Over 100 QUESTIONS to ask a POTENTIAL💍
بسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْم
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*Some of these a slightly repetitive; asking the same question but from a different angle so pick and choose!
*Please please please avoid asking a bunch of these in one message/conversation as if it’s an interview. Think about what questions you’d like to ask and bring them up as a conversation.
*Ask questions that you can answer yourself; in most cases the individual will bounce them back at you anyway.
*Be sincere and ask Allah’s assistance in this pursuit
*Be considerate! Some questions might be a little more sensitive than others; YES you have a right to ask questions and find out what you need to know but careful with your approach with some of these questions.
May Allah bless you with a righteous spouse and make you from those who aid one another in attaining the pleasure of Allah.
Any benefit you have taken from this was from Allah alone, and anything incorrect was from myself and shaytaan, and Allah ﷻ is free from it.
Family:
What’s your family dynamic?
What’s your relationship like with both your parents?
Are both your parents practicing?
How would your siblings describe you?
How would your parents describe you?
Would you consider yourself family oriented?
Is it important to you that your family approve of your potential wife? How would you proceed if they didn't?
What do your parents look for in a potential wife for you?
(Do they have a preference when it comes to tribes?)
Marriage:
How long have you been looking to get married?
Why do you want to get married/get married now?
What are your expectations of your spouse and married life?
What sort of cooking are you expecting from you wife?
What are 3 things you fear about marriage?
What have you learned from your family that you do or do not want to incorporate into your marriage?
What are 3 things you wouldn’t be willing to negotiate/compromise on for marriage?
Tell me 5 qualities you possess that you think would make you an ideal husband.
Have you studied the rights to the husband and wife?
Have you studied the fiqh of family/women?
^These things are VERY important. Make sure you study these topics before marriage and make sure the person you choose to marry has too! If you need help finding where to study this, feel free to contact the email address at the bottom.
What benefits do you think marriage will bring into your life at this current point?
What’s your timeline in terms of getting married?
Would you still want to live in your area/city after marriage?
When there’s a dispute with your wife, how would you try and resolve it?
How would you want your wife to motivate you to do better regarding seeking knowledge and how would you motivate her?
What kind of things (speech or action) do you see yourself doing to please your wife?
Describe what your ideal date with your wife would look like.
^The two above questions should give you an idea of what their love language is.
No doubt this is something ultimately in the hands of Allah, but ideally how many kids would you like to have?
How soon after marriage would you like to start a family?
What’s your opinion on contraception?
What is the best advice about marriage you’ve got/heard, and what is the worst?
What do you consider the best methods when raising children?
What’s your opinion on using physical discipline when raising children? Do you believe it works?
What do you think are valid reasons for divorce?
If your spouse has a different way of processing their emotions than you, how would you go about handling that problem?
Do you think marriage should lean towards friendship or shyness? (what sort of transparency should be there?)
Do you think the husband and wife should both maintain a healthy weight in order to keep each other happy is that not too important?
What’s your understanding of gheerah in regards to your wife? How would you express it?
^Sisters, if you have male teachers (for islamic studies/qur’an), make it clear NOW. If he has a problem with it and you only tell him once he’s your husband, there’s not much you’d be able to do :)
Deen:
Do you currently attend any regular lessons? With who/where?
Have you previously studied any books/currently studying any? If yes, which ones and with what teachers?
^It’s VERY important to know what people the individual trusts enough to take knowledge from; this will tell you his creed, his mannerisms and principles. And little tip ladies, if he’s not someone that prioritises the Qur’aan and sunnah, then don’t waste your time.
What motivates you in terms of seeking knowledge?
How long have you been practicing?
What was your turning point?/How did you start practicing?
How do you deal with low imaan?
What’s one sunnah you would like to implement but have difficulty doing so?
No son of Adam is free from imperfections, what’s one thing within your character that you’re sincerely trying to rectify for the sake of Allah?
Do you attend all the five prayers in congregation?
Do you struggle with music/watching movies and shows?
What’s your relationship like with the Qur’an? How regular do you read?
