Uporoboros

Female. Old. Insane. Mostly Star Wars|Kylux, Dirk Gently|Brotzly.

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

*walks into a museum* *picks up ancient Greek urn with a person with a dick out drawn on it* *smashes it on the floor* a better, more positive museum

[curlygingerbird]

Didnt come out as planned so im posting this crop. Y'all know what im doing

[uporoboros-blog]

I love the suspicious look at Hux's face. And Kylo is so pretty and innocent 😍

[trashcannie]

if you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to live in the midwest, this is it. 

[jasperzilla]

You missed some of the best ones

[dragonastra]

the best part about it is that the art installation isn’t actually called the Bean. It’s called Cloud Gate, and artist Anish Kapoor (yes, THAT Anish Kapoor) hates that we call it the Bean.

But i mean, look at it. It’s a bean.

[vashthestampedee]

How could you forget this one though

[akamine-chan]

I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA THAT THE BEAN WAS CREATED BY ANISH KAPOOR.

[solongstarbird]

someone help me why is anish kapoor important what did he do?

[gay-jesus-probably]

Alright sit down for some Art World Drama bcause this is what I live for.

So, sometime last year (?) science invented Vantablack, which is the darkest possible shade of black. Art world got incredibly excited. But as it needs to be very carefully made in a lab, it’s hard to get a hold of, and is extremely expensive. Enter Anish Kapoor, aka FuckFace McGee. Anish Kapoor buys the rights to Vantablack. He is the only human being on the planet that can legally use it, and he’s kind of a prick about it.

Art world is not thrilled with that.

Enter Stuart Semple.

Stuart Semple is an artist, and also makes pigments to sell in his free time. Stuart Semple is astoundingly pissed about this Vantablack nonsense, and Anish Kapoor’s dickery. Stuart Semple makes a new pigment, the brightest shade of pink ever, called Pinkest Pink, and puts it for sale on the internet. To be bought by everybody except Anish Kapoor. Literally, to purchase, you need to confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, do not associate with him, and will not sell or give the pigment to Anish Kapoor or his associates. Art world has a good laugh, everyone buys Pinkest Pink because it’s awesome, and damn it we deserve something.

Anish Kapoor however is a penis, and will not take this lying down, because HOW DARE he not have literally everything.

Anish Kapoor gets his London associates to buy him a thing of Pinkest Pink, and being such a classy human being, posts a picture to instagram of him with his middle finger covered in Pinkest Pink, captioned with “Up yours. #pink”

Everyone flips shit, because. Y’know. Fuck that guy. Especially Stuart Semple. For context here, Anish Kapoor is one of the richest artists on the planet, and has repeatedly been referred to as everything wrong with the art world, and the epitome of the art worlds elitism problem. He’s a giant douchebag. Meanwhile Stuart Semple makes pigments just to get them out there. He turns 0 profit from his now enourmously popular pigments.

Stuart Semple launches an investigation as to who the fuck leaked Pinkest Pink, and plans to strike back. He does so by releasing two new products. First is Diamond Dust, which is a glitter made from glass, so that a painting is still visible after it’s applied, but glitters like a mofo. It’s the most reflective glitter out there, and is available to everyone who isn’t Anish Kapoor. And it being made of glass, if you stick your finger in there, it’s going to hurt quite a bit, so that was Stuart Semple’s way of saying “shove your middle finger in this, asshole, see what happens”. Except without saying that, because he can get an insult across while still being fucking classy.

He also releases Black 2.0, created with the help of over a thousand artists worldwide.

Black 2.0 is the answer to Vantablack. Black 2.0 is a slightly less black black, but looks functionally the same to the human eye. It’s completely safe, smells like cherries, and costs four pounds. Vantablack is highly toxic, potentially explosive, needs to be applied in a special laboratory and sealed properly, can’t be moved across borders, can reach 300 degrees celsius if you’re not extremely careful, and costs thousands of dollars. Anish Kapoor is the only human being who can use Vantablack. He is the only human being who cannot use Black 2.0.

So I think we can guess who got the better deal.

And thus the feud ends, Kapoor defeated.

…But not quite.

Kapoor, in this entire afair, has made exactly two comments to the public. The first being his charming message about aquiring Pinkest Pink, the second being claiming to Buzzfeed that he and his small army of lawyers will be suing Semple, an extremely poor artist who cannot afford a lawyer.

