fight or flight

it swirls oppressively all around me, Emanating trepidation and insanity Trying to see if I'm deemed worthy To control or be destroyed by this entity

[umbseol]

samranumb·:

exam time.

( ... )

“Alright, get out. It’s exam time for both of you.” The driver shooed them both out and towards the building before producing a doll. “This is Sally,” not-Bob introduced in a serious tone, raising a cotton thing with two braids and red shoes. “She is the civilian that you are trying to rescue together.” He pulled on a string and the doll moved its arms, cheerfully introducing herself in a robotic voice. “I will place her on the eleventh floor.” The driver snapped his finger and the doll disappeared - a neat power that was definitely more useful than Samran’s. “You have forty minutes, starting now.” With that, the guy drove off. 

“Wait, don’t you have to watch us or something? Are there cameras in the building?” All Samran got in return was some dirt in his face, raised by the speedy bastard’s car wheels. 

Rolling his eyes, Samran turned his attention towards the creepy building. “Well, I am not going in there. Climbing to eleventh floor sounds awful- wait, where are you going?!”

seol stayed calm, tried to ignore the way her heart was pounding in her chest. this was it, the real test their instructors were talking about. it didn't matter what they learned in there, what matters is if they won't choke on the real thing. it didn't matter if she got the nod of approval and the pats on the back for the 'job well done'. None of those matter if she's going to end up dying in the field because she got too confident abou her abilities. no matter how much she hated to admit it - a controlled setting is different.

she could only sigh at the sight of the other soldier (or rather, his backside) trying his best to find out what was happening. if he paid enough attention, he'd understand what this is. she had to look away, small smile drawing on her lips in amusement as the other soldier sits right back getting absolutely nothing. she had a feeling he does this a lot, and that she is not hearing the end of this just yet.

the car stops and they were told to get out, seol does just that and looks around, shifting her attention back to the driver shortly after. the slight discomfort that they might be getting disposed off here disappears when she hears the instructions. sally, they just had to save that thing. she stays put as things were set in order, but as soon as the driver leaves, she starts sprinting towards the building. "you heard him, forty minutes."

there was no further briefing, no surveyors to help with the no. of possible casualties -- there's none, she thinks. there are only monsters here, the question is... how many. seol was about to go up another flight when it hit her that she came here with another soldier, that he was not here for nothing. groaning, she turns back and sees a monster with no eyes, arms stretched out, walking past the bottom platform. she holds her breath, gun out as she goes down slowly, trying not to make noise. if she could just sneak past behind this monster... quietly, they wouldn't broadcast their location to any other monster here with the gunshot.

[umbseol]

i am late but that's okay all work and no play makes lee seol... a good soldier and very bad at social interactions. ngl she had nothing before umbrella and was just hoping to live a very long life to get back at her parents who had abandoned her.

she thought herself ordinary until she turned, and was sold to taken by the organization. she was used to living life like a robot, routines and strict rules, so being in umbrella was a walk in the park. and everything is provided for -- if it's free, she has no complaints. seol is living her best life so lol . but she (thinks she) owes the organization big time and repays it by being a good soldier. and she's really good at what she does -- missions and all, saving citizens and killing monsters. especially the killing

she's generation 5, s-level, and does mostly support. her power is typhokinesis, smoke manipulation. she thinks it's not as useful compared to the others so she really focused on her combat skills. she thinks what matters is that she's alive, because if she is, then she's useful.

when she's not out in the field, she likes people watching (which may seem weird... ok maybe it is) but she likes trying to figure out what they're thinking, or what would happen if she talked to them. tldr; pls be her friend, she's a good listener and gives out her food ration if she really likes you.

