for her. The distressed voices of Sekai’s classmates piled up over each other, so much so that he could hardly distinguish their words anymore. 

“Kukuru-san …?” Sekai uttered the name just above a whisper. His voice wavered just slightly as he said it. “It’s cold in here … wake up … okay …?”  From Sekai’s vantage point, Kukuru was a few thick strands of hair, a patch of white skin. She did not move.  Slowly tensing up, Sekai shuffled backwards. He backed away until the glass pillar came up behind him. Hot tears slipped down his face. His breathing became erratic. He bit his lip. Then the cries erupted from him. They were long, child-like wails that echoed across the high ceiling. It seemed the only time the puppeteer would be loud in this place was when he cried. 

“AaaAAAAaaaAAAAAA … !”  Sekai’s sobs were so noisy that they could be heard across the entire floor. Still, he carried on, crumpling to his knees. His cries grew louder. He began to smack his back into the wall behind him, over and over.  “GIVE BACK KUKURU-SAN!” he wailed, slamming his feet into the ground, throwing his weight harshly into the wall. “GIVE BACK MORITA-SAN! GIVE THEM BACK!” 

[ultimatepaint-blog]

Masaaki didn’t know what to do. He came in here to see all the commotion, but as soon as his eyes laid upon the corpse, he froze. To make matters worse, all the other students were upset, and one in particular was throwing a flat out tantrum. 

“Stop it,” he screamed at Sekai. “Stop fucking hitting yourself! What good does that do? Another goddamn body?! Is that what you want?”

His eyes teared up, but he rubbed them with his sleeve hoping Sekai wouldn’t notice. He felt a little silly, caring about someone whom he’d never spoken to before, especially since he hated showing weakness, but this stupid murder ordeal was wearing him down... 

“No one’s fucking coming back. Deal with it!” 

[ultimatepaint-blog]

Masaaki couldn't breathe. He felt some surge of pain at the body drop announcement, not because he was ever particularly close with either Nao or Kukuru... but because they were important to those who were important to him. Even so, he knew he wasn't one to cheer anyone up, and he felt guilty for even trying. He sprinted into the dark room to bottle up his feelings once again, making sure that no one who hated him would know how much he was bothered. That was just how Masaaki worked, after all. Push it down until you can't take it anymore- that kind of thing. However, at the fast pace he was going, and considering he was, admittedly, too teary-eyed to see much of anything at all, he bumped into someone. This caused him to fall back, but he was quick to resume standing and made certain to hide his face. "...What the fuck?" was all he could manage to spit out.

[ultimatepaint-blog]

     This event... more than any of the others... made him feel alone. He had never given or received candies of any kind except from his parents when he was younger, and he spent the past few Valentine’s Days (and most other holidays, for that matter) alone. 

     He knew, no matter what, he wasn’t going to be getting anything, so he went to go mope elsewhere in the building... away from everyone else. He could feel his stomach ache, and he didn’t want to see the sight of food anyway. 

     But he wasn’t alone... At least, not in the lobby, where he chose to pout. A person’s footsteps could be heard from behind him, and he grew tense in irritation. 

     “The fuck do you want?” He asked without even turning around.