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Handle her with care..

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please…

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Plea.

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Strokes.

undecidedfrenchwife

Goosebumps

babygirl-1972

What is dominance and submission?

Today in a BDsM Kik group the topic of the day seemed simple enough. What is submission? What is dominance? I have spent most of the afternoon and early evening editing, adding and expanding on my original thoughts.

Submission is what we do, not who we are.

Submission is TRUST.

Submission is a gift.

Submission means following.

Submission is letting go.

Submission is strong.

Submission allows one to let go of all of their troubles and know the dominant will take the reins and guide them.

Submission is service.

Submission is ever growing and blooming. In our submission we should never be stagnant. We should keep learning, growing and blooming.

Submission means releasing. Releasing our fears. Releasing our insecurities.

Submission means communication. Open, transparent honest communication.

Submission is loving, grateful and thankful.

Submission is focus, and mindfulness.

Submission means something different to each and everyone of us. But one thing we all agree on is that submission is beautiful.

Dominance is confident.

Dominance leads.

Dominance is quiet. Like a whisper or the touch of the hand on the lower back.

Dominance is guiding, teaching.

Dominance is kind.

Dominance is understanding.

Dominance is consistent.

Dominance is communication. Open, honest, transparent communication. Dominance means putting someone else first.

Dominance means care giving.

Dominance means taking on someone else’s burdens.

Dominance means being there, being available. Dominance means acceptance. Dominance means loving, grateful and thankful

Dominance is humble.

Dominance is grateful and thankful.

Part 2: Dominance and submission mean many things to everyone. But what are they not?

Submission is not weak.

Submission is not a doormat.

Submission cannot be forced.

Submission cannot be TAKEN.

Submission is not blind or deaf.

Submission is not easy.

Submission is not a game. Submission is not given easily.

Submission is not about sex.

Dominance is not controlling.

Dominance is not abusive.

Dominance is not domineering.

Dominance is not loud, cruel, unyielding.

Dominance is not loud.

Dominance is not a game.

Dominance is not narcissistic.

Dominance is not easy.

Dominance is not about sex.

Someone in the group compared D/s with a dance. I have to agree. Dancing with your partner can be graceful, beautiful and intimate. But the dance does not start out that way. We have to learn from one another. Learn how we each move and sway. And there is one lead. Dominance means leading. Submission means we follow. But one thing I truly believe in. We are equal on both sides of the slash. Because without the other, we cannot dance.

CMNF

G o o d x M o r n i n g | https://www.instagram.com/p/BnYIeHjhl12/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1c6ugss74jcr9

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ᶫಌᵛᵉ

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Appropriately dressed

surqrised

“I’d much rather have one great person to talk to every night than have several pointless conversations with temporary people.”

— Unknown

mysadisticdesires

10 Things a Dom Needs.

Writing provided by dominantguide.com - I felt the need to share.

1) Do what you’re told. Not just when you want to, not just when it’s easy, but every single time. If you’ve suddenly decided you’re a free agent that’s a conversation for negotiation in whatever format that takes in your dynamic. Until then, less talking, more obeying.

2) Keep your commitments. If me/you/we have decided on a certain protocol you’re expected to follow through. Nothing sucks the magic out of a D/s interaction faster than when BOTH people let protocols lapse and drift by the wayside. If you act like a part-time sub expect to be treated like one.

3) Try to be just a little less self-centered. The journey of submission is all about YOU, I get it. Truthfully all of us Doms get it, but there is an illusion here that needs to be maintained, and when every check-in boils down to how things are going for you and you don’t bother to ask, “How are you, are you satisfied, are you getting what you need out of me, how can I improve our shared experience?” It makes you look kinda shallow.

4) Don’t compare yourself to other people. Whether you’re poly or monogamous, every time you look at another person and say: “I’ll bet he likes them more than me.” You’re essentially saying “I don’t trust you, I don’t trust us, I don’t really believe that you want me like you say you do.” We are with you for a reason. Not receiving the desire we feel for you is deeply insulting.

5) Sacrifice. This is the deeper side of D/s, it’s where the givers separate themselves from the users. There is nothing that builds a connection faster than doing something unpleasant, when you don’t want to, without being asked, without seeking praise. It’s also very easy to take for granted, which is why you should take your time and don’t give yourself to a Dom who’s a shithead.

