Where The Mountains Meet The Sea

I’m not dead, but I never lived.

[ulventhule]

Northbound

[ulventhule]

I’m 8 years old…and my parents have gotten divorced.

My mother cheated on my father. Again.

My youngest brother is 3…

He won’t remember a time when they were together.

Custody is split 50/50

Every other day

Every other weekend

I want to live with my father full time

He isn’t a perfect person

But

My mother isn’t a good person

My brother is broken now

I blame my mother

[ulventhule]

When I was a boy…

My bedroom had walls painted hunter green

I slept on a twin bed, with a flannel quilt and wooden frame

There was an old trunk at the foot of that bed

A heavy old thing, solid with a lock to keep it closed.

Inside it was some old books, a sword, an old plush wolf, and a shoebox with old photographs.

On the wall opposite my window hangs a picture of a wolf stalking through a snow covered forest all alone.

It’s titled “The Loner” by Derk Hanson

There is a picture of a Green Woman, by Brian Froud.

And a picture of trolls accompanying a beautiful fairy.

They are still my favorite pictures.

There is a bookcase, on it are books about werewolves, folk horror, and fairy tales.

The Brothers Grimm, Northern Frights, and The Black Wolf by Galad Elflandsson

There is an Arctic Wolf Skull.

A pewter statue of Saint Hubert.

A single decade rosary made with a Vargkors, a wolf head Our Father bead, and a triskele to represent the holy trinity.

All siting in the shelves of the bookcase.

There were many things in my room as a boy…

Things that were an outward representation of who I had been and who I was becoming.

When I was a boy… I was going to go North

[ulventhule]

Hello, my name is Lorence.

I am being grieved by someone who would have been me. But life didn’t work out. My life didn’t happen and I only exist in the mind of the boy who would have been me.

My name is Lorence, and I never lived.