no

a terror with holes in

[artycles]

“You and i are Earth 1661”. Tin-glazed earthenware plate found in a London sewer, from the Wellcome Collection’s “Dirt” exhibition.

[unpointful]

Which one was Earth 1661? I get confused with all these alternate timelines.

[disneyweirdness]

[unpointful]

Sometimes I'm still around, much to everyone's disappointment.

[millyredhead]

[unpointful]

the moon can’t do shit without the sun’s help and even at its brightest is fucking useless if you need actual light. I’m the moon.

[unpointful]

think about it: you can't go home because there's a bear hanging around the front door. you can't go to the cafe because they only serve bears. you can't hang out at the library, there's more bears there and anyway all the books are about bear stuff now so what's even the point anymore.

[unpointful]

wow, time really does fly. you get distracted just a little and before you know it you’ve spent the past five years luring strangers into your home and feeding them to the thing growing in the basement and its soft, wet laugh

[unpointful]

hey guess what’s really silly and really fun

[unpointful]

what I look like this week

- someone's embarrassing first attempt at chainsaw sculpture - the birds are not functioning this year - you just moved into a new place and the previous tenants left a thing in the basement - a distended bulldog - a toad, but not the one everyone likes - spearfishing mistake - you forgot to lock the trapdoor leading to the attic and now there are noises coming from the kitchen like something got into the fridge

[unpointful]

okay, I have to admit it's true that nobody who's gone into that house this week has come out again, so far. but where's your sense of adventure? it's not even as though there've been any scary noises or anything. no noises at all. for all we know, everyone's just sitting in there enjoying a nice quiet card game or something. think about it. don't you want to play cards? I'm sure you'd have a grand old time. hm? me? oh, no, I'm no good at games. I always get so competitive about them, too, and then I lose and I grump up the whole room. no, no. I wouldn't do at all. they need you. they need you. they need YOU. get in there.

[unpointful]

just to punctuate my complaining and other bullshit, here’s a photographic representation of everything I hate most in the world

[unpointful]

yeah I've actually lived here for, let me see, like five and a half years now. weird how time flies. right, here's the couch, if you move stuff around a little you should have room to pull it out. no it's only for maybe a week, right? no big deal. so uh through there's my bedroom, please be, like, circumspect about bothering me in there, right? okay. back here's the kitchen, it's kind of a mess but it makes sense to me? coffee's up in here if you need it in the morning. now. uh. about the bathroom. this is maybe kind of awkward to talk about but the bathroom is kind of. cursed? it's not a big one, as far as I can tell the only thing is you immediately get a nosebleed if you step on the gaps between the tiles. it doesn't get worse if you do it again or anything, and it's mainly just kind of annoying if you don't have some blood thing. uh do you? okay good. just be careful and try to stick to the mat if you're worried. it's safe, the tiles under there don't matter. or just don't go in barefoot, actually. not sure how thick the soles have to be, but anything thicker than that mat should be fine. no, I just prefer staying barefoot myself, keep forgetting not everyone does. it's just one of those things, right?

[unpointful]

what I look like, part two

- gollum, but not as pretty - someone tried to make a clay sculpture of a horse's head but it came out weird and gross and they smashed it in a fit of pique but then somebody picked up the pieces and glued them back together wrong and poured donald trump's hair on it for some reason - not enough whiskey - a lobster is subtly lying to you - a stranger forgot to wash their hands after buttering a cake pan and they touched everything in your home - a piece of roadside debris that was probably a scarf or something once - somewhere in a forgotten valley a sinful goat has been dead and buried for ten thousand years but it wakes up whenever there's a new moon on a winter solstice to yell unwelcome words at the heavens

[unpointful]

okay, so you've been... growing these things on your windowsill? wouldn't that mean people seeing them from the street? I mean I at least have a rough idea of what they are but I still feel pretty freaked out looking at them. well, okay, I don't look up much myself, but... it's been a while since I've seen your place, but aren't there people living in the buildings across? no, really, I don't get it. it seems like it would've set off a bunch of weirdo alarm bells. the risks are yours to take, I suppose.

[unpointful]

leaving my apartment and walking down the stairs and on into the basement and then still on down where the stairs end because there are always more stairs if you know how to walk. just keep going down until it stops mattering, then sit down and breathe.

[venomsnake420-deactivated201712]

thanks facebook for this very important information

[ghosthierophant]

 we gotta kinkshame fuckin fossils now

[lazerem]

It gets better when you see the newspaper headline

[unpointful]

next time you take some personal time, think about how people in a hundred million years would read the situation if a bunch of resin happened along just then

[unpointful]

jauntily skipping down the garbage chute into a vast inescapable pit of slime and rot, aka home

[unpointful]

(it’s bad posts all the way down, sorry)