content warnings : 18+ MDNI, description of animal gore, religious trauma within the catholic church, friends to lovers, hidden feelings, some brief bullying, self hatred, troubled home life, time jumps, lots of smut, phone sex, car sex, couch sex, oral sex, p in v, switch!dennis, begging, cheating, happy ending teehee
summary : you and dennis had been inseparable since the start of high school, until one night dennis started feeling something more. fighting with his internal feelings and the teachings of the church, dennis struggled to face his true feelings.
authors notes : this is my first fic, please be gentle! dennis is catholic (i know he is most likely mormon but im working with what i know), his brothers names are totally made up!!, some part is set during covid but there is zero mention because i didn't feel comfortable. thank you for reading, love you lots and lots! p.s apologies for any misspellings or grammatical errors!
also on ao3 !!
9th March 2017
4:15pm, Broken Bow, Nebraska
“It’s rotting.” Dennis stood over a young buck, a wrinkle setting between his brows. Maggots squirmed where the eyes should've been, its flesh torn and destroyed by other animals, jaws hanging open. He lowered down and picked up a stick. As he leaned closer to exam how the neck bent, he wondered how it had been broken, morbid curiosity overwhelming his mind. “We should probably move it.”
You watched him gently jab the stick into its throat, shaking his head slightly. You cleared your throat, adjusting your footing awkwardly. “Where?”
“Off the road.” He stood up straight again, rubbing the back of his neck. The buck had been disembowelled, its’ viscera a fly breeding ground. The smell was unbearable, sweet rotten flesh, sour like milk, faeces so pungent it hurt your nose to inhale. Dennis walked around the corpse, eyeing it before flexing his hands over the antlers, seeing how they felt in his grip, sucking a breath in between his teeth. “I mean I could drag it.”
“This feels wrong.” You shuddered as he gave it a quick tug, the body dragging across the asphalt. The guts had fused with the ground, not willing to move with it.
“All creatures deserve a peaceful rest.” His voice was quiet and he didn’t look up, hands gripping tighter on the antlers as he dragged the poor animal towards the side of the road. You had no rebuttal. He used all his strength to get it on the grass by the road, frowning to himself.
Wildflowers and colourful weeds grew in abundance along the road, so you pulled as much as your hands could hold, and gave them to Dennis. He concealed the gore, placing the flora in every opening, butterfly weeds in the eye sockets, daisies in the ears, wild bergamot filling the stomach cavity. Once he was finished, he blessed himself and gripped your hand.
“May the Lord lead this poor soul to paradise, amen.” He whispered, letting out a sigh.
“Amen.” You said, gaze fixed on the animal.
He turned his head to you, “Let’s go.”
-
Dennis had never really been well liked by anyone. He didn’t fit in anywhere, he was quiet, shorter and skinnier than most kids, didn’t play sports anymore and didn’t seem interesting enough to attract any attention. Until high school, a bond with you formed under the strain of needing desperately to be liked. You were sat together in English, some sort of forced proximity that brought you two together, an unlikely pair but at the same time, the perfect duo. Since that day, you both hadn't really made a huge effort to make other friends, you only really needed each other. Dennis hated to admit it but he used to pray for a friend like you. Someone who he genuinely could be himself with.
-
“Runt!” His oldest brother, Stan, shouted as you both walked down toward the house. A rusty faded red truck was parked out front, his other two brothers, Elijah and Noah, were working on it.
“Thought you would at least wait for me.” Dennis slipped off his backpack, tossing it by the truck.
“We want this finished, like yesterday. I left work early for this and I have to pick my kid up from daycare at six.” Elijah grumbled before shooting a look at you, his expression softening, a dimple appearing on his cheek. “What’s the little lady doing here?”
“We have an assignment to work on.” Dennis brushed it off, watching you get yourself settled on the porch steps. Out of all his brothers, Elijah had a soft spot for you. He treated like you were family, even though you'd only known Dennis for about three years.
“Can we get moving?” Stan grunted, opening the bonnet. “We all got families here.”
Dennis and his brothers got to work on the truck, working while talking in a low mumble, while you sat off to the side and flipped through a book, eyes flickering between Dennis and the pages in front of you. Ever since Dennis was a kid, his brothers would call him Runt, the smallest and youngest Whitaker, but he worked harder than all of them combined. He seemed to be faster, more focused.
“Dennis has been working on this truck for weeks without any of your help and I think he did a pretty decent job.” You pointed out, realising when you got glares from his brothers that you probably shouldn’t have said a word.
“Of course you’d say that, according to you, Dennis shits rainbows.” Noah snapped, turning to look at you with a mocking smirk. Noah was only a year or so older, had a stinky attitude and even worse temper.
“Don’t talk to her like that.” Dennis’ gaze landed on Noah, fingers curling into his palm before relaxing.
“Cut the shit Noah, they’re kids.” Stan butted in, regretting that he even agreed to help.
“Dude, since when did you give a shit about them being kids?!”
Stan walked around the car, glaring at Noah.
“It was a joke, alright?” He scoffed.
A silence fell over them, Elijah looking at you with wide eyes and an awkward grin. His brothers could be nice when they wanted to be, the four of them together were really good friends but they bickered like no other. Dennis could take it but he hated it when Noah dragged you into it, which happened more than he liked.
Within an hour, they started packing up so you jumped up, fishing a small box out of your backpack and handing it to Dennis. He mindlessly took the box from your hand, not even looking at you, holding it in his grasp until he was finished.
“What is it?” He finally looked at the box and then turned his body to face you.
“It’s to make sure you drive safely.” You chewed on the inside of your cheek.
“My god, I think I’m gonna vomit!” Noah groaned, watching from the porch.
“Noah-” Dennis started, glancing at his brother who had his hands up, turning to go inside the house. Opening the box, there was a wooden rosary inside. His eyes met yours, smiling softly.
“Do you like it?” You asked shyly.
“Yea, I really do. Thank you.” He replied timidly, his expression so gentle as he wrapped an arm around your shoulder and pulled you into him.
“I’ll see you at the weekend, Denny.” Elijah called from his car, opening the driver side door before looking at you. “Have a nice evening, little lady.”
“Bye Eli!” You grinned, waving as he got into his car. Dennis removed his arm, getting into his car, hanging the rosary beads from his rearview mirror. He sat back and stared at them, head tilted and face scrunched up, before he adjusted them again.
-
Later that evening, the sun was setting, darkness slowly swallowing his bedroom.
“D’you know you’re the first person I think about when I wake up?” Dennis admitted casually, not lifting his eyes from the textbook laid out in front of him.
“Why?” You questioned, resting your chin in your palm and looking at him.
“Because I always have so much to tell you.” He spoke as if it wasn’t flattery, flipping the page before looking at you. “I kind of never run out of things to say to you.”
“Is that a good thing?”
“Hmm.” His gaze dropped to the textbook again. “Guess it is.”
-
14th April 2017
12:25pm, Broken Bow, Nebraska
A beetle scuttled across the lunch table, its little legs going as fast as they could. Dennis’ watched silently, inspecting as it zig-zagged and darted in different directions, going in an endless circle without even realising. It had trapped itself in a loop, out of fear or confusion, Dennis couldn’t say. He thought about helping it, but then he’d probably end up killing it. Would death be a better fate than to live the rest of your life in fear?
You sat beside him with a thud, sighing out of exhaustion. In your hands, you carried a collection of novels and textbooks. You were frazzled, sweat building on your brow, mind running over a million different things but all Dennis noticed was that you hadn’t got lunch.
“Why aren’t you eating?” He picked at his lunch, his stomach turning looking at it.
“Not hungry, too busy, too tired.” You dropped the books on the table, resting your head atop them, briefly closing your eyes. “Why are you just moving your food around?”
“Not hungry, too busy, too tired.” He mimicked you, resting his chin in his palm. “What’s got you so tired in the first place?”
You opened one eye, looking at him in a half scorn before closing it again. “Dragged into helping plan prom, I’m not even on the student board.”
“Can you eat something please before you pass out?” He turned to his backpack, digging through it and pulling out a grain bar. “Please.”
You looked at him then at the bar, staring at it as you felt your stomach groan. “Feed it to me?”
Dennis diligently obliged, opening the wrapped and bringing it to your mouth. You took a bite and chewed, eyes drifting closed again, humming in delight. You were busier than normal, Dennis had barely seen you the past couple weeks.
“Are you going to prom?” He asked very plainly, not expecting much from your answer.
“Probably…” You mumbled. “I’ll have to show my face.”
He brought the bar to your mouth again, letting you get a bite before dropping his hand once more. “Who are you gonna go with?”
You lifted your head and looked at him, chewing fast to get your words out. You frowned. “Who are you going with? We always go together to these things Denny.”
“O-oh I’m not saying I’m going with anyone! I just thought you might change your mind but we can go.” He was flustered, stammering over himself.
You groaned, resting your head down again. “You know there’s a guy planning on proposing at prom?”
“What? You’re kidding.”
“His mom caught him with a girl, apparently told him that they couldn’t do that unless they were planning to marry so he said they were.” Your eyes watched his face.
“Will the girl say yes?”
“Our Lord Jesus Christ only knows!” You grinned, sitting up straight. You reached forward and fixed Dennis’ hair, moving it out of his eyes. “How have you been?”
“I mean I’m alright. Noah’s being unbelievable, he just never stops.” He complained, rubbing his forehead. You frowned, rubbing his back gently. Then you spotted a guy, Zach Henry coming towards you and Dennis, a spring in his step as his eyes locked in on you, a sly grin pulling across his face. You went still. Dennis caught your expression, turning to see where your gaze was.
“Hey pretty girl.” He smiled smugly.
You felt your body go tense, gaze zoned in on him.
“Aww, is the pretty girl angry with me? I think you’ll wanna hear what I have to ask you, you’ll be so happy.” He didn’t acknowledge Dennis, he probably didn’t even realise he was there. You didn’t reply, just watched his face. “I bought two tickets to prom.”
“Okay?” You responded dryly.
“And I’m taking you, baby.”
You scoffed and stood up from your seat, gathering your books. “I’m leaving. I’ll see you later, Denny.”
“Baby please.” He trailed after you, mockingly pleading. “Gimme a chance.”
“Please, leave me alone.” You bit back, rushing away.
It made Dennis’ skin crawl; a rage built in his stomach that he didn’t know how to get out. You could defend yourself, he knew that but he was your friend, he should’ve been able to help you. Zach Henry was an asshole, and viewed you like a target, a girl he couldn’t get. It spurred him on, made him crave it more. He’d already fucked his way through most of the girls in Broken Bow and surrounding towns but he hadn’t had you. Dennis was a meek child growing up, letting people walk all over him but things felt different when you were involved, his chest would tighten and his head would feel light. He thought he deserved what he got from people but you didn’t.
After school, he drove him, still reliving it, thinking how he could’ve done better. He felt stupid and weak. You deserved a better friend than that.
When he got home, Noah was sitting on the porch, drinking a beer like he usually did after work, covered in cow shit and mud, stinking up the whole house. Dennis slowly approached him, hands shoved into his pockets, body almost shrivelled.
“What’s up with you?” Noah’s lip curled in disgust.
“What would you do if someone was bothering a friend of yours?” It slipped out faster than he wanted it to, words stumbling over each other.
“What do you mean?” He questioned, taking a swig of his beer.
