Umblys Rantings @umblyun - Tumblr Blog

an autism thing I don’t see talked about enough is how exhausting it can be to be overwhelmed all the time.

for one, there’s sensory overload. having one too many senses engaged is enough to make me want to hide in a dark space forever.

but there’s also the fact that each task can feel like millions of tasks lumped together. making dinner isn’t just about making dinner. it’s about walking to the kitchen, and then getting out the ingredients, and then chopping things up, and then preparing everything and then… on and on.

there’s also the fact that my attention to detail is unavoidable. I am noticing so many things all the time, because my brain can’t tell the difference between important and unimportant information. everything is just “information” that I’m constantly scrambling to keep up with.

and it’s all so damn exhausting. no wonder I’m burnt out all the time when every day is a new opportunity to get overwhelmed beyond belief.

thriftedspacesuit

I actually don't recall ever seeing a positivity post for ppl w ongoing amnesia caused by trauma disorders. I'm not talking just repressed childhood memories, I mean perpetual long-term memory loss. I mean continuing to forget non-traumatic things that happened or ppl you knew a few years or even months ago. I mean struggling to retain any information you're learning if you don't constantly go over the same material over and over again, and losing it all once you stop repeating it

If you have amnesia like me, you matter. We navigate the world a bit differently but that's okay. Just bc our brains are broken doesn't mean we can't live happy and fulfilling lives. Be patient w yourself when learning new things. Surround yourself w compassionate ppl who love to tell you stories abt past exploits you may have forgotten. Also, hey, who else gets to watch a movie for the first time every time? Above all be kind to yourself.

umblyun

Do I not have memories of the last 35 years of my life? Or can I not *recall* them? I dont know, but its often distressing when people say “Oh, do you remember when...” and i have to be like “actually, no, i do not remember that, at all”. I try to live in the now and ignore it as much as possible but every now and again ill go to remember something.. and my minds just blank, theres nothing there to remember and its, distressing.

anotherpapercut

all video games should have a “I’m shit at video games but I’m curious about the story and I don’t want to watch a let’s play” mode

anotherpapercut

I am

anotherpapercut

I made this post because I am disabled and no matter how much I practice there are some games I will never be able to play because I physically cannot move my fingers the way you have to and the responses to this post from other disabled people, people who grew up unable to play video games, and people who just aren’t very good at them has been extremely enthusiastically positive, while people who apparently can’t conceive of the idea that some people will never be good at gaming condescendingly comment, tag or send me asks telling me to try easy mode or to get good despite the fact that the feature I’m describing already exists in some games and mods. if you’re part of the latter group, consider that some of us can not ever be good at video games and we still deserve to be able to participate and have fun

heart-sprout

Ok, real talk, if you play PC games I use a program called Wemod that has settings for almost every game ever and you can change them to suit your needs Unlimited health? one hit kill? unlimited items? They can’t mod multiplayer games, but every genre of game imaginable is on Wemod so I use it for everything from stardew valley, subnautica, hades, farming sim and more! It mods the games to your level of ease without needing to mess with any files or get deep into webpages for mods yourself It is a life changer

stevviefox

FYI ⬆️⬆️⬆️

Only passing along as the only games I play are on my phone.

umblyun

As a disabled person that will never been *good* at the games she plays, it was really nice to see someone else touch on this. The people I play with just cant understand how ive been playing for 5 years and yet im still so shit? Dude, my fingers get ‘tongue-tied’, i literally cannot move them as fast as you can!

burning-cathedrals-deactivated2

When I was a (unmedicated, undiagnosed ADHD) kid, like, under 12, my room was a mess all the time. Not shocking.

I struggled keeping it clean.

I struggled getting it clean.

I would sincerely put in quite a bit of effort and be really proud of the progress I made. Then one of my parents would come check and see how I was doing.

"Well, you've still got a long way to go."

That sentence. I was like, 11 when my parents were saying that to me. It was crushing. All my pride and satisfaction with my work was completely gone. All my effort was worthless to them. All they saw what everything I didn't do.

At the age of ELEVEN, I knew that wasn't right. That wasn't fair. I swore to myself I would never invalidate someone's work like that.

