A Sea of Rage

Never let the anger completely consume you... {Indie AU RP blog for Sayaka Miki of PMMM. Prone to nsfw, triggers, and violence.} Character Status: N/A Soul Gem: [•○] : •••••○○○○○ RP List

[brokenblueknight-archive]

New Followers + Old Followers

My extended apologies to roleplay blogs following me lately.

I know you’re probably upset to see so much constant OOC here but.

I’ve been taking a break from PMMM roleplay? I’m sort of on a semi-Hiatus. However I have not given up on my muses, of course, especially not this one. Ongoing roleplays are still drafted and I still plan on continuing them. Just, not right now. 

If you still want to follow me? Cool, and thank you for your patience. I try to limit my OOC to my sideblog instead of here for that reason of your patience, tbh. So you don’t have to see this constant chatter of mine. But if you don’t want to follow until I get back on my feet, then I also understand. 

I do look forward to when I can roleplay with my new followers, and I wish I could do it soon, but it will have to wait until I can get back to roleplaying on my PMMM muses again. 

You’ve got my biggest apologies, and wishes that I soon return from my hiatus comfortably. 

For the time being you can find me on flxgrxns and rxbedo

[puremflamma]

     ”S-Sayaka… I… ” Swallowing the lump in her throat, Kyouko allows her gaze to fall to her feet. Honestly, the whole topic was making her a bit restless.

     ”L-Look, y-you don’t… y-you don’t understand! Y-You’re the only friend I have! I-If I lose you, I-I’m gonna be on my own again and it’s so much harder on my own… I-I can forget about the bad stuff now… c-cuz I at least have somethin’ ta look forward to… s-someone ta hang around, I-I mean… but…b-but if you start gettin’ inta trouble, I-I’m gonna have nothin’ again and… I-I…”

      By now, tears are steadily welling in Kyouko’s eyes, a few managing to roll down her cheek and pater onto her shirt. She couldn’t tell Sayaka everything, not even half of it, but the prospect of losing the girl eventually and having to take her medicine without that spoonful of sugar?

     It was terrifying.

[ultrixmare]

Sayaka watched Kyouko calmly as she explained why losing Sayaka would be bad. Yeah...she supposed her failure would cause a lot of trouble. While the blunette had trouble grasping a genuine sense of understanding for Kyouko's defenses, she seemed to understand that either way, it would put Kyouko in trouble. Quite honestly, someone as soft-hearted and kind as Kyouko didn't deserve that kind of trouble. Then again, she didn't deserve Sayaka's trouble either, but...she seemed to want that, if it meant helping her. What a startling notion.

"Funny...you're the only friend I think I have too...hell I can't even tell anymore, if the feelings that stir in my chest from time to time, is me responding to the fact I even have a friend. I don't know what friendship feels like. I thought I did at one point, but then that turned out to be a lifelong lie." She glanced to the side. "Though somehow I can tell Kyouko's more genuine, than the liar in my life."

Looking at the ground briefly, Sayaka frowned, eyelids lowering a bit with a sense of solemn in her expression. "Look, calm down, okay? I'll...'ll try and go back for next week's appointment." She said as she walked forward, slipping a handkerchief out fro her back pocket. She wiped at the liquid running down Kyouko's face, and sighed quietly. "Only because I...don't think I like seeing you this way. I guess that's concern. What a funny feeling." She said without much tone, though a small look of thoughtfulness.

[ultrixmare]

-- Curabitur [@Kyouko]

[rossofiore-deactivated20151004]

    “Didn’t ya jus’ hear what I said?” Kyouko remarks with a moody little huff. “I ain’t here ta judge you based on what ya did in th’past or how bad someone says ya are, you included. Makin’ decisions based on what might be true, on gossip…. that’s fuckin’ dumb and it’s a fool’s game. I ain’t a fool.”

    A small frown tugs at the lancer’s lips as she raises a brow. “I wanna meet Sayaka Miki fer myself an’ come ta my own conclusions. You can oblige me that or I can get lost. Either way, I ain’t gonna have an opinion forcefed ta me.”

    She pauses, gaze casting off to the side momentarily. 

    “An’ we don’t have ta keep doin’… y’know. Not if ya don’t want to. I could see why ya wouldn’t, honestly speakin’.”

