Some of my head canons
1. Tommy was abused as a child before going on to abuse his family, thus continuing the cycle of abuse.
1. A. Tommy was vulnerable, either pretty, or effeminate, and was sexually molested, perhaps by a priest or an older man.
1. B. Tommy attributed his vulnerability as a cause for his abuse and therefore was ruthless and aggressive in trying to toughen up both Paul and Noel, whom he viewed as mamas boys, weak, effeminate, potentially homosexual, in a misguided and inappropriate way of trying to protect them from becoming victims of predators.
1. C. Tommy’s experience with a pedophile priest led him to privately despise the church and he was uncomfortable and conflicted by Peggy’s piety. He could not express any of this in his rigid and repressive community, so it festered into abuse.
2. Like many immigrant parents, Tommy felt pressure to raise his children to conform to an outdated stereotype or standard, or ideal of Irish manhood. I have observed this tendency in many immigrant parents child dynamics.
3. Peggy, like most women of her generation, accepted abuse as part of her marriage, perhaps punishment for some sin or transgression, or a husband’s rights, or as the will of God.
3. A. She became adept as lying to family, friends, neighbors, to save face, to making excuses, walking on eggshells and the boys learned all this as part of their daily life.
4. Peggy separated Paul and Noel into separate rooms to make it harder, less likely, for Tommy to beat both of them simultaneously, meaning she could save or protect at least one of them.
4.A. She put Liam in Noel’s room hoping his presence would be a deterrent to Tommy, since Tommy targeted Noel more than Paul.
4.A. Paul became anxious to please to avoid being targeted. He felt relieved, but guilty, when his strategy worked. His need for approval and fear of conflict became his primary motivation.
4. B. Noel became resistant, passive aggressive, to survive his father’s abuse. He understood, but judged as weak or insufficient, his brothers and mothers attempts to protect him. His desire to evade dependency, controls and emotional attachment became his driving motivation.
4.C. Liam became the attention seeker, entertainer, charmer, trying to distract or divert Tommy’s wrath at his brothers. He felt guilty when his strategies failed.
5. Noel and Liam’s closeness developed naturally from Liam’s attempts to comfort Noel, and Noel’s sense of responsibility for Liam as a younger sibling. It didn’t become sexually charged until Liam’s adolescence, by which time the patterns were entrenched.
6. Noel feels deep shame, not only for his relationship with Liam, but for many parts of his life.
6. A. He feels shame over being abused, shame over relief when it’s Paul’s turn, shame over poverty, shame over Tommy’s womanizing.
6. B. All that injustice and anger became the nuclear fuel for Noel’s anger.
7. Noel feels deeply conflicted with his relationships with his family.
7. A. He loves them, but feels betrayed, left to bear the brunt, ignored, usurped by Liam.
7. B. He despises them as weak, accomplices, apologists, placaters, while he stood alone, unbending, uncompromising but true to himself.
8. Liam was conceived in an attempt by Peggy to alter the family dynamics, hopefully with a girl baby.
8. A. His being a boy, and being colicky from psoriasis and eczema, added to, rather than diminished the dynamic.
8. B. He quickly learned that certain behaviors were rewarded, like being cheeky or funny.
8. C. As with younger siblings, he tried and failed to compete physically or intellectually with his older siblings but was doomed to failure and grew up feeling inferior and competitive. His cheeky personality was one strength he had over his brothers.
8. D. He grew up terrified that Tommy would kill his mum and brothers, leaving him next, unprotected and afraid. To this day, fear of abandonment is his driving fear.
9 All three brothers developed deep doubts about their ability to parent children safely.
9.A. Paul never married and had no children, but became very close to his brothers children as emotional replacements for his loss.
9 B. Noel avoided marriage and actively dismissed the idea of having children. Even upon having children, he delegated responsibility for care to Meg and Sara to protect his children from his potentially abusive habits learned in childhood. He loves his kids, but until recently with Anais now as a young woman, has kept them distant, ostensibly for their own safety.
9.C. Liam has craved a loving family and publicly hoped for marriage and kids. As opposed to Noel, Liam loves children. Nevertheless, Tommy cast a long shadow and he feared his father’s malign influence and delegated day to day care to the mothers. He is proud of his children and his close relationship with them as proof he is not his father.
9.C.1. Liam was so relieved at being able to feel love for James that he overcame all insecurities and struggles expressing himself to write about this revelatory relationship.
10. Both Noel and Liam disliked each other’s spouses, were deeply jealous and did things to sabotage their relationships.
10. A. Noel sabotaged Liam’s relationship with patsy by arranging for Lisa Moorish, Liams past girlfriend and friend of Meg’s, to be around during the tour when Patsy was home, tempting the easily tempted Liam back into a sexual relationship that resulted in Molly, knowing full well it would damage, if not destroy Liam’s marriage to Patsy.
10. B. The 2000 Wembley concert is full of undercurrent as Patsy had just announced her divorce plans, while Noel had just met Sara and was rapidly concocting plans to divorce Meg, despite having 6 month old Anais.
That’s enough for today.
