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these are lifted from the hulu show with the same name, triggering content may be possible, please read and reblog with caution. adjust any as needed!
sometimes a second chance is just another chance to get it wrong.
youâll hear me bassooner or later.
iâm going to stop you before you accidentally say Iâm not sexy.
the sharing of stories is kind of transactional.
isnât it insulting to flirt now?
seventyâs the new forty.
suddenly itâs rude to tell a secretary she looks nice in a pair of slacks.
no. to that whole sentence.
rock icon sting is a dog-poisoning murderer.
heâs like the next OJ. a hot, buddhist OJ.
embrace the mess. thatâs where the good stuff lives.
this is exactly like die hard!
no one wants a murder podcast about real estate!
even the elevator wanted that story to end.
a cat never really leaves you, because they transmit parasites.
itâs setting money on fire i donât care for.
oh, youâre the other one. got it.
those are our proverbial onions, raw and peeled.
and yours? care to peel for us?
sometimes itâs easier to figure out someone elseâs secret than it is to deal with your own.
itâs so hot in here. do we have to do this in a closet?
i mean, a murderer probably lives in the building.
i guess old white guys are only afraid of colon cancer and societal change.
iâve fallen in love with so many dead people.
do you appeal to anybody?
you are scoring a murder mystery, not DJing a hobbitâs wedding.
yeah, you look pretty poor.
iâm totally migraining, you guys meet the sea witch without me.
so go on ahead and enjoy your cute little lives.
i literally pass him in the elevator once a month, just so you know.
new yorkers have a special way of communicating.
i donât tip. i think itâs elitist. i send out autographed photos instead.
iâm gonna fucking find out.
calls bother them for some reason.
i think our list of suspects just got longer.
i will burn it and snort the ashes like itâs 1982.
can i just stream it later and spare myself?
i canât tell if youâre acting or not.
oh, believe me, when heâs acting, you can tell.
i want you to be less mean.
no one ever brings anyone a turkey with bad intentions.
oh my god, thereâs food.
really? do you not see this coat?
i have this recurring dream. iâm in bed. i wake up and thereâs a man standing over me.
what the fuck is in [optional:name]âs mouth?
so, i kick him right in the nuts.
i grab my knitting needle and i take him down to the bone with that thing.
sometimes, when i canât sleep, i imagine brutally murdering that dude.
iâm out like a light. works everytime.
itâs not what you think!
new york can be a fucking lot.
all the eyes on you. all the time.
hey baby, where you goinâ so tough?
two thousand women report assaults here every year.
itâs a place that makes you binge watch dateline to find out on to not end up on dateline.
it was the most constant refrain from my childhood.
can we all just be grateful that heâs gone?
letâs see if [optional:name]âs free. iâll call her.
say something nice and move on.
Does anybody have anything they would like to share about [optional:name]?
oh! how did you get here?
i donât lock my door. never have.
the motherfucking garbage bag!
why would he get on the elevator with that?
thereâs a chute on every floor.
we all had the same thought?
we should do our own podcast.
iâm not dying. itâs anxiety.
i just need to know how invested i should get in you.
you donât adopt a twenty year old dog.
it happens sometimes when i talk to people.
i just donât talk to people.
i just.. i just find dating exhausting.
if it works out, scary. and if it doesnât work out, scary.
i just want to go home and plant my face into a pillow.
sounds like an afternoon.
do i want to break into a dead guyâs apartment and go through all his shit?
itâs the first time iâve ever been alone in like .. ever.
i tend to make packs where ever i go.
i shared. i got a second date.
i need to sleep for a month!
itâs about a jealous stalker and surveillance.
it actually seems like it was written by .. a killer.
right. you should wait. plenty of time.
every breath you take is no love song.
well, at the end of the first act, there was the amazing number.
i can still hear the sound of them all hitting the floor.
chorus boys tend to stick together.
there is no bigger flop than my show.
we got bad reviews before we even opened.
what the fuck! oh my god!
we just wanted to see how you were holding up.
nowâs not a good time, so.
weâre gonna go down there and look around for clues. wanna come?
is that what my face is saying?
this doesnât make sense.
i got in the elevator with these two weirdos.
approximately twelve minutes from now, i will be murdered.
apparently one of you jerk offs did it.
i canât stop thinking about this.
we should do our own true crime podcast.
right now the only thing that matters is thereâs a killer on the loose.
oh, that is a very good line.
i think weâre onto something big here.
why are they all selfies?
so i donât draw suspicion.
get the who, the why and the why now.
get the what and the what?
see, why would you say what? i never said what. thereâs no what.
shit just got super real.
get out of the building now.
anything could be a clue.
do you consent to being recorded?
i like the emotion. keep that.
the crying is covering the dialogue.
are you associated with the deceased?
just in passing. not his passing. just when we pass by.
we find the right connection and all this cracks open.
i canât tell if i want it to be nothing or i want it to be something.
turns out the ones you think you know best, might be the ones you know least.
every true crime story is actually true for someone.
yes, and this is just occurring to you?
i think we should just hit him with the charmer.
iâll take the lead on this.
well i can turn on the charm.
why did this happen to you?
i want to solve this murder so catch me up.
seems like everyone in the building loved her.
they both died the same day.
really? what did you hear just exactly?
i shouldnât speak ill of the dead.
something about a missing ring?
why would you say it like that?
i wouldnât put it like that.
youâre taking too long.
i faint at the sight of blood.
you know, thereâs a cat in your freezer.
youâre right. we should be more respectful.
what episode is this from?
i saw that bullshit on youtube this morning.
iâm so lost here. can someone please fill me in.
i literally feel myself aging when i listen to you.
how do you not know anyone.
you know what, i think you should stay upstairs.
we should just promise not to lie and trust each other. i can do that.
iâm not wearing make up.
i was just coming up to get you.
those were made up mysteries.
maybe youâre right. maybe going at it alone is better.
hi. iâm not sure why iâm doing this.
i hate new years eve. it means winter break is over.
youâre a goddamn asshole! what the fuck was that?
the secrets are the fun part.
whoâs telling the truth? whoâs lying?
you donât have to sign your texts. i know itâs you.
what kind of person leaves their window open and then gets mad at a cat for wondering in?