Dennis explained what happened between you and Zach, and that he felt frozen, useless, like he couldn’t help you. Noah didn’t seem impressed.
“I don't know dude, smash his shit up.” He shrugged.
Dennis nodded, processing his words slowly before walking into the house.
-
His fingers tightened around the bat, eyes fixed ahead on the washed-out green pick-up parked outside the Dollar General. He felt anger simmering underneath his skin, his stomach twisting and aching. He steadied his breathing, chest tightening. He didn’t hesitate as he strode toward the truck. With a quick exhale, he lifted the oak baseball bat and slammed it down on the windscreen, the glass splintering off in different directions. His breath knocked out of him, but he kept going. Swinging the bat again, he hit the wing mirror, breaking it right off the car. His body felt hot, adrenaline pulsing through his blood as he pulled out a pocket knife, bending down and slashing the tires.
“Dennis?” He heard a voice, close enough that he sent a chill down his spine.
“Ah...” He blanched, standing up straight to see you staring in bewilderment with a grocery bag in hand. He tried to smile, a little lopsided grin that he thought would make you ease up but your face didn’t shift. “I’ve gotta go.”
“Wh-what? Why?” You stuttered, eyes dancing between him and the truck. “Whose car is that?”
“I’ll explain later.” He turned towards his truck but you followed, grabbing his hand tightly. He broke into a sprint and you struggled to keep up as he dragged you behind him. He stopped by the driver side and fumbled as he pulled out the keys and unlocked the car.
“Get in.” He muttered, opening the door and letting you in first before jumping in behind you. You slid across the bench seat, giving Dennis more room to get the engine started up. In his wing mirror, he could see Zach stood frozen in shock with car keys in hand.
“Is that who I think it is?” Your body went still when you caught a glimpse.
“He got this thing called karma.” Dennis stated matter of fact as he started driving, pulling out of the parking lot, his hands tightening around the steering wheel.
“He’ll know it was you.” Your mind was running wild with possibilities before you realised what had just happened. “Where are you taking me?”
“He didn’t see us, plus that Dollar General doesn’t have cameras.” He reassured before digging in his pockets, furrowing his brows together. “How did you get here?”
“My mom…” You went numb. Zach would know it was Dennis, or that it had something to do with you. A shiver ran over your body, it made you feel sick.
“Tell her you met me, and I’ll drive you home.” He was definitely speeding, your hands gripping the seat.
“Why did you do that?” You looked at him but he was staring ahead at the road.
“He was bothering you.” His voice lowered.
“Dennis…” You shrunk back into the seat.
“I should’ve said something yesterday.”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not okay, I should be able to… back you up.”
“Well smashing up his truck probably wasn’t the brightest idea.” You let out a nervous laugh, waiting for Dennis to react but he stayed still.
“It was Noah’s.”
“You asked Noah for help?!” You gasped, jolting forward. “Oh my god, Noah? At least if you asked Eli, he might have actually helped.”
“I know.”
That sinking feeling consumed Dennis while he mindlessly parked outside your house. Not a word uttered to you as you got out of the car, your voice drowning in white noise.
-
A few days later, on a Monday evening, you heard a knock at the door. You jogged over quickly, opening it to reveal Dennis, hanging his head, blood trickling down his chin onto the porch floor. There was some blood soaking through his shirt and it was all over his arms. When he finally lifted his head, it was clear he had a black eye.
“Oh my god what happened?” You could already put the pieces together.
“I guess Zach found out who busted up his truck.” He forced out a laugh which dropped as soon as he saw the look on your face, you were glaring at him with a scowl.
As quickly as you could, you brought him inside, guiding him towards the bathroom where you could get a better look at him. You told him to sit on the edge of the bathtub, while you searched for the first aid box. Dennis lifted his shirt, looking at the fresh blood and cuts across his stomach and chest, fingers touching where they shouldn’t. Dennis had taught you how to treat stuff like this, he said it was a useful skill when you’re always around on the farm where it’s easy for a wound to get infected. You found the first aid, handing it to Dennis while you washed your hands, feeling rage building in your gut.
“Where did it happen?” You faced him, a hand gently moving his face to examine it.
“I was walking back to my truck after school. I stayed back to catch up on some stuff and they must’ve been waiting.” He winced, talking made the cut on his lip sting.
“They?” Your eyes met his. “How many?”
“Like four? I don’t remember.” He winced.
Dennis held the first aid kid on his lap, opened and ready for you. You stood in front of him, your fingers touching his face gently to see how bad the damage was, making a start on the cut on his lip. It wasn’t deep, but it had stopped bleeding unlike his busted brow or the cut on his forehead. He closed his eyes momentarily, while you cleaned the wound, using a cotton swab to dap some antiseptic cream on it. Releasing you needed to move closer, you took the first aid kit from Dennis, putting it on the sink.
“Can I stand between your legs? It’ll make my life a lot easier.” You asked.
He nodded, opening his legs enough so you could stand closer. You filled the gap, a hand holding the side of his head, guiding him to tilt it backwards. The cut on his brow was a lot deeper, it almost made your stomach turn with how fleshy it was. Blood still trickling down, dripping off his jaw. You took your time cleaning, holding some gauze against the wound to help stop the bleeding. A silence had fallen over you two, Dennis’ eyes opening to watch you.
“They really did a number on you.” You sighed, brushing his hair back from his forehead with your fingers.
“I probably deserved it.” He muttered.
“I don’t think so.” You lifted the gauze, finding the bleeding had stopped. “Thank you.”
“For what?” His hands were touching the back of your knees, eyes staring up at you.
“For looking out for me.” You whispered, cleaning the cut slowly.
“That’s what friends are supposed to do.” His thumb mindlessly stroked the side of your knee.
“I know but I can be thankful.” A small smile pulled on your lips while you applied paper stitches, eyeing your own handy work. “It ain’t too bad. We can get some ice for the bruises, lift your shirt.”
He obliged without hesitation, lifting it up. His ribs where badly bruised, tender to the touch and his stomach had a few cuts, but nothing too bad.
“Your mom might take you to the ER if she sees that.” You cleaned the wounds across his stomach, they were quick.
“It’ll be fine.” He groaned, lowering his shirt again. You stepped back, sighing at how he miserable he looked.
You held out your hand, wiggling your fingers. He took your hand, standing up slowly. His other hand held his stomach as he followed you out of the bathroom and towards the living room. You tapped a spot on the couch which Dennis filled, while you ran into the kitchen, coming back with a bag of peas wrapped in a towel. You sat beside him, tapping your lap with a small smile. Dennis shuffled around, turning to lay across the couch, head resting on your lap. He took the peas from you, holding them against his chest.
“I think God guided me to you.” He whispered, looking up at you.
“The lord gives us who we need.” You replied quietly, playing with his hair.
“I definitely needed you.” He admitted, staring a little too long. Fear swallowed him, he jolted up, clearing his throat and scrambling to get off the couch. "My mom is probably worried."
He was gone before you could call him back.
-
21st June 2017
11:46pm Broken Bow, Nebraska
Dennis' faded red truck pulled up by your house, his tired dishevelled body stumbling out the driver side, with a pizza box. You were already sitting waiting on your porch steps, smiling as he walked towards you, a limp grin pulling across his face.
“You’re up late.” He slotted himself beside you. “Were you waiting for me?”
“You have a pizza box.” You leaned into his arm, looking at him. “I told you I’d wait.”
Dennis was starting to look older, a late puberty one would say but you called it filling out. He was slightly taller than last summer, taller than you finally and he had decided to grow out his hair this summer and it had gotten so light in the sun and it was almost in soft ringlets. He had been picking up weekend shifts at a local pizza place, just a little extra money for his pocket and every weekend since, he'd come to you before going home. He met your gaze, a hand reaching to move hair from your face, tucking it behind your ear.
“I won’t stay long, you look tired.” His mouth lifted into a small smile before he opened the box, inside an already cold, beat-up cheese pizza. “Ah, it looks worse than I thought...”
“It’s the thought that counts, I like cold pizza.” You mumbled sleepily, taking a slice.
You started eating, a comfortable silence falling over you both, the gentle breeze rustling the trees near your house. You started rambling about what you'd done all day without him, running through every mundane task you completed, whether it be getting out of bed at three o’clock in the afternoon or making lunch all by yourself.
"You are very boring." He chuckled. "But you already know that though."
"Hey! I'm not boring. I am bored." You corrected him, smiling smugly.
"Oh, I forgot, I got you this." He pulled out your favourite soda from his hoodie pocket, handing it to you.
The following ten minutes were silence, eating and drinking with your eyes closed in bliss.
Once you had finished, he closed the pizza box, tossing it behind him. You unknowingly leaned closer to him, trying to steal his heat, uncontrollably shivering.
“Okay, now you’re tired. Let’s get you inside.” He patted your head, getting ready to stand up but you held his arm tight, pulling him back down.
“I want to stay out here with you.” You sluggishly murmured.
“How about a blanket?” He matched your tone mockingly. "That box is still here, right?"
You nodded with a hum.
He gently removed you from his arm, standing up to search your front porch. He eyed it sitting by the front door, quickly grabbing the biggest one in there and settling back down beside you, wrapping you both in it, his arm hugging you close to him. You snuggled into his side, feeling how warm he was. Without thinking, he placed a kiss on the top of your head, letting out a contented sigh while you listened to his heart beating in his chest.
"My hands are cold…" You murmured, rubbing them together. "I think I am tired."
He laughed softly, taking your hands in one of his. Dennis’ heart started to beat a little faster, his body almost tensing when your cold skin met his. He brought them closer to him, tucking them under his hoodie, a warmth enveloping your skin. Suddenly a fear consumed you, not wanting to look at him or move, not wanting to ruin it but curiosity won. You lifted your head and you saw he was already staring at you, his eyes filled with a defeated sadness, his eyebrows tugging together.
When your eyes meet, it’s like something exploded inside of you. A want you’d never felt before devoured you, every nerve in your body buzzing with anticipation. His gaze dropped to your lips and all thought disappeared, his mouth opened slightly, a breath leaving his lungs shakily. Everything you had known died the moment you placed your hand on his cheek and guiding him toward your lips. When he kissed you, your stomach twisted, your legs feeling almost weak and fussy. Dennis was kissing you like he’s been waiting forever, like he had been hiding it from you. His arms tightened around you and a warmth inside you slowly kindling. You let your hand move, fingers feeling his wispy hair. A sigh left his nose, shoulders relaxing as his tongue delved into your mouth. His hands splayed over your back, fingers hot like embers through your clothes. You broke away, there was a sudden fear of it getting out of hand. Dennis entered back into his body, looking at you with a frantic look in his eyes.
“Uh… I-I think I’d better go.” He shuttered, lifting his hands from you carefully.
“Y-yea, I’ll see you tomorrow?” The realisation of what you’d just done crashed into you and you slid away from him.
“Th-that… uh- Goodnight.” He stood up abruptly, his lips still glistening, face flushed red with embarrassment.
All you could get out was ‘yea’ before he was briskly walking back to his truck, leaving you on your porch steps alone.
-
Alone in his room, an unexplainable terror filling his entire body. He collapsed by his bed, hands clasped tightly as he thought of how to explain himself to God. He had convinced himself that these feelings only led to sin.
