I'm a Goner

A smile a day keeps the questions away.

[neoncalumhood]

I have a new fictional boyfriend and his name is Cole Holland.

[ignxtevignxtev]

[johngreen-johngreen]

[desordename-la-vida]

[ultravioletrays13-blog]

Dear Parents,

I do not appreciate you guys trying to control me. I’m tired of you guys controlling my education, my clothes, and most importantly my self expression. Recently, I have dyed the ends of my hair pink and I know you guys hate it but this is a way I want to express myself. Keep in mind I got permission from both of you after years of asking and begging. Even though, I appreciate for you guys letting me I certainly do not appreciate you guys bashing my decision every chance you get. The reason I want to dye my hair is not because everyone else is dying but the fact that this is one way I can express myself. Some kids might do that with music or drawing, but changing my appearance is one way I can express myself. Having pink hair does not change who I am, it just changes what I look like and so far I think I look pretty damn good. It makes me feel good about myself and by bashing it, that makes me feel like shit. That may not be your intentions but I want you to know it hurts. This is more than just pink hair, it about not letting me make choices for myself. 

The both of you have kept me in a shell for the longest of time and dying my hair is one way for be to break that shell. I am begging you to please stop saying that MY hair is YOUR hair. You might have given me the hair but this is MY hair now, I can do with what I want with it. Similar to how it is MY education, it is MY body. I want to choose what I want to wear without you two telling me that I look like fat, so I could go change into something you two would approve. Stop telling me to go to what school to go to for post secondary because society says if you goes there you’ll make more money. To me money is not the most important thing I don’t care if I’m not making a large amount of money but you still care because that is what you want for me but you don’t care if I am interested in this field or not. I keep coming up with other suggestions but you just keep turning it down like a light switch that is left on.

I am sick of asking for your approvals and I do not even know why I want your approvals. Why is your approval so important to me? Why do we your approvals? How will your approval benefit us when it is preventing us from expressing ourselves? When did your approvals became more important than my self expression? 

I want you guys to stop preventing me from trying new things and expressing myself and just accept it. Both of you said you love me when I have brown hair but now that part of my hair is pink you love me less?  Because that is what it feels like every time you make a comment. 

Changing my appearance does not change who I am as a person. I am still your child, so stop making me feel like shit for trying to express myself.

Love, 

Your daughter 

[lolnein]

Happy World Book Day!

http://lolnein.com/2016/03/03/bookvsereader/

[thefallingtown]

[no-but-i-got-cheez-whiz]

there’s twenty one things I’d love to do with you

[fobsessed-girl]

I’m gonna make you BRENDON break

[bbuingbbuing]

we don’t believe what’s on TV // twenty one pilots

[ultravioletrays13-blog]

It’s hard to trust new people when you don’t even trust the old ones

[ultravioletrays13-blog]

Giving Friends My Opinion

Friends: *Ask about something* Share your opinion, please! Judgement free! 

Me: *Shares opinion* 

Friends:*Don’t like the opinion and pretends I don’t exist for the next week* 

Me: Well, sorry you hate my opinion but you asked for it 

[ultravioletrays13-blog]

Friendship

Friendship. It is rare to find and it is hard to hold on to. People have taught me to find friends who I can trust. Who I can depend on in my time of need. Who I can lean on in the darkest time. Do I even have that? I have not idea. The friends I have treats me like shit now. They leave me out of group activities, they some how always forget about me when cool things are happening, and they only need me when one is against another. Yet, I still feel like I have some kind of loyalty to them. They don’t give me their loyalty, so why do I give them mine? Maybe, it is because I knew them for a long time but right now I am at a state where I don’t know what to do. Do I leave them? Or do I remind the fun times we had and continue to make myself feel like crap whenever I hang out with them? 

Every time when I hang out with them I feel like the odd one out. Sure it can be good sometimes because you stand out and you are being your own individual there’s no one else. For me that is not how I feel. For me it is more like being around a bunch of people who only tolerates me for the time being until I am gone. I put on a pretty smile, and a perfect laugh for them and I don’t think I can do that any longer. 

Yet, I always find myself back to them.