Call me Lavender // she/her // I know how many knees a lobster has, but i don't know how my DnD campaign is gonna end // aroace // I have headcanons and I'm not afraid to use them // I draw, I write, and I cry.
Alya drove through the torrential downpour, anything and everything Marinette had ever given her stuffed awkwardly into every crook and crevice of her car. She furiously wiped the stray tears off her face with her free hand, her knuckles pale on the steering wheel. She could do this. She had to.
The street lights were the only things visible through the downpour, and the boxes filled with unwanted memories pressed against the back of her seat.
She didn’t want any of this. Something a lot like regret welled up in her chest.
Alya kept driving.
She pulled up to Boulangerie Patisserie, and in a moment her anger was reignited. Alya furiously unbuckled her seat-belt, and reached for one of the boxes—and she paused, staring at the pair of mittens lying neatly, innocently, atop the pile. A twinge in her gut forced her to remember how many times she'd used those, and how Marinette would light up like a Christmas tree whenever she saw Alya wearing them.
Alya gritted her teeth, shook off the feeling, opened the door, and ripped the box out of the passenger-side seat.
In the 10 second walk from her car to the bakery, she was drenched nearly to the bone.
Alya kicked open the door, the bell ringing ominously overhead.
Marinette was working the counter.
Good.
She looked up, a mix of emotions in her eyes as she smiled a little nervously. “Hey Al—”
Wordlessly, Alya marched over, and slammed the box on the counter.
Marinette jerked back, blinking at her in confusion, but something a lot like resignation and regret was in her eyes. She'd been expecting something like this. She didn't want it, either.
Alya clenched her fists. 'No backing down. Think of Lila. Think of the class. Think of who Marinette really is.'
Marinette looked into the box.
Alya found no pleasure Marinette's suddenly pale expression, her shaking hands reaching toward the box, or her huge grey eyes welling up with tears as she looked back up at her.
"A-Alya...?"
"We're done." Why were her insides coiling and twisting like snakes. Why did she want to throw up.
"Alya, I don't understa—"
"You never do, do you?!"she snapped.
Marinette took a step back, her breathing erratic.
The snakes in Alya's stomach multiplied and squirmed and coiled around her throat but she couldn't stop. "You NEVER understand;You NEVER listen. And you go behind everyone's back and—" The words were black tar on her tongue, and the coils turned to knots. "A-AND Y'KNOW WHAT?!" she hiccuped, unsure when her tears started, this time. "You know what?! Bustier was right."
Marinette jerked back as if she'd been slapped, silent tears streaming down her face, her hands shaking more than ever.
Alya had made her like that.
Alya made her best-- No... No. Marinette was not her best friend anymore.
She turned to the door, fists clenched.
"A-Alya p-please, what did I—"
The knots disappeared.
Alya whipped around, droplets of water flying off her soaking wet hair and scattering around the bakery. "SHUT UP! SHUT UP!” She gasped for breath through the tears. “Y-you don't get to play dumb with me: You know EXACTLY what you did."
Alya didn't look back as she bolted out the door, through the rain, and to her car. She slammed the door, a resounding thud that echoed in her skull moments before thunder boomed in the sky.
Alya couldn't see, couldn't breathe. She'd done the right thing, she knew she'd done the right thing... so why did it hurt so much?
She fumbled for her keys, still choking on sobs. She couldn't go to that place anymore. Couldn't hear that bell over the door. Couldn't smell their pastries... Ever. Never. Never again.
She was 6 blocks out before she remembered the rest of the stuff in her car. She couldn't go back. No, she'd keep it. She'd shove the boxes in the attic and forget about them and when she felt like the snakes in her belly had disappeared for good, she'd burn the boxes or give them to charity and finally let go.
Alya texted Lila that she'd cut things off with Marinette. Lila said she was sorry.
Does anyone have any tips for writing Kim? I don't know if i have the personal time to learn Veitnamese, and even if i did i wouldn't know the culture, so if anyone reads this and is Veitnamese/knows a lot about their culture please let me know? Atm i have to rely on internet translations for any words/terms he would use (like Mẹ for his mom) and i have no way of knowing if it's accurate...
