Timing is such a funny thing.
Over the course of the last 7 months, the Lord's speech to me has primarily centered around timing, charging me to trust His.
Since visiting two of Neruda's homes in Chile, my soul has itched for the freedom of the wind and sea. Accordingly, when I learned of my great fortune (read: favor) to spend a summer in Savannah, I set my eyes on the goal of sailing.
I decided that I'd charter a boat for a weekend, calling it a "well-done-self" present for finishing 1L year. Naturally, I decided I would charter said boat the first weekend of my Savannah summer, because to wait any longer would be unnecessarily martyr-like. Regardless of the price, I was determined.
But naturally, "the plan" as I planned it didn't materialize. Instead, the girls who were to accompany me (my shipmates), were unable to visit until July, and (naturally), the Captain was booked those weekends. Despite my frustration, I succumbed to the grim reality that perhaps sailing was not to be had this summer. Besides, the cost to charter a boat is high, and it would have been a remarkably irresponsible financial decision.
I've spent the summer batting my eyes at all the ships I see - whether docked, anchored, or cutting steadily through the water. I have looked from a distance at the object of my want, but I heard the Lord whisper "I do not withhold from you," and I repent for dissatisfaction and adopt a heart of gratitude for what He has been pleased to give to me that day.
I had an opportunity to sail today. I almost chose against it - thinking, for some inexplicable reason, that perhaps I should wait. Perhaps when I'm in a better mood or the day is prettier or when the boat is bigger or the wind fuller. I kept trying to give myself reasons for why the "now" was an inappropriate "now" - why the "now" was not the best "now" and that waiting would somehow produce a better "now."
My roommate's father took me. He taught me and trusted me to learn. I was afraid that I would do poorly and mess up, but he was not. It is incredible how someone else believing in you can introduce you to yourself - your best self. We sailed for half an hour or so - we enjoyed steady, quiet conversation. I felt the wind in my hair and learned that sailing is all about feeling.
You feel the direction of the wind, and you adjust the position of the sail accordingly; you feel the strength of the wind, and you adjust the size of the sail. You have to remain attentive to the wind at all times, but there is no trace of stress. Only a calming sense of restfulness. Feel the wind, and move. Gaze out at the sea and watch it lap the side of the boat. Glance up at the sun and follow its rays until they dissolve into lazy glitter on the surface of the water. Say thank you. Feel the wind.. and so it goes.
Though my previous daydreaming of sailing looked more like a ride on a member of the Spanish Fleet, though the boat was smaller and simpler to navigate, and though the ride did not take me to remote islands, miles off the coast ... though my experience did not look as I had fancied it all along, I would not exchange it for any other. Sometimes simpler is that much sweeter.
It took me two tries to dock the boat, but that's ok. Sometimes learning requires a couple of extra tries, and I'm thankful for a patient instructor.
God taught me a lot today. He tends to teach me in these quiet, reflective moments. Or perhaps, more accurately, I learn most in those moments because that is when I am listening best. Don't be surprised if more posts come, re: lessons from sailing.
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