No lawsuit has been made yet, fyi.

The point is, Kapoor is a prick, and doesn’t like talking to the lower classes. So one day in July 2017, he decides he needs another floor on his London studio apartment, and starts making arrangements to have it built. His neighbors are fucking pissed, because this will ruin the light of their apartments. They call to Semple to save them, or at the very least piss Kapoor off some more.

Semple answers to the call, and releases two new paints, Phaze and Shift, as always, banned to Kapoor. They change colours, Phaze with temperature, and Shift is just iridescent. Shift needs to be painted over Black 2.0 to work, and Phaze just works on its own.

So that’s been the art world for the last two years.

Basically, get fucked Anish Kapoor your bean sucks and so does your vantablack.

[todayiwrotenothing]

Stuart Semple is organising a bean-kissing event for Anish Kapoor’s birthday.

[secretsfromwholecloth]

Reblogging for “By attending this event you confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, you are in no way affiliated with Anish Kapoor, you are not attending on behalf of Anish Kapoor or an associate of Anish Kapoor. To the best of your knowledge, information, and belief this event will not be attended by Anish Kapoor.”

[queen-of-heck]

ALSO HE JUST POSTED THIS!!!!!! LIGHTEST LIGHT!

[extremedistressorstellarblowjob]

I know this isn’t my art blog but this entire post gives me life

[galahadiant]

im sorry is that man holding a real actual miniature star in his hands

[cat-vee-deactivated20240417]

Y’all missed the best part about the lightest light, called aptly ‘Lit’. This is from their product page:

[claydart]

Two things:

1. “Anish Kapoor is however a penis” is the best line in this post.

2. I wish to be half as petty and half as awesome as Stuart Semple

[speckled-light]

I hope Stuart Semple is making a lot of money. What a good person.

[0-memento-mori-0]

Go support him the paint’s are pretty cheap and you get the added bonus of being one of many to help piss off Anish Kapoor

[aether2000]

cannibals

[huxxkylo]

kylux fic recs #5

more are tagged: #kylux fic recs

POST TFA/TLJ:

when the world comes to gather me in by orangelightsaber, 21k / POST TFA /  After the catastrophic defeat at Starkiller, Kylo decides he wont be returning to complete his training, and that he’s taking Hux with him, whether Hux likes it or not. 

whose leash, whose cur by callmelyss, 6k / Ah yes, Ren’s new favorite game. It started about a week after Crait; if he thinks Hux has strayed too far, somewhere he can’t keep an eye on him, he kriffing yanks him closer with the Force.

Prelude to the End of the Game by hollycomb, 56k / Kylo has wrath to unleash and a destiny to fulfill. Hux has plans. 

Overwork by Vhett, 7k, wip / In the wake of the Supremacy disaster, Hux is using stims to keep himself and the Order running.

Détente by GoblinCity, 21k, wip / After the Battle of Crait, Armitage Hux is confident that Kylo Ren will be the architect of his own demise. Kylo surprises him.

In Our Blood by fedaykin, 4k, wip / It hadn’t shown Rey what she wanted, but perhaps the watery pit on Ahch-To would give Kylo his path, his future, his means to success. 

Disaster Recovery Plan by GenerallyHuxurious, 8k / Mega Star Destroyer is in worse condition than anyone realised, a fact Hux discovers only just in time to save his own life. 

Lying Side by Side in Pieces by ballvvasher, 14k / MPREG FIC / After failing to exterminate the Resistance, the newly appointed Supreme Leader makes it clear he doesn’t care for Hux’s well-being. 

LIGHT SIDE VS. DARK SIDE:

Make Me by Ajaxthegreat, 52k / The one where Ben pulls a fast one on Hux and he spends the next year of his life relentlessly hunting Ben down in a blind rage, Ahab-style 

Lucid Dreamer by theoneandonlyzoom., 63k / General Hux, it seems, was always destined for greatness. It’s therefore really too bad nobody realizes he’s a spy for the Resistance.

The Fall by rosensilence, 15k, wip / When Resistance smuggler Kylo Ren is captured and brought aboard the Finalizer, General Hux gets more than he was expecting.

FORCE-SENSITIVE HUX:

Emperor’s Heir by Ellstra, 88k / Now he has to choose between two equally unappealing alternatives: undergoing some ghastly ritual to gain Force sensitivity, or death. 