Are you currently memorising the Qur’an with a teacher?
Have you completed the memorisation of the Qur’an?
Do you have an aim to seek knowledge in muslim lands? If so, in what countries and how soon do you plan to move?
Do you have an aim to make hijrah from the west? If so, where to and how soon?
Do you follow a particular school of thought? If yes, which one?
What’s your opinion on student loans to pay for uni?
Do you take the opinion that the niqaab is obligatory?
Would you want/allow your wife to wear the niqaab? Or is the obligation of jilbaab sufficient? Or do you believe a headscarf and abaya is sufficient?
Would you want/allow your wife to wear any amount of makeup - small or large, noticeable or otherwise - in public? I.e infront of non mahram men.
The following questions are things that you shouldn’t ask, but you should look for in a marriage meeting:
Does he take from the sunnah of growing the beard?
Does he take from the sunnah of garments above the ankle?
Is he someone that takes care of himself (does he look scruffy?) - look at the clothes he’s wearing, his shoes, are his nails too long?
Work/studies:
What have you completed of work and study over the last 5 years?
Are you currently employed? What is your job?
What’s your work schedule like?
Are you currently studying? What do you study?
Do you have plans to work in the field you are studying or do something completely different?
Financial:
*Some of you might find some of the following questions too awkward to ask, or maybe even inappropriate - but just a reminder to you ladies, if you’re getting to know a brother for MARRIAGE, not only do you have the right to know the answer to all of these but most are absolutely NECESSARY. Just firm a little bit of awkwardness to avoid a lifetime of regret.
What does being ‘financially stable’ mean to you?
Do you believe that you are currently financially ready for marriage?
Are you good at saving? And do you currently have savings?
Do you feel like you would be able to cover the costs of housing/living by the time you plan to marry?
Are you open to living outside of (whatever city you’re in) or would you like to stay within (whatever city you’re in)?
If you are open to it, have you thought about any specific places?
Roughly, how much is your monthly salary?
What’s your take on a husband being the only one providing for the family? Do you think if your wife’s working the living costs should be split 50/50?
Do yo believe it’s necessary for the husband and wife to know how much money each person has spent and what they’re spending on?
What are your views/opinions on borrowing money fro others whether it be family, friends or other sources?
How much would you be willing to spend on a wedding if it was decided to have one?
Culture:
What role does culture play in your life?
Would you consider yourself a cultural person?
Do you speak and understand … (i.e Somali)
In … culture (i.e Somali) it’s common to intermingle with cousins or extended families, is this something you do?
Is going back to … (i.e Somalia) something important to you? If yes Why?
What expectations do you have of your wife in terms of culture? (i.e do you expect your wife to practice certain things in your culture that are important to you)
Is culture one of your priorities when raising your kids? Is it important that you teach them about their roots and instill your culture in them?
What’s your view regarding interracial marriages, would you be okay with your daughter/son marrying outside of your ethnicity?
Personal:
What are your current goals in life and how are you currently working to achieve them?
Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
How important is travelling to you?
Have you travelled any where before? If yes, where?
How would you describe your character?
What is your definition of success?
Do you speak any other languages apart from English fluently? If yes, what languages?
What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?
What are some of your pet peeves?
Tell me 3 interesting facts about yourself.
Are your companions practicing?
Who do you currently live with?
How quick are you to anger, what triggers it for you and how do you express your anger?
What are you like when you get upset? (silent treatment, throw things, punch the wall, walk away, leave the house etc)
What traits of yours would you change for self-betterment?
Would you say you’re someone that struggles to forgive others when you’ve been hurt? How much time would usually pass before you forgive?
What household chores are you used to doing?
Where do you stand with the issue of polygamy? Do you honestly see yourself taking a second wife in the future?
What are your thoughts on your wife putting on the nikkah contract that you cannot take a second wife?
Do you have any serious health issues?
Do you suffer from any mental health issues?
Have you ever been afflicted with black magic, jinn possession etc?
Do you have a criminal record that will majorly effect your future/your family’s future?