“ i see you. i know you feel so invisible all the time, but you’re not. not to me. ” ( kanthony )
Kate had always liked to ride in the mornings, the brisk pace of her horse’s gallop blocking out all else, all the heavy weight of her thoughts. It had been difficult, these past few weeks, the first of her marriage. Last night’s ball had been particularly horrid, whispers every time she turned her back, speculation upon her hasty marriage, the reasons for it.
So she had taken to her horse, to try to forget, now cutting a solitary figure as she made her way back to the house. But then, Kate was used to that. She dealt with things alone, she always had. Why should this be different, even if now she faced all the disdain of the ton? She could bear it. At least the scandal was only on her head, not Edwina’s, not their mother’s, nor on the Bridgertons. She would do anything to protect them all from it, certainly take all on herself if she could.
Strange, though, that even now Kate had all eyes on her, she felt more unseen than ever. The wild speculation seemed about a stranger, resembling nothing of who Kate truly was. They did not know her. It should be comforting, but she only felt weighed down by her fear that no one truly did, or even cared to.
Not even her mother and sister. After all, mornings like these had always meant a guilty slip past the footmen when she returned, hair too wild and loose for polite company, a rush inside before her mother or Edwina noticed she had been gone. Sometimes, they did notice, Kate reminded herself. Not always, but sometimes they had.
As she brought her horse back into the stables, she could not help but feel an ache. It hurt her pride to admit it even to herself, but it was the truth. Kate was lonely. She had been lonely for a long time.
A shiver passed over her, brought on by the sudden awareness of eyes upon her. Kate turned to find Lord Bridgerton, watching her just outside the stables. The intensity of his look was near enough to make Kate shiver, though she told herself it was simply the cool morning air.
He was waiting for her, Kate realised, and did not know how it made her feel, a warmth bursting in her chest that she was wholly unfamiliar with.
“You should not ride alone. It’s dangerous,” Anthony fussed, eschewing any greeting in favor of scolding her. “Anything could happen to you.” His peremptory, authoritative ways might have irritated Kate in any other circumstances, if not for the fact that she had been struck temporarily wordless by his very presence. Anthony’s serious expression then wavered into smirk, “For one thing, dear wife, your sense of direction is rather lacking, no?”
“I...” she stopped, caught up in her emotion. “I did not think you would notice I was gone,” Kate admitted quietly.
Anthony’s eyes softened, and he took her hand, escorting her back to the house.
“That’s where you’re quite wrong, Lady Bridgerton. Kate,” Anthony corrected himself. “I see you. I know you feel so invisible all the time, but you’re not. Not to me,” he finished, and Kate forgot how to breathe.
Their marriage may have only been one of convenience, but there were times, times like these, that Kate felt so convinced of something deeper, swept away by the gentleness in his eyes when he looked at her. Undone by how deeply her wanting went, more deeply than she’d known she was capable of before meeting him.
“Oh,” she said, her hand curling around his arm. This was what it felt like, to not be alone, she thought, and then recovered herself. Worries forgotten, she matched his earlier smirk. “Though it does not signify. In any case, you do not tell me what to do, my lord.”