The World Might Do Me In by ZsforSs, 76k / A few weeks after his fifteenth birthday Armitage Hux met his mother for the first time since he was a toddler, defected from the First Order, and found out he was Force sensitive. 

PARALLEL LIVES & UNIVERSES:

Iterative Processing by Splintered_Star, 45k / Hux, surrounded by the ruins of the Order, decides to die rather than be captured. Then – he wakes up on Hosnian Prime, hours before its destruction by Starkiller. 

Chevrefoil by Vadianna, 102k, wip / Hux wakes up, panicked and alone, after a mission he can’t remember. The wrongness continues as he realizes the mission doesn’t exist, the Finalizer is in the wrong sector of space, the training program is years behind schedule, the Hosnian System is whole and functioning, and no one has heard of Kylo Ren. 

SOME KIND OF MAGIC:

The Eldritch Effect by GenerallyHuxurious, 67k / For the last three years Major Donal A. Hux, formerly of the British Army’s Parachute Regiment, and Kylo Ren, estranged son of US Defence Secretary Leia Organa, have been tooling around North America investigating “weirdness”- and they’re plenty weird themselves.

A Handbook for Practical Daemon Keeping by Marlon, 30k / “A Handbook for Practical Daemon Keeping”. Kylo snorted as he pulled the crumbling book off the shelf. What nonsense. 

Blood on Porcelain by BIFF1, 47k / Deputy Hux thought that by moving to Arkanis he would be on the fast track to becoming sheriff. He had no idea that when he transferred he was about to face his demons in the form of a murdered local boy and Sheriff Snoke’s pet ‘psychic’ Kylo Ren.

A Cracked Gift by Hermineuh, 84k / Armitage Hux is a journalist for a scientific magazine. However, when he must attend a presentation on something not scientifically proven, he finds it difficult to keep his sharp tongue in check. 

HISTORICAL & WILDERNESS:

Ascesis by hedgerowhag, 40k /  “Then you will travel north with us until our path ends in Uppsala.” There are brief mutters as the ghoulish company whispers around Hux, but he does not listen as an unbidden smile crooks his lips. 

Sustenance by theoneandonlyzoom, 27k / Kylo Ren has spent the last five years fighting in the desert, leading the Southern Front for Emperor Snoke’s war against the Resistance. 

My Life in Ruins by Gefionne, 30k, wip / Dr. Armitage Hux is the preeminent archaeology professor at Arkanis University, but when he needs to find an ancient artifact, he has to enlist the help of treasure-hunter Kylo Ren.

MODERN AU:

First Order Market Research Welcomes Your Participation by GenerallyHuxurious, 5k, wip / For the last few years Kylo Ren has been supplementing his income by taking part in paid market research panels. One particular company keeps sending him the strangest questions though…

Two Years, Two Months, and Twenty-Eight Days by kyluxtrashcompactor, PalenDrome, PangolinPirate, 76k / It took less than twenty-four hours after they met to know that they were meant for each other. But it will take longer than that to get it right.

Homecoming by eikyuu, 69k / AU in which Kylo has cut off all contact with his parents for the past seven years, but one phone call brings him right back to his dysfunctional family, and away from his hopeful art career. 

Receipt in the Bag by Misaya, 63k, wip / You can tell a lot about a person by examining the contents of their grocery bags. When they’re sad, when they’re treating themselves, when they fall in love. 

BITTER EXES GETTING BACK TOGETHER:

Stars Hung With String by dallystrings, 41k / They might have been stuck at the same wedding for a weekend, but that didn’t require interaction. He had no reason to feel anything but bitterness and resentment towards him. And yet. 

Something To Be Thankful For by JinxedAmbitions, 12k, wip / Divorce isn’t easy on either Armie or Ben, but their marriage wasn’t easy either.  However, now that it’s over, neither Armitage nor Ben have the courage to tell their families which has led to the awkward invitation to the Organa-Solo family Thanksgiving. 

DRAMATIC ARTS:

If I Set the World Ablaze (The Dark Can’t Have Me) by JinxedAmbitions, 19k, wip / The Knights of Ren are one of the most successful punk bands of their generation. They are on the top of the world, but Kylo struggles with his own demons, which are taking their toll on the band. Armitage Hux is an image wizard. 

Broadway, Here I Come by bioticnerfherder, 19k, wip / Acclaimed author Kylo Ren decides to adapt his best-selling biographical book on his grandparents into a musical.

