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My “friends” are dead, parents distant and I was born without a talent to share. I’m scarred beyond fixing, ashamed and everything I touch becomes fucked up. I’m fucking everything up. A fuck up. What am I living for? We go to a school when we are single digits until 21, graduate from concrete facades where we learnt grades were more important than learning. We get hopefully impressive looking degrees from a hopeful school. We expect to find love, a mutual understanding, a strangers child to purchase and help the ‘economy’ Like livestock just producing more meat to be slaughtered. I’ve been crying nearly every night. Can I even survive? This isn’t living. I’m not digesting anything just so maybe, in some fucked up way someone will love my bones, love that I am so much closer to death than they are and they assume a few showers of kisses and meaningful sex will ‘cure me.’ My motivation has run dry and I’ve become a screaming corpse in the night, a overly bright light in the day to mask the smell of the rotting heart abandoned inside me. Tell me- What am I living for? (r.k)