"Protect me from my mind." He rested his head against his hands, feeling the guilt weighing him down. He wiped it from his mind, telling himself he'd never do it again.
-
16th July 2017
9:20am, Sunday Mass, Broken Bow, Nebraska
“If you love me, keep my commands.” The priest read aloud, eyes never lifting to look at his parishioners. His voice felt like chalk in Dennis’ ears, making his back itch, and skin sweaty. As he droned on, reading gospel with a tongue of fire, Dennis grew more anxious. His fingers picked at the scab on his knuckle; he couldn’t leave it alone. The deafening sound of preaching consumed him, the sin of existing ripping him from the inside out. The harder he tried to zone out, the more guilt chewed on him. He brought his fingers to his mouth, biting on his flesh, a habit he had tried to drop before.
The past month, he fought himself, the thought of you a constant in his mind. The priest had turned to using scripture to condemn the actions of sinners in his usual hateful ramble. It was killing him, eyes aching when he looked up at the altar, the image of Christ staring down in disgust, or what Dennis believed to be disgust. Had God seen the things living in his mind? If God knew what he thought about, he’d surely never see heaven. He’d fall forever, skin flayed from his meat, organs cooked in the fires of hell. The impureness of his mind, his own perversions that he couldn’t get rid of. Dennis picked his skin harder, making himself bleed, it would never be punishment enough for his deplorable thoughts. It would rot inside him if he didn't confess to it, poisoning the good still left in him. Every waking moment he replayed you kissing him, thought of how it could've gone, how he could do it again and again and again.
He wished he could move on from it. You hadn't mentioned it, at all, acting like it hadn't done anything to change how you felt for him. He felt crazy. The mass drew to a close, his heart racing, his mind swirling with disgust and yet, he immediately searched for you.
-
25th August 2017
8:45pm, Broken Bow, Nebraska
"I bestow onto you," He mimicked the voice of Gandalf, a bad impression you'd say. His hands opening in front of you. "My faithful iPod nano."
"How old is this thing?" You jeered, holding back a laugh.
"It's not old." He frowned, dropping the act sadly. "Are you taking it or not?"
"Oh, right yes, thank you, the great wizard Gandalf!" You played the part of a faithful hobbit, taking his old iPod nano into your hands. You carefully placed it inside your bag, like it was a precious stone that would explode if handled wrong. "You have brought me great fortune! I will cherish this treasure for an eternity!"
The sun was beginning to set, you both sitting in the middle of a field, hidden by the long grass and weeds. You had been there all day, just talking, spending the last moments of freedom together before you left for college.
"Will you miss me?" He leaned back on his hands, head tilted back to the sky.
"Immensely." You smiled, lying back on the grass, not caring what creepy crawlies found their way to you. "You still set on Theology?"
"It's locked in." He murmured, closing his eyes. "Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing it for myself or my parents."
"Why?" Your head turned to look at him.
"They've never been proud of me. I'm the first in our family to even get into college and the only thing they're happy about is that I'm studying theology. I never got a congratulations for getting into Creighton, or getting a scholarship but once I mentioned studying God, then they were interested."
"Well, if they won't say they're proud of you, then I will. I am proud of you Dennis Whitaker, wherever life takes you, I will always be right behind you."
"Thank you, I'm proud of you too."
The sky grew darker, the darkness revealing flecks of gold as the moonlight spilled over you and him. He had laid beside you, leaning back on his arms, admiring the constellations above. Dennis would never tell you that he loved quiet moments with you, knowing you were there, knowing you wanted to be there, was enough for him. He didn't need you to speak, or do anything.
You let out a sigh, gaze shifting to him. He was contented, searching the sky, breathing slowly. Staring felt guilty, it felt wrong but you couldn't help it. You wouldn't see him for months, you were terrified that this friendship would fizzle out, that he'd find new people, more interesting people to be around. You were scared that he'd change, or worse you'd change and that you would be different together, an uncontrollable twist of fate that kept you up at night. But you didn't know he felt the exact same way.
-
14th July 2018
3:50pm, Broken Bow, Nebraska
The summer after freshman year, you both had come back to Broken Bow, you both said it was to see family, to get a break from college but you both were only looking forward to seeing one another. The last time you had seen him in person was Christmas, you had been calling him every week, keeping him updated with everything you'd been doing at college, and he did the same. You had walked to his house, gravel crunching beneath your feet as you walked towards the porch, the sound of raised voices spilling through the ajar door. Your eyebrows furrowed, climbing the steps before getting to the door. You could hear more than three voices and one was Dennis, apologising profusely. You shoved the door open, your blood pumping harder in your veins and then you saw him, head lowered in shame as his parents paced, shouting and ranting about everything and nothing. They saw you, faces scrunching up in disgust as Dennis lifted his head, eyes widening at the sight of you. It didn't take him long to decide to run to you.
"Dennis? What's going on?" You panicked, looking over him.
"Can we just go?" He walked by you, his pinky finger looping around yours. You didn't respond, just followed him out to his truck. You both into his truck, Dennis' lifeless eyes stared ahead, his breathing irregular as he started the engine, driving out to the main road.
"What happened?" You slid across the bench, touching his leg.
"I believed they'd be proud of me, even if I wanted to be somewhat progressive, at least it would be under God." He muttered, a tear rolling down his face. "They found a paper I wrote, a discussion on the teachings of Jesus. I took the route of progression, how Jesus fought for the minorities, the misfortunate, the homeless, the refugees. They, uh… called me a traitor."
"What?" You froze.
"Traitor to the glory of Christ, that I had fallen to the ways of sinners." He shrugged, the tears still spilling out, chin wobbling as he held back cries. "How… is the way of sinners?"
"It isn't…"
He shook his head, wiping his tears with the back of his hand, driving down a dirt road, toward a spot you both knew well. You stayed quiet, rubbing his leg in the weak attempt to comfort him. The rest of the drive was silent until he parked by the field. You both climbed out, your fingers laced with his as you walked into the field, the tall grass swallowing your lower half. When you both found a spot, you sat beside him, leaning into his arm knowing he just needed you there. His fingers clung to yours, bringing them to his chest.
"You are everything right with the church…" You whispered, just loud enough for him to hear you. "You are kind, and loving."
He turned his head, looking over your face.
"Your parents are wrong." You met his gaze. "You are good."
His gaze dropped, letting out a breath before lifting his eyes to yours again. "Do you really think that?"
"With all my heart," You felt a pull, your eyes falling to his lips. "Dennis."
His name on your tongue was all he needed, he leaned in and captured your lips, wrapping his arm around you. Your hand held his face, his lips moving against yours in fluid motions, your body tingling under his touch. It was tender, your heart pounded in your chest. His tongue dragged along your bottom lip, begging for more. You tilted his head, letting him explore you deeper, hands clinging to his shirt.
"We shouldn't…" You whispered against his lips, catching your breath.
"Mhmm, we shouldn't." He muttered before pulling you back into him, kissing you a little harder than before. The way he held you, the way his fingers slipped beneath your shirt, sprawling across your back. You let a moan slip out of your mouth, a hand finding his hair.
It was too much, you pulled away and looked at him, trying to catch your breath. The gold cross hanging from his neck, twinkled against the sun as it spilled through the clouds. He was breathing raggedly but he didn’t pull away, didn’t stop watching you. Nothing crossed your mind as you stared at his lips, wet and reddened. His dirty blond hair fell into his eyes, sweat making it cling to his forehead.
“I think I need to kiss you again.” He closed the gap. You inhaled him, kissing him eagerly, his moans pouring down your throat as he tugged you onto his lap, straddling his legs. You couldn't stop, even when you felt yourself getting wet as you brushed yourself against his growing erection. His lips broke from yours, finding your neck where he sucked and nipped, guiding your hips when you moved, aching for friction.
“Sh-shit.” He ripped himself away with his hands held up like he was at gunpoint. His hair was a mess, a bulge straining in his jeans. He said your name as if that would break you both out of it. “We have evening service."
-
His fingers brushed against to yours in the pews, the priest’s voice echoing throughout the church. His body felt your warmth radiate from your skin, nudging his foot against yours to get you to look at him. He was drawn to you even when he knew it was wrong, when he knew this would all build up. When you met his gaze, he smiled so sweetly as he let out a breath through his nose, shoulders settling. Sinful as it was, he couldn’t help but want you, in every way he could think of. In his arms, on his bed, in his truck. He wanted to be with you and to love you like you deserved to be. He wanted you to himself. He wanted a life with you, to move out of Broken Bow and never come back. As the priest droned on, he couldn’t look away from you. He knew he loved you; that wasn’t hard for him to figure out and it terrified him, his whole life ahead of his crumbling in his eyes.
Outside the church, the Priest lingered close by, eyeing you two, how you held each other’s fingers, smiling in such sappy childish admiration. He walked closer, tapping Dennis on the shoulder, telling him he needed a talk.
"Yes Father?" Dennis followed him, not worried in the slightest.
"The acts of the flesh are obvious, sexual immortality, impurity and debauchery…" He started, glaring coldly at Dennis. He continued on, "I warn you, as I did before that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. Galatians, fifth chapter, verses nineteen through twenty-one."
"I don't understand." Dennis' whole body went cold, his heart feeling like it might shrivel up.
"I have watched that friendship, you have brought sin into the house of God." His words ripped right through Dennis' chest. "Imagine what your parents would say if they saw your actions within this church."
He shook his head, almost frantically, stumbling over his words. "N-no, I didn't do anything."
"If you wish to continue as part of the church, I recommend you face your truth with the lord. If you break that covenant, you can never turn back." He flippantly said before quoting Colossians. "Put to death therefore what is earthly in you."
Dennis stood in shock, heart racing now that he couldn't catch a breath, hands reaching up to grasp at his throat. It was all together hysterical, how his body felt as if it were shutting down, his skin burning when he saw you looking all worried and confused.
"Den?" You touched his arm feverishly.
He unclasped his cross necklace from around his neck, shoving it into your palm.
"I'm sorry, I have to go. I'll … see you later." He doesn't take a moment to think about how it felt for you, to have him look so disgusted, so disappointed as he turned away from you, striding away without looking back. He drove him in silence, throat tightening as he held back sobs. It was a blur, before he knew it, he was in his room, gasping for air, pacing back and forth while he broke down, sobbing harder than he ever had before.
"Lord, I would tear my throat out if that's what you wanted from, I'd cut myself and bleed for you. Why do you keep testing my faith in you? I am already embarrassed and tired. You wouldn't let me have her, she was all I had. How is it not pure when she is all I think about? She is good to me, please." He slowly lowered himself onto his bed, holding his head in his hands.
-
18th January 2019
11:45pm Chicago
It had been months since you heard from him. Once summer ended, you went back to college and he didn’t reply to your texts as often as he used to. The only way you knew he was alive was a really active social media that had posted him with about thirty other people, all celebrating their love for God through pilgrimages. It wasn’t out of character Dennis to be involved with the church but this felt forced. A video was uploaded, Dennis standing alongside others preaching about how God is good, how “God is the Truth”.
It was a Sunday night, middle of winter, you were wrapped in blankets trying to combat the chill. You had been rereading the bible, attempting to find what would’ve pulling Dennis back in, what appeal it had to take him. Your phone started buzzing, lighting up to reveal Dennis’ contact. You answered.
“Hello? Dennis?” You said, almost scared for what he might say.