In this house we have no choice but to (metaphorically) stan
Biggest thanks ever to @a-suspicious-number-of-ducks (my editor for Chance: everybody flood her inbox with love she's absolutely fantastic) for helping me get all those brain-clogs out. like, i know what i'm doing now!
i mean i'm still procrastinating and executive-dysfunctioning but like i know what i'm gonna do now.
In this house we have no choice but to (metaphorically) stan
Biggest thanks ever to @a-suspicious-number-of-ducks (my editor for Chance: everybody flood her inbox with love she's absolutely fantastic) for helping me get all those brain-clogs out. like, i know what i'm doing now!
i mean i'm still procrastinating and executive-dysfunctioning but like i know what i'm gonna do now.
I had no idea this post would resonate with so many people. I let my vitriol surrounding several comments I received on a recent update get to me and it spilled out into .gif form and it’s now morphed into the most widely shared thing I’ve ever posted. So many comments and tags have said things along the lines of, “This was why I quit writing” or “This is why I hate writing fanfic.” And that’s soul crushing to hear, but I can relate.
But while there are some crappy and entitled readers, there are also many brilliant ones and I’m so grateful for them. The huge response to this post made me go back and skim through the comments on my old stories, and comments like the one below are about half the reason some of those stories got finished, even if it was months later.
Comments like these are so rare, but when they do come up, they leave me staring at my computer screen, drumming my fingers on the keyboard, struggling to convey my feelings about how their words have touched my heart. These are the comments that take the longest amount of time to respond to and the ones that cause me to wear out my backspace key the fastest.
It’s easy to complain, but it’s literally just as easy to praise, so I just wanted to take a moment to recognize all those dear and dedicated readers who have propped me up when I wanted to quit. Readers like you are why I keep writing, and why I even feel honored to do it on rare occasion.
And fellow writers, keep your heads up if you can. :)
I leave a comment on every single fic I read. Sometimes when I read published books I go and leave a comment somewhere the author can find it. Granted, I literally majored in ‘leaving comments on fics’ (English Education), but once you start doing it it just becomes second nature. Now you’re gonna go to the Ozymandias school of leaving comments:
Problem: I can’t leave kudos again.
Beginner: This is a second/third/fourth Kudos
Advanced: This is my second/third/fortieth time reading this, I still love it so much. Here are a few new things I noticed. I like the way you personally do x, y, z compared to other authors I’ve read (in this ship/genre/fandom).
Problem: I don’t know what to say :(
Beginner: Just list what you did to read this fic. “I stayed up late reading this”, “I read this on a crowded train”, “this kept me company while sick”.
Advanced: X,Y,Z parts made me get butterflies, and I had a physical reaction to this part of the story, I squealed outloud when characters did x,y,z. I blushed at this part. I laughed out loud here. Whatever.
Problem: I’m embarrassed to leave a comment (what if I annoy the author?)
Beginner: Short answer: you won’t EVER annoy the author (unless you’re needlessly mean) But to start, be generic, you don’t have to spill your soul in the comments section. “I liked this” “I enjoyed reading this” “nice fic”.
Advanced: This really meant a lot to me that you wrote this. This is something I feel like I’ve always wanted to read. This fic hit me in all the right places. Etc.
Problem: I don’t know how to express myself/my experience
Beginner: My beginners go to is to highlight a line, put that in your comment and say “i liked this” or to identify basic emotions you had while reading and comment those “this made me happy” “this part made me sad” “i almost cried” “you made me laugh”
Advanced: “Highlighted line” This line made me smile because it has to do with character development/it’s really romantic/it’s so unique/it’s moving. Sometimes I don’t highlight a line at all, I just talk about the stuff I’ve noticed were unique to the fic. “I love the way you did this particular thing with this character”.
This? This is an amazing post. This is the Captain Awkward of commenting posts—it addresses all your fears directly and gives you actionable scripts for each one.
