realised i can convince myself to watch the royal autopsy episode on henry iv by pointing out that we're going to see a graphically simulated autopsy of henry and get to see henry's (fake) internal organs
unfortunately, watching royal autopsy means having to watch ian mortimer pontificate about henry so.
gore!! gore of no one's favourite usurper! proved motivational enough despite my internet crapping out on me consistently every time I tried to stream it, I did watch the Henry IV episode of Royal Autopsy and, sad to say, we did not get to see Henry's dick (maybe a bit of the actor's upper thigh) but we did get to see his gnarly looking kidney, heart and lungs...
The conclusion of the episode is that Henry died from acute pulmonary haemorrhage (his lungs filled with blood) that was caused ultimately by the rare autoimmune disease granulomatosis with polyangiitis (GPA) that could explain his skin complaint and apparent seizures, and would have also given him kidney problems (uraemia) and caused blood vessels to rupture in his lungs and suffocate/drown him. GPA seems to fit well enough but I'm not a medical professional and the whole documentary is obviously leading hand-in-hand to that conclusion. I'm not sure about the lung haemorrhage - I feel like if Henry had died coughing up his own blood, I think that would have been mentioned by chroniclers rather a lot?
For those who don't know, the premise is that a pathologist and Alice Roberts perform an "autopsy" on a fake body standing in for the dead royal and make observations based on what the special effects team have done to the body. "Henry might have had psoriasis but you don't tend to see lesions around the nose with that so probably it's not psoriasis" when it's just make-up that a tech put there because the show decided granulomatosis with polyangiitis was what Henry had. Henry's lungs were full of blood - because that's how they decided Henry died. They show off Henry's "battle scars" which... we don't know Henry was ever wounded in battle? The very first time they showed Henry's "body" and the pathologist was like "the first thing we notice is the hairloss" and I cackled so hard. Diagnosed with: bald!
Also, the mannequin is way too thin. Have they even seen Henry's funeral effigy? I get they might have wanted to match the actor used in the re-enactments but the simplest way around that is to hire a fat actor or put him in a fat suit once they're out of the jock!Henry characterisation. Like, Henry was fat!
The whole thing is pretty naff and corny (and fairly graphic in terms of organs and bodies), which is not helped by one of the talking heads being Ian Mortimer. The reenactments have Henry praying Richard II recognise him as rightful king, reducing Richard's rations to help him recognise his new station - and then apparently accidentally starving him to death as a result? The battle of Shrewsbury was hilarious with Henry's first line being him screaming "defend my son". They also did dagger incident! Which despite not being good, did have a neat detail that Hal has Henry hold the dagger with the point against Hal's chest and when Henry jerks it back in preparation to throw it aside, Hal falls forward into Henry's lap.
.. we also get a live-action re-enactment of Henry finding out about his prolapsed anus which made me laugh like a maniac. Like. Henry screaming "Good god man what's wrong with me" (actual line), then reaching behind him and feeling his arse and then being like "My insides!!" (another actual line - they did follow it up with him being like "they're hanging out of me")
Oh, we get Henry pissing into a urine flask and the voiceover of "Henry takes a keen interest in his urine" and then some talk about Henry's pee, including an urologist talking about medieval pee chart but not one of the historians (Mortimer, Helen Carr and Onyeka Nubia) actually say anything about it or quote from the chronicles is made and I remember nothing about Henry being obsessed with his own piss so I assume they pulled that from nowhere or misinterpreted doctors checking his piss regularly as a sign there was something wrong with it? Ian Mortimer did not mention tracking Henry by his droppings or his toilet paper purchases or the prolapsed anus. This is what happens when you don't get Chris Given-Wilson on board.
The other named historical figures shown are Archbishop Arundel and Prince Henry (Hal). Hal seems to be characterised in the Shakespeare vein of "wild troublemaking prince" but just modified to be slightly more historically accurate. For instance, he brashly accuses Arundel of holding the purse strings too tight and I'm like "um, Hal was the one reigning in spending when he was on the council? that's part of the reason people complained to Henry about him?" And then he asks Henry to abdicate in 1409 which is about 2 years too early. Henry responds by shouting at him for his impatience and bad behaviour and it's also like. dude you're the one who killed a king and an archbishop. They give Hal a scar but Hal's scar looks like he just applied too much blusher in his first scene. Also I think the actor had ginger hair which is weird.
Battle of Shrewsbury is presented as Northumberland's rebellion, Henry is described as "fearlessly leading his troops" when the guy had four decoys and retreated when Hotspur got too close so... press x to doubt. Henry claims he did the penance the pope set him for killing Richard and Scrope and I'm pretty sure that he left at least some of that penance for Hal to do (namely, the establishing priories thing). They also didn't mention Henry's missing tooth despite doing a "medical history" or look at his brain given the suggestions of epilepsy caused by brain damage received during jousting.
Ian Mortimer whines that the idea Henry felt guilty for killing Richard and Scrope is "very attractive but superficial" and says it's just part and parcel of Henry's faith which... maybe but also like. He killed two guys his culture screamed shouldn't be killed and going "he was so awesome he didn't care about killing people"... not actually that good of a look for Henry? Also I think Catholic guilt is also an "attractive but [deeply] superficial" characterisation when you're very much going "he didn't actually feel guilty for anything he did, he was just a Catholic".
At the end of this, I feel like Henry's character is more... a sporty, athletic guy who was gassed up all his life until he believed in his own greatness only to usurp the throne and realise actually he was not cut out for this but he's so great and wonderful this is even though he wracked with guilt but he's clinging to power with both hands and not letting go.












