Ramune Boy

I like music

[unpatriotichero]

Forgot about this place, not put anything here in a long while. Guess that's a good thing as it's only ever me moaning out thoughts I can't share because there's no girlfriend figure to listen.

Had a girlfriend for 6 months this time, which ended last week. Some really great times with her but also some things I couldn't ever fully overlook which were a problem from the first couple weeks.

Knew it would end at some point and thought about ending it with her myself several times because her past sexual behaviour and current connections to unsavoury men. Now it's ended though it does sting.

I'm 26 now, I wonder if I'll actually find someone who loves me back authentically and respects me, who I can fully love without reservations.

[unpatriotichero]

I still miss you :/

[unpatriotichero]

My finances are really making me hate my fucking life the last few months. Every month something comes up. Tax, birthdays, insurance, things breaking, random fucking fines. Try to save for just one month and nope it’s time to spend another £400 on insurance. I wish my job paid more like it should for the work I do.

I love the things I have like I have my dream car and that is something I’m truly fortunate for but the cost is I’m left with nothing at the end of every month due to every single leeching thing that comes up

[unpatriotichero]

A year later and things aren't as bad, got a savings account for the first time, got a decent raise (though my pay is still a bit weak) and im not struggling so much each month. Things like insurance, MOTs and car tax still give me dread though as they're heavy hitters eating away at what I do have spare.

[unpatriotichero]

I feel immense relief. My chest genuinely feels full of helium right now. I feel hope.

[unpatriotichero]

I remember how good this felt at the time, I hardly remember why though. Someone nasty being weird prob. Shame it didn't last long.

Its strange to think that in the two years since this arc of my life - I've still never had a connection with any other girl that could come close to what I felt back then. Guess it's that first love theory people like to talk about on tiktok. IDK I hope someone can make me feel that way again, it'd be a sad shame if not. I should stop feeling sorry for myself tho lol and play some red dead 2

[unpatriotichero]

in this moment, listening to rkids oasis, i miss you

[unpatriotichero]

Honestly if I could go back in time I think I’d have slapped myself straight and made sure I didn’t act the way I did with you

[unpatriotichero]

I am a nightmare and you are a miracle!!!!!!

[unpatriotichero]

Out with my best friend at mcdonalds Look at facebook, see our mutual friend posted and see you comment on it.

I know I have no right to be upset over it, as I met you through you being on his friends list - but it did sting like a brick to the face and totally made my stomach sink with an uncomfortable heat.

I've had to block you on there because of this, as I'm friendly with Brandon and engage with him about car stuff a lot - at some point I'll probably see him at a car show after all, so I want to stay engaged there. I don't feel any hatred towards you so it's not meant in that way, just for my own well being.

rkid

[unpatriotichero]

i think i'll probably always have you come to mind when mardy bum comes on the radio lol

[norisunorin]

奈良県　明日香村　Nara Asuka

[unpatriotichero]

The evening / night has gone very quickly, maybe it’s because I had a nap for an hour or two. Before I even realised it, it was half eleven.

Tbh, I feel quite lonely right now. That empty feeling with everything outside my room being a void.

Everyone is asleep and I’m wide awake from an evening monster (bad idea!! Just leads to being awake at the lonelier hours for longer), playing a game but it’s replaying some repetitive stuff to get a different ending which feels ugh with this mood. Got a cold too..

For well over a year I’ve been carrying that weight, I do wonder what it will take for it to go.

[unpatriotichero]

When am I going to forget you.. I'm sure you've forgotten about me long ago and I'm no one but a stranger now. Yet I can't seem to let go.

[unpatriotichero]

I still feel guilt over not being able to help more to make her situation better and contributing negatively to it by the end

[unpatriotichero]

I do think I have issues with jealousy and the level of controlling in relationships sadly, didn’t help my first experience with a relationship was with legitimate worries with definite not-right behaviour and certainly not-right people, but there was a lot of occasions where I let these ugly emotions blow meaningless things out of proportion I think. I just finished the new season of Sex Education (funny enough because I’ve had people compare me to the main character in looks and behaviour a lot) and there was a character with those ugly traits turned to 11 and it felt pretty disgusting to recognise those. Like I wanted to jump in the TV and punch the dude.

As much as I want to be in a loving relationship and have someone just love me, I think it’s best to not be in one whilst I’m unable to keep a lid on these things. It’s pretty horrible to see the effects of what it does to the other person, and remembering that is painful because it’s the last thing I’d want, hurting someone I love.

[unpatriotichero]

lots of hatred tonight

[unpatriotichero]

I’m so hitoribocchi

[fameone]

86の日

[unpatriotichero]

I wish I was alone travelling japan in my 86, could probably heal a lot of things for me.