“Hey.” His voice crackled over the line, then a silence settled over you both. It felt wrong speaking to him, like something would go incredibly wrong.
“Hey, how are you?” You let out a sigh. You had to admit that hearing his voice felt nice.
“I’m alright, if I’m honest, I’ve been missing our talks.” He sounded different, not that you could really put a finger on what it was, he was just different.
“Really?”
“Of course… What have you been up to?”
You hated that you couldn't answer him. You couldn't admit that you’d been rereading scripture, that you’d been attending church almost every day, searching for him in everything.
“You still there?” He broke you from your thoughts.
“Yea sorry, I’ve been… going to church…”
“Really?” He chirped excitedly.
“Every day, for about two months.”
“Wow…” Suddenly, his excitement dulled. “Why?”
“What?” You blanched.
“Why have you turned to God? Did something happen?” There was a noticeable shift in his voice.
“Nothing in particular, no.” You lied.
“You can tell me anything, you know what right?”
“Okay then, can I be honest?”
“Of course, always.”
“It makes me feel like I know you.”
He went quiet, the sound of your heart echoed in your ears.
“When I go to church, I feel like I can understand you.” You hated admitting it. It was humiliating to sit and confess to being so caught up with him.
“Th-that’s good.” His voice sounded like it was trembling. He was teetered too close to the edge, he knew he shouldn't have called you.
“I’m lost, you don’t talk to me anymore. I don’t know what I did to you.”
“I miss you.” His voice sounded like him when he whispered, his breathing shaky. It felt like he was changing the subject, it all felt wrong. “You have no idea. I think about you every day.”
“I miss you too.” You confessed.
A soft grunt echoed over the line, followed by a frustrated sigh. The pit of your stomach twinged, a satisfying buzz filling you. That simple sound from him made your head light.
“What are you doing Dennis?” You questioned, feeling the hairs on your arms standing on end.
“I miss you so much.” He breathed out, an almost muted moan following it.
You didn’t answer, almost frozen in fear.
“I never told you how much I needed you. I still do.” He was growing more confident, his voice not as faint.
You were scared to speak, scared you say the wrong thing, scared you'd send him running but your whole body was on fire.
“I-I’m so hard.” He admitted before immediately sobering. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I don’t know why I called.”
“You can touch yourself if you need to...” You snaked a hand down to your underwear, a weird feeling building in your gut. "Why did you call Dennis?"
“I can't…” He shuddered. "I can't tell you."
“I won’t tell, why did you call me?" You persisted.
"Needed to hear your voice, I’ve been thinking about you a lot. I missed you, I miss you." He panted out a groan.
"It's okay, you can touch yourself." You were already teasing yourself, lightly brushing a finger over your slit.
"It's sinful." His voice was barely audible.
"Your secret is safe with me." You whispered.
He breathed out a moan. “C-Can you watch me?”
“If that’s what you want.”
When his camera turned on, it was total darkness but he could see you, your features softened by the warm yellow light on your bedside table.
“So pretty…” He said, a small light illuminating his face, his cheeks already flushed. He started to set his phone up on the side, giving you a full view of him in bed. He was wearing a black hoodie and grey sweats, palming over his bulge as he made sure it was angled right. He sat facing his phone, back against the wall.
He pulled his sweats down just enough to get his cock out, gently stroking it in his hand, eyes staring at you on his phone. He started slow, cupping his balls and teasing himself.
“Every time… I think about you, it gets… so so hard.” He whimpered, looking down at his cock as he started pumping himself with his fist. “Is it turning you on?”
You nodded, a finger tracing along your slit.
“Show me.” He whined, head leaning back against the wall. “Show me how much I’m turning you on.”
You shimmied off your pants, pulled your underwear down to your ankles, panning the camera down to reveal how soaked you were already. He watched eagerly, his breathing shifted, fucking into his hand harder when you teased your hole with your middle finger.
“What do you want me to do?” You hovered your finger over your hole.
“F-Finger yourself…”
You slid a single finger in, breathing heavier as you curled it.
“Use your thumb to rub your clit.” His voice echoed from the phone and you followed his instruction. “Does it feel good?”
“Y-yea…”
“Do you wish it was me finger fucking you?”
You held back a moan. “I wish it was you Dennis…”
A bang echoed through his room, stopping him in his tracks. His eyes growing wider as he slowly looked toward his door.
“Shit, I have to go, I’m sorry.” He pulled his boxers back on and leaned forward, taking his phone. “I-I’ll call you tomorrow."
-
12th August 2020
2:30pm, Broken Bow, Nebraska
Sweat clung to the back of your neck, the humidity made everything feel claustrophobic, your whole body was sticky from the heat. You were back for a week to spend time with family but you were already growing bored. You had thought of visiting Dennis' parents, hoping deep down that he'd be there, hoping that you'd get some answers out of him but fear pushed you to stay put. He hadn't spoken to you since that night. A stupid thing that you would've looked past if he had asked you to. You had heard from his brothers that he'd been travelling across the country but he hadn't been home since Christmas last year. It was mean but keeping in contact with his brothers was the only way for you to know that Dennis was alive and not floating in a creek somewhere. Apparently, he was focused on remaining within the faith, wanting to teach the word of God.
You mindlessly played with the cross that hung around your neck, eyes closing as you felt a light breeze washing over you, cooling you down. The sound of an engine running grew louder followed the crackling of gravel on the road. You sat up, looking ahead at the truck pulling in front of your house.
"What the fuck?" You nearly jump out of your seat, the pit of your stomach sinking at the sight of a red truck. Your feet moved by themselves, carrying you towards the car as the driver killed the engine. The door swung open and he was almost unrecognisable. His gaze settled on you, startling backwards lightly.
"Hey." He managed to get out.
"No, no. This isn't happening." You felt sick but looking at him, how his eyes softened, how his lips parted to speak only to close again at your rage. "You disappear for a year and a half and then show up at my house?"
"I know, I had a lot to think about." He admitted, climbing out of the truck. "I can explain everything."
"How am I supposed to stand here and listen to you?" You felt tears coming and you hated it. He didn't look himself, his hair was short, eyes hollowed out like his soul had been sucked dry but he felt taller, more muscle on his bones, the way his white shirt hugged his arms, it was like he had hit a second puberty. You couldn't pull your eyes from him.
"I felt ashamed, I had to repent." He stepped closer to you.
"And that meant leaving me in the dark? Wondering for months about what I must’ve done to hurt you? Dennis, you called me that night!" You couldn't help it, the tears tripped you up, choking on your breath.
"I-I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." He muttered. "Can we go for a drive and talk?"
You wanted to laugh in his face, to shove him away, to tell him to get away from you and never come back. You hated him so much, but still felt yourself pulled toward him. He was your person which only made you feel worse. It felt impossible to say no so you said yes.
You climbed into his truck and it smelt the same as it always did. He started the engine and drove in the silence, not daring to look in your direction. He drove in silence for about twenty minutes, until he pulled into the side of the road. You both jumped out of the car, you made a beeline for the fence which led into a field, climbing over it while Dennis followed. It started awkward, an uncomfortable silence that you felt you couldn't break through. He stayed focused ahead, walking alongside you as if there was purpose behind it all.
"Put to death therefore what is earthly in you." He blurted out, staring ahead.
"What?" You glanced at him.
"He told me that two summers ago." His voice turned hoarse.
"Who did?" You stopped in your tracks, grabbing his arm to make him stay.
"The priest before our new one."
"What do you mean?"
"He watched us, thought we were impure, sexually. Told me I had brought sin into the house of God." He felt sick admitting it.
"Dennis…"
"I have repented…"
"There is nothing to repent for Dennis, we didn't do anything wrong."
He didn't respond to you, slowly walking on as you followed behind. It was silence again, as your feet dragged you back to the car. You both climbed back in, and sat staring out at the road, sitting with him felt uncomfortable, different in how the air shifted around you, how the words stuck in your throat when you tried to talk. He didn't move, staring into space. Suddenly, his hand inched closer, fingers brushing against yours but it was like he didn’t want to startle you. It was like hot and cold.
“It’s not the same anymore.” You whispered, misty-eyed. He turned to face you, eyes widening as you started weeping quietly.
“H-Hey...” His hand held your face, making you look at him, but you crumbled when you looked into his eyes, seeing how he became frantic.
“It’s all different, we’re not us anymore.” You cried, squeezing your eyes shut, scared to look at him anymore.
“We are, we are…” He reassured, wiping your tears with his thumbs.
“He has his pull on you. God convinced you that you had to change to be devout. You were always good. What happened to my Dennis?” You couldn’t catch your breath, uncontrollable sobs racking through your body. Dennis dropped his hands, staring at you as he inhaled a shaky breath. His heart split in his chest, fingertips growing numb. You composed yourself enough to look at him, noticing how his face morphed, your breathing unsteady, sliding across the bench closer to him. It was pathetic, how you touched his thigh, his body tensing.
“You were mine.” You got closer, searching his face, looking for something that wasn’t there anymore. It didn’t get through to him, even as your lips found his cheek, kissing along his jaw, messy and wet from tears. “You were my Dennis… Be my Dennis again, please.”
Tears spilled from his eyes, his voice weak, he whispered your name. “Please... Don’t do this.”
“You’re mine, p-please Dennis.” It repeated like an involuntary jerk out of you, kissing over his face in the childish attempt to bring him back to you. “You were always mine.”
He repeated your name like a mantra, telling you he couldn’t do it, that it wasn’t right but he didn’t push you away or stop you, even as your mouth found his neck, sucking and nipping. No matter how hard he devoted himself to God, he couldn’t turn away from you. He let you move closer, hands on his chest as you climbed onto his lap, strands of hair sticking to your face. He took his sleeve and wiped your face, delicate as it dragged over your cheeks. Your hands cupped his face, wanting so desperately to kiss him. He let his fingers rest against your tights, fear rising to the surface.
A sob slipped out of his lips, a force pulling it out of him before he could stop himself. He didn’t need to tell you how he felt, you could see it in his eyes, as they searched your face. The way his eyebrows twitched together, his lips parting slightly when his eyes looked over your face. He breathed out your name. Fear and pleasure washed over you, you’d never crossed this boundary with him, never opened yourself up for him, never showed him what existed in the depths of your mind.
You leaned closer, lips brushing against his. A soft sigh poured from his mouth. He caught your lips with his. He was so gentle, his fingers barely touching you as he held your waist awkwardly, whimpering when your hands slid into his hair. Each touch seemed to push you both further, testing with nods of consent and soft hums. A desperate ache filled your stomach as one of his hands held the back of your neck, holding you firm as his tongue swiped across yours. It was messy, childish but all consuming. The moonlight illuminated the cab of the truck, the movements between you two making it rock, the cross hanging from his rearview tapping against the windshield. He guided you, one hand gently rocking your hips against him. You felt him getting harder, high-pitched whines pouring into your mouth. You moaned out his name, feeling yourself getting wetter each time you grinded against the solid bulge in his shorts. He grew louder, messier when he kissed you, groaning when you tugged his hair.
It was hunger, the way his fingers slipped beneath your dress, finding your underwear, tugging them aside. Once you’d awkwardly shimmied them off, you watched his face as you pawed at his cock through his shorts.