6) Own your tantrums. You have feelings, deep intense feelings, if you didn’t you probably wouldn’t be a sub. I encourage you to learn to track when the kettle is about to boil so together we can point the steam in a safe direction. When you fuck up though, and I get a face full of hot water, and you say bad things, you need to accept that in the morning you’ll be held accountable for the things you said even if you didn’t really mean them. This can be a tough pill to swallow, which brings us to our next point:

7) Take it with grace. Ritual and submission are amazing tools to refocus the mind and de-escalate emotions, but the collar is not a magic ring, YOU make the magic. You make it by catching yourself, by breathing into your rituals, by transforming frustration and stress into submission and present moment awareness. Each repetition is a form of emotional alchemy much in the same way that CBT thought-stopping is, (that’s Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, not Cock and Ball Torture, you perverts).

8) Help us to evolve. I’m talking about recognizing that every human being is a little bit lost in their own way, and the difference is that Doms don’t have someone constantly fixating on how to guide us into being better versions of ourselves. Deftly guiding power figures in the directions they need to go is the forte’ of the masterful submissive, and the difference between that and manipulation is that you always have the person’s own interests at heart, even when they conflict with your own. It’s easy to love a Dom as an archetype or a caricature, but to evaluate a whole human being, and desire to kneel for them anyways is the deepest expression of love. You and I may have different toolboxes, but we are building the same house.

9) Stick around. Fact is, most subs vanish as soon as the honeymoon wears off. This phenomenon of women who beg for submission then pull the ripcord at 3-7 months once it’s no longer all about them makes Doms cynical, hard, and reluctant to engage, and further shrinks the pool of the few decent guys who can do this stuff well. I think a lot of this stems from the idea that Dominance is something that’s being done to you, and not with you. If you empower yourself as a co-creator of the dynamic, you’ll be able to make it last longer. I think it might also stem from the fact that a good chunk of lifestylers (both Dom and sub) are emotionally broken jackasses. Sorry, I’m a dick.

10) Cut us some ‘effin slack for god sakes. Being a Dom is a LOT of work, it requires time, focus, and a wide open emotional bandwidth. It takes discipline to hold your ground when things are difficult, knowing that if you repair them with vanilla ‘bargaining’ tactics you will also dissolve the dynamic in the process. As a sub starts to see you as more human, it gets harder. When she/he gets to the “resistance” stage of the relationship, it gets harder. As real life starts to throw you curve balls, it gets harder. Aside from the emotional aspect of things, what it takes to keep things fresh and interesting is an aspect that is hard to appreciate until you’re the one in charge. The thing they don’t tell you about being a Dom is that even if you have the gravitas to make a girl melt, if you don’t have the creativity to constantly invent and reinvent new twists on a very old theme, you’re just a tall dark stranger standing there with your dick in your hand. Sometimes I think this is why geeks end up being better Doms than their smokey eyed, jack-booted, ‘true dom’ counterparts.

The point here is that the big “D” takes more than you think and there are going to be days, even weeks when we’re not going to be able to pull it off. I can tell you from experience that nothing means more to a Dom than when you still keep your rituals even through the thin times. Holding that space shows your strength, and you can take tremendous pride in serving with poise where your vanilla counterpart might be nagging and whining. With your devotion you pull us back like a compass, beckoning towards what is truly important, this secret journey of trust and growth that we are both on together.

art-of-domination-deactivated20

Hi, my SO and I are new to the D/s dynamic and I was wondering if you had any tips for inspection, Sir? I'm finding it difficult to find a list of "here are things you can do" on that topic, so I was hoping you might have some pointers to help get us started. Thank you!

An excellent question. Excellent questions deserve detailed responses.

Inspections (especially an initial inspection) should be very thorough. Every base should be covered and no detail should be left out. Perhaps I should walk you through one so you have some idea of what I mean.

First, I would have my sub strip completely naked. I would have her stand in front of me and tell her to stay perfectly still. Her hands would be clasped against the back of her head and she would be instructed to stand straight and tall for me. She would be instructed to keep her eyes on me and she would watch me circle her, admiring her curves. I might casually place a hand on her breast, twist her nipple, or grab one of the cheeks of her ass. Perhaps as I walked around her, muttering the word, “Mmmm, very nice. So many wonderful ideas in my head.’ I’d make sure to watch that she kept still throughout this period, letting her know that there would be consequences for shifting her position or making any noise unless told to.