[umbseol]

dark things.

the days in between becoming a monster different and being taken by umbrella were the worst. seol went about her life as she usually did, like nothing had changed. like she had not just killed someone. unfortunately, the rest of the world did not feel nor do the same. the invisibility she had proudly worn for as long as she could remember, had been ripped away. wherever she went, she could hear the murmurs and conversations suddenly being hushed as she walks past people. the worst part of it all is being uncertain if it was her own mind driving her crazy... or if it was all real.

misery loves company, and it was true no matter how shortlived. there was some comfort in knowing she was not the only one in the house that turned. seol would not have known hayeon, from the down the hall, turned a day after she did if they had not been sat down by the old lady to be 'oriented' about who was coming in a few hours. heck, seol would not have known hayeon's name if not for that talk. she wasn't sure if it was friendship exactly, but when they were told to stay in the room, hayeon reached out for her hand and held it tight. they exchanged reassuring looks, the other girl's being that of worry more than reassurance. they were friends for a whole five hours... sitting in silence, heaving sighs, and hayeon crying every now and then.

"i heard they'll kill you if they don't find any use for you." was the first and last thing hayeon said before letting go of her hand. you just have to kill them first then the voice sounded so close yet so far, but it was enough to make seol's heart race. and something unpleasant rising from inside her made her get on her feet and follow hayeon out the window. she had never done anything out of her routine, had never disobeyed instructions in the house, and because of living the way she did, she had survived this long. unlike some of the kids that came after her. but why she followed hayeon out that window... she wasn't sure. oh, you know why... you know deep down, you're good for nothing. you don't want them to find out, do you?

she just needed to jump off to the other side of the wall, and it will be done. but seol stops and gets down from the dumpster they were both standing on. "just leave me." she tells hayeon who looks at her in confusion, asking her if she'd gone crazy. the idea of freedom sinks in, and in all honesty, she wasn't even sure what that meant. if it even exists after what happened. maybe you should just kill her? with one last smile, seol motions for the other girl to go and she stands there for a while trying to reconcile with what awaits her.

the walk back to the house felt just like it did every other day, bland and lackluster. even with the relieved expression washing the old lady's face as she walked back in, she, surprisingly felt nothing. seol had thought she'd feel even the tiniest bit of joy that someone was glad she was home, even for a different reason. she can deceive herself that it was meant for her. but she felt nothing. she supposed it was better that way, it had to be. going without throwing a fit is the better choice than running away.

"do i need to bring anything?" seol asks as she was escorted to the van. "no, everything will be provided for you." she just hums and follows quietly, doesn't look back to see if one of the kids was watching her being taken away -- like she had in the past. "thank you." was her short reply, the first of many times she had said it to her supriors and umbrella.

[umbseol]

blackout.

tw: mentions of blood, violence.

seol never got around to processing what to do when her turn comes. she could make time, but if she spent her days worrying when she'll become a monster, what good would it do? she didn't have the time. the older kids were gone before they can cause damage and become a liability so no one gets to live to tell the tale. and the last time she checked there were no books that recount details of the turning process. maybe if she looked harder, she'd find those... but why waste her energy scaring herself with the details? it will happen either way.

there were days she forgets that the inevitable was right around the corner. repetitive days made it easier to lose touch with reality, and what are the days of her life if not that exactly? years and months went on as if everything was normal -- or at least as normal as it gets for seol. with normal being going about her day doing just what she needed to do and saving what little energy she had left for the next day (or until their next meal) to not get attacked or eaten monsters survive. it gets worse during the older kids' birthday, worst on hers. days like that remind her that she's a ticking time bomb, that tomorrow morning... she'll be good for nothing.

her turn came a few minutes before class ended.

she got up as she usually when she hears the bell, didn't say a word, and left the room. there was no room for any other thought, not that her body allowed her too. there was only desperation for... whatever it was she couldn't quite figure out, didn't care to figure out. she was too busy looking for... something, what was it again? what was she doing? where was she going? seol sees clearly for a moment, terrified students watching her like some kind of spectacle, and she distinctly remembers making a sound more animal than human before stumbling into a utility closet. drowning in screams, slipping in and out of the darkness, she can't help but wonder if being prepared would make it less terrifying than it is now.

