he's so proud of her

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Claire Keane
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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

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Love Begins
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$LAYYYTER
almost home
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gracie abrams

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@taobms
he's so proud of her
I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad
Snakeyes Pete is from Toronto he gave me a button once that said "Canadians have the best luck" and i said i thought that was the Irish and he said "I fucking hate the irish" and i said okay
really specific trope i like that i feel like can only be explained in a diagram
warhammer 40k armor
"FOOD FOR THE FOOD BOWL!"
my nephews lunch that he packed
[ID: A lunchbox containing a handful of loose lettuce and a half-empty bottle of Pepsi.]
that's arugula
[ID: A lunchbox containing a handful of loose lettuce and a half-empty bottle of arugula]
String identified: c tat ac [: A c ctag a a ttc a a a-t tt .] tat' aga [: A c ctag a a ttc a a a-t tt aga]
Closest match: Polygonum aviculare genome assembly, chromosome: 2 Common name: Prostrate Knotweed
(image source)
thats arugula
String identified: c tat ac [: A c ctag a a ttc a a a-t tt .] tat' aga [: A c ctag a a ttc a a a-t tt aga]
Closest match: Arugula
ugh ok FINE i'll admit it. i got sucked into the yugioh hole a LOT a bit
contender for funniest line delivery in a porno
Someone has been slowly over the last few months making an avant garde art installation out of an abandoned Boston Market/Checkers. Their signboard messages keep getting torn down so their latest move was to make a flag of a photo of their previous masterpiece "PENIS WIGS FOR SAL" and run it up the flag pole
Look I love unconditional devotion love stories as much as the next person, but there's really something so deliciously raw about conditional devotion.
I have served you and I have loved you for decades, but I will not give up my principles for you. You cut out part of my heart and took it with you down that path that you insist on walking, but you walk it alone. Even when the bleeding, gaping hole you left in my chest kills me, I will not follow you.
me everytime one of my seemingly non-specific homoerotic text posts breaks containment
Come to the library. We will laminate your penis for free.
I have to go to the library so that they can laminate my penis for free
The juxtaposition of these tweets...
one moment ☝️ *pauses the blowjob to start violently coughing up blood*
me making ocs when i was 13: okay i want my character to be cool and different but not too different... i dont want anyone to call them a mary sue... or too edgy... or forced diverrsity.... and i have to draw good or else i could end up on a deviantart youtube video like my friend did that one time... this is hard...
me writing characters now: hes a wolf with blue hair and he has a chainsaw that can turn into a bass guitar. his name is road boy because three bikers found him on the road during the apocolypse and raised him to do stunt motorcycle tricks but they have no idea what his real name is hes bi and ace and his best friend is a trans woman and he lives in an abandoned mall
genuinely the best 2 word combo ive seen all year