Now, at 30, I catch myself thinking 'I cleaned up, but my apartment is still so messy.' and I flashback to standing in my bedroom as a child, hearing those fucking words from my parents.

'No. I wouldn't invalidate someone else's work. I'm not going to invalidate my own. I did good. I made progress.' and I'll list the things that I DID get done to myself.

You deserve credit for all the progress you make.

You deserve credit for all the work you do.

It doesn't matter how much work you have left.

What you accomplish, no matter how small, counts. Even when what you accomplished was taking a day to rest and recharge and give yourself a break.

Never let anyone invalidate your work. Not even you.

beamingsuggestion

if it’s causing you pain, it is bad enough for you to be upset about – there’s no threshold for how bad things have to be for you to get help

valtsv

does anyone else remember reading about spontaneous human combustion in a book of weird and unexplained facts and phenomena when you were like, ten years old or something and being convinced for like a week that you were going to suddenly burst into flames out of nowhere and that this was something actually worth worrying about before never thinking about it ever again or was i just fucked in the head as a kid

valtsv

thank you to everyone for sharing our collective childhood memories in the tags, it's good to see we're all normal

headspace-hotel

where is the paralyzing fear of looking directly at the sun

umblyun

a week? i worried about spontaneous human combustion for like.. 20 years.

notsick-butnotwell

"I wouldn't even know you're autistic because you're high functioning!"

Yeah because any time I'm not able to mask and appear "high functioning" I hide from people, Jan. Because of shit like this.

pangur-and-grim

the girls got some GOO

umblyun

OH GOD I THOUGHT THE FIRST THREE IMAGES WERE YOU PRESSING A PENCIL TO PANGURS TONGUE AND I WAS SO CONFUSED

cobra-bubbles

my life with ADHD

mardu-mama

This is very true and a great post.

But low key makes me think about how people with adhd have been raised their whole lives to value a day based on what they accomplished vs what they experienced

thatgirlwithadhd

I think your point is excellent. But also consider:

That list might say things like “Paint a picture. Go birdwatching. Finish that great novel I started reading. Call my grandma. Learn to bake a cake. Visit my sister. Play piano.”

For me at least, the good/fun things are harder without meds too. I can have the best intentions, but following through is hard.

adhd-informative

This addition is so important.

mikanis

This applies to PTSD recovery too. I recently tried discussing an ADHD diagnosis with my doctor and they told me PTSD is basically the symptoms of a half dozen other conditions, standing on each other and wearing a long coat and hat, trying to convince my brain they belong.

kipplekipple

I mean absolutely, but if you’ve had traits since childhood/pre-traumatic event then that isn’t the case. It could well be your doctor is right in your case, but some doctors are very keen to not refer people for ADHD/ASD diagnoses and may need a push.

timemachineyeah

Ugh that post has gotten me thinking about fat acceptance in a way I haven’t in years. I’ve read more studies about weight and health than probably any other topic I’ve ever researched. And every time I see someone wail about health I am just like

Did you know that in post-mortem examinations there is zero correlation between weight and levels of arteriosclerosis and related diseases found?

Did you know that people with an overweight BMI have the longest life expectancy, that those with an “ideal” and an “obese” have about the same life expectancy, and that being “underweight” raises mortality rates more than being “morbidly obese”?

Did you know that losing weight and then gaining it back is worse for your heart than remaining at the weight you started consistently?

Did you know that 95% of people who lose weight do gain it back, and there has never been a single documented weight loss program that has been demonstrated to keep the weight off for five years or more in the majority or even a significant minority of people? Like, telling people to lose weight isn’t much use if we don’t know HOW to make that happen.