He shuddered a moan, looking down as he pulled it out, throbbing and pink, so delicate. He couldn’t help but whine as he fondled with himself, precum trickling down his shaft, cock twitching. “N-nghh..”
You lifted his chin, kissing him again, this time harder and more desperate as you lifted your hips.
“O-oh…” His head fell back against the seat, his tip rubbing against your clit. You guided him to where you ached the most, nudging him into your cunt. Desire overrode your fear, your cunt stretching around him as you slowly swallowed his cock.
“Y-you feel… oh f-fuck, so good, so g-good.” His breath was knocked out of him, panting helplessly as he bottomed out inside you. His pupils dilated, never looking away from your face, even when you pulled down your dress straps, the fabric falling down your torso. His eager hands trailed up your back, clumsy fingers working to unclasp your bra. You continued hungrily grinding on his cock, feeling him stretch and fill you. The clasp of your bra unlatched and Dennis slid his hands over your shoulders, slowly taking it off, mouth hanging open as your tits laid bare for him. He brought his mouth to your hardened nipple, flicking his tongue over the sensitive nub before sucking gently. Your fingers sunk into his hair, tugging softly as you lifted your hips slightly, slamming back down on his dick. You kept going, bouncing as much as the space allowed, while he sobbed, whimpering incoherently while the sounds of your sloppy fucking filled the truck.
It didn’t take long until you were riding out your orgasm, head falling back as you choked out cries. Your cunt clenching as you came down from your peak. Dennis followed soon after, holding you in place as you leaned against him with your forehead on his shoulder exhausted. He fucked up into you, breathy moans filling the cab until he was filling you with cum, milking his cock with your pussy. He rested his forehead on your shoulder, both of you leaning against one another to gather yourselves. You sat up, pulling him out, feeling his cum spilling out of you.
He went silent, pulling his shorts back on as you sat back beside him, waiting for him to talk but he didn’t. His expression completely unreadable. You curled into yourself, pulling up your dress straps as quick as you could, feeling tears fill your eyes again.
“Are you angry?” You managed to get out. “Do you hate me?”
“No.” He shook his head, looking down at his hands. “I could never hate you.”
He started the engine, still trying to catch his breath, swallowing hard. He drove in silence, parking outside your house. You opened the door and jumped out, turning to face him with your hand still on the door.
“We shouldn’t see each other again.” He muttered, staring down at his hands.
“What? Why?” Your heart started racing.
“We’re not good. You deserve someone who can give you more.” He sighed, avoiding your gaze. You felt bile rising in your throat, tears spilling down your cheeks when you slammed the door, watching him start the engine and drive off.
-
Present Day
Omaha, Nebraska
You weren’t sure why you accepted the invite.
You were back in Nebraska, after what felt like a lifetime and having spent the last five or so years building a life for yourself in Boston. You were happy, secured with a flexible job that you loved, settled in a studio apartment that you made your own. You had friends, plenty of them, and you were seeing someone new. Perhaps you accepted the invite, in the hopes of seeing him and gloating about how great you were doing, but you wouldn’t admit to that.
You huffed, dragging your suitcase through a hotel lobby, sweat beating down your back. Familiar faces surrounded you at every turn, nearly half of Broken Bow had shown up and the thing that surprised you was that they’d actually travelled to Omaha. You finally got to the front desk, feeling like your legs might buckle from underneath you, and you told the receptionist that you had a reservation with the wedding party.
“Room 290 on the 2nd floor. Hope you enjoy your stay.” He smiled, handing over your room key. “If there are any issues with the room, don’t hesitate to dial 1 on the room phone and I’ll send someone to help.”
“Oh, thank you very much.” You nodded and made your way towards the elevators. You were exhausted from the journey and you just needed to lie down and turn off your brain. You took the elevator up to the second floor, dragged yourself to room 209 and started fumbling with the key card.
The door beside you opened and out walked a dark-haired woman, grumbling about being ‘in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by country bumpkins’ while rubbing her forehead. She glanced your direction, giving a less than friendly smile before turning around to face whoever was following her out of the room.
“It won’t be that bad. I’m surprised you even agreed to come to my brother’s wedding in the first place.” A voice you could pick out of a lineup spoke from inside the room. You turned your attention, hands frozen still. Dennis walked out of the room, arms folded across his chest, smiling smugly. You stared at him, feeling your bones turn to mush, your heart racing. He looked different, happy and healthy. You felt sick for wishing that he wasn’t. When his gaze caught you, his smile dropping instantly. His body turned to face you, his eyes reading like he wanted to talk to you, like he wanted to be near you. You started panicking, trying to unlock your door with no luck. You heard his friend muttering about him being weird before you slipped the key card into the slot and the door clicked open. You scrambled inside, slamming the door behind you. You muttered a curse to yourself, leaning against the door and decided to wipe it from your memory, and go for a nap before Noah’s rehearsal dinner.
-
The rehearsal dinner was as busy as you thought it’d be. You had been seated at your table for a while before any other guests were beginning to show up so you retreated into yourself, absorbed in your phone, responding to emails and messages.
“I think this is us.”
You lifted your head, seeing the dark-haired woman standing by, reading the table number with Dennis by her side. You wanted to die, shrinking into your seat with your phone as your shield. They took their seats, not noticing how you nearly slithered off your seat. Your skin felt clammy, heart pounding off beat as the seats slowly filled, the lights dimming. Dennis and his date seemed to be chatting each other’s ears off, while you sat watching. It was some sort of sick joke, seeing him so happy with someone, you wanted to peel your skin off. You kept your attention to Noah and his soon to be wife, who you hadn't had the fortune of meeting yet. The meal dragged on, courses and toasts, and more drinks, and more talking and more and more drinks. You zoned out for most of the meal, watched as servers came and went, the laughing of the soon to be married couple split through your mind before fizzling into nothing. It felt like an eternity, and he hadn't stopped watching you the whole time. His gaze bore into you even when his date rattled on, and you had tried to ignore it.
Once the food had stopped being served and it socially acceptable, you jumped out of your seat and went to say hello to Noah, hoping Dennis didn't get the same idea. They were chatting happily, until Noah's gaze landed on you, a childish grin pulling on his face.
"Are you enjoying your company?" He poked, his fiancée looking slightly confused.
"You sat me there on purpose?" You couldn't be hurt, Noah was an asshole.
"Thought it might bring you two back together." He shrugged.
"What's happened?" His fiancée butted in, a worried look washing over her face. "If you're uncomfortable, we can move you around for the reception tomorrow."
"Oh, don't worry, please." You shook your head, smiling at her. "I just came over to say congratulations, and that I’m happy for you both."
"Thank you! and I'm sorry about him, I had no idea." She subtly jammed him in the ribs with two fingers, smiling sweetly before turning her full attention to him. You slipped off, feeling like you'd been slapped by a ton weight of bricks. You wandered across the room, noticing Elijah and Stan with their families so you make yourself known to them, waving over to them with a big smile before turning to go back to your seat, only to see Dennis. He was coming towards you, striding towards you. It couldn't happen. Your eyes scanned the room, looking for an out, until you settled on slipping past and making a run for the door.
-
“So, you’re the ex-friend Huckleberry mentions all the time?” Dennis’ date smirked, her eyes almost twinkling with interest. The whole day had been a blur for you, the ceremony had come and gone, it was all beautiful but being near Dennis was messing with your head. How he stared at you every chance he got, even when he stood by the altar as Noah's best man, his eyes didn't break from you. Now you were sat at your table again, forced to be close enough to him and his date, forced to engage in conversations.
“A-ah who?” You looked at her, unsure if she was talking to you, glancing at Dennis, you could see he was sweating, diverting his gaze from you.
“You so are.” She looked at him, wanting to laugh. “God.”
“I’m really sorry.” He finally met your eyes, his voice low. You already wanted to leave but hearing him speak to you almost sent you off.
“I’m not! I have many questions and you have all the answers.” She scoots her chair over closer to you. “I’m Trinity by the way.”
You introduce yourself hesitantly. “Are you two um- “
“Ew! God no!” Trinity gagged, throwing a look of disgust back at Dennis. “Ew.”
“She’s my coworker… and roommate.” Dennis butted in from the other side of Trinity. "Just making that clear."
She glanced at him, rolling her eyes before turning her full attention back to you. Trinity asked about everything from his family, to his upbringing, to what he used to wear, the sports he played, the church he attended, how you two met. It edged on digging for something to laugh at but she was disappointed, you only gave shit short answers because you could see Dennis out of the corner of your eye, head in his hands, uncomfortable.
Dinner slowly passes, you ended up drinking a little too much, a fantastic attempt at distracting yourself and by 9pm, you were more drunk than you wanted to be, sitting by yourself with a glass of champagne still in hand. You had opted to sit off to the side, smiling as you watched people dancing with and celebrating the newlywed couple but then you saw him, standing by the doors, holding his drink and staring right at you. You had forgotten in that moment that you both hadn't spoken in years, you looked at him like you'd been waiting to see him, like you wanted to tell him something but you held back. You gulp the rest of your drink, abandoning the glass on a nearby table before you made a beeline out the door, aiming for the elevator, wanting this day over so you could go home. You rode the elevator up to your floor, and went to your room, slipping off your shoes as soon as you got in the door. There was a beat before there was a frantic knock on the door. You glanced through the peephole, seeing Dennis standing there with his head hanging low, so you tugged the door open.
“Wh-what are you doing here?” You stuttered, feeling like you might throw up.
He met your eyes, he looking at you as he whispered your name so quietly.
“No, no, you don’t get to do this.” You shook your head, going to close the door but he stopped it with his foot.
“Let me talk please.” He leaned against the door frame. “Please.”
You hesitated, grip tightening on the door handle as you fought yourself internally before you put your foot down. You sternly said, “No. You need to go…”
“I shouldn’t have left you that night.” He said, regardless of your objections. “I was scared but it doesn’t make up for the fact that I did it to you.”
You stayed quiet, your head feeling light and tingly.
“It was the greatest sin I’d ever committed and it freaked me out that I didn’t regret it. I couldn’t get you out of my mind, how it was with you. I was blinded, delusional in believing in God’s truth. I thought I was disgusting, or that I had ruined you in the eyes of God.” His chest heaved. "It's a shitty excuse but I was so..."
You opened the door, looking at him as he hung his head in defeat.
“I should've been up front with you, told you everything. Leaving you like that was the worst thing I could've done. Fuck, a better way would've been to ask you to marry me.” He tried to laugh it off, before his voice steadied. “I was so stupid.”
“You can’t say that." You flinched backwards, staring at him. "It wouldn’t have changed anything and you know that.”
“Why can't I? Would you have said yes?” Your reaction ignited something in him. He was looking at you now, focused on how you’d answer, if you even answered.
“Dennis… That's mean. You can't ask me that.” You stepped back, feeling your breath leaving your lungs, tears threatening to start. You didn't understand what he was doing.
“No, sorry, I can and I am.” He was stern, you'd never seen this side of him before.
“I’m not giving you an answer.” You mournfully muttered, bitting the inside of your cheek.
“Would you have married me?” He pleaded your name.
“Okay, yes.” It hurt you being honest, admitting you wasted all those years. “Is that what you want to hear? You fucking idiot!”
His body flinched, eyes welling up.
“I thought I had left this all behind. I was the one running after you while you pled your innocence to God who would never answer you.” You sobbed. You hated it so much. “I was real, I was right there Dennis, every single time! Now you come to me, asking me if I would've married you? Are you fucking crazy?”