I Can Make Your Day Glow by Marlon, 16k / “You have a lot of talent, Kylo,” his advisor muses while paging through his portfolio, “but you’ll never really excel until you master the human form.” 

PIRATES:

The Wine Dark Sea by EllaBesmirched, 27k, wip / After months of chases, false leads, and near misses, Admiral Armitage Hux finally has notorious pirate captain Kylo Ren in his sights. 

O Bury Me Not by cowboykylux, 75k / Armitage Hux has only ever had one dream: ruling the oceans with an iron fist. 

VAMPIRES:

Hemoglobin by CyanideBreathmint, 29k, wip / One night he picks up a young man named Ben, who is not exactly what he seems to be.

Take the midnight train by sabrina, 14k / Every vampire slayer knows that Dracula is absurdly and irresponsibly romanticized, which should make Dracula-obsessed vampire Kylo Ren totally uninteresting to Armitage Hux. If only this were the case. 

Of Our Time by Ezlebe, 15k / “I could care less. I was made this way before there were movies – before fucking Stroker. Call me a demon if it makes you feel better.”   

ASSORTED AU’S:

Only I Will Remain by fedaykin, 4k, wip / DUNE AU / Destinies entwined, they realize that there is only one truth in the universe - the Spice must flow.

Fixer Upper by IrisParry, 10k, wip / HAUNTED HOUSE AU / When Armitage Hux starts with First Order estate agents, he thinks the house on Alderaan Drive is an insult, a patronising set of training wheels for the new boy. He is … not correct. 

Odds of Survival by Marzarelo, 67k, wip / ZOMBIE AU / Now they’re stuck with each other, trying to survive together, despite the fact that they have hated one another since the day they met.

Stars In Our Wake by griesly, 70k / BOOKSTORE AU / As the owner of Flagship Books, Hux has his life perfectly in order until professional disappointment Kylo Ren barges into his shop and unfortunately, his life.

Empty Space, Watch the Waves by frapandfurious, 53k / MERMAN AU / The longer he thought about it, the less he could deny it. Impossible as it seemed, it had been real. 

The Peculiarity Of Our Genetics by Yulicia, 30k / MUTANTS AU / Armitage Hux has been chasing the elusive mutant known as Kylo Ren for months - and he was about as his wits end.

The Master Bakers by EverlivingGhosts, 53k / BAKE OFF AU / Tantrums, betrayals and delicious pastries; this year on the Bake Off is going to prove very interesting to say the least. 

RECOVERY FICS (heed the warnings and tags):

A Space Between Death and Sleep by SquirrellyThief, 11k / Hux puts himself out of commission. Ren keeps watch while he recovers. 

Alone Beside You by dallystrings, 41k / “I want to get everyone together,” Poe explained, finally, “For a week. Up at Ben’s parents’ cabin in the mountains,” or; Hux is trying to keep it together while Ben falls apart. 

BONUS EXCELLENT SMUT FICS:

Daddy Please by kyluxicle, letmeputitinyourbutt, 265k / Young CEO Kylo Ren has too much time on his hands and decides that the new intern would be fun to have as a sugar baby. 

Reach Out in the Darkness by unicornsandbutane, 9k / Cadet Hux strikes out one chilly evening in search of some legendary creature that’s supposed to be extremely powerful.

BONUS LOVELY ‘KYLUX ADJACENT’ FIC:

Life (Disambiguation) by Harlanhardway, 25k / “Are you my new Administrator?” Ash is an android and Paterson is the quiet, poetry-writing bus driver that he falls in love with.

[sathinfection]

ajax-daughter-of-telamon replied to your post: ��

(waittaminute, the thing I’m remembering is different, it’s a blood fluke and it’s the female that lives in a crevice on the male’s body, whoops)

PARASITES GET WEIRD

[uporoboros-blog]

What did you folks do, I literally went to find out who lives in whose body and now I’m stuck on a site dedicated to helminths reading weird horrifying things

[targuzzler-deactivated20180224]

hey guys so apparently the boss baby was based off a book

[targuzzler-deactivated20180224]

[snoopingasusualisee]

Yeah.

[interrogationspecialist]

Don’t Like That

[tiffbaxter]

Trio of  retro travel posters commissioned for @finnreyfridays ! This was super fun, thank you again.

