The light that shines from with in

A mother at 17.... 10 yrs later 3 kids in, with a cosmetology licence. I wanted to help women feel beautiful but have come to find out that I need to feel beautiful first....Inside n out!!!

[urinternalfire]

This was about the time I realized I had to get out of my denial and start pushing his doctor for some testing. He was one and could not sit up for more that a few seconds. Now with more questions than answers I’m learning that I’m still unfolding different faces of denial. With only a diagnosis of #lowmuscletone aka #hypotonia with no answer as to why, here we are taking it one day at a time celebrating one #inchstone at a time. At 3yrs old and not walking the #inchstones are what keep my hopes up for a bright future. https://www.instagram.com/p/B_qgJt1FszE/?igshid=tylxmbikrqh3

[urinternalfire]

New state, new life?

 I had so many dreams with this big move. I was leaving all my failures behind. The only thing I forgot to leave behind was my self! I always thought that everyone else made me miserable, including my husband, but now in a knew state new city new home new people...... I'm still unhappy. It's like I look for something to make me miserable. So I guess I had to leave my old self behind? But I was perfect, sure I made mistakes but I wasn't that bad. Now that I sit alone with no excuses or circumstances to blame I see the raw truth of who I have become. It's soooo scary to find out that I need help. I feel like a stranger to my self. Like when you have been with a person for so long and you find out that you didnt know them as well as you thought. It feels like they pulled the rug from under you. That's how I felt with my self. Oh and all of this came to light cuz I wittiness some crazy domestic violence that threw me into shock and I decided to call a hot line and the woman on the other side of the phone gave me such comfort in a moment when I felt soooo alone, so raw, so exposed.... that it allowed me to see my self as I truly was.... a soul in need. I cried allllll day that day. I was such a stranger to my self. A friend had mentioned a twelve step program for codependency and in my crazy moment of self discovery I remember that word "codependency". So I did what any normal person would do, I Googled it. When I clicked on the list of behaviors, I identified with more than one! It was like in the movies when the camera starts spinning round and round. I was even more depressed and I cried some more, but at the same time as I read the mission statement of this organization I felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel because now I know whats wrong and I can work to fixing it. So this is the the beginning of a new beginning. As a kid I always kept dairies and I always felt soo much better after I wrote all my craziness down so I guess this is what this will be for me as an "adult". I cant believe I'm actually doing this because I am so self-conscious and worry so much about what other think about me, witch is one of the things that describe a codependent, but I guess it will be a step towards recovery. This is ganna take some time to get use to......