The supreme goose.

[jointphotographicexportsgroup-d]

[moggettt]

Posting readmores like

[mockwa]

[phlyhigh]

God damn I need the story behind this before tumblr makes one up

[stuffinspace-deactivated2017100]

they tried to get their phone fixed from somewhere other than the approved apple store locations,so apple tried to take em out

[brainstatic]

[sexymotorslifestyle]

[healthygirly]

[upsetgeese]

business email glossary

thanks in advance: get this done by the time i press "send"

thanks for your interest: why'd you have to bring this up

would you be so kind: fucking do it

best: i have never physically met you

all best: this conversation is over

all my best: i wish you would die

happy to help: this is the easiest thing in my inbox

i hope this helps: i've done all i'm willing to do

i did a bit of research: i googled it, because you're too lazy to

sorry to chase: answer my email

so sorry to chase: answer my FUCKING email

i am really sorry for being a pest but: i am LIVID that you are ignoring me

please contact my colleague: this isn't my problem

i'm copying in my colleague: this isn't my problem and i am thrilled about it

i'll check and get back to you: i might forget to

i'll let you know when i hear anything: i will forget to

can you check back with me in a week?: i'm hoping you will forget to

per our earlier conversation: i just yelled at you on the phone

great to chat just now: you just yelled at me on the phone

thanks!: i'm not mad at you

thanks!!: please don't be mad at me

thanks!!!: i'm crying at my desk

please advise: this might be your fault

kindly advise: this is entirely your fault

mind if i swing by?: i'm already in the elevator

can you confirm for me: you told me before and i deleted the email

sorry if that was unclear: i think you're an idiot

let me know if you need anything else: please never contact me again

Reblogging to add a direct quote that I used today -

Please respect my work process: just do it the way I told you to and stop arguing with me, I don't care what you think

[joshpeck]

literally how do you get over someone oh my fucking god

[upsetgeese]

Distract yourself as much as possible, have friends on call to talk you out of checking their instgram, and listening to new rules/sorry not sorry and other songs which make you feel like youre better than them

good luck hun

[ghazal67]

[teamnowalls-deactivated20180918]

this is literally how i dance

[askinfresh]

This went from “wow that’s pretty neat” to “WTF ITS ALIVE” real quick

[modernambition]

[upsetgeese]

Isn’t being alive amazing

[warriorsdebt]

Did you know that you can just….imagine a cat. like right now you can make an an entire cat inside your head and look at it. a cat. your own cat to look at right there in your mind anytime you want.  Advanced technique,,you can make the cat do things. A whole cat in your head right now playing with a bit of string. the power is yours. 

[holybikinisbatman]

the BEST post

[ugabemenightmares]

The same goes for a pup-pup imagine it bouncing around and you are playing tug-of-war with this little ball of fluff

[raleighansens-deactivated201710]

my sister just told me that technically kangaroos have five limbs because their tail is classified as a leg bc they use that to propel themselves forward which makes them the only pentapedal animal on earth

[raleighansens-deactivated201710]

she just told me that there’s a frog that literally grow a spiky moustache and goes and fights other male frogs for a gf

[raleighansens-deactivated201710]

turns out flamingos aren’t actually pink. they’re born grey but turn pink from the shrimp they eat

[raleighansens-deactivated201710]

so my dudes,,, it turns out theres a flower that only blooms every couple years, and ik what ur thinking “wow it must be beautiful”. turns out it smells like fucking corpses!!! what!! the fuck!!!

[raleighansens-deactivated201710]

my best friend just told me that frogs use their eyeballs to swallow their food by retracting them into their head and pushing the food down and honestly?? the most horrific thing ive ever heard

[princecaviar-deactivated2022113]

the best part is that this is all true

[humorstaff]

I’m screaming 😂

[loblawdogblog]

[setheverman]

hey guys, what’s the mood for today?

[sonsabitch-deactivated20171230]

[setheverman]

my mood could never be this cool and good, blocked,

[fidgetingpetal]

[thedorseyshawexperience]

[sadtaterchip]

I could literally watch this for 60 years

[upsetgeese]

The evil is watching