[ultrixmare]

If Kyouko stuck around, surely, Sayaka was convinced she would only get a bad, genuine impression of her. That was that. Was that what she needed in order to know for sure that Sayaka wasn't a good person then? Probably. 

"Do what you want. You can stay around if you really want to. I guess I'm just...warning you, early. I'm not pleasant company." Sayaka shook her head, and then shrugged. "I guess it's best if we didn't keep getting together like that. You should stop and save that for someone you'll really want to share yourself with someday, anyway. Hopefully someone a little less rough around the edges."

[verbena--bloom]

- - - feral || fearsome (@Sayaka)

[verbena--bloom]

"Cool, cool~" Haruki remarks with a bit of a lopsided grin, a hand resting on her hip as the other hands at her side. "It’s funny— I’ve been eating all day but I’m still starving as hell. Guess busy days just give me a mad appetite, y’know? Heh."

With a light shrug, she gestures to a small shop across the street. “Mm, but if you don’t know any place better, we could drop by there. I’ve been going pretty often since I don’t know the area too well yet. Pretty good stuff, really.”

[ultrixmare]

"Actually, that's fine." Sayaka agreed, eyes roaming across the street at the small building that Haruki had pointed out. She'd been there a couple times herself, she knew it was a decent place. 

"Let's go ahead. It's a good place, I agree. Might be better to start with familiarity anyway, right?" Starting across the street when it seemed safe, she gestured for Haruki to follow.

[ultrixmare]

RP Thread List {AS OF:: SEPTEMBER 21, 2014}

Notes||

[[Your urls are listed next to the thread links. 

Any thread unlinked is likely a starter I made you that has not been posted yet

If you see [Owed] that means that I owe that thread. Nothing by a title means that either you owe, or I could not find that reply and if you have it, link it.

Ctrl + F is your friend for this list. If you need to find your threads with my muses, use the find words function and use your url. But the list shouldn’t be that long anyway. But it’s an instruction for ease of access in longer lists.

Please notify me if there is a thread that I am missing, or a thread listed that you would like to drop.]]

[rossofiore] Curabitur [Owed]

[verbena-bloom] Feral || Fearsome [Owed]

[cruentumdivitiae] Aesthetically Apathetic

[puremflamma] [Untilted] [Owed]

[ultrixmare]

Hurt my muse! See how they react!

✚: Stab in the back with a knife.

♕: A kick in a very sensitive area.

✿: Insult them as a person. (Insert specific insult as needed.)

♠: Punch/slap to the face.

♆: Strangle them.

ϡ: Give a gash that will leave a scar.

ღ: Emotionally scar them for life.

†: Nail them to a structure with any sharp implements.

✄: Break off a relationship.

☂: Shove them into a body of water.

[mellifluouslymelodicc-oldd]

Visit Original Link

Phantogram 》 Fall in Love 《 Voices  (2014)

[puremflamma]

     ”Y’don’t… have a plan B though, do ya?” Kyouko mumbles quietly, averting her gaze to her feet. “Y-Yer gonna quit goin’ b-but y’don’t have anythin’ else in mind… a-and then y-yer gonna start gettin’ worse ‘cuz nobody’s keepin’ an eye on ya a-and I-I…. really don’t want that, Sayaka…”

     The girl fidgets in place, visible discomforted. “I-I don’t want ya t-t’just… g-give up…”

[ultrixmare]

"I just...what am I supposed to do, then?" The girl glanced at Kyouko. Averting her eyes soon afterwards, she just stared at the wall in front of her, hand fidgeting with the large square gauze that was bandaged against her cheek. 

"Sorry....it's probably disappointing to hear, huh? But it's getting so damn hard lately. I keep feeling myself slipping, getting worse. Even the doctor agrees at this point. I just--I don't know if I want to keep fighting anymore or not." 

Oddly enough, she didn't like being this honest to Kyouko. Sure, she was usually just honest without any mmind to consequence. But...she liked Kyouko, at least she was kind of sure she did. She didn't even know how she felt towards people anymore. Most of her more human emotions were just...muddling together. It was exhausting.