He said your name, as tears fell down his face.
“Don’t. I was willing to give you everything and you threw it back in my face, please go.” You shook your head, trying to hold back your cries.
“Please, just...” He wept.
“Dennis, leave me alone.” You felt more tears, your chest tightening.
“I’m sorry, please.” He touched your arm. You jolted it back and then you looked at him. Messy blond-haired Dennis, staring at you like you were the only thing keeping him alive, floods spilling out of his eyes. “I-I’m sorry.”
“I can’t forgive you Dennis.” You choked out, wiping your face.
“I don’t expect you to, I need you to know that I’m sorry. Having feelings for you was the only real thing I had ever felt, I guess it outweighed the faith I had in God. You were everything to me and I fucked it, I’m sorry.”
“I can’t, Dennis.” You struggled to turn him away, it broke you.
He accepted your answer, nodding his head and turning to leave you.
You grabbed his hand to stop him, a word not spoken. He looked at you, glassy eyes. You gently tugged him towards you, stepping backwards slowly. He willingly followed you, closing the door behind him.
“What are you doing?” He whispered, watching you closely.
“I don’t know…” You let out a breath, tears filling your eyes as a quiet sob escaped your throat. “I don’t know Dennis, are you going to disappear again?”
He shook his head “Never… I want to make it up to you, I’ll do anything… everything for the rest of my life.”
He stepped closer, hand sliding it up your arm, goosebumps spreading across your skin.
You met his eyes, letting out a defeated breath. “I won't chase after you anymore…”
His breathing turned shaky, eyes flickering over your face, fingers burning against your skin. He didn’t push, didn’t dare move.
You stepped closer, body almost pressing against him, whispering, “I can’t...”
His gaze fell to your lips, leaning down closer to you. He murmured, “Then don’t…”
You leaned up, feeling your body move on its own, your nose brushing against his.
“I’m so sorry” He whispered, hands reaching up to hold your face. “I love you.”
You broke into a sob, “D-Don’t say that.”
“I’m sorry.” He started kissing your face, going down along your jaw, down your neck and onto your chest, whispering your name. He slowly lowered to his knees, forehead resting on your thighs, arms wrapped around you.
“I’m sorry.” He broke into a painful sob, shoulders shaking as he gripped your dress. You looked down at him, hesitantly letting your fingers go through his hair. His face was so close to your crotch, you could feel him brushing against you as he cried. You hated that it turned on, watching him kneeling in front of you, face buried in your dress.
You started breathing heavy. “D-Dennis? Get up.”
He looked up at you, face all wet, eyes red and puffy from crying, looking up at you like you hung the moon. He was so beautiful, you couldn’t help but stare at him. He slowly rose to his feet, hands cupping your face. He leaned close, his breath fanning over your lips. “Can I kiss you?”
You hesitated, your mind thinking about the last time you two kissed. His eyes begged you, his mouth so close to yours. Finally, you nodded and he kissed you. It was so gentle and tender. His lips were so soft, his body relaxing the moment you leaned into it. You could feel his breathing still stuttering, face still wet from crying. You slowly placed your hands over his, letting him break away to catch his breath every few seconds. He breathed out a moan, kissing you again desperately.
You stumbled backwards together, you hitting back against the wall behind you, his enclosing you between him and the wall. His hands moved to hold your waist while your arms wrapped around his neck, holding him close. You pulled back, gaze looking over his face, a thumb wiping his cheek. You took a few seconds, admiring him. Then you snapped back to reality.
“We can’t...” You breathed.
“Why?” He leaned back to get a good look of your face.
“I’m seeing someone…” You felt disgusting.
Dennis’ eyes meet yours again. “Who?”
“This guy in Boston.” You admitted, hands still on his body.
“Is he good to you?”
“Y-yea...”
Dennis nodded, his expression defeated. “And are you happy?”
“I think so” You nodded, forcing a pathetic smile.
He pulled away, backing up from you and then he held out his hand, “So, friends?”
“Yea, friends.” You took his hand, squeezing it tight.
“I won’t leave this time, I promise you. I’m happy you’ve met someone.” He took a breath and told you goodnight, leaving your hotel room.
The following morning, you found a note by your door.
forgot to give you my new number - dennis
-
Boston, Massachusetts
A couple months had passed since you last saw Dennis and you both were still in contact, chatting almost every day. He enjoyed sending you photos throughout his day, during work, after work, at the gym. He preferred it over typing out a response. You hadn’t had the chance to meet again, you both having busy lives and living in two completely cities. But, out of the blue, at 8pm on a random Tuesday night, he called.
“Hello?” You answered half scared, holding the phone between your cheek and shoulder while put away your laundry.
“Hey, so are you busy this weekend?” Dennis said casually.
“As busy as I usually am.” You sarcastically jabbed while folding clothes. “Why?”
“There is a medical conference in Boston on Friday, I’m going… and it’s super last minute but I was wondering if you maybe wouldn’t mind me spending the weekend with you?”
“They aren’t paying for your hotel, are they?” You smiled to yourself.
“Well that too, I’m not paying hundreds of dollars for a couple nights in a shitty hotel.” His voice was loud enough to crackle over the line.
“I’ll be here, I’ll send you the address.” You chirped. “I can't wait to see you!”
“Thank you, thank you. I really appreciate it, I can’t wait.”
-
Friday came around quick, Dennis told you he was heading straight to the venue and that he would be at your apartment by 7pm, which gave you enough time to get home and have your place looking as nice as it could be. At 7:12pm, the doorbell rang. You jogged over to the door, opening it to find Dennis standing in front of you, a small suitcase by his side. You immediately pulled him into a tight hug, feeling him hesitantly hugging you back.
“Did you find it okay?” You pulled back, smiling at him widely.
“Yea, it wasn’t too bad.” He nodded quickly.
“Come on in! It’s only a loft studio,” You stepped aside and let him come into the apartment, pointing at the stairs. “So, the bed is… up these stairs, you can have it. I’ll take the couch.”
“Oh god no, please don’t do that. I’m happy on the couch, please.” He looked almost upset with you for even offering.
You giggled a little and shook your head. “You’re a guest, I made it all nice for you.”
He didn't object a second time. You walked towards your kitchen, tucked underneath where your bed was. You spun around to face him, saying. “The restroom is just through that door. Shower can be temperamental but nothing too crazy.”
He watched you intently, leaving his suitcase by the stairs as he slowly dropped his backpack on the floor near the kitchen door. “It’s cozy in here.”
“It’s small, I know but it’s usually only me so,” You shrugged. “Are you hungry?”
“I, uh, ate at the conference. Flying makes me hungry so…” Dennis awkwardly shoved his hands in his pockets.
“Okay, well, want a drink?” You turned to face him, leaning back against the counter.
“What d’you got?” He slowly walked closer to you.
You opened the fridge, scanning it before glancing up at the shelves above it. “Water, milk, beer, orange juice, red wine… I got stuff to make a tequila sunrise.”
“A tequila sunrise?” He echoed.
You didn’t even bother answering, quietly making the drinks while he wandered around your living room, taking in all the little photos you had hanging all over your walls. He’d missed out on so much. There were photos of you in college, out partying with friends, New Years Eve, Halloweens, and then your boyfriend. His arm around you, kissing the side of your head while you grinned so wide, it looked like your cheeks might split. He could only be mad at himself, you had decided to leave that pain behind and you’d lived.
“Ta-da!” You announced, setting the drinks down on the coffee table. “Tequila sunrise!”
“Wow, it actually looks like a sunrise, cool straws too!” He chuckled, walking over toward you. “Is that...”
“I didn’t have any oranges to garnish with so I used banana... you can just take it off.” You waved your hand in the air.
“No, it’s nice.” He took a sip, slightly coughing. “Strong too.”
You sat beside him, getting yourself comfortable on the couch with a blanket before taking a sip of yours. “Oh, it is strong, sorry.”
“It’s good, I like it.” He was staring, not realising it then he froze, feeling uncomfortable in his own skin. “I’m gonna get changed.”
He left you sitting on the couch, flicking through different channels to find something interesting. By the time he came back, you had already drunk half your drink, looking at it with confusion. You noticed him coming back down the stairs so you smiled at him. “How’s work?”
“Stressful. Working in the ER is, um, a lot.” He answered, settling on the couch beside you.
“I can imagine. Are your coworkers nice?” You played with your straw, voice quieting.
“Oh yeah, for sure. You met Santos, uh Trinity... She’s probably not the best example but yea they’re all nice.” He laughed awkwardly.
You nodded, smiling sadly. “Feels like a whole life you’ve lived.”
“It does.” He sighed. “I feel the same with you.”
“Have you been home since?” You quickly changed the subject, avoiding his gaze, feeling your skin grow itchy.
He stayed silent for a bit, almost planning his answer before saying, “I couldn’t go back.”
You let out a sigh, drinking the rest of your drink before standing up. “Another one?”
-
Several hours and six tequila sunrises later, you and Dennis were still on the couch, talking about everything and nothing. The alcohol was getting to your head, your body warm and tingly, and your mind warped.
“How’s things with your man?” Dennis was leaned back against the arm of the couch, legs sprawled out in front of him haphazardly like they had a mind of their own. You sat opposite him, legs crossed as you nursed your drink.
“Meh.” You shrugged, scrunching your face up.
“What?” He laughed, sitting forward.
“He’s nice, don’t get me wrong but … real boring.” You sighed, bringing your straw to your lips.
“Why are you still with him?” He teased, a smirk pulling across his face as he shifted his sitting position.
“I’m not getting any younger.” You morbidly admitted.
“And what’s that supposed to mean?” His eyebrows furrowed, lips pursing together.
“I’m terrified of never settling down, guess I’m with him because it’s a sure bet.” As the words came out of your mouth, you realised how awful it sounded, how miserable you genuinely felt in your relationship. There was no excitement, no passion, no anything. He was an empty slate, you thought maybe you could mould but he never budged.
“What about me?” He was sitting up straight now, gaze zoned in on you.
“Dennis…” You shook your head. “No…”
“Come on, he’s not making you happy. I would leave it if he was genuinely good for you.”
“We can’t go there again, the night of the wedding was stupid of us.” You kept shaking your head as if it would make it all stop but the moment you met Dennis' gaze, he was staring at you, something indescribable behind his eyes. It was the alcohol, it had to be.
You needed out, so you stood up, only for him to catch your hand.
“Dennis, I’m serious.” You tried being stern but it fell flat.
“So am I,” He stood up, searching your face. “Try us.”
“You live in Pittsburgh.” There were so many reasons why you couldn't do it and yet, they all vanished from your mind.
“We can do long distance; the drive isn’t long. I’ll come to you when I can.” He was pleading, you needed to get away from him.
You laughed it off, tugging your arm back. “You’re drunk, fuck, I'm drunk.”
“Let me prove it to you.” His voice had dropped, it made your stomach clench.
“And what happens when you fuck it up?”
“I won’t, I promise, I’ll prove it to you. Do you want me to beg?” His pathetic voice whined.
“Don’t be ridiculous.” You turned away and walked towards the kitchen.
He followed behind you, leaning against the doorframe, eyes heavy from the alcohol. He called your name. “I can beg.”
