real hot real cool @unrealshithead - Tumblr Blog

*Your deodorant has been replaced with cream cheese- oh, who could've done this? how long it takes for you to notice or if you notice is completely up to you!*

It was a good half hour after his morning ablutions when Dave finally forced himself to stop blogging, roll out of his towel burrito, and get dressed. He draped the towel over his shoulder and walked over to the dresser, completely naked except for his shades. Dropping his towel on the floor, he picked up his tube of deodorant, uncapped it, and began to spread it under his arms.

"This should not be as creamy as it is," he noted, stiffening. "If this shit melted, I want a reimbursement." However, as he poked it experimentally with one finger, he realized that it did not have quite the consistency of deodorant... in fact, it felt... buttery. It smelled... delicious.

Ever so cautiously, he brought it up to his nose and sniffed it. Obviously, it smelled like armpit. Underneath that, though... Wiggling his tongue out carefully, he touched the tip to the side of the deodorant, which had probably never seen his underarm.

It tasted like a continental breakfast.

Okay, it tasted like cream cheese, but Dave was hungry. He spat into the sink and regarded the deodorant cheese balefully. Nothing could be trusted anymore, nothing, for John had been here. He was about to toss the deodorant when he realized he had no idea where to find toiletries around here, and cream cheese was an awfully nice smell.

Glancing around just to make sure nobody was there to see, he applied the cream cheese to the other arm, then pulled on his shirt over it. It was just a placeholder, he told himself. Soon, he would buy new deodorant.