Once I surveyed her visually, I would tell her that the next step is for her physical inspection. This can be done in one of two ways. Either she can bend over and widen her legs far apart and then hold her ankles for the duration of her inspection. Any movement can be remedied by duct taping her wrists to her ankles until the inspection is completed. However, that position can be very hard for a sub to keep for a long period of time, so for a first time inspection that is going to be lengthy and drawn out, I would have her get on the bed on all fours.

I would let her watch me circle the bed a couple of times, looking her up and down before I would actually begin. Finally, I’d ask her if there was a particular hole that she would like me to start. She’d gulp and say that she didn’t have a preference. I’d tell her we’ll start with her mouth. Tell her to open wide and say “ahhhhh” for me. Watch her blush at the thought of doing this as she’s naked and on all fours. Tell her what a good girl she is when she does it. Make her keep making the noise while I pushed my fingers in her throat. Then pressing each of my thumbs on each side of her mouth, opening her up as wide as I could. Listening to her whimper as I held her tongue, looking at it carefully. Telling her what a pretty mouth she has. I would wipe the saliva from her chin and face and tell her that she made a little mess. I’d ask her “I’ll bet you like being a messy girl, don’t you?” Watch her blush, and pause, then tell her that I asked her a question and I expect anything I ask I expect to be answered. When she said “Yes, Sir”, I’d ask her what she was saying “Yes, Sir” to. When she blushed, I’d look at her until she said, “I like being a messy girl, Sir”. I’d smile and kiss her lips softly and say, “I know you do, love.”

After her mouth had been examined, I would want to make sure her ass and pussy were just as lovely. I’d probably start by moving my head very close to her pussy, telling her to stay still. I’d examine her to make sure that she was bare as I had requested. That she had been freshly waxed and that her pussy was smooth and soft. I would praise her for being so obedient for me. I would push my finger ever so softly against her sex, asking her if she was always this wet. Listen to her whimper as I push my finger inside her gently. “I didn’t hear your answer, sweetheart,” I’d say to her as she felt a second finger slip inside her. “No, Sir. Just for you.” I’d smile, knowing she was blushing at that moment.

I’d begin to separate each fold of her pussy slowly. Remarking with each rub and stroke and touch how wet she is. I’d ask her if she was aware just what a wet, needy little cunt she has. If she told me she was aware, I’d make her say it to me. “I have a wet needy little cunt, Sir”, I’d make her say. Perhaps over and over while I rubbed her clit and pushed my fingers in her cunt. I’d continue to talk to her. I’d ask why she was so wet and needy. Until she came up with an answer approximating “I’m a dirty slut for you and need to be used often, Sir”, or something similar, I’d continue making her try again, not letting her stop until I had an answer that suited me.

I’d make sure this part of the inspection lasted the longest. I’d want to find her clit and get it swollen and needy as possible. Perhaps asking her if this spot felt good as I massaged it between my thumb and forefinger and watched her desperately try and stay still and steady, enjoying her trembling legs and quivering body as she remained on all fours.

Then I would gently spread her ass cheeks apart, letting her know I want to see how pretty her holes look for me. Circle my finger around her anus first. Telling her it feels like all that ass training she’s been doing has really been paying off. Asking her if she likes training her ass for me. Letting her reply softly, “Yes, Sir.” Then asking her what she was going to be for me eventually after her training was over. Hearing her whimper, knowing she had never had to say it before in front of me, when she was naked on all fours. “Your little ass whore”, she’d say as I smiled again. “Louder, baby. I couldn’t hear you.”

“Your little ass whore, Sir.” She’d say it louder in a normal voice this time. “One more time, baby. Make sure I can hear you.”

“YOUR LITTLE ASS WHORE, SIR.”

“That’s much better sweetheart. See how good it sounds when you say it loudly.”

Once I finished with her ass, I would then move in front of her, smile at her sweetly, give her a kiss on the lips and tell her that (provided everything was in order) she passed her inspection.

So as you can see, there are some basic ideas for inspection. I apologize for the length of this reply. You must be bored out of your mind reading this. So sorry again. Thanks for writing.

submissive-seeking

Inspection demonstrated in amazing detail!