the voice repeatedly said stop banging the door or i'll kill you, and the feeling of falling soon came after, lungs on fire as she tried to claw her way out of the neverending pit she was falling into. she needs to wake up now. it was a dream, then it was not as her hand grips onto something long and hard, feeling it shattering as the shards nestled and pushed into her hands. her hands felt hot and sharp, voices slipping to and from the scent of strong rustic scent, as the voice continued to chant 'kill it'. and when she emerges from it, breathless and desperate to keep the door closed from inside, her own body pressing it shut as she pleaded, "please leave."

the eternity she spent inside that small space felt even longer when the darkness started to flood in. it wasn't the light being blocked out, but it was from whatever it was that was pouring out of her bleeding wounds. seol begged for it to stop, shaking herself from whatever this was... but the need inside her grew again, a mindless hunger that pounced at her. she wanted it now, right that very second.

"gotcha!"

when her surroundings started to become clearer, seol realized it was her who was crying and screaming. the black smoke seeps back into her skin revealing only dark red, warm and sticky as it dripped onto her shoes, making small tiny puddles at her feet and that of another's. but she couldn't bring herself to look up to see what she had done.

[umbseol]

static sounds.

there is an instruction manual on how to live lee seol's life, get her to function as advertised -- as if anyone would acquire someonething like her if she did hit the shelves. (her parents certaintly did not.) but there is no better way to describe it than that, similiar to that of a household appliance. actually, those appliances displayed in shops have more value. they had purpose, came with accessories to get your money's worth, and had warranty while one lee seol did not.

step one, she opens her eyes, get up, and makes breakfast for everyone. it was another girl's job, but she was taken a few months ago, and the task fell onto seol's lap. she did not like having to wake up 2 hours earlier than she normally does, but there was a significant deducation from her monthly dues so she learned to unhate it. it was better than taking care of the new kids. eggs, bread, and milk were easier to figure out than children after all.

step two, shower, get ready for school, and make sure everything you need for the day is in your backpack (phone and wallet, check, homework, check, factory uniform, check, crackers, check) -- there's no extra money for an unexpected trip back to the house or for lunch, so this is an important step.

step three, pay just enough attention in class to pass, there was no need to get high scores, she can't cash that in at the bank, nor would her supervisor give her an increase for acing history or algebra. projects and mandatory school trips won't pay themselves, and getting top marks won't help when she's behind on her monthly dues at the house. so study just enough to get passing scores at exams, sign attendance sheets at school events then leave to log in more hours at work if permitted.

step four, head straight to the factory after class, eat on the way there, sleep if there's traffic. there's always an hour of extra time before her shift starts, and it's spent sitting at the nearby fishing dock. lee seol does nothing, just sits there, and lets herself fall into the sound of the water and the static. there was nothing particularly special with her or her life, it was a neverending routine of waking up and living. it was not bright, sparkly, or blushing with life like the other girls in school.

step five, as soon as the bell rings and the factory doors open, change into work clothes and start working. she had learned to ignore the cuts, the dirt getting under her fingernails, and the loud noises of the machines. who cares about pretty hands? she just needs to survive is all, everything else is a luxury.

step six, after work, head straight home. it's not like there's anywhere else to go, or anyone to meet at 2 o'clock in the morning. she packs her bag, checks her things, and gets on the bus. the station is a 15-minute walk, shortened to 10 given the circumstances, if she ends up attacked or eaten by a monster, that's her own fault for not paying attention to her surrounding. she didn't like that thought, so her steps were always quicker at night.

step seven, ignore strange noises, fire exit ladders creaking or hushed conversations, and try to sleep -- it's probably the occupants of the other room making a run for it. there were others before them, some end up turning before they are sold handed over, and some are caught before they could make it far. she knows it was a matter of time before she ends up like that too, but for now, she chooses sleep.

[warmday]