You can view a time-lapse of my colouring process for the Jakku piece here -> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXGhOUKMUcU&t=4s

Open for commission

[badass-bharat-deafmuslim-artista]

Scientists accidentally create mutant enzyme that eats plastic bottles

The breakthrough, spurred by the discovery of plastic-eating bugs at a Japanese dump, could help solve the global plastic pollution crisis

This could help us clean up Earth and get rid of so much plastic waste. The oceans are horribly littered with plastic. This is a huge breakthrough….

Excerpted via the Guardian: 

Scientists have created a mutant enzyme that breaks down plastic drinks bottles – by accident. The breakthrough could help solve the global plastic pollution crisis by enabling for the first time the full recycling of bottles.

The new research was spurred by the discovery in 2016 of the first bacterium that had naturally evolved to eat plastic, at a waste dump in Japan. Scientists have now revealed the detailed structure of the crucial enzyme produced by the bug.

The international team then tweaked the enzyme to see how it had evolved, but tests showed they had inadvertently made the molecule even better at breaking down the PET (polyethylene terephthalate) plastic used for soft drink bottles. “What actually turned out was we improved the enzyme, which was a bit of a shock,” said Prof John McGeehan, at the University of Portsmouth, UK, who led the research. “It’s great and a real finding.”

The mutant enzyme takes a few days to start breaking down the plastic – far faster than the centuries it takes in the oceans. But the researchers are optimistic this can be speeded up even further and become a viable large-scale process.

“What we are hoping to do is use this enzyme to turn this plastic back into its original components, so we can literally recycle it back to plastic,” said McGeehan. “It means we won’t need to dig up any more oil and, fundamentally, it should reduce the amount of plastic in the environment.”

[uporoboros-blog]

This is the kind of news I prefer to read

[newkate]

Random fact: In 1928 a visionary Russian poet Vladimir Mayakovsky visited Paris for the first time and wrote a poem about the slutty, slutty time he had there, ending with:

“My dick, like a mythical tale,

Has been passed from mouth to mouth.”

[formallyfreya]

What an icon a legend

[bewareofthecar1966]

non-russian people discovering mayakovsky are my favourite thing to watch

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

Hold up let me just

[asya-arbatskaya]

Я в Париже живу как денди,

Женщин имею до ста.

Мой член как сюжет в легенде,

Из уст переходит в уста.

I had some time trying to find out how it sounds in Russian, and the result is hilarious xD

[newkate]

Random fact: In 1928 a visionary Russian poet Vladimir Mayakovsky visited Paris for the first time and wrote a poem about the slutty, slutty time he had there, ending with:

“My dick, like a mythical tale,

Has been passed from mouth to mouth.”

[formallyfreya]

What an icon a legend

[bewareofthecar1966]

non-russian people discovering mayakovsky are my favourite thing to watch

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

Hold up let me just

[asya-arbatskaya]

Я в Париже живу как денди,

Женщин имею до ста.

Мой член как сюжет в легенде,

Из уст переходит в уста.

I had some time trying to find out how it sounds in Russian, and the result is hilarious xD

[daisysdrivers]

SNL | Fish Dreams

[bitch-hips-deactivated20210512]

I can’t believe Adam Driver is living all our dreams by not only fucking a fish man but also marrying and procreating with him

[agent-nemesis]

asdkjjsald;kjsalkdjfskldjfwecnksaudfhj

oh my god

[uporoboros-blog]

WHAT

[transgenderer]

i feel like knowing the word “yonic” (the vagina equilavent of phallic) really changes a person because after that point basically any shape or objective can be classified as genital-shaped. eyes? yonic symbolism. fingers? phallic symbolism. thats all there is

[moteldogs]

poking yourself in the eye? a cunning symbol of sexual intercourse

[transgenderer]

exactly!!

[afloweroutofstone]

Might I add:

Yonic the Hedgehog

[somebody-already-took-this-url]

Dirk Gently saying “did it!” and snapping his fingers reblog if you agree

[kelspots]

Good to see Sam getting on well with his current castmate 😄 [x]

[alratan]

There is more

[uporoboros-blog]

I can't with those guys!

[babyanimalgifs]

for anyone that’s having a bad day, here are pictures of animals sniffing flowers

[heroes-get-made-deactivated2022]

A few more:

[prodigiousreblogger]

Oh, I love this so much! Must reblog every time!!! 😍😍😍

[uporoboros-blog]