What I started doing (when I have the energy for it) is copying and pasting parts of the fic that I particularly liked, italicizing them so contrast is easier, and then typing my reaction or what I liked about them. Sometimes I say “I was planning on commenting on every chapter but I forgot because I was so into the story”, or something, and sometimes I just leave a bunch of emojis if I don’t have the energy for much else. I guarantee you though, commenting on people’s fics gets easier over time, and the authors will really appreciate it
I sometimes wonder if people who leave shitty, condescending, or otherwise really entitled/demanding comments on fics (that they allegedly enjoy) realize that is the fastest way to make that author stop writing that fic, or at least question if they want to continue.
I love this fic, but…
Update when??? Is this abandoned??? When will there be more of this, I need it immediately??? Why aren’t you updating???
Congrats, you’re getting it never, because you just stressed out a writer who was probably already stressed out about getting the next chapter published. In most cases, writers don’t just sit on fully finished chapters, and if they do, it’s probably for a fic that has a pre-stated publishing schedule.
Pushing a writer to write faster is not only insensitive, it’s counterproductive. There’s a reason why the chapter isn’t out yet, be it a life event or a mental health spell or demanding work hours, and the only thing being pushy accomplishes here is making the writer feel rushed in circumstances they probably can’t control.
I love this fic, but…
I don’t like how you wrote [X Character]. Why would [Y] do that, that makes no sense! Your characterization is wrong! This plot point is stupid, they should do [Z] instead!
Just find a different fic, buddy. You say you love this fic, but people don’t say things like that about things they love… or the people who create them. Best case scenario, you might manage to motivate the author to write more, but it’s going to be out of spite to you.
In a lot of cases, feedback like this is just going to suck their motivation away and keep them from writing it. Maybe you’re lucky and they just take a hiatus. Or, maybe that rude comment makes them stop writing it forever.
It takes a lot of work to write a fic, and writers have busy lives. Jobs. Families. Hobbies where internet randos, often on anon, don’t tend to crawl out of the woodwork to be hyper-critical about their freely offered creative output. Mean feedback makes a person do a cost/benefit analysis and try to decide if the effort they put out is worth the risk of people dunking on it for no reason.
The back button, like the fanworks we create, is free. If something isn’t your cup of tea, just don’t read it. Definitely don’t tell the author this thing they’ve spent maybe hundreds of hours on lost you as a reader or wasn’t up to your standard or didn’t make sense. Especially if it’s for a fic that you claim to like. If you can’t say anything nice, just go read something else. Or! Write your own story that’s exactly like what you want. Don’t be a jerk. 1) that’s a whole human being on the other side of the computer, and 2) it makes you sound like a real Karen complaining about a restaurant not giving you the right kind of free dessert
I think the reason I enjoy Ghibli so much is it romanticizes the little things. It makes me want to bake, study, clean the house, garden, and more while listening to happy music and occasionally picking wildflowers and lying in the grass. It helps me find joy in day-to-day life and that’s honestly sooo important for my mental health.
Hayao Miyazaki has said on numerous occasions that he wants children to know that even when the world seems harsh and life is hard, it is always still worth living, and there is always something beautiful in it.
That mental health boost is intentional and Miyazaki wants you to believe that you should continue to live, even if just for those little things.
So I’ve seen almost no social media promotion for it, but someone created a website where people can list/find aromantic friendly professionals like therapists and doctors. It’s a little sparse at the moment, but almost all of the information is crowdsourced, so if people know of aro-friendly professionals I encourage you to submit a recommendation! The more people add to this, the better it will be as a community resource!
bunch of school popped up and i’m highkey swamped, BUT I still have most of the chapter mapped out and i can write/edit on weekends and at the end of every day. Chapter 6/7 (depending on how you count) WILL BE OUT BY VALENTINE’S DAY!!!!! If it’s not y’all have permission to like... idk... send me angry mail. Idk.
I can probably get a goof one-shot out by the 14th as well, but no real promises there...? MariKim 1 should be roughed out and/or finished by the end of February but i’m not sure what my workload is for next month, so again, no promises. I will do my best though i’ve been trying to write it for almost an entire actual IRL year. We’ll see how this goes but updates ARE coming.
prguitarman
kianamaiart
tangentwithtanner