“My god, you are such a light weight.” You scoffed, washing your hands in the kitchen sink to make yourself look busy. When you glanced back, he was lowering to his knees, blocking your exit.
“Please.” He whined.
“Jesus Christ.” You rubbed your forehead with the back of your hand, walking closer to him. “Get up.”
“Not until you say yes.” He bit his lip, staring up at you, his face all flushed.
“I’m not going to.” You inhaled a breath. “It wouldn’t work.”
He leaned his face lazily against your thigh. “I’d make it work for you.”
You mindlessly ran your fingers through his hair, chewing on your cheek and contemplating, your own boyfriend not even crossing your mind. With your hand still in his hair, you brought it down to his cheek, slowly sliding your thumb over his jaw and to his chin. His lips left a trail of kisses on your hand and thumb as they went past his mouth. Your thumb stopped by his lips, watching how his mouth opened for you. He took it in his mouth, gently sucking on it, tongue swirling around it as he whimpered. When you pulled it back out of his mouth, you ran it against his bottom lip.
He was so pathetically desperate. “I could make you happy.”
You let out a shaky breath.
“Let me prove it.” His hands crept up, holding the back of your legs.
You couldn't pull yourself away, watching him slide his hands to your waist, t-shirt rising, exposing a small sliver of your stomach. His lips pressed soft kisses on your skin. He brought his mouth lower, against the waistband of your pyjama trousers, teeth pulling the ties undone before looking up at you again. “Please.”
You were already so wet, you could feel it soaking through your underwear. You felt drunk with arousal, words almost slurring. “I-I… have a boyfriend.”
“Mhm.” He pressed a kiss right over your clothed pussy. “Yea, that boyfriend…”
A moan resonated in your throat, a hand reaching down to hold Dennis’s head. He tugged down your pants, letting you step out of them before he kissed your panties.
“So wet already, does he get you this wet?” He whispered against you, open mouth kissing the fabric.
You couldn’t admit that you’d never slept with him, he was traditional, waiting for marriage. You’d barely made out with him, he was so cautious, so normal, so fucking boring.
“Do you want me to stop?” He sat back, your eyes immediately spotting the erection straining against his sweats. He slowly got to his feet.
You shook your head, taking his face in your hands. Without a second thought, you kissed him so hungrily. He moaned into your mouth, his hands all over your body. You needed him, as much as he seemed to need you. His tongue filled your mouth, so messy as his hands slid down to your ass, causing you to yelp.
"Is that too much?" He whispered against your lips.
"N-no, I like it, just weird having your hand on my ass." You panted out a laugh through kisses before pulling away. You took his hand, guiding him upstairs, glancing back at him once you reached your bedroom.
You walked backwards until you got to the bed, sitting down with your legs spread slightly, chest heaving as you tried to steady your breathing. He closed the gap between you both, looking down at you.
"Lie back sweetheart…" He lowered to his knees, gently tugging you closer to the edge of the bed. He slowly slipped your underwear off, eyes connecting to your glistening cunt, so wet and aching for him. He lifted your legs so they were resting on his shoulders.
Dennis didn't take a beat, softly pressing his lips between your legs, savouring your taste with gently kisses and little licks. You whined, wanting more, so he gave you more, licking long strips up your pussy, before swirling his tongue around your clit. He sucked on the sensitive nub, then let his tongue flatten over it. Your body was awash with pleasure. He brought his hand up, fingers tracing along your slit, his eyes looking up at you, waiting patiently for your permission. He continued teasing, gathering up your juices and then you nodded, meeting his gaze.
"Please Dennis…" You cried, hips bucking for more pressure.
"Of course, baby…" He said, words muffled by your soaked pussy.
He split you with his fingers, gently inserting two, knowing you were ready for it. He took his free hand, and grabbed yours, moving it to tug on his hair, which you did happily.
He pumped his fingers into you, curving them to brush against your g-spot.
"Oh f-fuck..." You cried, holding his head in place as he added his tongue into the mix, slipping it in with his fingers. He was so gentle and tender. He took his free hand and started palming his erection, searching for some friction, some relief.
He brought his tongue back up to your clit, slowly massaging it as it grew firmer.
"I-I'm cumming, oh my god." You lifted your head, watching as his face moved between your legs, how he took your frantic movements and fluidly moved with them. You grinded against his face, riding out your orgasm as he lapped you up, letting himself sob moans into you. He lifted his head and watched your body twitch and squirm, a proud smile pulling on his lips.
“I’m so hard for you.” He whined, getting to his feet and pulling down his sweats, slipping a hand into his boxers and pulling out that pretty pink dick. You sat up, catching your breath. His cock was right in front of your face, your mouth salivating.
“Is this for me?” You softly pressed a kiss against his tip
“Sh-Shit, it’s yours. Fuck it’s all yours.” He watched as you wrapped your fingers around the base, tapping the tip against your tongue when you opened your mouth. He gasped out a moan, a hand coming up to hold the side of your face. “It’s all for you.”
You hummed contently, taking him inch by inch into your mouth. You swirled your tongue around him, sucking him in. He shuddered out a loud moan, watching you intently.
He caressed your cheek, mouth open, breathy whimpers spilling out uncontrollably. “S-so sweet to me.”
Pleasure started building in his lower stomach, causing him to gently pull himself out of your mouth.
“Can I fuck you now please?” He was dishevelled, lips swollen, hair messy, his cock covered in your saliva. “I’ll be good for you… I’ll make you feel so good...”
You moved up on the bed, leaning back on your elbows. “Y-yes, please...”
He pulled off his shirt, kicking off his sweats while you removed the last of your clothes then he climbed onto the bed, kneeling in front of you, stroking himself while admiring you, his gaze softening. “You’re so beautiful…”
He leaned over you, a hand either side of your head and kissed you again, slower than earlier, but more intense and passionate. He took a hand, pumped his cock a few more times before aligning himself up with your cunt, slowly sinking in, feeling how you stretched around him, you watching as his jaw tightened, eyes locked on yours. “Shit...you're so wet and so warm, baby.”
You held back a moan until he started moving, pulling back before slowly sinking back into you.
“Dennis…” You mewled, eyes glossed over as you held his face.
“Oh sweetheart, so needy for me huh?” He leaned down, taking one of your nipples into his mouth, grinding against you. His tongue swirled around the tight nub, gently tugging it between his teeth. Your back arched as you uncontrollably moaned. He pounded into you, loud wet slapping filling your apartment as he hid his face in your neck, whimpering out, “Is this okay? Does it feel good baby?”
“So good.” You drawled, your vision blurring as you clung onto his shoulders.
He pulled back a little, looking into your eyes, fucking into you slow and hard, watching as pleasure washed over you. He reached a hand down between you both, using his thumb to rub circles on your clit and his fingers to push against your lower stomach.
“F-fuck.” You cried, feeling tears pricking your eyes.
“Oh baby, you’re taking me so well…” His voice muffled against your skin, lips pressing slobbering kisses all over your shoulder and neck. “F-Fuck, I-I love… you…”
“I l-love you…” You sobbed, feeling your orgasm fast approaching, “I-I’m gonna cum again...”
“Not yet, hold it. You can last a little longer for me… what a pretty girl…” His forwardness was shocking you, Dennis had never been so confident. He held you with a hand and rolled his hips into yours. “This is all for me…do you like it like that?”
You roughly pulled him down, kissing him hard, bruising your lips while he fucked you through your orgasm.
"Fuck… fuck baby.” He felt you cum around his dick, your cunt clenching down. “That’s it...”
He fell over the edge, cumming hard soon after, hiding his face in your shoulder as tears spilled out of his eyes.
"Thank you, thank you baby...” He kissed all over your face, breathing out a sigh.
There was a second of silence and then he collapsed beside you breathing heavily. When you looked at him, he brushed your hair from your face, pressing a kiss on your nose. He wrapped you in his arms, pulling the blankets over you both. It didn't take long until you were both asleep.
-
By morning, you woke up alone to the sound of quiet music, pots and pans hitting together and Dennis' singing. Your body ached, eyes stinging against the daylight but you sat up anyways, stretching your limbs before standing up. You pattered downstairs, swinging around the kitchen’s doorframe. Dennis stood by the stove, dancing to himself as he cooked.
“Den?” You smiled, walking up behind him.
“Oh morning.” He looked over his shoulder at you, welcoming you into him with his free arm opened out. “How did you sleep?”
You stood by his side, snuggling into him while his arm hugged you close. “Good.”
“Is that right?” He shyly teased.
“I’m not drinking around you ever again.” You groaned, slapping his stomach, fingers lingering against him for a second longer than you should've. He leaned down, pulling you closer that you were squished against him, and then he kissed you, a big smooch.
"Go sit down, I’ll be in soon yea?" He planted another kiss on your lips before releasing you.
-
The weekend had been different but nice. You forgot what life you even had without him. That Saturday, you took him out sight-seeing, wandering through the city without a care in the world. He wanted to see the harbour, spend the day aimlessly walking. You took him to all your favourite bakeries, drank yourself silly on caffeine until you ended up back at your apartment, where you watched a movie, snuggled on the couch, finishing the day with his head buried between your legs. It was domestic, and it didn't scare either of you. By Sunday evening, it was impossible to let him go. He had his bags ready by the door, you felt like sobbing when he pulled his jacket on.
"I'm scared Dennis." You admitted as he turned to face him. "I don't want to throw away everything I've made here."
"I don't expect you to."
"I can't break up with him. What if it all goes to shit? What if we try this and it goes wrong?"
"I promise you, I will make this work." He brought his hands to your face. "I'll do the long distance, fuck I’ll transfer, I’ll move to Boston or you could come to Pittsburgh."
"You can't do that." You wanted to say yes, put your arms around him and never let go but you couldn't. Boston didn't have much for you, it didn't make you happy like it used to.
"I'd do it all for you. I'm not going anywhere."
-
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
The front door to his shared apartment with Trinity opened with a bang as he shoved it open with his foot, dragged his miserable self into the house, dark rings evident around his eyes.
“How was your lovers retreat?” Trinity joked, sprawled out on the couch, switching through channels on the TV. Dennis dropped his bag by the door, his gaze fixed ahead, almost glazed over as he walked in the living room. “Dude? You good?”
“Sorry.” He broke away from his thoughts, looking at her with bloodshot eyes.
“Did something happen?” She abruptly sat up, a slight smile on her face, focusing her attention on him.
“A lot happened and I’ve just sat and thought about it for hours.” He had to admit to himself that his brain was fried.
“You have to tell me. Leave no detail out, unless it’s something I don’t wanna know. Roommate privileges apply.” She was almost at the edge of the couch. “Please tell me you did something other than cry and talk.”
He shot her a look, sighing out his nose before plopping himself on the armchair. He rubbed his face with his hands, feeling exhausted.
“Hurry up and get talking.” She snapped.
“After the conference, I got to her apartment and she was…” He stopped and shook his head. “We talked for a couple hours and had a few drinks.”
“You’re shitting me. That’s not what happened.” Trinity didn't have much patience left.
“No, it isn’t. I think I got a bit too tipsy.”
“Keep going.”
“I… shit. I kind of…” He covered his face again with his hands. “I begged her.”
“You what?” She was stunned. “Begged her for what?”
“To give me and her a try but then-”
"Don't tell me ew… Then what?”
“I kinda started begging for her to let me... you know...”
