Used To Be A Writer

Harlem/Bronx/ writer & bbydoll

[usedtobeawriter]

Where will we find  the lock to lost time?  Is it in the strands of loose hair that fall as we dance Is it in the hands of two lovers that locked away the secrets of the  the lock to lost time is in the moments and moments of  Passionate kisses goodbye kisses that marinated in the crevaces of our lips and danced in your heart -my heart  Moving the heart eroding the surfaces of our hands What's in the lock of lost time? The minutes not talking, minutes not saying those words that can roll from the tip of the inch of your very own tounge your saliva the words you want to say but hurt to be said because of fear What's in The lock of lost time  Is it love? Love and fear? Hate to date but still standing Here  Here  Here standing here together facing each other looking and not saying saying but not Listening to the pitter patter pitter patter pitter patter of our hearts Standing here and understanding that It's easier to run and deny  Than to look me in my eyes  It's easier to just Stand here. 

[usedtobeawriter]

The truth of the mater is  The taste of your lips I'll never forgive  And all that hurts in words and  With the sounds of the birds  And the whispers of the huddled up herds  I just want to know the truth  The truth in your words just simply The truth as it slips through your front tooth  Till we trace it back to our youth  and find that it  comes  down harder than a shot of   vermouth I want to know do you Want to too? Do you want to too?  Do you want to care-? Care  about the love  and the love that comes crashing down into  Despair But God is this world unfair.  I'll never know because the truth of the matter is ... that no matter what  The ending of my book remains  Uncut

[usedtobeawriter]

Night and day  Tasting your mouth close and open Feeling you closer  Touching your body till each crevice of your body is discovered stretched rubbed and pressed  Similar to the morning coffee that burns it's strong scent into the capillaries that enter our nostrils and travel to our brains touch our nerves and enter our lungs  To remind us it's  Just coffee Only coffee

Into the Night and into the day Into the night like we're running away  Searching for the truth in lost time  As if- as if we will find it in our sheets. In the sheets that were the only things that saw and knew and felt your hands our hands squeeze it hard and tight and felt us fuck Felt us fuck love taste feel and want each other  As if- as if we'll find it -what is it- is it ?in the shortness of breaths you take In the small chokehold of air you refuse to let out because your body WANTS MORE AND YOUR BODY  WANTS  me.  Everysecondofeveryday Holding your breath into the night holding it holding it till it constricts your throat and your eyes brain explode and legs stretch so far apart and deep deep deep into the Night we stop reflect and  Finally Breath.. The breath that reminds you you're alive and this is real and it's not a lie it's really real, it's happening and it exist  Somewhere  There in time and space Maybe in the small itty bitty spaces and indents within the crevaces and spaces of your body, and the pressed skin and the cracks and spaces of time. That was real. 

Into the day like fully immersed in word time and expression. Fully immersed laughter time and hurt. Into the day doing what we did going into the night.  Exactly everything we did Going into deep into the night From night and day. Night or day Both night and day. 

[thepersonalquotes]

[dumblr]

Like I had a choice?

[usedtobeawriter]

We’re not together anymore but I owe this girl, my life. She saved me from my grief and madness. She healed the parts of me that hurt for such a long and brutal summer. She gave me tenderness, she built my shelf, she taught me how to drive in Chicago, she loved me. She loved me despite it all. Right now I’m going through it- relationships haven’t been my strong suit- but in the end I hope to come out alive.

This is a photo of our 6 month anniversary.

#chicago

[fuckwallpapers]

[wehavewords]

“Someday you’re gonna look back on this moment of your life as such a sweet time of grieving. You’ll see that you were in mourning and your heart was broken, but your life was changing.”

Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

[stars-bean]

Eat Pray Love (2010) dir. Ryan Murphy

[365filmsbyauroranocte]

Legend of the Witches (Malcolm Leigh, 1970)

[out-of-body-xperience]

Monica Belluci

[out-of-body-xperience]

Aaliyah in Queen of the Damned ( 2002)

[usedtobeawriter]

And for a moment it felt like I had done everything on earth with her, but still with more to spare

[blacksymptoms-deactivated202207]

[usedtobeawriter]

I found myself looking at our stomping ground,

There’s a memory of myself that lives in you.

[usedtobeawriter]

[linkinmoon]

Franz Kafka, The Diaries of Franz Kafka

[usedtobeawriter]

I missed her

But there I was again

Recycling old pictures

Everytime she left, my life with her paused

It was never enough

But

I didn’t crave her

I just wanted

Normal

Tempo

Love