Like I have read The Obesity Myth by Paul Campos and Rethinking Thin by Gina Kolata and Big Fat Lies by Glenn A Gaesser (Ph.D!) And Fat!So? and several other books that I don’t own and so don’t remember all of their names I spent like four years reading every single study coming out and looking at the methodology and noting which ones had huge holes or terrible methods and which didn’t (the holes were almost always in the pro-weight-loss studies) and like

Big Fat Lies has 27 pages of bibliography. 27 pages worth of scientific citation. The book content itself is only 197 pages. That’s a page of references for every 7 pages of book. Reading the book is just reference after reference and study after study. Most of these doctors (like Linda Bacon, author of Health at Every Size) started out the same way. They wanted to use the scientific method to find a real weight loss program or health solution that worked and could be proven to work, and so studied everything they could about weight and fitness only to find out that we didn’t need weight loss in the first place. That all the studies calling for it were lacking or nonexistent. That weight and underlying metabolic health have very little relation. That the history of our relationship with health and obesity has little basis in fact and a LOT of basis in capitalism, politics, and fashion. No, really, the association between weight and health was first proposed by insurance companies looking for ways to charge people more by claiming risk. They also charged tall and short people more. And people with different skin colors. When they got in trouble for charging people for things they had no control over and had no bearing on their health, they set out to prove that weight was controllable and that fat was unhealthy to make money.

These are also a lot of the same people who went on to invent the President’s fitness program, so if you went to public school you probably already hate them.

Anyway, if you want a place to start reading about the issue, this article is a pretty good launching pad.

heavyweightheart

This casual rant is like a primer on weight science. Amazing. I second their book recommendations, and would add to the list Body Respect by Drs Bacon & Aphramor, Body of Truth by journalist Harriet Brown, and What’s Wrong with Fat? by UCLA professor of sociology Abigail Saguy.

rainsnires

something I would love allistic people to work on is not helping autistic people unless the autistic person asks for help.

To explain a bit further, autistic people often have lag time or a slower processing speed when it comes to taking in, organizing, and using information. One of the most common forms of casual ableism we experience on a day to day basis comes from this fact - allistic people see what they feel is a person struggling with a task or concept, and immediately jump in unasked with solutions or demonstrations. This is not helpful and almost always comes across as patronizing or forcibly railroading the autistic person into a method or decision they did not have time to come to themselves.

For an example, I popped my tire last week. After it happened, I sat in my car on the side of the road for 15 minutes scrolling tumblr before I did anything towards the issue at hand. This was the time it took me to process the sudden change in the day's plans and come to a decision on how to act. If I had been with an allistic family member, this would not have been accepted, and I most likely would have ended up forced into decisions I had not had time to fully process or agree to. This has happened to me in the past and it is what caused me not to contact anyone for help. If I'm already trying to process a situation, I cannot explain my inaction to someone or argue with them as they offer a million suggestions. This will just increase the processing time needed before I can act as communication is difficult, and allistic people will make me monitor my tone of voice as well so I don't come off as irritated.

This is a big reason I prefer to solve my problems as independently as possible. I don't have a lone wolf complex - I have experiences that tell me inviting an allistic person to assist me is as good as assuming I will be taking a back burner in my own life until they decide to give it back. Usually, they just end up bombarding me with impatience and too many options and make the whole situation 10 times more difficult to process. They don't mean to - they assume the lag means that I'm overwhelmed and struggling. Processing behavior looks to allistics like total overwhelm and as I understand it, it's polite and caring to take over for someone in that state.

The main way allistic people can help with this is by not giving unsolicited help or advice, even if it's your first instinct to. Ask if we need help, and if we say no, don't offer any further assistance. Don't push and ask if we're sure. This is more communication to wade through and is very taxing. If we say yes, ask us WHAT we would like help with. And then, help us with the thing we requested assistance on, and then stop unless further help is requested. Don't assume you're more competent than us or more capable just because we need more time than you do.

headspace-hotel

How much is opening bottles supposed to hurt

headspace-hotel

I'm trying to open this bottle and it hasn't stopped hurting once I stopped

headspace-hotel

it's like. a normal cap. like a bottle cap. like that any juice or anything comes in??? The skin is coming off the area between my index finger and thumb???? Is that supposed to happen??

headspace-hotel

opening bottles isn't supposed to hurt at all???

headspace-hotel

I thought like maybe I was just being a baby about the pain or something so i decided to keep trying abd now there's a blister growing on my thumb and my hands are like weeping fluid where the skin has worn off.

