For the past year I’ve asked myself this (and most likely I will still ask once this moment of clarity is gone) self doubt and depression have taken hold of me throughout most of 2017 and into 2018
Am I good enough to stand beside my friends?
Why don’t my recordings/videos feel the same as they do in my head?
Am I being cringy at all?
What happened to my motivation?
Does anyone even know who I am?
Will I be able to keep my promise to my Mom?..
Late 2017 and early 2018 have tested my beliefs, trust in others, and my own self worth but there’s always one question I come back to
It’s something that some people struggle to figure out, some take their whole lives and to be honest I don’t think I can fully answer this myself but I can try.
I’m the kind of person who puts high standards on himself and what he does
I’m the kind of person who is easily controlled by his emotions which can be both good and bad (lately it seems like mostly bad)
I’m the kind of person who has a hard time letting things go
I’m the kind of person who compares himself to others
I’m the kind of person who when he sees his friends being attacked whether physically or mentally; he would do almost anything to defend them and make them feel better
I’m the kind of person who when he’s feeling depressed, has a hard time working through that and focusing on the task at hand
I’m the kind of person who fears being a burden to his friends
I’m the kind of person who doesn’t believe in just blocking someone or saying that they’ll never change (for the most part)
I’m the kind of person who loves to be entertaining to those around him whether that be through doing voices or exaggerating how I feel about something.
I’m the kind of person who cherishes his friends above all else because I feel without them I would be locked inside my own head and trapped in my loneliness..
And above all else I am the kind of person who wants make up for his mistakes, live a fulfilling life, and follow his dreams.
I don’t know know what that makes me but I know that the first step is making this move to California to be with my friends and chase my dreams.
One part of it too is finally getting my project off the ground
It will test all my abilities
But if I can get this project done then I don’t care.
The rest of 2018 is going to be the year where I get things really started and maybe just maybe find out a little bit about who I am.
jbbartram-illu
germansingergirl
jacobvanloon
stormborns
tangentwithtanner