[puremflamma]

     ”S-Sayaka… t-that ain’t… t-that ain’t gonna be good fer ya…”

[ultrixmare]

"Neither is going through the same damn things every day as I always have. Nothing's changed, Kyouko. I don't...I don't feel any better."

[ultrixmare]

"I think...I'm done seeing my doctor. There's...really no point anymore."

[ultrixmare]

I owe everything and my muse is being so difficult ugh

[ultrixmare]

-- Aesthetically Apathetic [@Pirate!Kyouko]

[cruentumdivitiae-blog]

"I think ya completely missed my point, kid." Geez what the hell is up with this one? "All girls look special cause they’re all different, got some kind of thing that makes ‘em special. That applies ‘ta everyone. Geez do I gotta spell out everythin’ with ya? Let a girl use a not-so pick up pick up line without havin’ ‘ta explain it.”

Kyouko ran a hand through her hair. Goodness had she spotted an odd one or what? It was like she was too blunt for her own good. “Ya ain’t so much standoffish as it’s more… err… y’unno what, that’s probably a really good description of it. I ain’t sugar-coatin’ it. Though I’m also a sailor and we’re… sort of used to being stand-offish. Seein’ it from a city lass is certainly surprising.”

[ultrixmare]

"I could let you, but not all girls fall for pick up lines either." Sayaka shrugged. "I'm just weird I suppose. Direct. I don't really a lot of point in being much else." 

Or she just didn't have the ability to be so indirect all the time. "Anyway, if you're still talking to me after all that, then I'm not being too bad." She was straying off topic, a little bit. She raised an eyebrow, tilting her head. "Though if you're gonna go around calling me special for that reason, I'd wonder what about me makes you say that, then? I don't usually stand out too much to people, honestly."

[saikorashii]

「サーカス」

[ultrixmare]

that post is pretty spot on for what madoka did to sayaka haha

[ultrixmare]

{ ᴍ ᴏ ɴ s ᴛ ᴇ ʀ s } aren’t born, they are made.

                                                  You abuse somebody who’s ᵂᴱᴬᴷ                              p u s h i n g them over and over again until they s̶̨n̢̢á̴p͟          bending their morals, shattering them like glass, leaving them to rot in their own                                                                      D̲̲ ̲̲E̲̲ ̲̲S̲̲ ̲̲P̲̲ ̲̲A̲̲ ̲̲I̲̲ ̲̲R̲̲ ̲                                                 —then you give them ( ＰＯＷＥＲ).                                                So they can wreak R E V E N G E                                          and obliterate anything standing in their way.                                                  Aren’t monsters to be { pitied }, then ?

[ultrixmare]

"Where did that come from?"

Sayaka stared at the psychiatrist for a moment, the annoying white bit in the peripheral of her vision sitting there, reminding her of what the man was asking her about. "I got into a fight."

"Who?"

"...just another asshole." 

What a vague answer. The doctor looked at her a moment, before scribbling something on that writing pad of his. No doubt she saw right through her lack of information.

"How have things been with your father?"

"What does that matter?" Sayaka asked, still staring steadily. The doctor shrugged, before leaning forward and tilting his head. "I simply want to know. After all, our personal ties are important factors in our health, are they not?"

"Shitty. As usual. What else do you wanna know?"

That answer got a sigh out of the grown man. "You know...I can only do so much until you open up more. Not that I can force you. But your medication has only been having to get stronger, and at this rate, it's not going to stop where you're heading." 

Of course not. Maybe that was because Sayaka had stopped trying. She no longer could find it in her to. There was no reason. No one to care. No one she would really disappoint, aside from this man who up until their sessions began, was a complete stranger to her. So what motivation was there, to stop herself from becoming a callous, careless woman? To feel much anything aside from apathy?

Hell, apathy sounded more appealing than anything else she's been feeling lately. 

Standing up, Sayaka brushed herself off, before heading for the door.

"We still have five minutes, Sayaka-san."

Sayaka stopped in front of the door, hand on the doorknob. "It's not like you're getting paid any less for five minutes, sir." She then said, staring at the door with a neutral expression returning to her face. "You made a valid point. I'm not getting any better. I think I'm done here."

With that, the door opened, and Sayaka had let herself out of the office.

[simplykasumi]

Pretty Amazing artworkk (: 

Credit goes to C.G. from pixiv.