I reasoned throughout my life: plastic bottles should be able to be opened by anyone, right? It seems unintuitive to keep essential resources in containers that some people don't have the wrist strength to open??? Many people live alone. And yet,..

headspace-hotel

I'm having a real "realizing bananas don't taste like that and you're actually allergic" sort of moment here

headspace-hotel

I have a very hard time telling the difference between "mild discomfort that is normal" and "severe discomfort that is not normal"

umblyun

I have a very hard time telling the difference between “mild discomfort that is normal” and “severe discomfort that is not normal”

this, the autism way of life. my physio was agape that I had hurt myself doing the exercises, like why didnt I just STOP!? well, i didnt know it wasnt supposed to hurt this much my dude. the world hurts me every day all the time, pains normal for me?

guerrillatech

cranberrycapers

rhythmic-idealist

[Image 1: a Twitter thread by Shady Rose (@shadyroselives) posted 1 day ago at time of screenshot.

Rose says, "It is believed with alarming pervasiveness that autistic and other neurodivergent people 'don't understand social cues/social situations.' My question to neurotypicals is, do you?

“It seems to me that culturally we’re all so acclimated to being disingenuous and mildly manipulative in social settings and calling that normal and acceptable. As a result, many of you are severely disconnected from authentic connections with others.

“Afraid to say ‘this is how I really feel’ or ‘this is what I really think of this/you,’ instead you speak and act in a cryptic coded language under a veneer of straight up falsehood. Doesn’t that get exhausting? We are certainly exhausted by it.”

Tweet 1 has 403 comments, 8,779 retweets, and 45.6K likes. Tweet 2 has 24 comment, 1,679 retweets, and 12.3K likes. Info not visible for tweet 3.

Image 2: A meme from the film I, Robot, with edited text. Will Smith’s character asks a robot, “Can a autistic person socially interact?” The robot asks him, “Can you?” Will Smith looks at the robot sadly. End description.]

rotifers

For real, so much of "normal" neurotypical communication revolves around arbitrary rules, lying, passive aggression, obfuscation, manipulation, and mind games. Ableist NT people love to disparage neurodivergent people for being socially awkward or not picking up on subtle messages, but those same NTs never pause to reflect on glaring deficits in their own communication and comprehension skills. Maybe instead of forcing all ND people to play by all the nonsensical unwritten rules of social interaction that NT people made up, NT people can make an effort to understand ND people who speak plainly and honestly.

tfw-adhd

Diagrams Showing Overlapping Symptoms

ADHD and Autism

ADHD, Autism and OCD

ADHD and OCD

ADHD and Bipolar

ADHD and Dyslexia

ADHD, Autism and PTSD

ADHD and PTSD

ADHD, PTSD and Depression

ADHD, Anxiety, and Depression

ADHD and Depression

ADHD, Autism, and Anxiety

Anxiety, Autism, and Depression

Anxiety and Autism

Anxiety and Depression

Anxiety, Depression and PTSD

adhbabey

Honestly, let's get one thing clear. I am both physically disabled and mentally disabled. But my neurodivergence affects my health and energy more than my physical disability ever will.

I feel it's really unfair to divide physically and mentally disabled people as if a lot of neurodivergencies aren't physically taxing and feels like a chronic illness.

I keep seeing this said, but jesus christ, just because we may have different needs doesn't mean mentally disabled people are ablebodied.

Mental illness and mental disabilities will affect you physically and that's fucking true.

If you have a mental disability and need a mobility aid, you need a mobility aid.

It's really difficult living with ADHD as it affects me more than anything else. I am unmedicated and you have no idea how many times I have not been able to clean my room before b*gs came in, or how many dentist appointments I've been in because I struggle with physical hygiene. I can't even exercise because of my executive dysfunction. I am low spoons.

A lot of mentally disabled people are not ablebodied, and that is the truth. Can we stop treating it like we are in two separate categories??

goldkirk

in case no one’s told you yet, you feel exhausted and hungover and sometimes even sick after panic attacks/meltdowns/flashbacks/dissociative episodes/etc. because of very real chemical processes that are involved in your nervous system activation and de-activation during those times. it’s chemical dump effects, and no, you SHOULDN’T be able to just brush it off and feel and act normal. you’ve got a bunch of physical things that got activated and that all has to wind down. It’s not in your head, it’s very physical, and you need to work WITH your body during the after-periods instead of trying to curb stomp it. be gentle to yourself, okay?

walkingouttahere

bloodytales

*deep, deep sigh* the accuracy.

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