I can't sleep again. You're on my mind, driving me crazy. You are silly, you have no initiative or motivation, you don't do your chores, you never think ahead, you never make plans, you're slow, you're not assertive and you can't adult. But you're so incredibly gentle, your kindness towards every creature and human is heart-warming, you're patient, you never judge, you're beautiful, tall, luscious locks, beautiful eyes, you watched me with this look in your eyes that made me feel like I was the only person in the entire world, you send me the funniest things - the most ridiculous things, you're warm, comforting, you're adorable, you're pretty, you bring me everything I ask for, you're open minded, you explain things in a way I understand, you debate with me as if you care about my opinion, you make me feel heard and seen, you make me feel alive, you make me want to continue living on this earth, you are precious to me. You'd put up with my nonsense, my stupidity, my outbursts and my non verbal times, you stood by me everytime I was hurt by others, you were so gentle, so kind in your explanations. You made me feel 100% comfortable with you, safe and that you thought I was beautiful and worth something. I miss you so much, your finger guns, you helping the insects, your soft fingers against mine, your lips in my hair, your legs tangled with mine, us watching stupid movies, us watching tiktoks, sending silly memes, calling you on the way home, listening to you being excited about the dogs you saw at work and the cats, watching you swoon over cute animals, watching your smile light up when you get new clothes or jewellery or make up, watching you smile cause you like your nails or your outfit, watching you drive, how you always said you liked my food even though I thought it was mediocre, I miss walking into your study and seeing the the cat on your lap, I miss you. I miss all of you, the good and the bad. I miss you so much. I actively hate myself for the way I acted, and how immature I was. I'm falling apart every night now because I know I may not ever see you again. You aren't perfect. I'm not perfect. Our relationship was unhealthy. We knew that. I should have taken more steps to help fix it, instead of pushing it aside and just saying that's how we are and it's okay because we love each other. It wasn't okay. I miss you so much. It's not even possible to put into words how much I'm willing to change for you and how much I'm willing to do to have you by my side again. I love you so much, I miss you so much.
