Full glad Morganaux was that Ivarault had not thought to question him about his time in Azys Lla. In the guise of idly twirling a finger in his hair, he began to weave a glamour upon his face, concealing the frown that threatened to take root there at the mere memory of that awful, godsforsaken place.
To show signs of unease was always an invitation for questions, and the last thing he wanted was for his future husband to try delve too deeply into the tangled mess of emotions he felt surrounding those final days of a centuries-long war. Morganaux had, admittedly, grown fond of him, and he would hate to scare away the man whose surprising ambition and wit were beginning to mend his heart.
Azys Lla had brought out a side of Morganaux that he never knew he had— a rage that rivaled that of the Fury Herself. His hands were meant to heal, not to harm, and though he was no stranger to taking a life, such an act was something he had never took joy in. And yet, it had been so satisfying to see the fear in Thordan’s eyes as his form dissipated into aether, and it had been a great disappointment knowing that the Archbishop had deprived him of the joy of slaying Lahabrea by his own hand.
Such cruelty did not fit a beloved hero like the Warrior of Light. Such cruelty had no place in the fables that would one day be sung of the Champion of Eorzea, and for the sake of those who would one day inevitably try to follow in his example, he would not allow the world to know how he truly felt during his last acts of heroism.
And he would especially not allow Ivarault — that poor, sweet man whose potential had long been stifled by the cold closed-mindedness of Ishgardian society— to be burdened by the truth.
Phoenix was not alone in noticing her summoner’s distress, as Peony left the fiery bird’s side to sit upon Morganaux’s shoulder, emitting a soft, melodious jingle meant to soothe wounds of the flesh and wounds of the heart alike. “It seems both of our familiars are feeling particularly cuddly all of a sudden, aren’t they?” the Elezen mused, letting out a small laugh. “I wonder what the occasion is.”
With his glamoured smile no longer necessary, he allowed the illusion to fade, blending in seamlessly with the real one his faerie had coaxed out of him.. “I do not think it will be much trouble at all getting access to the archives for a private research endeavor,” he answered. “Well, they may give you a bit of trouble since you aren’t the dearly beloved savior of Ishgard like I am, but I think I’ll be able to convince them to let you in too if I ask them nicely enough. And if not…”
Eyes lighting up with mischief, he let his head tilt to the side. “I know of a few secret passageways throughout the cathedral, including ones that lead to the archives. Let’s just say that I had a fondness for getting my hands on extracurricular reading material during my days as a student, and a desire to know everything there was to know about the academy I called home. Actually… This may be a bit more fun than simply asking to be let in, don’t you think?”
It was not hard to wonder, when one had all the pieces of the puzzle their situation was. Perhaps not all, but enough of them, as Lahabrea’s own memories brought turmoil to a heart older than the Spoken, to a soul almost teared into oblivion. Phoenix, his most loyal of familiars, was now even more attuned to him. She was afraid of losing him again, he knew, and he wished that thought had never needed to come to pass.
He too wished, on occasions, that he could be left alone to heal, to try to drown out Zodiark’s ever persistent whispers every time he stopped for but a moment. At least, he thought, Morganaux’ presence, dangerous and threatening and nevertheless surprisingly enjoyable was a welcome distraction.
His idea, nevertheless, had him blink in surprise, taking a moment to consider how to best shut down the idea -he was too weak to consider risking such an ad adventure- before Phoenix chirped enthusiastically, and the old shadow wearing the flesh of a noble who would have been too cowardly passed a hand through his hair -not his hand, not his hair, but it was not as if he could let that matter anyway- and then nodded, trepidation and yet determination in his gaze.
A secret route would allow him to keep Phoenix by his side at all times, and he needed her. Just in case he needed to fight, just in case he needed to be healed. Particularly given how at any point, Morganaux might find out, and then Lahabrea would have to risk his very being again to retire to the rift.
That might break Phoenix’s heart.
“Very well.” He settled for. “I am willing to try that. See... your idea of fun. It sounds terrifying. Let us do it.”
Emet-Selch would be mocking him for ages, if he ever learned of this whole mess.