She slowly covered her mouth. “Huckleberry, you dirty dog.”
“Okay forget I said anything.” He stood up, going red. “I never reacted when you told me about you and Garcia.”
She froze, glaring at him. “Do you want everyone to know what you begged for sex?”
“I didn’t beg for sex. I just… Alright yea.” He sighed defeated.
“And she said “ew get away from me” and you slept on the streets of Boston like a little sad rat, and then came home miserable." She joked, eyes rolling over her own lines.
His face darked redder, his mind flashing images of what you two had done.
“Oh, my fuck, she agreed?!” Never in her life did she think Dennis would actually get laid but here she was, jaw hanging.
He didn’t answer, just stood there.
“She did!” Trinity gasped. “I have to tell-”
He opened his mouth to speak but she shrunk back.
“I have to tell no one because your secret is safe with me, of course." She smiled as sweetly as she could before continuing professionally, "So, you had sex?”
“We did, yea.”
“Okay, go Huckleberry!” She pumped a fist in the air.
“But she’s got a boyfriend.”
“No Huckleberry." She brought her fist down, eyes widened. "She cheated on her boyfriend with you?! Fuck dude, what powers you got there?”
He didn't enjoy opening up to Trinity but this moment felt like the right time. He admitted his true feelings, spilling out years of hidden emotions that barely made sense to Trinity but she listened, and that surprised him. He told her about God, the church, how it dragged him away from you, how he felt like he had been suffocated by faith. He'd spent years beating himself. He told her that he had only known the truth with you.
"You can't force her to make a decision. She'll decide what's right." She didn't sound sincere, or like she even really cared but Dennis knew her enough to know that was her best. He felt a weight lifting from his shoulders.
“Thanks, Trin.” His eyebrows softened, a small smile on his lips.
“Eww, don’t. Get away from me.” Her face scrunched up, jumping to her feet and making a beeline to her bedroom.
-
“Dennis had sex in Boston!” Trinity held her tongue for a record time of three minutes of the Monday morning shift, the words tumbling out of her mouth faster than her brain could comprehend, catching her breath once she’d spilled. “Oh my god, I couldn’t hold it any longer, I had to tell someone.”
“Jesus Christ.” Dennis muttered, dropping his head in shame, feeling his skin itch. Victoria stared with blank expressions, looking at Dennis confused while Trinity leaned against the front desk.
“Didn’t you go to that conference?” Victoria furrowed her brows, looking around the ER for the cameras because this had to be a joke. There was no way Dennis was getting laid.
“Yea, yep.” He needed this day to be over already, or more preferably, he wanted to drop dead.
“You had sex at a conference?” She enunciated, confused.
“No, I had sex in an apartment.” He corrected her, awkwardly grinning like he'd made a point before snapping back to reality. “Why am I telling you?”
“He went to her apartment and begged for it.” Trinity added, glancing at Victoria before looking up at the board for something juicy.
“Begged for it?” Victoria repeated with a look of disgust, before looking at Dennis and seeing his miserable expression. She shook her head. “Sorry. Why?”
“I didn’t beg.” He tried to save himself but he always already looking more pathetic.
“She has a boyfriend too.” Trinity added, tapping her chin with a pen. “Why is there nothing good? I need something teetering on dangerous.”
“Who has a boyfriend?” Robby appeared behind them, hands stuffed in his pockets. “And why are you all standing gossiping like we don’t have patients waiting?”
“Whitaker went to that conference in Boston and had sex in an apartment with someone who already has a boyfriend.” Victoria blurted out, before realising what she’d just done. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.”
“Well congratulations Whitaker, we all have our needs but can this conversation happen outside of my ER?” He sternly said, looking at Dennis.
Dennis wanted the ground to swallow him whole, hanging his head in defeat. He muttered, “I’m going to south 12.” before leaving the conversation.
The day dragged on, he hadn’t heard from you since he left and he had spent every waking hour since rethinking what he could’ve done differently. He was distracted; he had to admit. He'd fucked up on the simplest procedures, mixed up patients and was completely out of it most of the day. He slipped out of a room, head buried in his phone, a small frown on his lips. You'd read his message but not replied. He didn't know what else to do. He'd already apologised, and apologised again and then apologised some more. He'd said everything he thought you wanted to hear, fuck he was going crazy.
-
A couple weeks went by. Dennis had tried contacting you every day but you had been giving him so little. A few short-worded responses, sometimes a photo or just an emoji. If he rang, you never picked up. It was driving him crazy so he booked a last-minute flight to Boston, the first flight out on a Saturday morning. By the time he landed and made the journey to you, it was already 10am. He knocked on the door, somewhat impatiently and stood tapping his foot while he waited for you to open the door. You seemed to take your sweet ass time and it made him even more irritated.
You finally opened the door, eyes widening at the sight of him. “Dennis?”
“What are you doing to me?” He deflated, his once fiery rage had shifted to a luke warm worry.
“What?” You looked confused.
“Ignoring my texts and calls? Giving me barely anything?” He stepped closer to you, hands reaching for yours.
“I’ve been dealing with something.” You baulked.
“You couldn’t spare a few minutes to tell me that?” His shoulders dropped, hands clinging to yours. "Are you done with me?"
"What? Dennis, no." You shook your head. "I actually um… I broke up with that guy."
"You did? Why?" He felt a rush of heat in his head. You just smiled, and it set him off, he manoeuvred his way inside and closed the door behind him. There were boxes all over your apartment, walls that used to be covered in photos, now bare.
“Oh, secrets over! I’m moving.” You grinned, gleefully.
“Where?” He looked at you, gaze trailing over you. He couldn’t help him himself. "Where are you moving?
“Where do you think?” You chewed the inside of your cheek. “Good thing I can work anywhere in the country, right?”
“You’re not…” He felt his stomach clench, his skin tingling. "Are you…?"
“Moving truck is coming tomorrow and then I’m driving my car.” You couldn’t hold back your excitement. “I was supposed to surprise you.”
“You’re really moving?” He felt the tears welling in his eyes.
“I want to try us and if we don’t work, well I’ve made a really dumb decision.” You furrowed your eyebrows, suddenly realising Dennis was actually in your apartment. "Wait, did you fly here?"
“God, I love you.” He stepped closer, hands holding your face before pulling you to meet his lips, kissing you softly while his thumb caressed your jaw.
"I love you too Den." You muttered, your lips smushed as he pushed your cheeks together, he kissed you over and over and over again. He grew passionate, sinking his tongue into your mouth as he took his time devouring you. It was slow, intense even until his movements grew frantic, desperate even, his hands gripping your hips and pulling you into his body.
"Dennis." You let a moan slip out, his lips kissing down towards your neck. "The moving van will be here in fifteen minutes."
"I can be fifteen minutes." He whispered against your skin, hands slipping under your dress to touch your thighs and ass. "This dress is so nice."
"We can't, what if they come early?"
"Please, I need you." He left sloppy kisses all over your collarbone, rubbing his hardening cock against you. "Please baby."
"We have to be quick, sit on the couch." You chewed on the inside of your cheek.
"W-wait really? Oh my god." He rushed over to the couch, unbuckling his jeans, watching as you followed, straddling his legs. His hands gripped your hips as you leaned down, taking his lips with yours, all tongues, messily making out while you reached out, pulling his dick out, stroking it slowly.
"I missed this." You drawled against his mouth.
"Fuck I missed you." He panted, feeling as your gently squeeze his cock with your fingers. "I-I need you, please."
You hummed, taking the same hand to push your underwear to the side, aligning him with your pussy, only to take your time brushing his tip against your lips.
"Sh-shit, you said quick." He whimpered, squeezing your hips. "You can't do this to me."
"Dennis..." You smiled against his lips, leaning back to see how his face reddened, how he desperately needed you to fuck him. "You're already so needy."
"Sh-shut up, please fuck me." He dropped his head back, his tip so sensitive against your clit before you sink down on him, swallowing his entire cock with your cunt, you weren't ready for it, but you savoured how you stretched around him, the sting turning you on more. "F-fuck!"
"Shh." You brought your fingers to his mouth, covering his mouth but Dennis took your fingers in his mouth, sucking and licking.
"F-fuck me, please." He tried to buck his hips up into you. You started pulling up until the head of his dick was kissing against your entrance before slamming back down. You were rough, riding him like he was a toy, using his cock to chase your orgasm.
"God, it's so good, it's so good baby." He mumbled with your fingers in his mouth, eyes half lidded as he watched you bouncing on his cock.
"Dennis, I'm close already." You grinded down on his cock, your clit rubbing against his pelvic bone,
"Y-You can cum, I can take it." He whispered, biting his lip as he held back moans. "I can take it."
"I want you to cum, can you cum for me Den?" You placed a kiss on his forehead.
"I-I can- Oh god." He whined, eyes watering as tears rolled down his cheeks, fingers bruising your hips as he fucked up into you. "I'll cum for you, I can do it, I can."
Suddenly, you burst, slamming down on last time before grinding out the rest of your orgasm, muffling your cries in his shoulder, immense pleasure consuming your entire body. He didn't slow down, moving you onto your back without letting you breath, and fucking your cunt without mercy. He was rabid, whimpering so loud as he snapped his hips back before ramming his cock back in. He was crying, you were crying, your clit so sensitive, you might cum again.
"I'm cumming, fuck baby," He moaned shakily, tears falling onto your face. "Can I cum inside? Please let me cum inside you, fuck I’ll do anything, please."
"Y-Yes, cum in me." You barely got out before he was using your clenching pussy to pump his cock, spilling hot cum in you. He sobbed into your shoulder, body shaking as he rode out the rest of his orgasm. You struggled to catch your breath, rubbing his back as he collected him. He lifted his head, eyes red and watery, lips swollen. You both lay there for a few seconds before Dennis leaned up on his hands, looking over your face under him.
"You're so beautiful, I love you so much." He whispered, kissing your forehead. He got up, offering you a hand which you took. "You can relax, get ready to leave and I'll deal with the movers."
-
The drive to Pittsburgh wasn't so lonely when Dennis offered to drive there with you, taking your car keys right out of your hand and sliding into the driver’s side. The trip passed in no time with him, how he'd kiss your cheek at red lights, his hand never leaving yours. In such a last-minute pinch, a few weeks ago, you were able to find a studio apartment with a six-month lease.
The moving van arrived not long after you, your boxes and large furniture brought up within a few hours, your stuff scattered across the floor.
You were unboxing the kitchen items, shoving pots and pans wherever they'll fit, when Dennis appeared behind you.
"Everything okay?" You glanced over your shoulder at him.
"Can you come sit with me?" His hands are tucked behind his back.
"I have to unpack…" You frowned, turning to face him.
"And I spent weeks in purgatory."
"Oh fine!"
He slumped on the couch, arms open with a small grin pulling across his face. "Come on baby."
"What are you doing? What are your motives?" You planted yourself beside him, eyeing him suspiciously as his arm wrapped around you.
He shrugged, looking confused and slightly offended. You rested your head against his chest, listening to his heart beating, his fingers tapping your skin. It was quiet and comfortable. To exist with you was a blessing, and if he played his cards right, he'd get eternity.
if you got this far, i hope you liked it! ₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊
Oh my god this was the best fic i’ve read in a while. If i could read this for the first time again i would. The way the author worded everything brought it all to life and it was beautiful.
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